Ever Changing Arrangements

Greed woke up slowly, becoming aware of himself in bits and pieces. As always, one of the first things he noticed was the nearly overbearing presence of Ling.

Greed made to sit up in bed physically while yanking control of their shared body out from under him in one go. He relegated him to the back of their conscious mind like a sack of potatoes as was his much practiced routine when he woke up first.

Ling didn’t even do the mental equivalent of turning over and continued to sleep deeply, totally oblivious. Greed ran a hand through his hair which was loose and wrapped around his shoulders in a sleep tangle with a sigh, scratching the back of his head as was a pervasive and long standing habit of his. He wiggled his head mid scratch to pop his neck a few times and loosen his joints.

Aches attended to, he extricated himself from the ruined knots of his bedclothes; Greed usually slept like he was enacting a bar fight real-time. After wiggling out of the impromptu cocoon he threw his legs over the side of his bed and dangled them while he summoned the energy to completely leave his comfort for the bulk of his standard morning routine.

He was not a morning person. As much of a ‘person’ as a homunculus taking an extended mandatory timeshare within the god-king of a country could be. In fact, he'd have probably gone completely nocturnal had it not been for his various self-appointed administrative duties. Running a country was tough.

He had to admit that he had brought on having to wake up early on to himself as he was the one who demanded his consistent involvement in the affairs of the government. Despite having regrets over needing to wake up before noon he was still going to jump at the chance for some peace and quiet before loudmouth was all over him.

He smoothed the covers behind him and tossed a few of the floor-bound pillows back on top, smiling a little at the sheer size of the thread count on the sheets. They were nearly uncomfortable with how slick they were, given the silk was so tightly woven. Expensive didn’t always mean better but you had to make concessions for the effect of the entire picture. Pure silk was the only way to go. Greed wouldn’t have it any other way.

He also brushed a few crumbs to the floor in his half-assed tidying. He wasn't one to be cleanly on purpose much but tripping over pillows in the dark when he went to get ready got old fast. He looked sourly at the pile of crumbs that were now on the floor. Had Ling been eating cookies in the bed again? He had /told/ him to knock that shit off!?—

He shelved his flash of rage.

Oh yeah. That was right, he had been peckish last night... He eyeballed the empty tin of biscuits he remembered being full before that he now saw was sticking half out from under the bed and pushed it completely under with his heel, not looking directly at the action. Bed seen to he went to put on a light so he could navigate, stepping lightly over a few strewn items on the way.

Their room, one of them anyway, wasn't a landfill by any means but it was populated by large spots of controlled chaos. Nobody besides the Emperor and a few hand picked friends were allowed within so it had gotten to the point of near overgrowth. Even in the darkness things had a place. Even if that place was in the middle of the floor. It made sense to Greed and Ling as to where things were; though it might not have made much sense to others.

Greed didn't like strangers touching his things on principle. Neither him nor Ling were specifically messy but they each had a ‘system’ of where they thought things should go. Clothing in piles that were half folded squatted on the floor, jewelry and accessories littered tabletops. Paperwork haunted the expanse. The food plates mostly made their way back to the kitchen, but there were deposits of non perishables hidden around.

Random aesthetically pleasing objects like high priced vases and statuettes shared space with cool rocks and simple wood carvings. Their combined taste was eclectic at best and borderline magpie at worst. Despite the low level soup of objects both would know if something was moved and kvetch angrily until it was returned to the seemingly arbitrary placement.

Notes of Greed’s newish occupation hung around for those with a quick eye. Most of his clothes were at the back of the closet but new leather bracelets were nested in a jewelry box next to practically ancient pieces of fine jewelry. On the desk were some messy sketches with colored ink. Before they had went to sleep the two had been touching up a very interesting version of the Yao family’s crest. A new symbol under the banner of their joint rulership Greed had demanded be made upon his return. He knew he kind of needed to stay a secret, at least for now, but he also wanted to be acknowledged in his own way. Greed for being Greed was also quite proud.

The symbol in question was a two headed dragon. Dragons were full of import in Xingese culture, many an emperor had picked a dragon to use in their personal crest. But, usage of a two headed dragon, one that Ed had commented in alchemy denoted a perfect being, had never been attempted. Both Greed and Ling were tickled at the symbolism of it. Not only would it represent them jointly but Greed's old crest also came to mind in the design, which they had worked to be appropriately circular.

They were also just presumptuous enough to use what was a depiction of a perfect being for their rule even though they tended to err on the side of walking potential disaster most days. Their symbol being a joke first and arrogant as hell second was something they both could agree on. Final passes on the look weren't done yet but it was shaping up to be near completion.

He looked back at the bed longingly. Greed loved sleeping as it constituted a minor vice. Greed loved vices. In his unneeded defense Ling's body also simply just craved sleep with the same intensity as food or water (mostly food). Alphonse had posited that it was probably the strain of technically hosting two people but Ling had been growing again as well. He was already taller than most of his subjects and Greed greatly enjoyed being intimidating.

He sadly pushed the thought of sleeping in out of his mind while he evaluated his (and Ling’s) quarters. He had what he would call a properly functioning bed now, a plush four poster decked in lush fabrics and so many pillows that he had to push about half off the bed to be able to even sleep in it. The sheets and covers were lurid combinations of colors and patterns nearly stiff with embroidery running thickly all over them. It was just how he liked it. He had kicked a fuss for a bit until Ling let him do up a few chambers that they shared with some more western sensibilities.

As far as Greed was concerned sleeping on the floor was for animals and death row. Ling preferred a harder bedtime surface, namely the ground, (‘like an ANIMAL’, had been the comment at the time from Greed on one of his first nights back) and half the time when Greed woke up first he would find himself on the floor with a pillow and a blanket. More frequently he was also awoken shoved on the wooden platform on top of the bed that was supported by all the posts and housed the bars for the curtains near the ceiling, hidden from view.

That odd sleeping position had let him get the jump on a nosy palace regular last week. Someone who had decided to peruse his rooms in the night without permission. No killing intent, but someone with the mind for common thievery and spy work. Going through his (and Ling’s) things? He’d rather they be trying to kill him! That was at least honest! He had relished the opportunity to be properly menacing by appearing from the ceiling area and landing nearly on top of the spy, mouth full of not so idle threats. He sent him back to what he assumed was a ringleader sending out a greenhorn to test Ling’s mettle. Cute.

Ling rarely let him perform to his fullest potential when it came to haranguing the locals and Greed had relished being able to set upon the man with his patented finesse. He sent the poor sap on his way with a broken wrist and a sunnily delivered message not to insult him by sending such untested disciples again. Pretending to be an affable idiot had bonuses, it really made threats of bodily harm pop. He switched his train of thought from appreciating his material goods and conquests back to Ling. Speaking of affable idiots...

He went still and closed his eyes to go inward for a few moments. His awareness hovered over Ling's sleeping form, taking the shape of his favorite aspect— his big sharp face. Given that this was just a mental representation of himself Greed found that his self image was relatively malleable. Ling usually showed up in whatever he was wearing at the time, pajamas in this case, but Greed tended to change himself based on mood.

He'd sometimes show up as his old reliable toothy self, usually to yell at Ling given that it was his most demonic look by far. It had presence to it despite not being ringed by screaming innocents anymore.

Sometimes, he'd put Ling's face on. This was usually reserved for mockery but was rapidly becoming the default. He hated to admit it but he had gotten used to Ling's face looking back at him when he used a mirror, his range of expressions at home on the visage.

He always said to Ling that he was making do with what Ling had in the face department but it wasn't a bad look if he was going to be privately honest. The year or so Greed had been away had lent a little gravity to the gawky features he’d initially gotten used to.

Ling’s face was nearly opposite of his old humanoid one, round and long rather than angular and blocky. Ugh... A stretched button of a nose, long brows and eyes that Ling often tried to hide in a smile from a childhood of being called ‘shifty’. Ling's ears were even rounder than his face and stuck out almost comically from his head. When Greed was in charge his influence sharpened the many contours of his face but Ling was no slouch in looking pointy on his own when the mood took him.

There was a lot worse he could have done in the body department, Greed reflected. He thought about how Father could have just as easily put him in Ed and shivered. Annoying Ling may be but Edward Elric he was not.

Greed had also taken to using his old bodies’ face on the mental plane, even the one he showed when he deployed his full shield. These two were more recent additions. He still missed his old face so he enjoyed giving Ling the privilege of seeing it. At least one person could continue to bask in the glory. He also enjoyed keeping Ling on his toes by mixing it up. Though Ling was more liable to just make fun of both given that one of the first times Greed used his old visage he forgot to match the clothes to the man and looked like ‘a foreigner playing dress up at a themed dinner’.

Apparently fancy emperor robes and his 1.0 model looked ‘’’funny’’’ together. So what? Even in robes he knew he looked good! Ling was just a know-nothing bastard! He also made fun of his shield form, calling him baldy and ‘big slappy’. He had even came up behind him to slap at his head during one of their heated discussions! (Arguments). There was absolutely zero respect from that nasty brat!

He looked at Ling curled peacefully below him and pulled a very Greed expression of exasperated distaste. On top of being a conniving little monkey the damn kid was too trusting. It was almost annoying. Greed knew that they had history at this point but he was still a bastardized creation outside of the will of natural order, a title that would usually bring at least a modicum of respect! Or at least the other party being conscious. He was technically a wanted criminal as well, if his multiple deaths didn't absolve him of his crimes by this point. That beautiful mistress Diplomatic Immunity protected his machinations at present. Small bonus for dealing with what he had to daily.

Greed rolled eyes that didn’t currently have pupils and glared at the burden of his third shot at life. Ling breathed on beneath him, looking as peaceful as a lamb.

He was a monster and morally bankrupt to boot, dammit. If Greed wanted to he could have bashed Ling into complete submission and made the body entirely his own, that was how down Ling’s defences were lately. Mutual associates as they were (or /friends/ as Ling would call it) was one thing. Ling was sawing logs without a care in front of one of the kingpins of the underworld!

Greed poked at him with a hand looking appendage he materialized. There was the barest whisper of mosquito netting mentally, just enough for Ling to keep his dreams to himself out of courtesy. He could destroy that wall in a second, overwhelm him, take the spot of Emperor for his own. Sharing had always been an alien concept after all.

He loomed over Ling, growing bigger and more menacing. He’d relegate Ling so far down that he’d never be able to surface. Only a few people even knew he, Greed, existed. His eyes grew wild and his outlines grew fuzzy and indistinct in agitation. He could quietly dispose of those humans with a few judicious applications of his claws at the opportune moment. Or, hell, throw them into jail to rot— who would his subjects believe? He could run this country as his personal vehicle of earthly delights. He could perform a quiet hostile takeover. Literally! He could…

He sighed through his nose and blinked Ling's eyes, rubbing them with his palms in the gloom of early morning. This was not a line of thinking that Ling would appreciate.

As if he’d actually do something so petty anyway. He had standards! For all their clashing the current relationship that they had hammered out through strife and day to day checks and balances ended up benefiting him the most. Also just how he liked it. Alphonse had called it ‘mutualism’ and then prattled about the relationship between species of animals with words like ‘symbiosis’, whatever the Hell that meant, until Ed had begged him to stop.

Whatever the Alphonse terminology was Greed wasn’t one to sour a good thing going on. Besides, with Ling in the way as he always was it was very hard to feel that yawning emptiness that had constantly lurked at the edges of his awareness that had predated their current situation. Back when he was just Greed without a constant hanger on in tow. Oh, Greed still did want, he wasn’t so toothless as to stop desiring things and experiences, but it wasn’t with the same… Well... not beating around the bush but he had been unhappy. Now he wasn’t necessarily /unhappy/.

Ling checked on and unwittingly threatened for the morning, Greed got up and stretched— not taking care to be quiet as he got ready. Greed could go to a quarry and play with the blast powder and Ling still wouldn’t wake up when he slept like this. Another sign the kid trusted him completely, frustratingly. He was not supposed to be trustable!

Ling had not been able to have many nights of deep sleep pre-Amestris. As Greed had been told (Greed knew Ling's entire memoirs back to front at this point. Ling did not know when to shut the hell up.) Ling’s early life was full of attempts to kill him.

Amestris was a vacation in comparison. Nobody had known who Ling was, and Ling had taken advantage of this to sleep deeply for the first time in possibly forever. This was short lived after Greed had 'moved in' as it were. Ling had kept constant vigilance during those times as he was unsure what Greed would get up to unsupervised. He had eventually gotten good enough in Xing to not have to worry about a casual attempt on his life. He had also eventually, well, not trusted completely— but was able to predict Greed’s movements enough to take more than quick cat naps as their relationship passed from adversarial backbiting to cautious accord.

When Ling had come back home, lost Greed there for a second, and became emperor meanwhile, he had to learn to sleep with both eyes open yet again. Yes, he had his guards and yes he also had Lan Fan as the best pinch hitter he could ask for, but it only took one mistake to end up in the hall dedicated to portraits of previous emperors. Plus, he always thought it was pretty rude to snore away while she was up looking out for him.

Naysayers of his promotion had tossed quantity over quality at him in hired murderers nearly every day and he had to get back in the habit. Now that Greed was constantly lurking Ling took it as the okay to sleep like a baby. He trusted Greed's stewardship over their body in that Greed certainly wouldn’t want to have it poked full of holes or lit on fire. Greed didn’t care for being taken advantage of but he also slept light of his own volition. He supposed it was fine as long as he wasn’t being put out, plus it allowed him the aforementioned precious quiet time.

Ling was aware of both of these points of leverage. The first few nights after Greed had returned Lan Fan had been in to check on Ling every evening without fail to find Greed up and looking at her in the dark. She took that to mean that he had night watch pretty well in hand and ignored his, "So are you gonna come in and play cards and talk about boys on this sleepover or what?" on the third night of the same events playing out.

He brushed at the knots in his hair with an ivory handled comb and looked at the notes Ling had left under the bedside table in a secret compartment he had made in the standard drawer. That was another of their ideas. They both were tired of waking the other up in the morning to remember who was doing what that day. He had to of course destroy the notes as soon as he read them because they were full of incriminating evidence that the Emperor was currently fully and absolutely haunted.

They contained phrases like: '—and don’t forget to keep my face on, people have been talking!' and 'Would it kill you to wear the gloves like I’ve been asking if you’re not gonna keep the makeup on our new tattoo! :)'.

With Greed around they had taken to finding interesting ways to obscure the new mark, not wanting anyone to draw conclusions between him and his brother who was still knocking about a few countries away. It was a weak link but a link was still a link. Ink didn't take, whenever he made his claws it would fade right off. They had taken to drawing designs around it to hide it in plain sight but sometimes time didn't allow for it. Dye and makeup also had limited successes. At least the new mark wasn't as immediately recognizable as an ouroboros, thankfully, just two circles nested together.

He looked down the laundry list of tasks he had to accomplish. Oh boy, today was the day the Amestrians were coming. The military. This was something he was actually looking forward to! Daily life as as a (co) sovereign leader of an entire country was a lot more boring than he'd been led by his own daydreams to believe. No matter, the evenings were his to spice up at his discretion.

Greed got contemplative as he always did when he was ‘alone’. This third stage of this life of his was very different than what he had planned on. Or more accurately lack of planned on. He went to the mirror to finish straightening himself up for the day and practice his Ling for the visiting group. He took the teeth out of his smile and rounded the edges, trying to bring the expression to his eyes with small success. It was the eyes that gave him away most of the time.

He began to slip on his standard eight pounds of jewelry he wore when intimida– greeting new guests and mused over how he gotten to this point in his life while Ling endeavored to somehow snore within him.

Greed felt the attraction of something alive awaiting him, his awareness was sudden and complete but simple in scope. He knew who, in a general way, he was. What exactly he was doing. Not much more than that. There was flesh and blood quite near. He knew exactly what to do with that at least, the stone part of him /loved/ flesh. He set to work by instinct, going into the bloodstream and plugging himself into this new body’s controls, assessing the damages. This part could be rough, he somehow gathered.

There were some broken bones (not his fault) and the heart was trying to stop beating from his assault on the interior. As he became aware of his new limbs one by one (he could feel them thrashing) his new body screamed in pain from the poison that taking a stone in was. Ha, incredible all encompassing pain! He remembered that sensation pretty well, too. From somewhere. It felt pretty recent.

He was a stone as well as boiled down sin and a normal human, had to be what this was that he had been poured into— couldn’t usually take a stone. He couldn’t have that, he needed a new ride! He could feel that this one was young and resilient but even more interestingly it wasn’t putting up as much of a fight like he thought humans must usually. Nobody wanted to be literally possessed, he thought. As he instinctively knew it, him and the human would need to square off for supremacy of this body.

Greed knew he had been taken from somewhere within Father and put here. He knew the experience of a previously owned body was new and he also knew that this was not his first body. He was sure on those two points. He was Greed the Avaricious! He was double sure on that extra core fact. Nice to be so succinct! He put the body that was naturally trying to reject him through its paces, healing the damages at the same time. It was delicate work but it was worth it. He didn’t want to let this one go easy.

Multiple alchemic reactions crackled over his new form which was stiff with the rigor of all the muscle groups going crazy with spasms at once. As he patched up the smashed ribs he got curious. Where was the current occupant? He soaked into the soul of his new host, getting acquainted with his mind as well as his body. Oh—there he was.

Greed manifested himself out of the souls of the innocent that ringed the sides of this internal place, if he had to make a guess it was probably a representation of where the human’s soul resided. He was interested in whom he would be usurping control of and why they weren't kicking and screaming in retaliation with everything they had. He kept the souls at bay a slight bit, not wanting to overwhelm him just yet, even more curious.

Hey now, this human was just a kid! Why would Father feed him a kid?

He looked down at the kid in front of him and his eyes narrowed in a grin. So, that’s what this body looked like. Not terrible. Gangly, regrettably. All limbs intact. Nice. Greed towered over him.

“You lost kid? What are you doing in a place like this?” he said with mockery, though he couldn't deny he was interested.

He actually listened as the kid fed him some grandiose lines about being a hopeful for a spot at being a King or something and most importantly he was— fine? with letting Greed use the new digs. That felt decidedly unusual. Upon investigation—the kid wanted power, he wanted status. To protect others!?

Hilarious concept, tended to not work out. (Where had that come from?)

More importantly, he claimed he could take Greed on. Laughable! Wants and desires were Greed’s /thing/. This kid had to be pretty damn cocky to tread on his turf. Greed was ever so mildly interested indeed, with the kid not putting up that much of a fight he was using way less souls than what he thought this process normally took. This was pretty beneficial to him. He was almost done making himself at home. If the kid wanted him that was fine, it would make him easier to subsume.

Greed wasn't used to being outright given what he wanted but he would cope. He threw himself at the little king-hopeful full force, the brat probably couldn't handle Greed at his most greedy. That would teach him to bite off more than he could chew!

He opened his new eyes.

----------

“What about Ling?”, Ed asked, concerned but yet curious about his fate. Ling took a stone and survived the process, Ed knew it almost couldn’t be done.

“He’s an interesting kid, he accepted me with no trouble, did you know that?” Greed replied to the blond on the floor underneath a giant hell lizard. He had to recognize real power moves when he saw them, the kid who’s body he claimed had major stones to try and take him in– knowing the risks it entailed. It was a straight up gamble that was very in favor of house rules.

If Greed hadn't been so delicate, or further still if the previous owner hadn't been so oddly accepting things could have turned out much differently. Anyone with designs on being Emperor, as he so claimed, of somewhere was someone with panache. Greed’s avariciousness came with casual appreciation of what others had going built right in.

He didn’t think it was every day that someone would give up a perfectly working body in exchange for power. Greed did have a lot of power all right, but he didn’t understand what the human meant by wanting it for his own. Greed was not one to share. He sent a quick probe within. Maybe that kid had been all talk because he didn’t feel anything out of place besides the normal tumult.

Speaking of bodies, Greed felt great! This guy’s body was amazing! He supposed he had no frame of real reference given that he was just born a second or two ago. Regardless, he filled his new lungs with air and scratched the back of his neck, feeling a long ponytail back there. That felt different than usual. Different from what he really couldn’t put a finger on.

A reunion or something with another kid and a tiny animal had taken place and now Father told him to go fight the humans. Fine by him. He was kind of lost on the finer politics of the situation to be honest. Greed was all about that honesty. He ruminated on that for a second. Would you look at that he did have a few memories knocking about. It wasn’t specific or anything but he was sure that he didn’t care for lying.  Felt almost like a code of conduct. Father also told him there was indeed a previous Greed. He had known that already. Well, he was him now- best to live in the moment.

Looks like he was born into interesting times here in what looked (and smelled) like a sewer of some sort? He’d find out more later, it was time to try out this new acquisition. He felt the musculature and the power behind his movements even just walking around. This boy must have been a fighter or something. Hopping off the rubble he moved like a dream. He was practically skipping down to have it out with one of the humans.

He picked the one that yelled at him, he looked like a good mark. Humans were pretty resilient, he had to tidy up a few broken ribs on entry but other than that this body was up and raring to go for a brawl. He was happy to oblige.

The blond one was yipping at him, ruining the mood, crying out for a Ling. That had to be the previous occupant, he guessed. He remembered their brief introductions correctly before he consumed him body and soul and he remembered introducing only himself, that was for sure. That was the only thing that mattered anyway.

Body acquisition was proving to be so /messy/. This was his now, people needed to step off and recognize a possession (in both lights) of his when they saw it.

He traded blows with the kid and threw his shield up and down marveling at how light and punchy he felt. He was in a good mood. Despite being a lot lighter than his instincts painted him as he was able to take some pretty nice punches from his adversary. His new body moved nicely but he felt the strain on it as he threw it around like a brawler. This other kid was giving him a good work out.

He noticed there was a lot of kids 'round here... was Father running a daycare? Too bad about all the yelling the one he was fighting was doing. It was falling on deaf ears considering the situation that Greed had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

He called him, Greed's body, a prince. That was a compelling thing to learn. Maybe that first brat he had been talking to was closer to Emperor than just a pipe dream. The kid clutched at him and told him to snap out of it. Kids these days. He reasserted his name to the boy. That was one memory he was sure of to his core. He is Greed, in every sense of the word.

“What about Lan Fan!?” Ed screamed in desperation to Ling, pinning Greed to the floor after knocking his legs out from under him in a swift motion and launching a punch directly to his face. Greed caught it just in time, but something about that name, he felt an awareness explode in his chest and behind his eyes that he did /not/ like the feel of.

---

Ling opened his eyes and lurched upward violently. He looked around in bewilderment at the void of horrors he was in with something bordering on terror. That particular emotion was not often felt by Ling, he was cool under extreme pressure. Meeting serial killers and being thrown into jail didn't spook him but this was a new level of weird. Was this a nightmare? He came back to himself at Ed’s desperate entreaty, hearing Lan Fan’s name pierced through the noise and chaos he found himself in. He had been sleeping? Why? Where was this?

He remembered abruptly. That was right. He had given his body over to what looked like a pure distilled sin as a Philosopher’s stone if the names he was hearing tossed around were anything to go by. Envy, Gluttony, so on. There was a definite pattern. He gathered himself and burst forth from within Greed, overpowering his loose defences for only a moment instinctually at Lan Fan’s name, finding himself staring up at Ed. Nice of Ed to try and fight the body snatcher for him.

He only had time to feel Ed’s punch connect with his face bones before Greed recovered. Greed reacted with a pause and surprise at Ling's reappearance and interestingly just a touch of what felt like fear. He overpowered Ling with an alarmed mental shove, subduing his quarry in the same breath. While Greed put Edward in a wrestling lock— nice form, Ling noted— Ling mentally retreated to assess his situation as his new acquaintance threw up what felt like a hard wall of intense pressure that prevented him from doing much of anything else. It felt like pure mental will.

The fight fizzled out quickly after that, to Greed’s disappointment. Father was in charge and administered final say on the fates of their assailants. Greed watched as one of his siblings escorted the two out to meet his other brother, Wrath. They were important enough to Father’s grand plan that they couldn’t be killed. Greed had knowledge of that well enough. He was learning a lot, he now knew he had quite a few siblings as well as a Father and there was a plan of some sort. Maybe more knowledge would come his way if he waited around, he wanted to know. Wanting information was also a form of wanting and he didn’t like lacking anything, even the intangible.

The fighting and more importantly his entertainment for whatever time of day it happened to be was over anyway. That blond yelled at him again as he left with what looked like a suit of armor assuring Greed that he knew Ling was still in there. Greed turned his back to the rubble and the boy and narrowed his eyes. He knew for a fact that his body’s original owner was still around, although he wouldn’t tell those other brats that information. He could feel him now, lurking quietly.

So... he did survive Greed's acquisition. Pretty strong will he had there. Greed chose not to reply to the brat addressing him and he also chose to brush off the new presence of the brat within him. For now.

After the humans left he reported back to Father who was already transmuting the pieces of his home back to normal, waiting for more orders at a lack of anything else to do. His sibling, Gluttony was it? Had to be looking like that—was dying on the floor but that wasn’t his problem. Father would handle it.

Father looked at him with something close to emotionless derision and instructed him to make sure that no more humans were crawling around in the sewers. Hmm, guard duty. Sounded like busy work. Greed could go for a little more exercise in any case. He had energy to burn, leftover adrenaline from the, in his opinion, prematurely ended fight.

He didn’t much like the look Father gave him, something about it rubbed him the wrong way. He was still set on trying out his new body, though. He took the orders without complaint and left the large room at a trot. That didn’t mean he was going to necessarily /do/ what he had been told but Father didn’t need to know that, now did he? Greed would peruse the sewers as he left them for more interesting local.

Ling meanwhile could barely tell what was going on ‘outside’, if that was a thing. He could feel the souls all around him in a fuzz of red noise but now that he knew what he was dealing with he could stave them off with only a little problem. He just had to assert himself and keep himself together. As long as he had his goals in mind he didn't think that he'd have another fainting spell like before. Ling was very self assured and as long as he kept being that way the souls were too disorganized to overwhelm him. In his slapdash theory, anyway.

He could somehow feel that the fighting was over. Things were ‘calmer’ than when he woke up. As calm as could be expected with what he had to deal with, he guessed. He trained an eye at the stream of horrors all around him and gulped.

Ling tried to focus in on his new inhabitant instead of his prison, it was time to take stock on the who exactly he was dealing with rather than the what. Time to check out what the warden was like.

-

He reviewed what he knew.

Ling was surprised still to find out the stone had… like, a /guy/ in it. Yeah the other homunculi looked and somewhat acted like people but this guy felt a little... different. He didn't think that he'd have had the opportunity to talk his way into (and maybe, just maybe, out of) this situation. Especially with someone that didn't seem... in a word? Evil?

That Father had talked about creating a human based homunculus or whatever but to be honest Ling had heard the words ‘stone’ and ‘give’ and the ringing in his ears had blocked out a lot of the rest. He felt that this homunculus didn't necessarily have to ask—rudely, but he still had asked, him to hand over his body. The fact that he had struck up any sort of bargain with Ling was notable. Time to learn more.

He opened his mouth. The only tool he really had left. Luckily it was one of the more powerful weapons in his arsenal.

Greed? he called, his voice echoed oddly. That entity, toothy face, had introduced himself as such. He didn’t get an answer.

Greed?! he tried again.

Ling felt like Greed could probably hear him. He also felt like they? were going somewhere. Or more accurately he was along for the ride to somewhere.

Greed? Hello? Hi! Took a little nap there for a second but I’m up now. What’s up with you? Told you I was strong enough to take you on. How do you like those convictions? Ling slipped into a faux relaxed state, keeping wary, but as he was as fine as he was going to get given the situation the adrenaline was wearing off.

If he couldn’t do anything by action it was time to collect some info. While he spoke he tested the wall Greed had put up just to be sure, feeling a significant amount of push back from the mental brush he gave it. He was getting better at rationalizing these odd mental gymnastics he found himself trying to do, it was probably best to not think about it too hard. If it worked as he willed it to than it was good enough for him. Information gathering it was, then.

So, Greed, tell me about yourself. Likes, dislikes, star sign, your blood type is…. technically mine now, huh, okay let’s skip that one.

-

No rejoinder from the management. That wasn't going to stop him, no sir! Hmm not talking? Okay sure, that's fine. Now, how about a favorite subject of mine. Me! Name’s Ling Yao, emperor hopeful, hailing from the country of Xing! I like fried food, all food really, love getting my chomp on—hate having a prick not listen to me when I know he can HEAR ME, Gemini, blood type O.

Ling leaned backward and ticked the categories off on his fingers amidst the screams, raising his voice in the middle to punctuate his point. He clearly felt Greed’s attention slide to him. He lazed harder in response.

“Souls I consumed do not get to open a dialogue with me. I will congratulate you on surviving, and not ending up like the score of those around you. You’re made of tougher stuff than most humans. Now be quiet.”

Thanks! Heyyyy there he is. What is going /on/ my man? Ling greeted Greed’s first real response to him with glee. He had him now.

First mistake anyone could make was giving Ling an inch. Greed’s words echoed around him clear as a bell unlike the other sensations he could barely feel. He went quiet and let Greed think he was going to actually listen to him for about a minute or so.

So, what are you doing!? He abruptly yelled the question at top volume and was rewarded by what he felt was an infinitesimally small jump of surprise from Greed.

Ling grinned wildly. Oh yes, this one might be more fun than he thought.

Ling was also doubly rewarded in the act of startling Greed with a flash of what looked like outside. It appeared in his mind's eye. Looks like upsetting his new best buddy had other bonuses.

Hey you outside, pal? Where you going? Did /Daddy/ give you an errand?

Greed exhibited a flare of anger. Ling got another snippet. Some emotions too? Ling was good at reading people like books because of his upbringing but this was something more complex. He actually felt the spike of rage.

“None of your business.” Greed punctuated his admonishment with a mental shove at Ling.

Ling staggered back under the assault but clapped his hands once and rubbed them together at getting more feedback. Yes, it was definitely outside and not the sewers. Ling couldn't hear much from before but knew Greed probably wasn't supposed to be outside. Not following orders, huh? So soon after being created?

Ling got another key piece of info from that fleeting contact with his senses. Greed, by extension of being Ling now, was /starving/. Ling had only eaten a boot as of late and that was before brawling it out with homunculi—and being possessed.

Both pastimes were hungry work, and even without the confirmation of feeling it for himself he knew he must be running on worse than fumes by now! Ling didn’t think that regular homunculi needed to eat but he knew his body like the back of his hand. (Which was also attached to his body.) ((Maybe not the hand with the new tattoo.))

Greed probably had never felt hunger like this before, he guessed. Especially Ling’s special brand of the gut gnawingly painful, debilitating, and insistent variety.

Might you be hungry, Greed? My personal curse! Ling chuckled, Welcome to the human experience, sometimes it sucks real hard! He sharpened up, he could use this, couldn’t he?

Greed, pally, you need money if you’re gonna get decent food, I know where we stashed some cash for emergencies. I could tell you, if you want…. Also where to get a good plate of something, I feel like you wouldn’t know where the good grub is, you can trust me to not steer you wrong on that front!

‘You get more flies with honey, after all’, Ling thought to himself. Giving Greed some cash and a way to eat would help Ling out too, it wouldn’t do to let himself starve.

There was an absolutely weighty pause.

“This body needs to eat so tell me where I can get food.”

Ling pumped a fist but dialed his eagerness back now that he had Greed on the hook. He crossed his arms and pouted.

I guess I can protect my own interests, I can’t inherit anything if you let me starve to death. Let me see where you’re going, I can’t give directions to our stash blind, he postured.

Both understood that starving to death wasn't a permanent condition but wanted to avoid the discomfort. Ling also surmised that just letting Greed collapse in the city wouldn't endear him to Greed.

Ling was suddenly disoriented with his standard point of view thrust at him rather than his view of the endless font of souls. He found that if he concentrated he could switch back and forth at will. Neat. Greed craned his head around, it made Ling a little nauseous to not be in control of where he looked or where his eyes focused. He really couldn’t feel anything but it was nice to at least see the sun again.

He honestly thought he might never see it again after getting eaten, transmuted, and also taking the stone in. He'd had a lot of full on run ins with death lately. A small plus was that he realized with Greed now in charge he was functionally immortal. That was a nice door prize.

Ling recognized the alleyway they were in. Bumming around cities being technically homeless all this time had unexpected gifts.

Alright I got it, you’re gonna go out of here and take a left, follow the road until you get three streets down, then go right, walk until you pass a park. In the park there is going to be a fountain, the money is stashed ‘round there. Ling knew to get someone on your side you had to start building bonds of some sort. The bonds forged by food would be an easy start, it was important to appeal to his captor’s baser instincts. He seemed like a basic kind of guy.

Greed sauntered down the street, taking everything in. There were people and automobiles going about their business. Greed didn’t have specific memories of people or things but concepts and generalizations were coming to him easy.

Still, seeing a teeming city go about the normal machinations was much different than knowing about it. Greed whipped his head back and forth, absorbing the sights, and Ling could not guess at the feeling of bewilderment that he thought he could pick up from Greed. It wasn't his own emotion, that was for sure. Ling was only cautious. It was just the city. Ling wondered why Greed was treating it with such interest.

It was a beautiful day with blue skies and white puffy clouds in the air. Shame that Ling was experiencing the nice walk basically against his will. Ling left Greed at it with only a small single word course correction or two. Greed accepted his input without a word. Small progress. Great. Greed found the fountain without incident.

It wasn’t like he was letting the kid tell him what to do, Greed just recognized that this guy had information he didn’t. The brat was right, he felt a disconcerting gnawing in his guts and it was getting worse by the minute. This was real hunger, he guessed. He did not like it one bit! Was hunger supposed to make you feel like you were dying?  How did people live like this?! He felt his muscles shake with tremors and it was hard for his eyes to focus. He needed something to eat and if the kid was offering a way to get at something hot he wasn’t /not/ going to take him up on the offer. Greed wanted the good stuff and was not about to dumpster dive for his first ever meal.

This guy was already annoying the ever living hell out of him but maybe him being around did have uses. Greed did actually not know where the hell he or anything else was in this city. Might do to have navigation. The kid was actually an asset if he thought about it. Greed didn't have many assets presently; mainly just the tattered clothing on his back. It would be sensible of him to keep him around for now, he reasoned.

He also kept that he was very near needing to crawl on the ground to keep ambulating to himself. Ling still knew, he only had to feel the type of pang to understand that Greed had an hour or so before he was practically dead where he stood, but didn't reference the weakness. He intuitively guessed that outright threats were not the answer. There was a lot of posturing going on from the both of them.

Greed didn’t feel like it was a trap, a random fountain somewhere wouldn’t be hiding any enemies. He wasn’t sure why this weirdo was giving him the information in the first place but he wasn’t dealing with what he thought was a standard type of human. Aforementioned allowing him to possess him with apparently no frills was really throwing Greed off his game. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Greed knew he was used to taking what he wanted and damning the consequences. When what he wanted was freely given… what was he supposed to do with that? Ling interjected over Greed’s thoughts as he walked closer to the fountain.

 We’re here, I’ll tell you where it is, but, listen Greed you gotta do something for me, Ling ventured. Greed stopped in his tracks and showed his teeth. There was the rub, this kid was shrewd. He had him on the sinker. It looked like the kid /did/ understand not doing things for free. So much for no frills. Greed was far away from any point of reference and fading fast. He puffed his chest out, all bravado.

“I don’t have to do anything for you, you little twerp! You’re at the mercy of Greed the Ava—”

Yes! Greed, Avaricious, I know. I am just asking not demanding. It would really help me out. It is a simple thing. Then we’ll go get something to eat. Promise.The people of Xing keep their promises, Greed. I let you have my body, right? Do me a little teeny tiny favor, just the once?  

Greed sighed angrily but he knew he had been out maneuvered. Time to save his dignity before he actually fainted. He didn't want a situation where the little chump could actually wrest control back. Fainting like an overwrought maiden would be just the situation.

“Where is it.”

Ling took Greed's demand as agreement to cooperate but still hammered in a touch of his special ability to irritate. Promissee?

“I don't lie, brat.”

HA! Thanks, compatriot of mine!

Greed squinted and Ling felt another build up of anger. He held himself back and sobered up. He shouldn't push his luck overtly.

Okay, okay, it's simple stuff— all you have to do is let me send a message to my retainer, I owe her that at least. She’s the one I told you about before, the one who ripped her own arm off for me, Greed. Human arms don’t grow back! I owe her something of mine at least. It’s only fair. I need you to just take it to the little guy and the armor guy you saw before. Edward and Alphonse respectively by the way. They'll get it to her just fine. Promise me this and I’ll give you where the stashed money is. Listen. I’m gonna need to write it, though, Greed. She needs to know it was me and not some kind of trick. Just give me an arm and like thirty seconds and—

“You think I’m stupid enough to really believe this? Hell no! I don’t owe you shit, you’re gonna take a grab for control. You’re regretting giving up on your body already! Conviction my ass!” Greed startled a few pigeons as he ducked around the fountain looking for the cash and hissing the replies to Ling under his breath. He supposed he could just steal want he wanted but now he wanted the agency of having money on him. He really liked money.

Greed I said I promised! I do not go back on my promises. I said that too. I owe her, Greed, I also made her a promise.

Greed’s brow furrowed in consternation. If he ended up meeting up with this girl later she would be yelling at him and calling him a liar. It wouldn't have been him lying to her on a technicality but if it was avoidable... He also liked a woman with enough fortitude to rip her own arm off. Still, it wasn't like him to give anything away. He dug his feet in. He wasn’t going to be easy on the sell.

Ling actually /felt/ Greed dig in and rubbed his sinuses in frustration with a groan. His clipped reply echoed out to Greed. I know where the best steak dinner in this goddamn city is bar none and a proper bed at an inn for later, if you sleep.

Greed smiled. That was something he could get into. “Keep talking,” he raised an eyebrow and moved a hand in a ‘go on’ rotation.

And… I’ll shut up for the rest of the day.

Greed knew when he had a good deal, he had a very certain feeling this kid was a motormouth. He put his hands on his hips.

“You got ten seconds,” he advised.

‘Ten seconds? Of all the cheap— WHATEVER I don't actually need that much time,’ Ling thought to himself angrily. He was wasting his one phone call on this and really getting worked on what he was owed. Beggars couldn't be choosers, he kept his outlook sunny as he replied.

Great! Okay so, you got any paper or like a pen or–

Greed looked around and thinking of something that would work he took a bit of bandage off Ling’s wrist. Raising a thumb to his mouth, he bit it hard enough to draw a good amount of blood. He spit the excess out on the ground, he wasn't that hungry. Yet. He then extended his will to stymie the natural healing reaction of his.

“Here.” Greed moved just enough away from the controls to let Ling slip through. Ling stumbled forward with suddenly being able to move his appendages again. He felt Greed at his proverbial back, poised to grab at him if he tried anything funny. Ling had thought for about a second on actually trying something but tossed the idea out with a sigh. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay in control. He also didn't want to sour the burgeoning rapport he had cooking. Although, maybe rapport was a strong definition. It was more like burgeoning breaking of a wild horse to suit his needs.

Ling wasn’t down and out with the circumstances of who was in control. His aim in the end was to let Greed /think/ he was the one making the decisions. If Ling couldn’t get his body back the old fashioned way he’d try and puppeteer his puppeteer instead. Poetic. He looked down at his thumb (which was a mess) and squatted down with the bandage on the ground to write. This would have to do.

“Uggh, gross! Damn, alright. Can’t be choosy. I feel like a murder victim writing his last words here,” he complained out loud. He guessed again that Greed could hear him just like he could hear Greed when their positions were switched. He then heard something with the peculiar quality of being from inside him rather than an outside noise.

pff .

What was—?

Was that possibly a laugh?

Did this collection of souls have a legitimate sense of /humor?/

Had Ling heard what he thought he did? How in the hell– He delicately left that revelation be as he quickly smeared his message, knowing time was a factor. He stood back up and took a final breath of short lived freedom and hung his arms to the sides.

“Okay I'm done! Here you go. Thanks a lot. I mean it.” Ling let Greed back in control without a fuss, it was a simple enough mental action. He just sort of relaxed his hold on… himself?

Greed shoved at him and thrust his will forward and Ling was back where he started. Inside, Ling found he still was able to see, hear, and unfortunately smell now even not in control. That stench had to be from his little dip in Gluttony before. The new abilities were a marked improvement over the last hour! Getting his senses back was a tiny but key victory. He was thankful to even have terrible smells back. Maybe this was a reward for cooperation? More likely he was just getting used to this whole soul monster thing. Ling was nothing if not malleable to whatever life decided to throw at him. Or, more accurately, what his bad decisions ended up gifting him.

Greed warily looked at the message in his hand. He let the brat have his senses back but didn't indicate the giving of ground was his idea. He knew he would grow tired of him asking for them every time so he relaxed a tiny bit and let him come forward enough to get at them passively. Those little exercises of letting him see and putting him back in control for a second let Greed realize he could modulate the amount if he so chose.

The message was in some kind of scribble that he couldn't read.

“What's it say?” he asked, knowing that the author of the message could now see it.

Ling smiled again. Well! Looked like his personal monster wasn't fluent in his various other tongues. Excellent.

Uh uh uh, message from me to her, nothing incriminating I promise. Now, let's see about food first, consummate my end of the deal. Although….

Greed bristled. “What now?!”

They're not going to let you in anywhere looking and smelling like that. You smell like week old roast beef. I did take a bath in what looked like an unending lake of blood a couple hours ago and my clothes are worse for wear from getting my ass kicked by a biblical lizard. How about we do a little shopping with that money, how's that sound?

This was the truth, Greed did smell like a dumpster behind a butcher shop and he was uncomfortably sticky. On top of everything else he was scruffy and pale from nutritional deficits. He looked like he had escaped from some kind of facility.

Ling nudged at their shared perception, highlighting a shop that they both saw by directing his attention to it. Look, there's a second hand store over there. The money is under that bench on the way, move the bench and there will be a rock under it. It's stashed there. Let's get some threads then some grub.

Greed growled low in his throat in exasperation. Getting something to eat was proving to be more difficult than he wanted it to be and who was this guy to dictate the game plan?

He surreptitiously angled his nose to his shoulder and sniffed. Whew! Okay, his unseen annoyance had a point.

Greed went to the bench and grabbed the cash, it was where it was supposed to be, and then to the store on the corner that had run down mannequins sporting gently used goods in the window. He had not taken a dozen steps into the establishment before the clerk looked up at him with open aggression.

“You, boy, get out of my store,” he ordered.

“What did I do?” Greed raged.

Boy? He was used to respect and admiration! Maybe. He wasn't 100% sure. He knew this body was young but he was always kind of funny on human age ranges.

“You don't have money to pay for anything anyway looking like that. You probably sleep under a bridge, and you REAK. Now leave before I call the authorities,” the clerk shot back, hand placed threateningly on the phone on the counter.

Greed was privately halfway amused at the fact that he was only a few hours old and already close to a run in with the cops. It felt very on brand. He was also starving and losing patience fast. He raised a hand to make it into a claw. Ling dove in, anticipating Greed's problem solving tactic before he could deploy it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there, partner. Not smart! Leave for now, I got an idea that doesn't involve the time consuming and yet oh so enjoyable run from the authorities.

“Why should—” Greed started to mutter. Ling cut him off.

You can't put clean clothes on filthy. Go back to the fountain, I think I got soap on me. Clean me up and then we will try this again.

Once again the kid was infuriatingly correct. If he wasn't gross and nearly emaciated he would have had the energy to argue. As it was Greed left with a smug shrug at the clerk like it was his idea to leave and went back across the street. A quick bath wasn't necessarily unwanted.

Do I still have that little bag? Check under my coat.

Greed did and saw the bag hanging off his hip. He took off the belt that was looped around his chest with the slash of a claw when the buckle proved to be so sticky with congealed blood that it was hard to open. He opened the bag which was also just filled with the stuff and dumped the ruined content on the ground.

There it is. Ling indicated the object he was searching for with a slight mental gesture that gave the feeling of a point. Greed picked up a pink tinged chunk. He smelled it experimentally and picked up a whiff of flowers underneath the blood smell that permeated it.  

Greed dumped the bag and the rest of the knicknacks in a nearby trash can with an accurate toss. They were ruined enough that Ling didn't even complain. Greed shucked off his coat and threw it in the water under a spout. It was a heavy duty military duster and he had designs on keeping it. He scanned around for onlookers and finding no one close he dunked the soap in the fountain water, rubbing it into a lather. He untied his ponytail with a quick yank, breaking the tie, and dunked his head in after wetting his hair and giving his scalp a quick scrub with the soap.

Leaving the soap in his hair he washed himself with his shoes and pants still on for speed purposes as they were also gross. He was unfamiliar with the laws of the land but aversions to public indecency were always a mainstay. His shoes especially were caked in crust. Stepping into the freezing cold water to rinse himself off his feet bloomed brown to nearly black in the water. He took the rest of the soap and worked it into the jacket. He was quick, the entire process took only a few minutes. When he was finished he jumped out of the fountain and shook himself off like a dog. His wet hair slapped around his neck and hung there.

He grabbed the jacket out of the pool that was significantly more rust colored with filth than before and jogged over to a bench to hang it up. It was good quality, water resistant, and with the top layer of blood washed off the water ran off it in sheets. He shivered and slapped his sides to get his blood flowing, it was cool enough that the locals had been wearing coats. It took the edge off his hunger and woke him up a little.

The human experience felt a lot more visceral than Greed had expected. He bent down and squeezed his pant legs free of the majority of the water, his head jerking back as a clump of wet hair hit him in the face. He grabbed at the hair in frustration and grew his claws. Ling, who had left Greed to his own devices when it was clear he knew what he was doing, realized what Greed was about to do now and blanched.

HEY! HEY!! DON'T. YOU. DARE. he screamed out.

“Shut up! It's in the way!” Greed yelled back.

I have been growing that since I was five!!  I said you could use my body, not renovate it! No unauthorized body modification, gods dammit!

“You are Not in charge—” Greed readied a claw.

Ling shrieked in rage and his control exploded down Greed's arms, pinning them to the sides.

THE HAIR STAYS.

Greed struggled in Ling's grip. He was impressed! The kid was a lot stronger than he thought! He absolutely did not appreciate that he was being usurped, though.

I WILL START SCREAMING AND NOT STOP IF YOU DO THIS. Ling added on, threatening further irritation to Greed down the road.

Greed weighed his options.  

Ling barely held control by the skin of his teeth, Greed was very strong, but he wasn't going to allow him to chop his hair off. It was only a point of small cosmetic pride for him but he /liked/ his hair! Also he was worried that if he let Greed get away with this first alteration more would come later. He didn't want to know if tattoos would take on homunculi flesh. He also belatedly realized he just showed a trump card of his by lashing out and actually grabbing control back successfully. So much for cooperation.

“Look,” Ling said audibly, his control of his body creeping up from his arms into his larynx, “hold on for two seconds...let me just—”

Ling flipped his hair forward and combed out the tangles with Greed's claws, lacking any other implements. He squeezed the water out of his follicles with a quick twist. He then grabbed a tie from a pocket in his pants, he always kept extras, and deftly tied his hair back, fighting Greed the entire time but holding his own with jerky movements and willpower. He brushed his bangs forward and held up his hands physically while mentally withdrawing from the controls.

He took a stance of supplication quickly, realizing he may have screwed up by showing Greed that he could in fact take his body back for limited periods. It made him a possible threat to Greed, something that he had wanted to avoid. One of the best ways to get in a position to manipulate others was to have them think you're harmless, after all. The early life lessons he had learned in Xing were strongly pitched towards manipulation of others rather than learning how to share or basic math like he supposed other children had.

Okay? There, done! Out of the way. Can we keep my hair, /please/? Have a little mercy? I'll owe you one. In fact, I'll owe you several, boss, he wheedled. Ling was not above acting the fool to get what he wanted, it was kind of his whole deal.

Greed stopped and flared his nostrils from the exertion of the fight. He smiled smugly.

“Ha! Fair enough,” Greed said with an angry laugh. The kid was powerful, Greed had to defer to that. ‘Boss’, he liked the sound of that, too. In secret Greed could barely stand up, he needed something to eat and he wanted steak. He couldn't fight this little pest any more so he exercised a bit of benevolence instead.

Ling was startled by Greed's allowance but was not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was exhausted from fighting him.

He changed the subject, feeling that that was the right course of action. That's better, right? Let's try the store again. When you go in there hold the money up and say you had an unfortunate accident with a dumpster this morning to explain how you smelled.

Greed was already putting on his duster which was thankfully only damp, he was absolutely keeping it, and walked to the store while Ling was talking. He even went in there and did what Ling suggested. The clerk warmed a little at the visibility of money and let him continue to the back with only a dirty look.

Greed squatted down and started to rummage. It wasn't like he was taking orders, these suggestions were just common sense. So what if someone else told him first. He'd have come to the same conclusions himself. Eventually. He held up a leather vest with a grin. Ling rubbed the ridges of his eyes in exasperation. No way was he going to let himself look that stupid. He remembered their earlier spat and tried to appeal to Greed’s feasibility instead of throwing a fit, realizing he was probably on thin ice.

Nuh uh. Regrettably we should go for practical. You wanna keep the long coat, right? That looks nice! We're gonna look stupid in the vest and it's still cold.

The vest was really too big anyway, he'd be swimming in it. Greed put it down and ignored the peanut gallery. All this ‘we’ stuff from the brat was becoming irritating. As far as Greed was concerned he was lucky he was even around to talk much less lay claim to any kind of joint ownership. His stomach complained and distracted him so he went back to picking through boxes.

There wasn't much of a selection that appealed to him. Whatever he picked had to be black. His sensibilities were ironclad on that topic. He looked up and scanned the store, making eye contact with the clerk who gave him some lip via his expression. Bastard.

Ha ha, how about that number, over there, wanna look like a washed up magician?

Ling indicated a blue velvet tailcoat on a mannequin that looked moth eaten near where the clerk was sitting.

“Snrk.”

Greed covered whatever that noise was by tossing a pair of boots that were too small back in a box.

That was twice. Ling had gotten a laugh twice, maybe three times if he counted the recent hair incident. Ling thought hard. Anyone that laughed at his jokes...  begrudgingly, but still… Ling's opinion of Greed changed slightly. Best to not make mention of it, though.

Greed settled on simple pants and shoes that looked like they would fit, his new legs were pretty long. He also found a vaguely Xingese looking long sleeve shirt with a high collar in his favorite lack of color, his arms were long too. He took them to the changing room in the back which was a glorified closet with a small window and a cracked mirror being its only accoutrement.

He put on the clothes and got the first good look at his new face in the meanwhile. He turned his head from side to side, admiring the angles. Not bad at all, he could work with this. Little smiley for his tastes. He showed a toothier grin. There, that was better.

Ling looked through his eyes at his own face showing him unfamiliar expressions and his own eyes glittering demonically with red looked back at him. Gods, this was weird. It wasn't going to stop being weird any time soon. He'd be lying if he said he didn't have a few regrets and reservations. But, he'd have to make do with the god-awful cards he'd been dealt via his decision making.

Greed made to grab his cast off shoes and open the door to leave. Ling intervened again.

Leave the shoes, you’ll need your hands in a second. That window up behind you is big enough for us.

“Huh?”

Fuck that clerk, go out the window. You'll fit, I promise you that.

Greed backed into the small room, calculating the dimensions of the square above. Was the kid suggesting Greed commit a /crime/? What happened to goody two shoes?

You're gonna need to dislocate my shoulder to get through, go for the left- it is the easier one.

“You okay with petty theft all of a sudden?” Greed muttered. 

What do I look like? A cop? He's gonna overcharge you sure as hell because he doesn't like you. Great job on that by the way you charmer— and that money isn't going to last forever. Fuck him. I've left many an establishment with the dogs on my heels. Via self defenestration, too, my favorite way to travel.

Greed raised an eyebrow and set about putting his shoulder out of joint, not one to argue on morality when it was in the way of free stuff. He opened the window quietly and pulled his weight up with his not currently dislocated arm. An easy motion that attested to wiry strength hidden in arms that were on the thin side. He shimmied himself forward and slid out of the new opening.

This body was made for this type of escape, it was thin as a rail and the movements required felt much practiced and natural to his new muscle memory. Looks like the brat was telling the truth about his criminal background. Extremely good to know he wasn't dealing with a total prig.

He hopped down into a side street, distancing himself from the store and popping his shoulder back in with ease.

Haha, nice. Ling said. Greed might be a decent mark after all. It seemed like he was still for listening to him even after their little spat as long as Ling kept toeing a line. Ling had to just play his ideas close to the vest. Now to take one out of old Pavlov's book and reward good behavior. Alright important business next. Now, to food, here’s where you gotta go….

Greed had finished getting ready and went on with reviewing the notes for the meeting with the Amestrians. They were pretty barren. Today was just planned to involve general opening salvo stuff in the pissing contest that was two countries meeting to discuss policy in any case.

He could wing this if he was being honest. Well, he /would/ wing this whether he felt like he could or not. On paper the military had come to sign some relatively important trade agreements as Ling was looking to open up the currently very closed off borders to influxes of different people. Xing’s closure and years of what amounted to civil war had made the country dangerously xenophobic and emaciated in new goods and concepts.

A quick way around that was to kick open the borders and air it out. At the moment, there was only one city near the tip that accepted trade from foreigners at all. Ling's father was insane (well actually insane now, not just short sighted as before) to rely on just their admittedly abundant natural resources.

Greed had bugged Ling to hurry up and get some agreements in place when he saw how ludicrous the mark up on any western goods was due to rarity. He had complained that he 'was not going to fork out that much for middle of the road booze and fine leather goods!'

Ling had pointed out that he was richer than most people on earth and Greed had argued that getting cheated on mark up should be a crime and he wasn’t going to feed into the terrible economic cycle by encouraging what he said was ‘highway robbery’ another second by buying any of his treats at these prices.

The current fuhrer Gruman had recognized the overt advantages of such accords, as Amestris was much poorer in the raw resources department due to their own extensive wartime efforts. As a country they weren't made to last if they weren't fighting with someone. That's what they got for being a terrarium for a massive science experiment. He sent one of his favorites as the go between. A one Roy Mustang and his band of merry men and women. Really, on the side, the Amestrians had heard some uncomfortable rumors coming from Xing and were looking to investigate under the guise of politics. What better way was there than to tour the capitol and stick their noses into Ling's business in person.

This alternative motive was known and fine by Greed, it saved him having to go over there to posture at them himself. It also behooved him to work on home turf— he liked to show off. He had put his foot down in being in charge today to Ling who had given up arguing when he saw how his heart was set on it. Ling also suspected that Greed had alternative plans of his own.

Greed had went down to the kitchens directly after getting ready and made himself a quick breakfast of enough pancakes to choke even Alphonse. His staff was used to the Emperor appearing in the kitchens at all hours of the day to claim a space at a griddle and whip something up. Greed liked to work with his hands whenever possible and it calmed him down to be able to work change on small scale things such as breakfast rather than submit paperwork that indeed also brought about change but at the cost of lots of waiting around and feeling like he was doing nothing.

It was an unspoken agreement between him and those who worked there that the staff not mention his presence to anyone important and he wouldn't mention sending them home in the night with arms laden with high quality ingredients for their tables.

Emperor Yao had never cooked before a month or so ago, only coming in occasionally to stick his fingers in what they already had made. Now he was so commonplace the staff had stopped reacting in scrambling terror when he showed up and demanded space on the cook line. He was a lot different than the Emperor they saw at a distance, treating them with blunt familiarity as he'd hold out a hand and ask for a whisk or someone to run and fetch him a dozen eggs.

The kitchen staff didn't know what to make of him despite the ‘friendly’ way he approached them. But, he remembered all their names and would ask after their family situations as he grumbled to himself under his breath and chopped haphazardly at the cutting board- sometimes taking a drag or two at the cooking sherry.

Another oddity the staff noted that brought about questions was the way his skill tended to fluctuate wildly. From making cheesecake from scratch the one day to complaining loudly to the air that ‘he didn't KNOW how to caramelize onions, it's not like he had all that time on his hands!’ the next. These questions halted when jars of spiced fruit and other delicacies were pushed into their arms with a coy wink.

Greed couldn't believe that Ling couldn't cook! For someone that /lived/ food as he did he thought Ling would have made an effort to crack into the beguiling world of crockery. Greed didn't even need to eat when he was a homunculus but over the years he'd picked up a passing knowledge of a lot of skills, cooking being one.

Jack of many trades, master of none. Ling replied testily that he had tried to learn but his tutors at the time had smacked his hands and said drudgery wasn't for a prince such as himself. Greed had immediately tossed what they were doing on the ground and steered Ling's legs to the kitchen to wave in his face a skill Ling didn't have. During the gloating Greed had offered that if Ling wanted to watch and maybe pick some things up he wouldn’t be adverse to repeating himself a couple of times.

Greed was a surprisingly good teacher despite being impatient and abrupt. Ling looked forward to their jaunts to the kitchens as good entertainment fodder. Greed was always at his most animated when he was talking about something he knew about. The added bonus of the reward of decently cooked western food was appreciated as well. Ling had acquired a taste of the delights that his home away from home had offered him and his cooks, while eager, weren't equipped to make things to taste. Greed meanwhile had a good time trying to improvise making blini in a wok and taking on the legendary task of browbeating Ling until he was proficient at making a small repertoire of dishes.

Sated for now on carbohydrates and sugar Greed thrust his head into the hall where he was supposed to meet up with the military after they passed the interspersed checkpoints of the palace. These were supposed to be set up to protect the Emperor, not like he needed it, but in all actuality were to delay and annoy whomever had to go through them. It was the first way Greed and Ling showed those wishing an audience who both were boss.

Greed entered the hall and saw that both Ed and Al were there already and lounging in chairs. They looked up in unison when he opened the door to the room.

“Come to watch the fun of me signing papers and the rigors of the body politic, boys?” Greed asked with a note of resigned annoyance in his voice.

“Like I'm actually going to miss Mustang and you having it out. I know they’re all coming today,” Ed grinned. Like he was going to ignore the talk of the town!

“I've really missed everyone!” Al said happily. He was also not going to miss what he was sure were going to be some interesting festivities. Heavy politics was never as boring as they should be with Greed in the mix.

The hall they had chosen was a nice one, big windows with tons of brocade and silk. An ancient table squatted in the middle of it, taking up much of the floor space with its wide legs and elaborate carvings. It was so big it had to have been assembled and carved within the room. Bookshelves and scroll caddies lined the walls nearly full to bursting with reference materials. Freshly cut flowers that were out of season and therefore expensive sat in fat vases strategically placed to maximize the smell profile.

“So, Ling up or do we have to deal with only you today because if that's the case I'm going to need coffee,” Ed asked, watching Greed set up some papers and writing implements at the chair he was going to use during the meeting. It was bigger and of much nicer quality than the other chairs by a marked amount. Ed was presently occupying it.

“Good morning Edward, Alphonse,” Greed had opened his mouth to complain about Ling sleeping in and of course Ling took the opportunity to make himself heard immediately, snapping to attention on the mention of his name.

They both chorused a morning back to Ling. Ling stretched his arms over his head with a yawn and jingled his wrists, feeling the weight of the jewelry there.

“Really, Greed? You're gonna give me carpal tunnel,” he said while slipping a few rings and bracelets off and stashing them in his pockets. Greed carped within him telling Ling that he better at least keep the rubies. Ling noted his mark was unblemished by any covering while going to detach a few rings.

Lacking a mirror he turned to Al. “How do I look?” he asked, not trusting Greed to have restraint on a day he got to intimidate 'new' people.

“Fine, fine. Pretty imposing in fact!” Al said with a laugh and a wave of his hand over the book he was still reading. Greed’s fashion standard of "black goes with everything" was in full effect. They were patterned after his standard robes but with flair winking on them in the form of silver embroideries.

“Little reserved for my tastes,” interjected Ed from the local chair. He was already making towers with the official supplies that littered the table in his boredom and the meeting hadn’t even started yet. Ling trusted Ed’s opinion the most. Ed’s standard sensibilities mirrored Ling and Greed's at their most self indulgent, if he was underwhelmed it was fine to show to a room of acquaintances.

“More like damn fine, it's not the suit but how you wear it and that goes double for flesh,” Greed surfaced and said to Al while slicking a few flyaway strands of hair back from his face, “You. Get the hell out of my chair,” he snapped at Ed.

Ed got up and waved his arms in mockery with an ‘ooo’ but plopped himself down next to Al to Greed’s left. Greed was of course to be seated at the head of the table. Both young men were semi casual but dressed appropriately for the meeting. He would have kicked them both out if they had showed up rumpled. They both had been awarded official sounding but fake as hell titles that allowed them to roam the palace unharried which also allowed them to sit in on an official meeting like this. Doubtless they were of his court on a bare technicality, but of the court meant of the governing body which /he/ was the head of. Nobody was allowed to mess with his governing and that included dressing like shit while representing him in official capacities. He had aesthetics to uphold.

Greed checked the time from a clock on the wall, they would be here soon. Lan Fan also materialized from the ether close to the clock. He gave her a nod as she took a place in a corner of the hall with a good vantage point for throwing weapons. Habits died hard even though the people that were coming today probably wouldn't try and kill anyone. It depended on how the meeting went in any case. She nodded back to Greed as her good morning. An arm of his waved frantically at her, that would be Ling saying ‘hi’. Greed grabbed at his errant hand and lowered it to his lap as he sat.

“So, I gotta ask before we begin, you ever send that postcard to horse boy telling him about me?” Greed inquired to Ed. The day Ed had shown up a little while back he had threatened Greed with revealing his persistent existence to Mustang.

“Plumb forgot to actually, what with the kidnapping that night and all” Ed replied, smiling broad and big at Greed's train of thought. Ling began chuckling darkly for Greed's ears only, getting a feeling of what Greed had planned as only he could. He drifted a comment that he felt about a half dozen people coming down the hallway amidst his glee.

Al put down his book, checking the time himself and picking up a pen to take notes. Greed caught only the author on the spine, some guy named Stevenson, before he slid it under a sheaf of papers. A knock resounded on the double doors that opened into the adjoining hallway. Here they were.

After eating enough that he had drawn a small crowd Greed felt much restored. That was the best lunch he could have asked for. Expensive, ostentatious, and even better— free.  He had dined and dashed at the restaurant, choosing not to pay for food as well as clothing, showing the brat the level of not paying for things that could be achieved with his particular additions to his new body and the specific skill set he had.

He had ran out of the building after dessert and banked into an alleyway, slashing his neck quickly and throwing himself down. His pursuers had found him there looking very murdered and went to go get the authorities, after screaming for a time. Ling had laughed himself sick in surprise. What a dodge! He’d have to remember ‘fake own death to get out of something’ for later, it was strong.

Clean clothes also improved Greed's mood greatly. He felt like a new homunculus. The kid had laughed uproariously at his off the cuff plan for keeping his bankroll consistent at the high class place. He could still hear some quiet chuckling as he walked back to the building he had last seen those two other kids. Delivering a message didn't seem like a bad way to pass the time now that his needs had been attended to. How was he supposed to find shorty again anyway?

Hmm we're close, the brothers being a walking taboo sure helps me out, easy to pick up on. Another thing that was easy to pick up on for Ling was Greed's confusion.

Greed was mildly confused, what the hell was the brat prattling on about now?

Ah yeah, you don't know do you? Here's a cool thing I got going—Xing mysticism. I can sense energy signatures, auras really. It's called chi, I'll tell ya' all about it later. Neat, huh? Al is a soul bound to armor currently and Ed’s half metal. They don't feel right if you feel regular people. They tried some bad alchemy to get a loved one back and that was the result. I feel for Al, I really do. Not being able to eat…

Greed had noticed the metal parts when he had fought tiny, those punches had packed a wallop. Big boy also seemed... familiar.

Yeah they put up a bonfire of weird vibe for me to pick up on, keep going straight. You're warm.

‘This vessel has a lot of optional equipment,’ Greed thought to himself.

‘Best not tell him he's putting out what is basically the grandfather of bad vibes for my trusty bodyguards to track,’ Ling thought to himself.  

Greed was just outside the government center in a public courtyard with trees and cobble walkways. Funny that Father had set up shop right under what was the de facto palace of a military state. Greed liked the convenience of it.

Keep going, you’re red hot. There he is, making a phone call. Maybe he’s calling that girl who's his friend but /certainly not/ his girlfriend. How sweet. Sure enough there he was, Greed could see his hair from here and an entire suit of armor lurking near the booth helped.

Greed smirked wickedly, well, he'd wait until the kid was done, he had nothing better to do. He shunted to the side to come up behind the booth.

When Ed was done with his call Greed spooked them both by appearing from nowhere and giving Ed unwanted life advice. He had eavesdropped for a few key moments and gotten the particulars of Ed’s conversation. Father would love to know his pawns had loved ones. He would use that against those two, Greed felt, so he let them know. Gracious of him!  Ed proceeded to piss him off by calling him the brat's name again. How many times was he going to need to introduce himself? Ed ignored the reintroduction to his distaste and instead asked why he was here.

“Your pal asked me for something,” he gestured to his chest and said in reply.

Ling meanwhile was ecstatic. Greed had inadvertently implied Ling was still around with that line and the delivery of the message as well as Greed's admittance that he couldn't read it nailed it home. He hoped Edward picked up on that. He probably did! He was pretty smart! It was nice to know someone else knew he was still around, everyone was going around like he died or something. Being trapped like this was going to suck. At least he could hear what was going on now.

After the hand off Greed instructed Ed to take it to the girl waiting for him like Ling had asked him to do. So far so good! Ed then shocked Ling into what he felt was nearly a heart attack (despite lacking the usage of the relevant equipment) by asking Greed straight out if Greed was going to follow them back to hurt Lan Fan.

Ling slapped a palm to his forehead. How in the world had he not thought of that?! He felt the choke of swiftly escalating panic. How could he have been that stupid? Maybe Greed had been playing him the whole time? Was he really that short sighted to not see Greed could use him as much as he was using Greed? Had he been outplayed? He was trapped. What could he do from here? How- If he hurt Lan Fan—!

Greed broke Ling's panic spiral by asserting to Ed that he didn't lie, wasn't petty, and didn't make a hobby of hurting women.

Ling deflated and dropped to his knees, shaken. Thank the gods, a monster with an outdated personal code. He breathed a huge sigh of relief and updated his mental file he had going on Greed with the possibility that Greed was pretty damn stupid, all things considered.

This was excellent news! It was also fittingly stupid of Greed to make inferences based on sex. Lan Fan could beat Ling's ass into a pulp. Hopefully she would, Ling prayed as Greed left the two brothers, message delivered. Hopefully she would and drag his ass, homunculus in tow, back to Xing.

“It's Greed,” Greed called back, renaming himself to the brothers while leaving to parts unknown. Ling stilled himself, still up in arms over thinking that he had actually been out manipulated and a little unsure of how to proceed given he was now firmly in unplanned territory. He floundered for what to do in the near future and knew that for the immediacy of now he should take the time to bow his head.

Thank you for delivering the message, Greed. There. Yes. Complete sincerity. Rarer than him leaving food on a plate.

Greed kicked pebbles along with his new shoes. “Whatever. Now shut up like you said you would.”

Okay, fair. Need anything else and I'll be here. Not going anywhere of course, he said airily.

Ling let that very mild threat wrapped in the guise of helpfulness hang between them. Depending on how Greed interpreted that statement it could mean a lot of things.

----------

Errand done for the day Greed had returned to his home turf of the government center but didn't want to go sewer side yet. He compromised by climbing to the top of the building for a better view of the city and the important task of sunning himself. Guard duty could wait. The brat was even keeping his side of the agreement and being blessedly silent. Until now.

Hey pal, don't wanna interrupt so soon but you got nasty company on your six coming in hot. Feels like something—? I think? Bit weak… familiar though. Damn! It’s Bradley. Your brother.

A voice rung out behind him.

“So, Greed, how are you feeling?”

Greed opened an eye and checked his peripheral. He didn't turn around or startle, getting that heads up put him in charge of this new conversation by his lack of surprise. Something that his brother hadn't planned on by his slight pause as Greed replied to whom he suspected was Wrath.

Greed extolled the virtues of his new body in response to Wrath’s question, he was still feeling quite good after all. Being a prince was a pretty sweet upgrade, not to mention the other perks, and getting it in exchange for just a bit of power? Everything was coming up Greed. He was even vocal about his fascination with the little twerp to Wrath directly, after the events of the day why wouldn’t he be? Humans were such a lark.

Ling meanwhile got increasingly confused as learning more about Greed was inversely making it harder for him to predict. So he was /interesting/ to Greed? What the hell did that mean for him? Ling scratched the top of his head distractedly while watching Wrath’s expression harden as he replied to Greed's words.

Oh... very scary. Ling was thankful for the first time he was in here and not out there. Immortal, too. Last he saw King he'd been trying to kill him very adamantly. King still felt like a regular person but now that Ling had the time to really study him he realized something was… off. He guessed it was how Bradley was a homunculus but still a human.

Unlike Greed and Gluttony, Bradley didn't feel the same way as his brothers to Ling's senses.

Bradley remembered Ling well indeed, repeating what Ling had said to him when they had last chatted before he tried his best to kill him and Lan Fan verbatim to Greed.

It was a good speech, a king was nothing without his subjects! Ling was a greedy man and living for the people by the people was his version of wanting it all. When you had power and wealth what was the use of hoarding it? Giving it out and using it to benefit others worked out for you when you were the face of your own country. Cutting off your nose to spite your face was short sighted. Ling crossed his arms and nodded to himself in agreement at his own assessment of his personal raison d'etre, pleased.

Bradley meanwhile had kept talking, sharing what he thought of Ling's vows to his people. Ling’s mouth fell open as he heard what he said.

Oh that old sack of air! Hey?! Who had lost his desire? What!? Lost everything? Where the hell did Bradley get off implying that? He had certainly bet everything he had on this, that was true, but he was still in the game! In fact he was in the most precarious position he had ever been in! How dare he imply—?

Greed felt the kid’s anger boil over at Wrath’s opinions on his desire. As if a host of his wouldn't be the most acquisitive son of a bitch to try to go toe to toe with Greed. He’d have to be to survive his acquisition in the first place. Greed had also felt the chump’s partially hidden bursts of parsimoniousness all damn day.

As if you could hide greed from Greed. The emotion reading was a two way street. The kid was not one to be underestimated. Even now he was ranting at Wrath, promise to Greed forgotten for a moment in a rush of explosive language. What a spitfire! He sure did have a nasty streak. Greed got an idea.

Ling was on the verge of tearing at his own hair. What a joke, 'lose desire' are you /kidding/. I'm in the middle of a battle for everything I've worked for for years with nothing but my wits here and these homunculi think that I'm just sitting around finger in my nose letting an asshole parade me around for what? My health? It's speciesism is what it is! These guys need to “Shut up and don't go looking down on humans!” Shit— Wait, what?

Greed sidestepped Ling and put him in control, letting a clip of his tirade ring to Wrath. It had caught him entirely off guard so stepping back in was easy. The exchange was smooth as butter unlike them fighting for control before and the lapse was so very very worth it to see Wrath’s expression. The cool anger of Wrath was replaced by what Ling could only describe as full on flabbergasted. Ling cackled, amazed at how shocked he looked.

Greed particularly enjoyed landing a hit on Wrath in terms of what Wrath thought he was capable of. Wrath reminded him of Father in that he seemed to be the type that thrived on planning and the concepts that people would always fall in line to certain parameters. Well! Greed wasn’t normal people! He also wasn’t one to go with the grain! In fact, pissing Wrath off felt /very right/. Greed felt no familial affections for his kin, especially Wrath, he found. He very much did not like Wrath.

“Well there you have it!” he smiled and excused his ‘outburst’ by explaining that his host was just waiting for an opportunity to grab control. Not a lie, not exactly. His host meanwhile was in the middle of calling Wrath a son of a bitch, and laughing meanly at his gobsmacked expression, agreeably.

Wrath changed his tune and pontificated on the avarice of humans given that his host was willing to take in a ‘monster’ like Greed as he left the roof.

Damn straight! said Ling with conviction.

Greed let a few teeth shine in the sun with his back to Wrath as Wrath stalked off. Ling meanwhile massaged his forehead fretfully as he realized that telling the enemy he was still around maybe wasn’t the best choice he or Greed could have made.

---------

Their first days passed quietly. Ling hung back, trying his best to get a feel for what Greed was capable of. In many ways Greed acted like an inquisitive child or a petulant teen. In others Ling felt a glimmer of someone more sure of himself.

Greed would spend the day, or night, or afternoon patrolling the dark like his Father told him to and Ling would spend his time slamming his head against a non existent wall. Ling understood the importance of Greed coming to him. In Ling’s never ending quest to get footing it was a key play. He’d just have to move a little first to facilitate it. He used one of the oldest ice breakers in the book.

Huh, you call me?

Greed spooked just a little bit, he’d almost forgotten about the brat.

“Why would I say anything to you?” he said, voice echoing around the sewer pipes.

Of course Greed would reply, Ling had felt his rising boredom as fiercely as his own.

Oh no, I just thought you said something.

“Well I didn’t”

You sure?

“YES I’M SURE.” Greed grew his claws and dragged them along the wall he was walking parallel to in anger. They left long white lines in the stone.

Because I could have sworn... well in any case I have a question.

Ling actually did have a question.

Greed sat down, tired of walking around all of a sudden, and continued to drag his claws in patterns on the stone below him.

“Shut up.”

Aw come on, I’m bored! Lemme ask. You don't even know what I'm going to ask. So, like, you were just born a few days ago, right?

Ling had picked up on that fact and realized that was why Greed had expressed so much interest in the city. It explained a lot of his behavior, too. Greed had knowledge but not experience and that's why he had actually listened to Ling. Ling appreciated how fortuitous it was he was dealing with not only a fresh moron but a possible amnesiac. Evidence that he had since collected pointed to the former.

Why do you have dreams?

Ling had tried to out stay up Greed to see if he could grab for his body while Greed was sleeping. It was no such luck as Greed slept incredibly light and berated Ling every time he tried, shoving him far down with little effort. Ling had to wait until Greed got bored holding him down for the time to try again.

Ling had played it off like he’d been goofing around but was pissed that his 'good' idea hadn’t worked out. Still, one of the nights he was waiting around for Greed to possibly slip deeper into slumber he got some… weird… unconnected imagery from him. Ling saw scenes of people in an unfamiliar building, people that didn’t look entirely human. It looked almost like a bar, what with the neon logo and all.

Who are those people?

“What people you little pissant?”

The people from your dream.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Gotta be your dream.” Greed scratched his claws against the stone, sharpening them like it was a nail file and not cobble. 

I wasn’t asleep. I also don’t know these people and I’ve never been in an Amestrian dive bar so try again. You were reborn, you said that. There was another you?

Greed stopped his absent minded sketching. Crude drawings of the same logo from his dream were on the floor. Ling felt that Greed was… puzzled but also standoffish so he made to drop it. Before he could change the subject he was interrupted by Greed first.

“How come you’ve never been to a bar?” he asked, not really thinking about the fact that he had initially wanted Ling to shut up in his distraction over the odd feeling that he had.

Well I’m fifteen, to start. Oh! /We’re/ fifteen, actually. Ling snorted, putting a lot of emphasis on the duality aspect. Don’t go getting up to any mischief, now.

“EXCUSE ME?” Greed was actually surprised enough to emote honestly.

You didn’t know?

“You humans and your aging.”

You’re like four days old, I wouldn’t be talking.

“Nobody tells me what to do.”

You let that father guy tell you what to do.

The continued their bickering as Greed picked up his patrol again, his step a little more lively than before.

“Remember, let me do the talking. We’re in no man's land over here,” Roy reinstated to his subordinates while still facing forward as they walked down the incredibly well decorated and slavishly clean hallways.

Behind them they were accompanied by a few more representatives from Amestris that were going to meet with less important members of the court. Roy couldn’t be everywhere at once, naturally. Havoc ran a finger along a gilded crenulation the probably took an insane amount of money and time to maintain at its current glory and whistled. Hawkeye went to slap at his hand like she was reprimanding a child. He stepped out of her reach and stumbled a little bit, but recovered on his own, not entirely at home with his legs. He still walked with a slightly stiff gait from his time of rehabilitation after gaining the use of them back post promised day.

He had agreed to come to Xing to get at some of what he called "that good healing stuff" and to "see if it can’t grease my wheels" in reference to his muscle stiffness.

Hawkeye of course wouldn’t leave Mustang to his own devices in a foreign and probably dangerous country knowing that even with her there he was going to get into trouble. Breda commented that he was into sightseeing and the terroir of the local cuisine but Roy knew that a trusted spy of his wouldn’t turn down making some new contacts. He looked to continue the groundwork Maria Ross had left him from her brief stay in the country.

Falman was nervous but he was always nervous, so no news there. Notably, Emperor Yao had oddly asked after him specifically in his letters so Roy guessed that he should bring him along. It wouldn’t hurt to have someone with a memory like his in any case.

Fuery was simply always open to see new things and certainly wasn’t going to stay in Amestris alone! He followed after them like a puppy. In terms of puppies Hawkeye had left Black Hayate home with Rebecca, not knowing how long they were going to need to stay in this foreign land and not much of what it might hold.

They all acknowledged Mustang in that they needed to be seen as a united front. Most of them knew Ling the child as he was during the time but they did not know Emperor Yao and until they were able to feel out the situation it was best to appear like they had their shit together.

The military filed in with precision and poise, as was their talent. Edward and Alphonse noted that they left the small fish at the door, the only ones allowed inside were Roy’s core group. Fun. Ed kicked Al under the table and slyly pointed at Mustang’s face region behind his hand. Al saw the half dead caterpillar on his lip he was sporting and nearly lost it, keeping hold on his emotional response by a few fingertips of will alone.

Roy’s eyes fell on the two young men and squinted in suspicion. Ed did a little wave as a ‘hello’ but no words were exchanged, it was still an official meeting. Emperor Yao stood at the head of the table next to his chair, waiting for the proper introduction as was custom. Roy and his squad bowed at the waist. Emperor Yao nodded his head in greeting and sat in his chair. As was the custom the others took their seats after him.

“Greetings and salutations to you all and We’d thank you for travelling all this way to tour Our beautiful capitol and get this nest of paperwork out of the way,” he said with a small laugh. Roy thought he heard Ed whisper "The Royal we?, I swear they’re so—" but it was too quiet to tell for sure.

What were the Elrics doing sitting in on this politics discussion? Roy knew that they were both friends with the Emperor but Ling Yao seemed relatively mature to Roy’s impression of him now and not the type to just invite his buddies to sit in on what was sure to be a dry affair if things went well. Roy had travelled to the country with the knowledge that Alphonse was here and was unsurprised Ed had also appeared, they were never apart for long and Ed loved to show up where he was unwanted.

Emperor Yao continued on with his opening statements, “Yes so, introductions, these are of course the Elrics. We've all met for the most part, I realize. This is Lan Fan, my personal bodyguard and reason I'm up and talking,” he smiled in her direction and she bowed at the waist with a small smile at the group.

“I met half of you when I was trying not to catch sepsis after my operation, so forgive my rudeness in forgetting some finer details of our first meeting,” she touched her automail arm with a brush of her fingers. “Thank you for putting me in touch with an excellent surgeon,” she addressed Roy alone and bowed low again.

Roy inclined his head and replied with genuine feeling, “The old coot will love to know you are doing well.”

Pleasantries out of the way, Yao wasted no time in setting out the bylines of papers to be talked over and the minutes quickly ticked over into hours in tandem. Twice, servants came in to offer drinks and food. The group only started to eat after the emperor had taken some food and politely nibbled on it.

Meanwhile Roy’s core group were performing well. Breda looked like he might be asleep but he was listening intently. Falman and Hawkeye were quiet but taking notes occasionally, Hawkeye resting an eye periodically on Lan Fan who sat in a corner of the room. She was never one to lose sight of a potential threat. For the emperor to employ a single guard even in a room of friends attested to how skilled she must be. Fuery was weirdly intent on the dusty prose of documents on the table and mirrored Alphonse’s expression of quiet enthusiasm.

Havoc’s eyes were unfocused and drifting around the room, Roy resisted the real impulse of throwing a small object at his forehead when the emperor turned his back. Luckily Hawkeye, always right behind him, took the initiative and elbowed him in the side. Havoc snorted in surprise, looked around like he just realized where he was and then proceeded to look ‘busy’.

He went to take notes that if Roy were to read them would most likely be gibberish. Jean was not diplomatically minded in the slightest so Roy didn’t expect much. He thought at least the raw numbers of trade agreements might interest him. Havoc knew his way around accounting from the family business. These numbers were just a lot bigger was all.

Roy rotated his gaze around the table and lit it on each member of his trusted team. Finally, he settled on Edward who was leering at him from behind a small map that he held up like a menu at a restaurant and pretended to look at. Roy’s eyes thinned but Ed didnt goad him any further than that. Roy broke the stare they had going first, needing to keep his attention on what was actually important and not a wills measuring contest with a manchild.

Yao was firm but fair in his various concessions and askances of Amestris and it was clear to Roy that he had what was best for Xing at the forefront of his goals. After a few hours of marked progress they had done what would have been days of work with the Amestrian military state fighting amongst themselves.

Finishing the last line of another draft letter Yao got up and stretched his neck, Roy heard some crude snaps, and continued speaking as he walked around the table, trailing a hand on the surface. Roy began to get up and followed him with his eyes. Yao broke off in the middle of his sentence and held up a hand with the gesture of a small sweeping motion.

“Please, stay seated, We just need to walk around, being Emperor means you sit all day and that takes a toll on Our blood circulation,” he said with another demure smile. Roy caught a flicker of movement from Edward that might have been an eye roll.

“It’s nearly time for a break, let us wake up a little with some small talk, Roy Mustang. It has been such a long time since We saw you! We do apologize for getting right into the ‘nitty gritty’ right away but We lack the time for pleasantries sometimes. This has been a very fruitful meeting already, we are incredibly ahead of schedule! By the by, thank you for lending Us those clothes and helping Us out with immortality back when We were on the run. We never forgot the kindness! We ultimately did party crash your country wide upheaval. Tell us of Amestris and how it is faring outside of these trade agreements, We’re curious.” Yao was slightly rude by dropping Roy’s rank when addressing him but he was not about to correct the Emperor in his own house, plus the fact that the Emperor of Xing was thanking Roy for the lending of some of his old hand me downs over a year ago was pretty cowing.

It could have been an honest mistake, Roy reasoned to himself. They had been at this long enough that the beams of light from the windows had turned golden and long with early evening.

He cleared his throat. “Rebuilding is going well, we’re all determined to keep what works with our current government for now. The people aren’t ready for a total shake up just yet.” This answer was the truth, besides a lot of the generals mysteriously dying in the skirmish along with Bradley the set of of the governmental chain was still mostly in place. Roy was rousting out the last snakes in the grass as they worked on what would be a more democratic solution to what was basically martial law for the last century or more. That plan would be rolled out more slowly as people got used to what would be the first peaceful era in Amestrian history. Emperor Yao had made his way fully over to Mustang during his short explanation.

“Oh that’s just peachy, my home turf is doing so well without me!” He cracked a laugh and rested his back and hands on the edge of the table as he spoke down to Roy, craning his head to look him in the face. He got really close, almost uncomfortably so. It seemed like the emperor’s whole demeanor was still relaxed but it was in the lazy way a crocodile is relaxed on the riverbed.

“Glad your coup went well hot air. Just remember, keep your overthrowal in your own country for the good of you getting to see that top spot at the big boy chair yourself. Wouldn’t want your fire to be prematurely snuffed, now would we?” he muttered quickly to Roy alone at barely a whisper, taking advantage at how close he’d gotten.

“How about we take a short recess before continuing on!” the Emperor announced to the room. Roy struggled to parse the utter 180 in manner and was close to stuttering out a reply when Yao and the Elrics swept from the room as a unit. Roy could have sworn up and down that he heard snickering but it could have just been the gentle surusses of the Emperor's robes and the large amount of metal embroidery thereon brushing the tiled floor as he left the room. Roy looked to where Lan Fan had been and saw that she too had left, although not from the door like the others.

His team had seen the Emperor get in close before leaving and looked at him quizzically, waiting for an explanation. Of course it was going to get weird. Why wouldn’t it?

“I’m all alone...”  Greed had said those words with actual raw emotion. Ling would be touched—except Greed was factually incorrect and being an idiot. Again. He wasn’t alone. He was as stupid as Ling suspected, Ed and his group had been right there, ready to team up, and Greed had left them like a moron to brood. Greed commented to the trees that ever since getting his memories back he had felt... empty. Ling kicked frustratingly at how shafted he felt, he was /RIGHT HERE/. RUDE!

I’m not your pocket psychiatrist, Greed, you can’t just talk around me and somehow still expect words of wisdom to come spilling out from thin air!  Ling barked at Greed, looking to egg him on for a more standard Greed response, SOMETHING. Gods, it was so /boring/ in here! He was furious over another soliloquy of Greed’s that ignored his involvement in their whole situation. Again. Greed apparently enjoyed talking like Ling wasn’t there to nobody apparently about his problems. In the woods, in the dark. ‘Alone’. Out loud. Like a sad sack. It was like Greed was going through puberty for him with how teenage he was acting.

Ling was disgusted, he was not a bastion of maturity by any metric but it was one thing to goof off and quite another to be left holding the emotional baggage of your kidnapper. Greed slumped on– ignoring Ling utterly. Ling absolutely hated to be ignored, he thrived on attention like others needed air. This would not do. How the hell would Greed think he’s alone, souls notwithstanding Ling was right here! At all times! He physically could not leave! He was also willing to be that therapist despite verbally refusing. It's not like he had anything better to do than to lend a figurative ear to a souls demon with emotional constipation.

Greeed, I smell Father issues at the bottom of all this! We have that in common! I also hate my Dad and hope he dies! Wanna talk about that? I’ll find you a couch you can rest my pretty little head on, and you can tell me alllll about it! Ling called up and out to Greed.

He felt a twinge of emotional response from that one, it looked like Dad was still a sore subject despite everything that just happened. Better than being ignored.

He backed off just a little. You wanna get something to eat? ” he questioned. That one was usually enough to get Greed to start moving. Ol’ reliable. Ling felt his own body lurch and start walking faster towards the general direction of deeper into the woods in silence.

Okay, okay, ignore me more. Fine. You can’t run from your problems forever, Greed. I’m a great big ol’ problem of yours and I’m certainly not going anywhere soon! Ling ‘sat’ within the normal screaming hellscape that was his quarters these days, the souls swirled around him and wailed but he was a master at tuning them out now. He cupped his chin with both his palms. This was going to take a while, he resolved. The friendship thing.

-

Ling realized that he had to play a heavy card of his. He had gotten the idea a while ago but he wasn’t sure where would be the right place to offer something this big to Greed. It had come when he decided that he wanted not to subjugate Greed and double kidnap him back to his home country but rather befriend him and go home on equal terms, and Ling wasn’t exactly sure when that decision had been made.

He was going to do something unthinkable and offer Greed a spot at home with him, as emperor. After what they had been through he thought Greed would at least consider it. Unsurprisingly, given how stupid Ling knew Greed could be, he had went for his cake to eat it too with the line that he wanted the entire world instead of a spot to rule with Ling. Ling was almost insulted, it wasn’t like him to give anything up without expecting something in return and he’d been pretty sure it would stop Greed in his tracks for a bit. He’d been willing to go halvsies!

-

Greed was getting farther from the cabin and Ling was at a loss on what to do now. Greed was stubborn and if he was going to actually leave there wasn’t anything Ling thought he could say to stop him after using his big emperor play. Ling heard someone move in the brush, he sent a probe out, ready for the feedback to tell him it was a bear or maybe a wolf- wait, he knew that chi. Edward?

----------

Ed had done what Ling thought was factually impossible and rolled over for Ling’s resident idiot charge, going above and beyond what Ling thought he’d do by naming him de facto boss of the group as well. Ling had been white knuckling it through their entire conversation as Greed practically shouted that he wanted to hang out with other people in his own special way, by being contrarian.

Despite turning them down initially Ling was sure Greed wasn’t emotionally strong enough to do it again. Ling was excellent at decoding this backtalk of Greed’s at this point in their relationship. He really was just a lost child when you got down to it, despite the age.

 Ling was practically crying in relief at Greed taking Ed up on the offer of teaming up as long as he was in charge. It was absolute bullshit of course, but Greed loved keeping up appearances. Ed had changed Greed’s mind with the simple line that he’d do anything to get what he wanted which Ling knew from Greed’s memory was a lot different than the things he spouted during the time they had first met. Ed had grown, and what that meant was he knew when he needed to act the fool. Ling could have given him some pointers.

As Ling’s train of thought rolled on he reflected on their new company. Dear heaven there were adults here, adults with adult supervision. Even better, Ed and him had actually been able to talk for few minutes! It was the first time Ling had communicated with anyone besides Greed in /forever/! He even had the time to quickly check up on Lan Fan and gleefully obtain the information that her recovery was going well and the message had been delivered. Ling didn’t have much time to explain his situation to the two chimera accompanying Ed but being blunt was better than nothing at all. He would let Edward explain what "I’m a homunculus" meant later.

Now there were three whole people that knew he was around despite his apparent identity crisis. It was really a windfall of a day!

---------

Ling was spent. Babysitting Greed all hours so he didn’t get into trouble— driving him around, was mentally exhausting. He could have actually fallen asleep (or whatever his mental equivalent was) if he wasn’t still on tenterhooks from fighting for his life with Greed a few hours before.

After laying down the law with Greed in those sewers after Greed unfortunately murdered an old comrade of his that he had forgotten due to the influence of Father Greed had gone insane with rage. Ling knew that throwing Greed’s name and compunctions under the horse cart was a dodgy strategy but Ling had been totally sick of Greed's shit by this point. Murder, even accidental murder due to amnesia, was still pretty dirty.

He’d seen some crazy shit in Xing but this was up there. Greed had friends. Greed had failed these people. Ling was not going to let Greed push these memories under the rug. The dreams he’d been seeing /were/ memories! He had called Greed out. ‘How could a self proclaimed selfish bastard who’d stop at nothing flounder like this?’ he had said. Poor Bido...

Ling, contrary to his sunny disposition didn't actually have very many people at all he would call friends. People trying to be your friend in Xing ended up wanting something from you, most often your life. In his worldview anyway. He would call the Elrics one of his first set of actual friends that didn’t start out beholden to him in some way and he didn’t even know if they both were alive currently.

Ling had seen a condensed punch of memories when Greed had finally owned up to what his heart had been telling him. Ling was also caught in the crossfire of it, being as he was in Greed’s head as much as Greed was in his. He was in spitting distance of Greed’s heart, naturally. Ling knew now of his subordinates that he had regarded as something more than subordinates, recognizing names and faces he'd never met.

Greed was in such acute pain that Ling had fed him the location of Bradley’s home unbidden, knowing that Greed wouldn’t rest until he had gotten his revenge. That was the only thing Ling could actually decode in the mental static of Greed’s mind. Greed was going to tear apart the city looking for him until Bradley showed himself to deal with the threat. Ling knew it plain as day. It would be expedient to just give in, save him the headache. This was something Ling understood, even though it was supremely /STUPID AND SHORT SIGHTED/. A task that you had to do even if it might kill you in the end. That was how he had gotten into this mess in the first place. It wasn’t the smartest decision he could have made but given his very limited influence and feeling what Ling felt from Greed he couldn’t hold himself back. That’s not what a friend would do, after all.

GREED YOU IDIOT YOU’RE GOING TO GET US KILLED. He shouted at him but gave him directions to Bradley's location even while chastising.

Greed took the data wordlessly and threw himself into it, grabbing at the information like a drowning man grabs at something buoyant in a vast ocean. Anything to stop the torrent of images pounding away at his skull.

-

They were close enough that the dangerous trip through the sewers was a blur. Ling was as close to the surface of his consciousness as he had ever been with Greed. Greed’s fragile mental state let Ling come to the fore unlike any other time. He was emotionally close to a beast, base thoughts and feelings pounding out of him as he found his brother’s home and made to attack Bradley, the memories of Greed’s violent punishment and ultimate death playing for Ling to plainly see in the background throughout their short trip.

Ling used his talents to indicate where a small knot of people were located within the large structure, feeling the uncomfortable presence of a strange homunculus even as he sought out what Bradley felt like. He knew it was far too late to tell Greed to stop so he braced himself as Greed climbed the wall, took the guards along the hallway out with a modicum of finesse, and burst into the home's living room —Immediately going in on his brother.

There was no plan, no advanced maneuvering, as Greed tried everything to hurt his kin who had literally stabbed him in the back. Ling made himself small, not wanting to distract Greed in the fight that could very easily spell both their deaths.

Fratricide, conceptually, was something that he had adapted to much in his life and Ling knew Bradley needed to die if Greed could manage it. As much for his past crimes as well as being a constant threat to both their existences. Bradley did not like Ling and clearly hated Greed by how he dismantled him in the sewers in the memories Ling was now able to access.

What Greed had done to piss Bradley off so thoroughly was beyond Ling. Ling saw that Bradley knew full well how to subdue a homunculus from Greed’s memories and Ling knew functional immortality wasn’t actual immortality. This was not Ling’s first time fighting a homunculus either.

Speaking of homunculi, it felt to Ling that more than the one in front of him was very close. There was no time or extra thinking power to donate to that revelation as he was busy as he could get. They weren't attacking so he'd leave it be for now.

The memories, now that they had been unlocked, played wildly as Greed fired off the first few opening hits against his brother and foe. Ling heard him accuse Bradley outright of being responsible as Bradley pushed him back. Ling recognized the efficient fighting pattern of Bradley's as he put Greed on immediate defense. He was already at a skill disadvantage as he squandered the edge that the element of surprise had given him.

Wait, Ling had fought Bradley as well, maybe he could… He groped for mental connection that allowed Greed to feed him information from when Greed used his body. It was the same connection that the memories were screaming down. Greed couldn’t employ his standard way of fighting here, it was going to spell their joint death. Bradley was too fast, too smart, for Greed to throw himself around and rely on his powers to take the hit. This wasn’t a tavern brawl.

Wrath was a machine who knew exactly what his body was capable of— despite the age. Greed needed to know what Ling was in turn capable of and utilize the tools he had at his disposal, namely Ling’s youth, training, and vigor. Ling knew better than to bid for control as even a millisecond of hesitation was too long, but maybe he could give Greed some insight on how to use his body correctly.

Ling concentrated on how he would move and gave it to Greed, feeding him memories of what it was like to fight Bradley. Greed instinctually absorbed the knowledge even as he navigated around the living room, going at Bradley with everything he had.

Greed took the information and turned it into some fancier footwork, dodging Bradley’s sword and jumping high in the air, going in close quarters for some quick tactics. It wasn’t enough to turn the battle around but when Bradley cornered Greed against a wall it was Ling’s patented kicks that saved him from being run through. Greed was always upper body focused and it had been his very literal downfall more than once.  

Even with the new footwork Bradley didn’t waste any time in pinning Greed to the ground like a butterfly on a backboard. Ling in terror shoved Greed the visceral feeling it was to have Bradley come straight for him, he needed to shield—!

—It was enough, barely, in the nick of time. Mere inches of carbon kept Ling from getting a haircut that just so happened to take his neck with it. Ling fed Greed even more terror, not trusting words to work as well as they should with Greed how he was. They needed to bank a retreat, getting killed for real was quickly turning into an inevitably rather than an outside chance.

He still screamed warnings along with the feelings. GREED. TIME TO GO! WE'RE NOT GONNA WIN THIS. GET OUT? LEAVE. GO! GO! WINDOW, WINDOW, WINDOW.

Greed thankfully took his instruction immediately and threw himself from the window, scattering as fast as he could into the night. Ling trusted that the ever pragmatic Bradley probably wouldn’t follow him, but kept urging Greed on just in case. There was that other homunculus to think about as well. The more distance they put between the others the more safe he would feel. Greed kept to the darkness of side streets unprompted as he ran for his life.

After running flat out for some time Greed slowed a little to catch his breath. He had sprinted down streets at random, focusing on just getting away as fast as possible. Even Ling had almost lost his bearings entirely. Greed was pretty damn good at running off but now he was overworked and ready for collapse. Ling’s stamina wasn’t inexhaustible.

Ling waffled on what to do, Greed was at the end of his rope. His mental state was untenable.

He decided to try something drastic, he gathered himself and went for control. Something he hadn't tried in a while. He had a better idea on what to do and Greed was just going to have to trust him.

Ling was in much better mental health currently and he was going to have to navigate both of them from here. He was incredibly shocked when Greed seceded instantly, holing up as deep as Ling ever felt him. Ling didn’t dwell on it, he needed to get out of the city and he was better at it than Greed, knowing roughly where they were even in the dark of the residential districts with his senses. Greed wasn’t in any condition to make decisions for them right now.  

Ling relished the first time being fully in control in forever, he pumped his arms and legs with a small touch of joy at not only surviving that terribly planned out altercation but with the excitement of getting to move on his own as he jogged out from the central hub of the activity.

Faintly, he could hear the whistles of alarms far away as an attack on King Bradley was noticed by the military guard. He was safe enough as they already were sounding off in the opposite direction of where he was going but he didn't lighten up on his half run. He could keep this pace up for quite a while as long as he had fuel. Ling went for the outskirts of the city a few miles away, as good a hiding place as any, but as his pounding heart slowed and he slipped into the familiar pace of a jog he came to a realization and a question.

Thinking of fuel, when was the last time they ate? Not in a /long/ while, he realized with horror—and that was after almost getting killed. Always hungry work.

He didn’t have a lot of time, he knew. He had to find shelter and something to eat. He knew he was in the neighborhood of the shack that had housed them when Lan Fan had been recovering what felt like forever ago. His tired mind rested on her for a moment or two, he really wanted to try and seek her out but with his condition he wasn’t going to get far.

He hoped that his note had reached her. His mouth crooked into an apologetic grin. Getting prince-napped was not part of his incredibly garbage plan to obtain a stone.

He rested a hand lightly on his chest, neither was the extra baggage that came with it. The cabin was probably still functional and nobody would think to look for him there. If he was lucky maybe Gluttony didn’t eat the side with the food stores. It would be a good place to at the very least sleep some of the hunger off. Maybe take the alone time to address Greed’s… Problems.

He slowed down to take a very gentle feel of what was going on with the homunculus. Not much, it seemed. Sure enough Greed was there, barely present within him. He felt as small as a walnut.

“I’m going to find us some place to sleep,” Ling announced out loud to nobody in particular. He didn’t expect a response and wasn’t disappointed when he didn’t receive any. He still thought it was the right thing to do. If he wanted Greed to act accordingly with his body then he would have to set examples by opening lines of communication. Even if it was as simple as telling each other what they were going to do, despite it being kind of evident already.  

He set a course to the shack and after shuffling along for a while he felt the tickling of a familiar chi at the edges of his range. It couldn’t be, was that /Edward/?  

“Let’s call it the duality of man, how about?” Fuery submitted from where he sat.

They had all remained seated in silence as Roy explained that the Emperor had threatened him. They had thought it a bad joke but Roy assured them that it was not.

He had no reason to make it up since the rest of the meeting had been uneventful in the extreme! He had a terrible sense of humor but team had granted that it didn't seem the time nor place to bring it out.

Left confused and unsettled by the undeserved attack on his person Roy then insisted they all workshop reasons why there could have been a sudden change in Ling Yao. His team did award him another concession in that he'd done nothing at the moment to deserve that either. Privately each scoffed in their own manner that of course he gave them trouble for the threat of acting out only to get his own self into a mess.

They continued to use the meeting room the Elrics and the Emperor had vacated, grouped around the head of the table that was closest to the door.

“Duality nothing! Falman!” Roy pointed at his subordinate who had a hand on his chin, stroking it absently in thought. He looked up with surprise at being addressed. Roy continued now that he had his attention, “You have anything to say? You’ve interacted with him the most.”

“Well...sir,” Falman said slowly, “I mean he acted the part of ruler, in fact he was much more mature than when I last saw him.” He looked around for support, “You all can agree he acted the part, right?" Nods answered him. Relieved to be understood he gathered himself. "...It's just that.. how familiar are you with the homunculus situation about a year back?”

“Mildly. I read your reports but you must remember that I was tied up with my own problems at the time. The prince made himself into a human based homunculus in order to obtain immortality was the gist? I seem to remember the homunculus in question being Greed of the set. You met him, tell me what it was like,” Roy pressed, passing the buck back to Falman like ping pong.

Roy had only skimmed those reports, calling the entire kerfuffle on the roof open and shut after most of the country has effectively died for a few minutes. They had blamed it on terrorism with advanced weaponry from the enemy and swamp gas. Priorities had to be deployed and acted upon— one prince with an aversion to death was small potatoes. Clean up wasn’t the word for the infrastructural overhaul that they had been a part of these last few months in Amestris so this foray to Xing was ill-timed in Roy’s opinion.

The room collectively turned their attention back to Falman as if on a swivel. Falman really disliked being put on the spot, with an audience to boot! He was a background kind of guy. He adjusted his collar. Was it hot in here? “Well...it was during the skirmish on top of the capital building but it looked like the prince and the homunculus had an...agreement of some sort. The prince remembered me and introduced himself mid fight. It was a totally different person than who I saw fighting Bradley. They were... both very different types of people. In fact, it was— it was... obvious when one or the other was in control. For the most part. I only got a few moments of interaction, sir, but in my opinion the homunculus is present currently. He'd act like that more than I'd say Ling Yao would.” Falman finished his half-assed explanation with a deep breath.

“I thought he died?” Breda contributed to the discussion. They had all read the reports but had kept their mouths shut; hoping to catch Roy out in a lie.

“Apparently not because I was just threatened with bodily harm and I’m not sure if that homeless child I gave my spare shirt to when we met briefly would be capable of that. He seemed… sunny.” Roy folded his hands.

“Something about him seems off, I don’t like how he moves,” Riza said from her chair. She touched her empty shoulder holster. She missed her guns. They had of course been confiscated at the door. Actually much farther away than the door, they had to go through about six check points before they had even gotten to the door.

Riza was also passingly familiar with Ling Yao, having driven him and Gluttony to the hideout that long time ago. You couldn’t change how you moved so entirely, it was one of the first ways someone in disguise was found out. She noticed how Yao moved when he had walked to Roy and it was not the half scamper of someone light on his feet that she had attributed to him. More of a flat footed swagger, although draped in a little regality.

“I dislike being so forward in this viper pit but there's no other recompense besides just asking him about it. If I get laughed at I get laughed at, if not... well..." Roy studied his gloveless nails. "I’m not going to get screwed with by someone nearly half my age,” he finished with a sigh ringed in finality.

Breda opened his mouth to comment that a few years back a child less than half his age had screwed with him quite often and got a slap upside the back of the head from Havoc for his trouble.

----------

Outside, after Greed’s little outburst, Ling and the others were trying not to laugh too loud as Ling filled them in on the threats that Greed had laced to Roy before they had left the room. They had been too quiet for the others to overhear. Greed was too far gone to not laugh and interjected over Ling’s explanation by doing so. Lan fan was a few steps away with her ear to the door, doing her duty by listening in on the military’s alarmed conversation within. It wasn’t like they all didn’t know exactly what the main event of the conversation entailed. A smile did play at her lips, though.

“Lan Fan get over here and get in on this huddle, we got a plan afoot,” Greed waved her over to bunch up with the brothers in the deserted hall. She sighed like it pained her to be included in the tomfoolery but she didn’t leave.

---

The emperor's group swept back into the meeting hall, spooking about half the table with their abrupt return. The Emperor took his seat at the head of the table and picked up a small tine fork that was used to spear food to put on plates that still occupied the space, using it to pick at a hangnail. Ed and Al also settled down in their respective chairs. Lan Fan wasn’t to be seen.

Roy looked at the boy king over folded hands and took a breath.

“Greed.”

“HA! Well! You’re not a complete coward are you? You get right to the point, I like that in an adversary,” Greed slapped at the table and sat up, throwing the tiny fork like a striking lizard where it struck the wall and continued to vibrate with the force of the throw to Roy's immediate left. 

“What was your first clue, there, crispy? My devilish good looks?” Greed pointed to his face with the hand that had his mark on it, showing it off for the table with a wide pointy grin. The rest of the onlookers didn’t react in surprise but stiffened in confirmation of suspicions. Ed and Al chuckled a little.  

“How long?” Roy asked, annoyed already.

“How long what?” Greed countered, though he knew what Roy meant.

“How long since you’ve ‘been around’, the whole time? Did you ever even die?” Roy wasn't pleased at the implication that either he did die and came back, or homunculi were a hardier species than he last thought. 

“Well kinda and kinda to answer both your questions, since I’m feeling so generous towards my new guests, in my palace, in my country,” Greed taunted, not letting Roy forget where exactly he was on the power index.

“How is it /your/ country? How did you come back? Alchemy? Alkahestry maybe? Why would Ling Yao allow—”, Roy started in but Greed interrupted him with a rude gesture. “Hold on, first thing, that’s Emperor Yao to you and who is to say he had any say in the matter in what I do?” Greed’s smile curdled like milk.

“Hey, what the hell does that mean, Greed?” Ed asked, looking away from Mustang and his group to stare at him.

Greed steepled his fingers. “What do you think it means, tiny? Who is to say I haven’t been the only one around the whole time? Who is to say I wasn’t waiting for this moment when everyone who knows I’m still me to be in the same room. ALL CONVENIENT? Who is to say I don’t have guards right outside that door with orders to kill anyone who leaves besides yours truly?” Greed delivered this speech while strolling the circumference of the table to come to rest in front of the only door out. The entire group was stunned, not one person twitched.

“Greed– this isn’t funny. Ling, tell Greed this isn’t funny!” Al yelled, visibly upset.

“Sorry brat, Ling’s long gone. I dumped him when you foolishly brought me back— Thanks ever so much again for that by the way. You know, I never told you I needed a soul to make that 'transmutation' stick. Luckily there was one ready in here to use,” Greed said, mimicking Ling’s vocal patterns precisely, showing that he was capable of keeping up the act the entire time. Roy turned quickly to stare at the culprit of Greed’s return but whipped his head back around, not wanting to lose sight of the enemy. Riza inched towards a letter opener.

“Uh Uh Uh Miss Firearms, no projectiles. Ultimate shield, remember?” Greed said, pointing to Hawkeye and letting his shield creep up the same arm as a demonstration. Riza still snatched the opener and took a defensive position.

“How could you? We trusted you! Ling, please!?” Lan Fan appeared from nowhere and threw her own weapon at Greed which he lazily batted away with his shield covered arm. It had come close to his face. Fear tore at her vocal chords.

“We were friends. I thought you understood, I thought Ling made you understand!” Al challenged, hopping up and knocking over his chair with a clatter. Ed joined him with a growl.

“Sorry, I don’t have friends. I only have possessions and you’ve outlived your usefulness!” Greed took the first steps toward the group.

Breda backed up and looked for escape routes to no avail. Falman dove under the table for cover where the quick thinking Fuery was already present, Riza dropped low, and Roy stood his ground, pretty defenseless without his gloves. Havoc took an entire chair in an arm like a pronged shield. The Elrics went shoulder to shoulder and started in to meet him in the middle when Greed suddenly dropped to his knees.

Pounding the ground with a fist.

Wailing with laughter.

The brothers Elric clung to each other and nearly cried with mirth into opposite shoulders. Even Lan Fan hid a snort behind a hand.

Havoc broke the deafening silence of the Amestrian group with a question.

“Did...we just get got?”

-----------

They had cleaned up the mess after Greed’s little play was finished, realigning chairs and digging Lan Fan's weapon as well as the fork out of the wall.

“I couldn’t resist, sue me. I’d say I’m only human to excuse the mistake but… Anyways, I sure do love a good put on. Come onnnnnn, you have to admit we had you all totally enthralled,” Greed patted Roy on the back and shrugged with his other arm.

Roy turned away from him. Greed grabbed his arm before he got far and hooked his in Roy's, stopping him.

“Listen it’s fine, I swear, me and Ling have an agreement, everything is on the level, I assure you. Tell them, Ling. I’m great, right? Total asset you can’t live without, right?” Greed unhooked from Roy and crossed his arms, looking to the left smugly. Then he looked to the right and his posture changed to one of contemplation.

“I wouldn’t go that far but… yes, I brought Greed back. Though to tell at bit of the whole story as I will later he never really left as you suspected,” Ling smiled at Roy and the others.

“Oh we got you GOOD Mustang! You’re still sweaty!” Ed crowed from his seat.

“Sorry everyone,” Al apologized, but his face was a little too satisfied for it to ring true.

“Now that the ice is /really/ broken let me make introductions again— I’m Ling, one half of the Emperor of Xing and this, as he’s already let you thoroughly know, is Greed,” Ling said while gesturing to himself with a theatrical bow.

“It’s already a pleasure,” Greed said directly after, looking up from the bow maniacally.

Roy wrinkled his brow, he wasn’t good with this preternatural horsehocky.

“So you mean to tell me your king is haunted?” Havoc asked to Lan Fan who snorted into her hand again. He had missed much of what happened at the tail end of the Promised Day debacle, being laid up at the time. Havoc wasn’t even an alchemist let alone acquainted with much of the supernatural aspect of their liaisons with friends and enemies. Lan Fan had also taken a seat at the table. Havoc was not one for diplomacy, though the current situation was so far beyond diplomacy that it didn’t matter anymore.

“Well that’s one way to put it, Lothario,” Greed said, voice dripping with sarcasm. He ducked his head under the table. “Ay, Shock Jock, Falman, you can get out from under the table now, the scary monster isn’t gonna get you,” he continued.

He still had his claws out on one hand and waved them at the two men underneath the furniture. Fuery composed himself with a little dignity and also returned to his seat. Greed jumped up and hurried over to help the tall Falman navigate getting himself back up from under the furnishing.

“Sorry we scared you Falman but you know the grift is too good to let my skills get rusty. I had a royal opportunity and you got caught in the crossfire. For that I apologize from the bottom of our heart. You need anything while you’re staying here, anything, you give us a call. We mean it. Right Ling?” Greed said. Ling shook his head hard with an strong affirmative.

“Excuse me?” Roy was a bit confused at their demeanor.

“Not talking to you Horsey, talking to our guy Falman over here,” Greed cocked his head. “Ling wants to know, how did you fare after he left? Family good? You have a nice trip over here? Oh that’s great!” Greed took Falman’s distressed “uhs” as answers to his rapidfire questions. He brushed Falman’s coat of any residual dust and had him sit.

Greed's doting expression evaporated as he addressed the group as a whole.

“Back to business. Any questions, class?”

“Yeah I got a question. Why are you such a dick?” Havoc grumbled loud and clear from his own seated position. Roy slapped a hand to his face.

“Blame my dad! I’m everything he was but better in every way, Havoc. Next!”

Greed immediately liked Havoc.

“Why did you bring him back and why would you let him be Emperor!” Roy took direct aim at Ling which Greed immediately frowned on.

“Just because we’re a set doesn’t mean I liked being talked over—huh, alright, alright, he did ask you- I’m just saying is all, no I know— no! I’m not being 'mean', you /know/ I don’t like when— fine, I’ll let them know.” Greed addressed Ling out loud, which looked really odd to the onlookers that didn’t yet know their idiosyncrasies.   

“We try to keep things as simple as we can, back and forth switching confuses people so we’re trying to be /polite/,” Greed said like it was the most understandable thing in the world. Visibly Ling made his reappearance. “As to why I brought him back, you’re presumptuous to assume I think very hard about anything," he said seriously.

"Another simple answer is to why he's co-emperor is that I owed him and freakishly he’s been a great help," he followed. Greed surfaced for a moment to thumb his nose and gloat.

"But if you /really/ want to get into it, the most simple and most core reason is— He’s my friend,” Ling beamed, immediately recoiling a little at what Ed, Al, and Lan Fan understood was a private shrieking stream of expletives from Greed by Ling’s satisfied face. The F-word always set him off.

“Emperor?” Roy said weakly, tired of this, and it wasn’t even his first day in Xing.

Ling clasped his hands together. “Oh! Yeah! Like I said he’s actually pretty good at it! Well, with certain things. That’s why we have the buddy system! See, it’s funny because he’s my buddy and— “ He stuck a finger in his ear and winced.

“Okay, Greed! Stop screaming, gosh. Two heads are better than one even though it’s still technically one head is what I’m trying to get across." He brought his two index fingers together to aide the visual. "It works, what can I say? Also, as far as everyone in this room is concerned? Out there?” he pointed out the door but meant the court in general, “There’s only Ling. Uh, me I mean, so—don’t blow this for us,” Ling cautioned.

“Yeah I’m extending an olive branch by showing myself off and hanging out with you. Don’t bite my hand or I’ll kick all of you out of Xing faster than you can say Military Dogs,” Greed enunciated the last part in Xingese. “How was my pronunciation? Oh? ‘Not god awful?’ thanks for the lovely compliment!” He was talking to Ling again.

“Is this how it always is?” Fuery asked to Al, cleaning his reading glasses with an incredibly well woven napkin.

“No, sometimes it's really confusing,” Al confessed. They had talked to Greed and Ling about trying to keep to talking out loud to the other but they honestly didn't know what was worse, half the conversation, most of it, or none of it. It was a toss up.

Lan Fan pulled something out of her pack and presented it to Hawkeye who was sitting across from her at the table. Hawkeye took the package and unfolded it to find her guns and the extra gift of some cleaning supplies.

“Sorry for confiscating these, I knew they would both try something stupid and I did not care to have anyone shot,” Lan Fan looked Hawkeye directly in the eyes with a ‘you know how dumb they can be, right?’ expression.

She was of course referencing the boys, most of them anyway. Riza gave her a genuine smile and returned the arms to their rightful place on her shoulder after checking the sights, feeling whole again. She looked over to where the two Lan Fan meant were arguing over something with Ed was egging both on.

“No promises about shooting,” she said, her idea of a joke.

Lan Fan appreciated the dry delivery. “I trust your judgement,” she replied back and went over to break them up before they got really heated.

“We are still in a meeting you know,” she said to the Emperor(s) of Xing. Ed stalked off on her arrival knowing she had come to bust them up. He went over to chat with Breda, Furey, and Havoc, them being the most removed from the events that had lead up to the current situation, in order to answer their assuredly large set of questions.

“I'm aware,” Greed deadpanned back to her, cutting Ling's angry comment off mid stream “also, sidebar, nice acting Ell Eff, loved the part about you trusting me, gonna keep that one nice and close for the sad times.”

A little color rose in Lan Fan’s cheeks, “I do trust you about a quarter as far as I can throw you, you boor, please act better so you can earn it,” she said and pushed at him with a shove of familiarity.

She had a hard time talking to Ling on equal terms from years of deference ingraining itself into her being— but Greed, Greed she regarded as ‘lesser’ from the beginning in spite of his face being the same. This was not in a specifically rude way (it was about her opinions on Greed so maybe it was a bit rude) but more so in the way she approached the Elrics.

She shut her eyes when she realized what that meant. She had internalized Greed as a friend. Oh god. Worse, she realized the Elrics were her friends as well. Why was she friends with only morons and the dumb-adjacent? The only outlier was Alphonse but he was his own special brand. She resolved to make friends with Hawkeye before she left. Now that was a woman with a good head on her shoulders. 

Greed missed her inner revelation and went to hit his knee over Lan Fan's earlier admittance of trust. He stopped when he noticed his claws on that hand still being present. That had been the catalyst for his and Ling's most recent argument. He remembered to use his inside voice this time.

I thought I said for you to dismiss this? He held their blackened arm up to their shared vision.

Come on Greed, you know I can't get it. Can you just do it?

Absolutely not! You're trying to pound this stupid pulse stuff into me— it's my turn to get to teach. 

The pulse is important! Not only to hide you from nosy chi lookers but also because it's super convenient.

And having a way to block arrows with your skin isn’t?

Come on! Just do it for me, it's starting to itch. It usually took minutes for it to itch like he'd played with poison ivy.

Nope, you're learning. What if I'm asleep or lazy and you need a shield?

I love your excuses, real life or death situations, huh? Ling shot Greed with a special mix of what his facial expression looked like at that moment.

You used it well when we fought Bradley? Just try and remember how it felt back then, that's my tip.

I knew how to do it because I was you then– or you were me, whatever, and no offense but stay on your side of my brain. That was too close for comfort. Sharing was all well and good but that state of being was not an experience he'd want to repeat.

You're telling me, I still have residual memories about music lessons I've never taken. If we have to do that again don't just think it's okay to leave your junk over here. And for the record? Being you was no picnic either. It had been one of the oddest experiences of Greed's two hundred plus years. Alright, I want you to try it on your own, no more distractions. What did I say to do?

Tell the shield to ‘piss off’. Whatever that means. Greed was a decent teacher but sometimes his terminology was vague. 

Excellent. Telling it to go away is easier than making it. Here are some encouraging words; if you fail, I get to keep berating you.

Ling frowned at that and gave it an honest try, thinking back to how it felt all the times when Greed used it. The feeling wasn't completely alien. When he felt for the dragon pulse he was passively feeling energy. He could also feel his own and Greed's energy within him of course.

He was additionally actively cancelling Greed's portion from leaking out, this was second nature at this point. That was energy movement, wasn't it? The sciences that Ed, Mei, and Al knew were all about how energy moved. He plucked at Greed's energy, knowing he needed that to start the process.

Not too much, you don't need a lot to tell it to go away, Greed muttered to him.

Piss off. Ling told material on his skin and pushed at it with a bit of power. It was the first alchemical reaction he’d performed by himself.

Ling felt a catch release and the carbon on his arm start to dissolve.

Damn. Guess you’re safe from me getting to holler at you for a day but remember you still don’t know how to summon it. That’s a whole other kettle of fish.

Ling wiggled his arm to stretch the skin that had started to feel pinched and massaged his finger joints where the rubbing was most prominent. Without Greed's instantaneous healing the ultimate shield had a lot of negatives attached to it. Greed proffered his other arm with a closed fist and Ling bumped it with his own, taking the gesture at it’s clear meaning of ‘good job’.

He looked up, Falman was warily peering at him with his almost perpetual expression of anxiousness firmly attached. Ling waved. Falman actually ‘eep’d’ in reply and went to go stand by Edward and his group. Ed was midway through explaining how Greedling had first come to be and even Roy was listening in.

Oh no he didn't! “Haa? Don’t go telling /my/ story without me you flax-haired hillbilly!”

Greed gate crashed the group and obstructed Ed’s story with his own lead in. 

“It all started when I was born, which father would later regret and regard as a terrible move on his part, let me tell you.” Worse still, Greed started filling a plate of the half eaten table food to tell his story with his mouth full.

After Greed had officially joined up with Ed’s team Ling was at a loss of what to accomplish next. He actually wanted to be here so there was nowhere to steer Greed towards and thus devote much of his time and brain power to. Greed was sullen, keeping to the woods on the outskirts of the camp and only communicating a few times in small bursts with Edward and the two chimeras– if they interacted with him first. He’d show up to eat when Ed called for the few meals they had shared and that was about it. The first night they both zonked out until midday the next morning and it was the deepest Ling had possibly ever slept. It looked like the stress was finally taking a toll on the teen’s body and it stretched to Ling mentally. Greed had run him so ragged with infrequent sleeping at odd hours, eating whenever, and only small bursts of regular exercise that he was thrown all out of whack.

To top it off Ling was so relieved to finally have found company that he went nearly comatose after relaxing the slightest bit. He'd woken up in a panic when he realized he overslept Greed, something that he usually /never/ let himself do. He needn't have worried, Greed was doing nothing out of the ordinary, just hanging around watching Ed chop firewood from a nearby tree. Greed must have also slept nearly as long because Ling could feel the long thought lost revitalization humming from his muscles. How tired had they both been?

Ling let Greed have his space and kept nearly silent for that entire afternoon and all through the next morning after Greed decided to stay. He was going quietly nuts keeping his mouth shut for so long but he could feel the complicated emotional state radiating off of the homunculus. He knew if he handled it the wrong way he could ruin the progress he had made. There had been a lot of progress; even though he didn’t feel like it sometimes.

Ling wasn’t sure whether Greed knew he was finely tuned in to his emotions like this. Ling had noticed it after that unfortunate mess with Bradley. He had always been able to feel the larger or more sharp spikes or if Greed ‘directed’ it at him specifically but since Greed had gone ballistic it was much more distinctive. Something in Greed had broken through after all that. Not only did he get his memories back he was more ‘there’ to Ling than he could previously feel. Ling felt the weight of two hundred years worth of experience add 'something' back to Greed. It was difficult to describe but he felt less shallow as a person, more focused and complete.

Ling felt Greed would disagree on what qualified him to be a person in the first place, he had the opinion that he was just a homunculus, a manufactured being. All beings were manufactured, really, when you thought about it. Just by more 'natural' processes. Ling didn’t understand why he was being all negative about it, if anyone was going to acknowledge Greed as a person it would be this group he was hanging out with now. Edward explicitly had a whole swathe of complex definitions and a brother that some people would argue to him were not technically people. Ling laid back and put his hands behind his head, supported invisibly. He had long gotten used to the decor of his prison so floating on nothing didn't phase him any more. Mind over matter, or lack thereof. Ling had had lots of thinking time lately, but he didn’t like splitting hairs. When he made a decision he tended to stick with it.

He had seen enough of Greed’s actions as well as the context of many memories long enough to know that not only was he a person but —he was, relatively speaking, a /good/ person. Or at least had the potential to be one. Ling was never wrong about these things. He also knew Greed would be incensed to hear any of this speculation but Ling did ball it up and radiate it as general good vibes in Greed’s direction. The feeling of a knowing smirk or a raised eyebrow. From Greed’s reaction of annoyance Ling was sure that he felt it. Ling decided then and there that enough was enough and that Greed clearly needed an infusion of himself at his best and most insufferable.

Greed lazed in a tall tree that gave him a view of the camp as well as a little of the skyline of the city. A plume of black smoke rose into the air in the direction of the camp so Greed knew breakfast would be soon. He hoped it wasn't fish again, shorty had burned the last few trying to cook them near the fire on sticks. It was a little chilly up where he was sitting without any cover but he enjoyed the solitude rather than his new subordinates giving him odd looks behind his back. He turned his collar up and scrunched his back up against the trunk of the tree to catch a little more shut eye.

Good MORNING Greed!!!

After nearly two days without talking Ling's abrupt and deafening greeting made Greed nearly fall out of the tree he was in. Solitude was relative.

“WHAT THE /HELL/ DO YOU WANT?!” Greed snapped out loud. He didn't like being surprised and he most definitely did not like Ling's tone.

How are you feeling? Ling asked sweetly.

“What. Is that supposed to mean.” Greed's voice rung hollowly with rage.

It means what it means! I wanna know how you are today! How are you?

“WHY?”

Do I need a reason to ask you?

“Shut up!”

‘fraid i can't do that! How. are. you?

“You know exactly how I feel, you can feel it, idiot,” Greed bit angrily.

Ling paused, hopefully Greed wasn't talking about his ability to sneak a peek on his emotions?

Well yeah, same body, but you also know that's not what I mean. Also, just because I know how you feel physically doesn't mean I'm not going to ask. It's /nice/ to ask others how they are even if you know. It’s manners. You know what manners are, right? I want to talk to you.

“I don't wanna talk.”

‘He meant regular feeling, great, whew’, Ling thought to himself as Greed didn't start calling Ling out any further. Being able to get a handle on his various sentiments with apparent lack of detection gave Ling an edge he dearly needed to keep.

Too bad. I say it's time to talk and you’ll soon come to understand my opinion matters. You got anything you wanna say about current events? Any comments on recent behaviors that you may or may not have been a part of? Ling extended his questions half an octave higher than they necessarily needed. 

“No.” Greed curled in on himself atop the branch he was laying on and shut his eyes, meaning to cat nap until breakfast, ready to clam up.

 Wasn't that just great!?

/Fine/. I got something to say, then. You don't wanna share, I get it. Be grumpy. Here's me ‘sharing’ my opinion on something with you! Maybe we can make this an 'equivalent exchange' as Ed likes to say. Here we go. Keep how you feel to yourself! Sure! Hey Greed? Know what? You fight like shit. I am coming right out and saying it. You're garbage. You're gonna get us killed. You fight like a drunken construction worker.

Ling crossed his arms and legs at the same time and turned his head to the side derisively. Greed could practically see his expression.

“Huh?!”

Greed was somehow suddenly ready to talk again and his reply growled out of his mouth at a volume. Ling's change in subject matter had thrown him.

Ling was FAR from done. You heard me! You fight like SHIT. You're just running around stupid and ruining all my training. I've trained since I was three, you know. All sorts of martial arts and strength training, I’m not even gonna mention endurance. Weaponry, marksmanship. All of it. I'm a lethal little pit viper and you're ruining all the work I put in to my body by tossing me around like an animal. I can't /stand/ watching this outrage anymore! You've got no form! You throw weak slashes because you don't use my reach. Forget about my lower half, you barely realize I got legs! I got great legs Greed, and hell if you use them!

Ling full on raved to Greed. If Greed didn't wanna talk about his memories or Bradley or anything else important Ling was sick of his shit and was going to bring something petty up that had been eating away at him for a long while instead.

“Don't fucking start in on me you little chump! It's my body now and I do what I want with it!” Greed said defensively, not enjoying Ling's little speech.

What you want is to get me murdered despite /literally/ having immortality! You are going to let me show you some pointers and you are going to enact the training regiment that I've been neglecting since getting freaking POSSESSED.

Half the time Ling had failed to follow his own regiment but Greed didn't need to know that.

“I'm going to do no such thing!” he shot back. The smart thing would have been to ignore Ling all together but Greed was Greed.

Oh /yes/ you are, or do you want Bradley to cut our head off for real next time we square off? See if we can regenerate from that?

“Shut UP!” Greed had hopped down out of the tree and was pacing in the woods with irritation, he was also still yelling. Losing spectacularly to Bradley again was a sore point for him.

Nope! You can't make me! Ling stuck his tongue out. You know Bradley's getting his from us eventually and I'm involved. —Oh hey look to the left. Those mushrooms are edible, grab those would you, please? —And furthermore I noticed it when you remember to kick which is NEVER but you don't plant your feet correctly and square yourself. I bet you get yourself knocked over a lot—

Greed kneeled down and started putting mushrooms that were bright orange and looked like a brain into a makeshift pouch he made with the side of his duster.

“Don't you god damn lecture me, you know it all! Yes I do! I know exactly what I'm doing and I don't need comments from a little brat who—I don't CARE about training, training don't mean shit! I picked up what I learned on the streets. It works fine. YES IT DOES. Stop whining! — can you eat these?” Greed broke of virtually screaming rebuttals to point at mushrooms that had red caps and white stems.

You absolutely don't know how to throw a punch with my arms I've FELT IT YOU IGNORAMUS— oh no I don't like that color at all, leave those alone. Those acorns though, they're good protein. AND ANOTHER THING? I'll have you know I took your one brother out being entirely human at the time so don't give me ‘training don't mean shit’ I cut him in HALF— 

“Well look at YOU. Brag all you want, Gluttony is dumb as hell. You probably just set out some bait and waited until he showed up. Kicking his ass don't mean anything, I can kick his ass!” Greed took dozens of acorns and shoved them in his pockets even while arguing. He shuffled over at a half crouch to keep the mushrooms in his jacket and picked some fern sprouts. Those were good eating.

HEAVILY DOUBT IT —oh fiddleheads, good find— You couldn't even kick my ass!

Greed took off his jacket and rearranged the items within it to make a carrying bag that was rapidly filling with the bounty of the forest. He put it on the ground and tossed other edible mushrooms he scrounged off a log after Ling pointed them out with enthusiasm, noting their rarity.

“Yes I could!” Greed halted to listen to Ling’s ‘nuh uh! and ‘how would that work, professor logistics?’  and screamed. “Yes even now! Oh you wanna /GO/ LITTLE MAN? HOW'S THAT GONNA WORK, HUH? Have you NOTICED you're nothing but talk. I'VE got the body and—! “

OH YOU /DO/? DO YOU? LET'S SEE ABOUT THAT!

Ling’s influence slammed down Greed's legs and planted them solidly on the forest floor. He had finally riled Greed up enough to pull this off.

Keep that stance and defend yourself! He called with a teasing air.

His left hand went stiff and went for a rabbit punch to his eyes, Greed knocked it away with his other hand with a loud crack. He tried to move his legs but got distracted by his hand going in and connecting with an open palm slap to his temple.

Uh UH! TOO SLOW, GREED. GONNA HAVE TO BE FASTER.

“You little son of A—” He lunged and successfully grabbed his arm.

Stance! Ling taunted.

Greed had broken the stance Ling had put him in by force and Ling punished it by hooking a leg around the other one and twisting, knocking Greed over onto the forest floor into a pile of wet leaves.

Told you you're easy to push around! This is among the many reasons why you screwed up at Bradley's!

Ling used Greed's anger to keep himself in control, if he kept him confused it was easier to keep grabbing for limbs. He couldn’t go for the whole body so quickly but an arm or a leg was easy to snatch and drop. He aimed another slap at the back of his own head. This one connected as well.

“KNOCK IT OFF,” Greed bellowed.

Or what? You'll do what? Tell me! Ling threatened.

“Hey you two utter weirdos. You want in on breakfast?” Ed had appeared and was looking to stop the two's argument with fish on a stick that was thankfully less burned than last time. Greed looked up mid wrestle from amongst the pine needles and hopped up, brushing mast out of his ponytail like nothing had been happening.

“This is NOT OVER,” Greed muttered to Ling as Ed came to look him over.

Oh no it's not considering I kicked your ass, told you I would. I would like us to get to a point where I can’t do that as easily as I did.

“You want me to leave you two alone so you can finish whatever the Hell this is?” Ed asked while gesturing to Greed in a vague way. Greed went to push Ed away, Ed stood his ground. “You can keep being a freak in the woods if you want, more fish for us,” Ed shrugged. He began to leave and nearly tripped over the coat bag of Greed’s, knocking a few items out of it.

“Hey whoa— did you pick all this food? Nice! Contributing something to the team, finally. Sweet, we got a great lunch if my snares work out and various personages stop having a screaming argument in the woods with themselves and making all the animals within a mile radius turn tail,” Ed said while picking up the bag.

“Come out and have some breakfast conversation that isn’t with yourself, Greedling,” Ed joked as he left for the tree line, throwing the bag over his shoulder, “also, I don’t exactly know what Ling said but I can guess it’s about your fighting stance and he’s right, your legs are shit,” he called nonchalantly over his shoulder.

Ling snickered.

Greed repaired his dignity as best he could and went to go eat the free food— which he wouldn’t turn down for anything. Ed, to his relatively mature credit only grinned at him rather than reference anything he saw in the woods. Darius and Heinkel looked at each other and looked at Greed, then tried not to look at him too much, and then looked at him a little overmuch. Greed noticed and gnawed around some root vegetable that was baked in the coals of the fire, wishing he had some salt.

“What? Spit it out,” he mumbled over the hot potato to the two.

“You might as well ask, it’s not gonna stop being bizarre with them,” Ed said to the others, stripping his meal with gusto.

“We uh, hey, so what was that about? In the woods?” asked Darius. It was none of his business really but both being chimeras they had heard the whole argument. The benefits of advanced senses. Though near the end anyone with working ears would have heard them.

“What is that supposed to—?” Greed started in.

“Greedling you morons, these guys have no idea what your deal is!” Ed pointed to the two chimeras who did look very confused.

“All they know is they had Ling telling them he was a homunculus, terminology which I had to fully explain, and I /also/ had to explain why both their animal parts instinctively give them the heebie jeebies around you. You referred to yourself in the second person, a sterling depiction of mental health, then you disappeared for a day and a half! Then, later, you revealed yourself to the group as still being in the area by having a screaming argument in the woods with nobody. Which we all heard, by the WAY. You’ve done nothing but eaten pretty much all our food and be worrisome and that's about it. They think you’re crazy, stupid.” Ed poked curtly at the fire with a stick.

“Well I’m not, and it's Greed” Greed sniffed.

“GREAT REBUTTAL!” Ed threw up his hands after tossing the flaming stick into the heart of the blaze.

“Keep that up and I’m going to leave,” Greed said.

“Well don’t walk away or anything but yeah I kind of do want you to ‘go’. I think it would be best if we have Ling explain to the group what exactly is going on with you two so we can move on,” Ed explained.

“Nope, not happening,” Greed crossed his arms and took another bite of the lackluster potato.

“You have no idea what happened up until we were at Father’s so I’d like Ling to make an appearance as it would be best to hear the story from him and convince our two comrades over here that you’re not touched in the head….”

Edward clapped his hands with an idea. “Tell you what, I got extra salt and butter I saved from Ling laying waste to our stores, bet that would go good on the rest of your potato!” Ed reached inside his coat and pulled out a small bag and a tin. He waved them at Greed enticingly. Ling meanwhile rubbed his hands admiringly at Edward knowing exactly how to get Greed to do something he didn’t want to do so soon. Bless him. Ling poured it on from his end.

Please Greed? I do know the whole story and it would be nice to talk to someone else for a little while? Don't get me wrong I do enjoy our chats, you know I do. I promise, exactly no funny business !” Ling soothed. Greed didn’t answer Ling and instead chose action.

“Gimme that!” Greed snatched at the butter and salt in Edward’s hands and put a healthy amount of both on the potato he held. He fished another out of the coals with his other hand even as he ate. He inhaled both in record time. After he was finished he went still and suddenly his shoulders relaxed. Ling rubbed his eyes and lunged for the rest of the fish on sticks, using some of Ed’s salt. He looked up at the group as he navigated around the bones in the tail, his first instinct on freedom to stuff his face.

“Oh my goodness I didn't think he’d actually—Well, never mind!” Ling rightfully decided to not finish that thought, not wanting to rile Greed back up.

“It’s been a while, hello Edward!” He said after swallowing a mouthful of decently baked fish. Ed nodded to Ling in reply.

“Darius, Heinkel. We met briefly, don’t worry though, I know everything that’s going on out here when Greed’s around, so...” He looked at their blank faces.

“Don't ask. It's hard to explain. Just treat the situation like I’m always lurking and you’ll be fine— also don't point a gun at me next time. I may be immortal but it’s still pretty rude.” Ling broke off to rub his greasy palm on the grass and offered a hand of his to shake, greeting them western style. Both chimera cautiously shook it in turns.

He leaned over the fire, an appropriate place to begin such a tall tale. “Let’s get started. I’m Ling Yao and this was my body originally, I gave it up in a deal with Greed here. This all started when my father tried to have me killed…”

-

Ling tapped his chest and told them a very truncated version of the events that happened from his early childhood, why he left Xing, his chance meeting with the brothers, the complicated nest of events that led up to returning from Gluttony and meeting Greed.

Ed interjected for a few sentences while Ling took a quick intermission to eat more and drink to tell them of his personal first meeting with the homunculus, something Ling had not heard before. He grinned at Greed getting himself beat to hell by a housewife. That ‘no women’ policy sure was working out for him.

Ling embellished Greed's involvement when he got to the relevant points, stroking his ego because he was aware Greed was doing a terrible job at hiding the fact that he was listening in. He made sure to talk about how altruistic Greed was with letting him stay around and felt a glow of self importance from within. Ling resisted pulling an expression of resignation. Predictable. The entire story even in a smaller form was a doozy and both chimeras looked on in mounting puzzlement at the unbelievable nature of it as time went on.

“So to sum it up, you know how you sometimes turn into a lion?” Ling asked Heinkel with a smile.

“Um, yes?” he replied, not knowing where the boy was going with the question. He seemed nice but this yarn that him and the Elric boy were pushing was hard to take. He was willing to tentatively believe the homunculus part, he had proven he had powers. The kid had stopped mid talk to ask the air if he minded—?... and then grew claws from his hands. He had clicked them at the two, showing his circleless transmutation off. It was different than their transformation into chimera and was lit by the telltale crackle of alchemical reactions.

Ling's face lit with a mischievous expression and he continued with his earlier question. “Well I turn into an asshol—OKAY, THAT’S IT, NO MORE OUTSIDE FOR YOU!” Greed was back. He glared at Edward who was trying his best not to laugh.

“Good enough of an explanation? He always talks too much,” Greed said over his glare.

The chimera looked possibly even more confused.

They got up earlier than normal, still wound up over the talks that went late into the night yesterday— or more accurately into the even earlier morning. The palace was quiet with daybreak and those few that saw the Emperor roaming the halls alone kept it to themselves.

Greed clucked his tongue in pleasure at his staff knowing their place. Those that whispered or indicated his presence got pointed looks in their direction, which of course struck terror into them that neither Greed nor Ling took any initiative to dissuade.

After Greed had told the Amestrians of his grand return they had gotten back to the business at hand but at a much more unprofessional pace. Greed had in fact told Roy multiple times over the tops of feet he had up on the table to go screw himself on some of the harder points Roy had pushed. Roy in a rare show of temper around a superior party raised his voice to top volume in rebuttal. Ed and Al joined in with what they thought would be appropriate for both sides. Both young men really didn’t have allegiance to either country and enjoyed stirring the pot. (Ed was very disenfranchised with the military and Al was just visiting.)

Both Greed and Ling had a blast switching off after polite indication, (from Ling) of doing so when they wanted the other to take the floor. The indications were for the benefit of the new group that couldn’t pick up on their visual cues like their friends. They tag teamed the ‘discussion’ and unlike having to pose as the Emperor (which was an act for them both) as they always did, they let their personal flair boil up to the surface.

Things had been thrown and it had gotten loud but they had gotten a staggering amount done as well as had the most fun they’d ever had when politics were the main topic of conversation. Even Roy’s subordinates had broken their silence to support Roy in some things but also made sure to drag Mustang through the mud mercilessly if the opportunity presented itself. Greed had made sure it had done so multiple times.

What do you wanna do before we gotta work? Ling asked.

Greed was in charge even though he’d been in charge much of the evening, walking quickly down a long hallway to get his reluctant blood pumping. Ling didn’t mind, he was still groggy. A timetable of who got out when had drove them nuts when they tried to implement it so they just went by feel. Greed tended to feel like he should be in charge and Ling, being accommodating, let him. Lan Fan called him a doormat. They were free until they had to meet again with the military later in the morning.

“I was thinking we should go see Mei, it’s been a hot minute, Ling,” Greed mused, “she is /our/ cherished little sister, after all.” Greed refused to acknowledge the existence of the other numerous siblings Ling had pointed out skulking around the edges of the palace as related to him in any way, instead calling them 'the vultures' whenever they came up in conversation at all.

He mentioned that he disliked them ‘infesting /his/ palace’. He had even asked if Ling wanted them threatened but Ling told him not to even bother. They were mostly harmless now. As harmless as Xing got. Ling had also brought up slyly that waving their victory in his siblings' faces was best up close and personal. Keeping enemies so close and so taunted was petty but Ling didn’t get to where he was by not being petty.

I don’t remember you adopting her into the family or sticking your neck out by publicly recognizing her, and by extension the weakest clan, at the beginning of your reign or anything, Ling griped.

I additionally just want to bring up that the man who killed your… blood related? —sister has been sitting across from us for hours at a time recently, he posed, having heard much of what everyone else was doing that day long after the fact.

Greed hummed a middle of the road 'eh'. “First thing, she had it coming, she killed me tons of times it’s only fair a human got her in the end. Lust? More like blood lust... I bet that pissed her off so BAD! Secondly, I was indisposed at the time you did that with Mei, it was an obvious choice so I don't see why you're so proud of it. Speaking of... Since I been back I’ve been thinking—”

Oh, don’t hurt yourself!

“Cute,” Greed spat, “don’t distract me chump, I haven't had enough coffee to keep my train of thought—"

I hate coffee, what’s wrong with a good wholesome cup of tea? I ask you.

Greed’s tastes always did run western despite it literally being Ling’s tastes he was working with. Habits as well as homunculi died hard. Greed stopped for a moment to pick up the lede he had dropped.

“I told you, don’t distract me! So—! I was THINKIN’ about what you said one time—”

You actually listen to what I have to say??

Greed didn’t even comment and pressed on as well as picked up the pace. “You had joked we share a blood type. Well, we do don’t we? I’d even go so far to say that we’re blood related, given that I’m, you know, blood based and all,” Greed held his chin in contemplation even as he walked.

Ling got where he was going with this as only he could. So what you’re saying is we’re like twins, only at a muuuuch closer proximity. Ling mocked.

Greed frowned, “I don’t like how you said that. But Yes.”

You’re not wrong.

“So with Mei, since she’s your sister, she's mine by default. And this isn’t even me saying everything that’s yours is de facto mine, which it is, this is just math.”

I’d call it total bull or science if I am being kind, and also I said I’m willing to share what I have /with/ you, Greed, not give it to you outright—! Ling had gone over that point a few dozen times already. Putting that aside I think she’d be delighted if you called her sister, brother mine.

Greed nearly jumped out of Ling’s skin at being called his /brother/. Greed regarded Family as another forbidden F-word on the same level as Friend. Ling noted his agitation with zero surprise. What now you big goof? You brought it up! You were you so eager to have a sister you actually like that you didn’t realize the implication?

“Shut up! I’m—”

Greed started to argue but literally tripped himself up over a woman he almost bowled over by walking right into her. This wasn’t the first time he’d done so to a random palace goer when distractedly talking to Ling.

Hey! You really need to watch where we’re going! Is she okay? Ling was concerned, they really needed to stop doing that!

Greed stooped over to help the poor woman up. “Pardon me, Missus! Here, let me help you up and before you scream, no I’m not going to throw you in jail for touching me. It was all my fault— I’m tripping over these clodhoppers I have for feet.” He threw in a dig at Ling. 

He was used to staff unacquainted with him quaking in fear when interacting with him, hence the preamble. Greed started out polite and 'royal' but by the end of the sentence more than a little of his standard patter was falling out.  

The woman got up gracefully and straightened her clothes. She was dressed richly but not ‘to the 9’s’ as Greed would say. Ling finally got a good look at her face, if he was in control of his own the color would have drained right out of it.

Ling? You alright? You feel kinda like you’re gonna tap out? Greed asked, stepping back from the woman now that she was on her feet and not visibly worse for wear.

Mmm M??

The woman turned around and looked at the emperor of Xing.

Ling?

MOTHER.

Before Greed could react the woman stepped in close and grabbed his face with both hands. Despite Ling towering over her, she yanked him, Greed really, down to her eye line by his chin and looked deeply into his purple-tinged eyes.

“Who. Are you. What have you done with my son?!”

Greed blanched and tried to pull away. LING YOU BASTARD, DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING HERE?? He yelled at Ling internally while he fought for purchase. 

Ling was too off balance on how to approach this to even go for control.

I GOT NOTHIN’.

“Uh.. mo-mother, what do you mean?” Greed asked, the word unfamiliar to him, to buy time for Ling to right himself. Ling shook himself off and assumed control by the end of Greed’s question– to his intense relief. Ling’s apparent mother had not taken her hands off their face.

“Think I don’t know my own, boy? Who are you? Where is my son?” She turned Ling’s face from side to side as if she was looking for some hidden quality.

“Mother, please? I’m Ling?! What ever could you be talking about-?”

She stared him hard in the face. “Not you dear, I was talking to that other one, glad to see you’re here too. I understand a little more of your behavior now, two huh, any more? No? We will talk in a moment.”

Holy hell! Damn, are all women from your family like this?

Our family. You decided to opt in, remember?

I’m suddenly regretting that I did that mere minutes after.

“There! There it is! You go distant for a little. Are you talking to him?” she asked while pointing at him. Ling startled out of the slight stupor it took to talk to Greed internally. Even his friends had a hard time of telling when he was doing it.  

“Mother I know it has been a little while since we have spoken—but you are making no sense. What ever do you mean?” Ling was determined to play dumb. Thankfully he’d had tons of practice over the years.

“A little while!? You have BARELY spoken to me after your coronation! I haven’t even /seen/ you from anything but a distance in weeks! Believe me, I have heard enough about your behavior since your being sworn in to not even want to see you! My darling boy, a lush, an embarrassment to the throne, incompetent— you should have heard the rumors!” A fan of hers thwapped open as if to punctuate the scandal. 

“I did. Since they were about me after all…” he grated. Ling’s mother kept talking and acted like she didn’t hear him. She paced back and forth in the hallway, hiking up the train of her robe to walk faster. Greed took note of the familial similarity.

“—Then you’re sick for a few days and when you come back you’re suddenly acting entirely different, what was I supposed to think Ling Yao? I have never known you to be sick for more than a day since you were an infant!”

“You've barely seen me since I was an infant,” he said.

“I honestly thought you’d found a look alike in the city and pulled a ‘prince and the pauper’ on me." From how she said it the possiblity was actually more possible than stupid. "But, I’d know your chi anywhere. You are my son. But different. It took some time for me to put it together but I think I have readied a somewhat decent explanation. I heard the story you fed the court. How true is that? Half? No matter.” She brushed a little lint off a sleeve fastidiously with the tip of her fan. “Now. Whom was I with before, or are you going to continue to lie to your own mother?”

Greed who had been snickering at Ling getting lambasted and spoken over spoke up in indignation.

“Huh?! How can I lie to you if we haven’t spoken in weeks?” Greed had come to terms with needing to lie sometimes for the job but he disliked being told he was doing it when he wasn’t. It was one thing to be guilty of something but another to be innocent and yet blamed for it anyway. Anyone with siblings could understand that particular feeling.

“Lies of omission dear, try and keep up. Ah here you are,” Ling’s mother said matter-of-factly. She swept in close again and Greed took a step back, unsure of what to do. Ling was meanwhile similarly put out. How was she able to tell without a sliver of doubt? He had both his and Greed’s chi on complete lock down since he’d realized who Greed had knocked over.

Chi reading was a Yao family special.

She placed a hand gently on Greed’s cheek. “So you’re the nice boy who has been protecting my son all this time, thank you so very much!”

UHHHHH? Greed was Very unused to a complete stranger addressing him specifically in this form, much less the stranger having nice things to say.

Ling took over for Greed before he completely seized up, not so secretly reveling in Greed’s utter lack of understanding and confusion. It wasn't often he was so unbalanced.

“Mother, how would you like to sit with me in a nice enclosed tea room rather than an open hallway and we can talk about these strange and fantastical ideas you have about me?!” Ling said around pursed lips.

“As if I’d let you escape, dear,” she acquiesced, ice in her voice. Ling gulped even as he took her arm to lead her over to a tearoom he knew no one would be listening in on.

They walked in silence as chaos erupted in Ling’s mind. He was careful to keep his face blank and imperious. His mother still shot him full of knowing glances even as they strolled.

LING YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAD A MOM!

EVERYONE HAS A MOM AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES, STUPID.

UH NOT ME, CHAMP.

Oh.

YEAH, 'OH!' RUDE. Greed snapped. We’re losing the lede here, you didn’t tell me you had a perfectly alive mother that was in close proximity to you. To us.

Ling balled up, caught. I didn’t necessarily hide it or anything…

I’m quoting your mother, who I like already just so you're aware. Are we lying by omission now?

If there was one thing Ling did not care for it was rhetoric turned handily against him. What was I supposed to say!? I’ve barely talked to her my entire life. I can count the exchanges we’ve had since I was ten on my fingers and toes. Distant isn’t even the word! His time in Xing before Amestris was all about distance, really. Did you want me to introduce you or something? You didn't care nearly as much about my literal dozens of siblings spilling out of the woodwork. Before you returned it was somehow worse... but it’s still been a busy few weeks what with your apparent resurrection, the military, a kidnapping, assassination attempts—and aren’t we supposed to be keeping you a secret? It was all true and not a tactic to shift any perceived blame!

Greed’s out of the Ling now, there, kid. She knows. Nothing’s going to stop her. I might as well meet her officially on my terms. Huh, I technically never met your father either but from how you talk about him and how I am with fathers that's more acceptable.

I didn't know him that well myself, but if it makes you feel better I'm sure he would have hated you.

Ling still felt no affection for his father who was also alive but very busy, what with taking the stone for himself and using it. He'd bitten off more than he could chew and was ‘resting’ on an out of the way island as he dealt with a few thousand new and very angry subjects. Ling had filled Greed in on that much weeks earlier.

Excellent. All I can ask for, really.

The had found that very well appointed tearoom that was deserted. The staff had done their duty even in an out of the way room like this, a fire was banked to hot coals in a small warming brazier that doubled as a cooktop. The palace could get drafty no matter the time of year when you went deep enough.

Ling bought time to think as he made tea for them both.

“It’s nice to know that my son hasn’t forgotten his manners even with his new position,” Ling's apparent parent said, watching him work deftly.

“Mother, you’re acting like I got a promotion at the office and not became the god king of the biggest country to ever exist,” Ling scoffed. He picked through tins of tea to choose a flavor both he and Greed liked.

“So is our mysterious stranger who I have to thank for you finally growing a backbone, Ling Yao?” she asked from the couch behind him.  

Greed yowled a laugh for only Ling’s ears.

“I wish you would stop already! I have absolutely no idea what you’re-”

“Cut the crap,” his mother barked, voice losing a lot of the refinement of court.

LOVE THIS BROAD. Greed cackled directly on her heels. Make another cup, looks like I’m in hot demand this week, he went on, making a decision.

Greed liked his own cup when they were alone even though that made no sense whatsoever to even Ling. They took their tea the same way. 

Ling pinched his nose and sighed as was becoming a habit; but did as he was told. He brought the tray over with the three cups and sat it down in front of his interrogator.

“Are we expecting a third, sweety?” she asked when she noticed the amount of cups, a note of sarcasm in her voice.

“Present and accounted for,” Greed said, dropping any lingering Ling he’d affected.

Ling’s mother looked him up and down with an unreadable expression. “And whom do I finally have the pleasure of speaking with?” she asked.

“Greed—” Ling cut through a moment, “Yao.” He wasn’t going to let Greed get through this without suffering a little bit. Greed spiraled but gathered himself in front of his audience. “A hum! Greed Y-yao,” He coughed.

I’m going to get you for that.

Ling stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry.

“Is Greed short for something, dear?” She inquired kindly.

“No, just the cardinal sin, Miss. I also tack ‘the Avaricious’ on when the mood strikes me. So, please enlighten me since I’d not known you were alive twenty minutes before, you are—?” Greed upped the schmooze.

The fan was back, covering all but a coy glance in the moment. “Aren’t you a charmer, my name is Yu Yan but you may also call me Miss Yao if you wish,” she smiled at him.

“Enchanted,” He took her hand and kissed it.

Ling stuck his tongue out again internally. Ick, Amestrian greetings are so smarmy. No wonder you were so at home.

She grabbed his hand quickly and spat on it.

“Hey lady, what gives! —Ling, this some kinda Xing thing you neglected to tell me about??” Greed tried to pull away but she held him fast and used a sleeve to rub at the top of his hand. Ling got what she was doing immediately as his mark showed through the waterproof paint he’d used this morning. Waterproof it was, but a little elbow grease was too much for it.

“This explains a few other things,” she said, unsurprised, “any connection to a strange boy in the capital?”

Oh she’s good.

She saw the expression on Greed’s face, “Before you begin to explain to me what I’m sure is a harrowing story as to why my son has a house guest," she tapped the side of her head in time with her last two words, "let me try and make a few of my own guesses,” she gave Greed his hand back and took her cup of tea. He rubbed the returned limb on his chest with a pinched mouth.

“Would you have anything to do with a supposed monster that’s been stalking the capital over the last few weeks? Making a few confirmed appearances and rumored dozens of others? Would you also have anything to do with my son being seen performing amazing feats such as getting shot point blank in the forehead and fighting the then ruler of Amestris with his bare hands? Further still, would you have anything to do with my son getting arrested upon entering that infernal country nearly two years ago? I know those blond boys you keep around had many hands in the upheaval of that country and you were right on their tail. I'm just trying to get my timeline straight, you are not on trial or anything,” she assured them and raised her cup.

Very. Good. Greed intoned for Ling. It was interesting to think about how they had even met today, 'pure chance' seemed to be less and less of an explanation.

Ling felt they were on trial. He hummed nonsense in a nervous tone. How had she put all that together?

“Close Ma’am, but your son and I hadn’t met yet when he got arrested. He did that on his own. Something about sneaking into the country with no visa.”

“I have all the time in the world to listen to the failings of my son, would you be so kind as to help fill in the blanks?” she asked Greed with a helping of sugar in her voice. Ling shivered.

Greed grinned and launched into yet another telling of how him and Ling had met. Talking about himself was always something he was interested in doing. Yu Yan stopped them more than once for Greed to clarify a point or elaborate on something but was stunningly impassive for much of the story. She even asked them to go further on many points she explained her interpretation of first, having already been informed.

Greed always liked to watch the reactions of those he told but hers were so slight as to be almost non-existent. She watched them like a hawk as Ling appeared intermittently to sip at his tea and stop Greed from pumping up his side of the story with fluff that made him look good. Ling had literally taken a backseat for much of the tale and thus didn’t get up to much so it was not like he could extol his virtues as anything other than the glorified henpecking that they were.

-

When they were done they noticed her frowning into her cup. “What’s wrong Mother, I know it’s hard to believe but you came to me already knowing about half the highlights?” Ling asked, chalking her expression up to confusion. Their story was quick in that they just had to de-bullshit a few main events.

“Ling, what did Lan Fan say to you before you got to Amestris?” she asked.

He remembered the answer to this one! Vividly. “Lan Fan told me a LOT of things before we got to Amestris, that ride through the desert was long.” He affected a pained expression. “Where do I even start, ‘dont catch feelings for the plights of the locals— we're here for a job, don't align yourself with their politics, do not leave my eyesight, do not embroil yourself in the lives of strangers, don't just take every free thing someone offers you, no unauthorized swordplay, no intra-clan fraternization— they are the enemy, no talking to the military—' wait how do you know what Lan Fan said?”

“I encouraged her to say it, dear. You may think me distant but that was only to protect you." Ling looked so taken aback by the statement she 'tsk'ed in sympathy. "I couldn't show you favoritism with you being so young, they would have seen it as a bid for the throne. If circumstances happened where you were closer than you were in line I would have been your regent and thus an empress in my own right. This was an easy way to get you and I killed. Even though I had no designs to rule it wouldn't have mattered to the vultures.”

“Hey! I call them vultures, too!” Greed said jovially.

"That's lovely!” she answered.

”Even though I wasn’t physically close, and for that I am sorry, I still made sure your bodyguards were good for you, I still had my spies check in on you at many opportunities, I tried to ease your lot in life however I could. How did you think you got all the way to Amestris without incident, or for that matter had a low assassination attempt per year quota compared to your siblings? This also was why I obtained a few bits of information that the public doesn't know from your trip." She put a sleeve to her mouth. "Although you did drop off the face of the earth for months in the middle…”  

“That would be Greed's fault. Remember the large portion of time in the story where I was held against my will?” Ling asked, irritation coloring his question.

Yu Yan sojourned on, nonplussed. “Then Lan Fan’s story when you got back doesn't match up with my other informants but is perfectly aligned with yours. You were hiding something; I just didn't know what. Then your behavior took such a turn soon after you returned. I had heard about a private funeral? All that black you were wearing...” she broke off to look at them. “I didn't know why my son was so bereft…”

Greed put his hands on his hips to gloat at exactly why Ling had been bereft and Ling flapped a hand like it wasn't a big deal.

“I still have my spies check on you in fact, so please in the future ask me before you break my young one’s wrist. You’re lucky that wasn't the hand they wrote with...”

Ling thought back to a few days ago when Greed had landed on top of that novice and scared the ever living hell out of them.

She had made a few events make sense by what she told Ling. He had always thought it suspicious that his midnight flight from the palace and subsequent self-exile from Xing went so smoothly. Not to mention various memories from his childhood taking on a new light.

She has spies? That spy I spooked a little while back was /hers/? No wonder they were just snooping and not looking to murder. Wish she would have said something, I feel bad for snapping their wrist like a chopstick.

Typical Xing, everyone has spies, and if you know where the spy comes from they’re not much of a spy, huh.

Greed nodded his head absently.

Lan Fan’s on the take?

I’m not surprised by anything she’s saying at this point.

“How long has my bodyguard been on your payroll?” Ling asked.

“Since the beginning— but you make it sound so dirty. I was only advising you through her the best I could. She wouldn’t accept money for something like that anyway. She's a good girl and more than up to lecturing you herself... By the way...did she happen to mention anything about GETTING POSSESSED?” Yu Yan asked, her smile taking a plastered on quality.

Ling tilted his head. “As a matter of fact she di—OW OW OW OW.”

Yu Yan snatched her son’s ear and yanked it. "Ling Yao you foolhardy child what am I to DO with you!? I knew you wanted to go to Amestris to try and find this mythical stone, foolish on it's own, but literally offering up your body in exchange? You are LUCKY Mr. Greed was so understanding or where would you have been? YOU DID WHAT? YOU LET YOURSELF WHAT?” She yanked his ear to the time of her words as she enunciated her points to many protests from Ling. The main one being “MAMA, PLEASE.”

Pain knocked Ling back to a child's timbre in the tone of his complaining. Greed meanwhile was emitting an aura of intense smugness from the back of Ling’s mind. Yeah Ling ? What /would/ you have done???

Yu Yan looked into Ling’s eyes that were wet with a tear or two from her pinches. “Does this hurt you too?” she asked Greed. She gathered through the long story she had witnessed both of them tell that he was always listening given the unbroken stream of their dialogue.

Greed winked and shook his head as a reluctant affirmative. He didn’t want to lie and was willing to take the lumps for seeing Ling like this. It was hilarious.

“I’m sorry my son is such a handful Mr. Greed. I know you probably had to put up with so much over the years. You laid your life on the line for him.” Greed puffed his chest out at one of the only times she had gasped during his story, when he said that he had sacrificed himself. “He’s at least fair to you is he not?” she asked.

Greed’s smugness became cloying in how overblown it became from her words.

“Mother, did you not hear the part where he was a wanted criminal among literally everything else? I’d view /this/ as a prison sentence!” Ling tapped his chest, referencing their arrangement.

“He lets me out for good behavior Ms. Yao, don’t worry. Ling’s a cruel boy sometimes but I put up with it for the good of the country,” Greed said with a sniff of ‘sadness’.

“He /is/ terrible! He never calls, he doesn’t even take the time to write— I know being Emperor tends to monopolize time but even a letter every once in a while to his dear mother...” she took a handkerchief out of a sleeve and dabbed dry eyes.

“Ling you never call? You don’t write? You need to respect your mother more. Look at her! She only has your best interests at heart,” Greed taunted with aggrievement.

“You’re a very good boy, here, have a biscuit,” she patted Greed on the arm and handed him the treat. Ling started growling in rage.

Greed inhaled the biscuit before Ling took over and Ling had to cough around the crumbs. He took a sip of tea.

“What was I supposed to write about-? /He/,” Ling pointed to himself, “was supposed to be a SECRET. The country would not take kindly to me being literally possessed— you and I both know they're a superstitious backsliding bunch of mercury drinkers here in our beloved capital. I didn’t want you to have any contact with me until I got settled being Emperor before all THIS (he said talking about Greed again) and he is NOT a ‘good boy’ he’s a criminal AND a jerk!”

Greed cackled. “You and I both know that fratricide and many of my other crimes were totally justified. Miss Yao, Yu Yan, I’m sure you can see my influence on how this country is being run, he desperately needs my help in almost every respect. Look Ling, I know that in times of stress you want to shift the shortcomings of others into the limelight to distract people from your own but it’s so discourteous,” Greed said while putting his arms up in a shrug.

“I know you have been helping my son. I see it in the reform you’ve managed to push these last few weeks. You’ve gotten more done in barely a month than he’s done in six or more!” she said, “at least he had the wisdom to ask for your help. You never asked to be stuck with him.”

His eye lit. “Yeah! She's right! I did never ask to be saddled with you!” Greed could not have beamed any more smug to Ling if he tried.

Ling meanwhile was about two seconds from tearing his hair out. He wanted to scream that he'd also never asked to be saddled with Greed but he realized he had /specifically/ asked for the stone and all it entailed. Greed took Ling’s silence as a go ahead, determined to get him back for earlier. 

“I mean you have to imagine my surprise all those years ago, a kid in the middle of my screaming cacophony of souls? I immediately felt for the young whelp and took him under my figurative wing,”

“GREED-,” Ling warned audibly. Greed stuffed him back.

“You heard my story— he says before I have the chance to do anything ‘oh feel free to use my body, not like I need the thing anymore’. Just the /craziest/ thing to tell a parasite invading your very soul. He didn’t even put up a fight."

Ling’s mother raised a hand to her mouth in an ‘oh my’ expression. One of Greed’s arms tapped him on the shoulder. Greed looked at it, it flipped him the bird and flicked him in the nose a little harder than he thought was necessary.

“Sheesh, alright. You’re such a brat sometimes,” he rubbed his nose but stopped suppressing Ling.

“Mother you know what Greed's saying is only ten to twenty percent true, right? It is important to me that you /know/ that,” Ling said, worry plainly evident. She looked at him skeptically which made Ling worry more.

“I'm sorry I made you worry so much, my distance was to protect you as well. It was bad enough showing any favoritism, I needed to get established and before Greed came back I wasn’t... I wasn’t the best version of me,” Ling said, a little serious. He twiddled his thumbs.

“Yeah, it’s obvious Ling is only his best with me around,” Greed lanced through the mood with a joke as per usual.

“Though some of that behavior was because of him directly…” Ling muttered, thinking back to all the parties he had ruined inadvertently.

“I trust your judgement, sweetheart. I am just doting on you like I never could when you were younger. You are the Emperor and you're doing a very good job. Also I'm aware Mr. Greed is a showman first and honest possibly fifth.” She clasped her hands together. Ling beamed. Greed clicked his tongue and looked away.

“As for you,” she pointed at Ling but the room knew what she meant. “Greed Yao I welcome you to use our family name, you’ve earned it. Thank you for your help with this broken country and more importantly to me at least, being friends with my son,” Ling’s mother said with a very Ling-like smile. It looked like that was where Ling had got it from. Greed’s face turned an interesting shade of carmine.

“He’s a bit touchy still about the friendship thing, you be in denial for so long and it does a number on your ability to take certain things in stride,” Ling said, saving Greed from his spluttering reply. “Mother would you like to go see Mei with us? I know you have most likely met before, the palace isn’t infinite, after all but she is our sister and one of the family,” he offered his arm.

“Yes I would love to join both of you dearies,” she said. Greed started at being included yet again. It was going to take some getting used to.

“Uh— Miss Yao not for nothing but you are part of a very small group that know I’m around so if you could keep that under your ornate headpiece—”

“Yes Greedie I know. I have some common sense,” she smiled up at him and patted his elbow. “Also, as for others being able to put together what I have on my own, I doubt they'd be able to. I'm your mother so of course I can guess when my son plays house with an incarnation of biblical proportions. Just be careful like you have and I'm sure you'll be fine.”

Ling was relieved. Greed had to duck out at the pet name, it was too much for him.

You still awake? whispered Ling in the quiet of the evening.

“Now I am,” Greed sub-vocalized. He opened one eye only to shut it tightly again. He was perched in yet another tree, high up and exposed to the elements. Of course. Would it kill him to sleep on the ground under a blanket like an approximation of a human being? This was playing hell on Ling’s back. Greed would always do things for appearances rather than actually being wise. Ling was used to it.

Greed had been awake the entire time. Of course Ling was aware, how could he not be?

Why are you all grumpy for? Ling fussed, though he had some idea.

“Know why? I'm trapped with a constant annoyance, that's you if you were curious— and I'm BORED,” Greed said with an edge of something dangerously close to a whine in his voice. Ling’s idea had been correct.

I’d be happy to entertain you but you hate when I ‘don’t shut up ever’, your exact words on the matter, Ling said smugly and leaned back with a grin.

“You don’t have anything to say, you just like to talk.” Greed hit the nail on the head with that statement.

Well— wanna go out somewhere? Town maybe? Go paint the town red? Ling asked, ignoring Greed had got him good on that one. He suddenly had the beginnings of a terrible idea. He knew Greed would bite.

Greed sat up and straddled the branch he had been laying on. “Oh am I /allowed/ to your highness or are you going to start squawking at me the second I do something to offend your sensibilities?”

Greed bit.

That insult really doesn't work when you're talking to actual royalty. I'm not gonna stop you! If you think /you/ are bored, what does that make me? You can at least move around! I wanna go somewhere!

“It's your own damn fault for overstaying your welcome and not getting absorbed—”

Ling cut Greed off with what can only be described as the mental equivalent of a slicing motion. A bup bup bup bup, not this old song and dance again. We’re beyond this and you know it, you want to go to town or what? We have money.

“I think I /will/ go to town! In fact— maybe I'll go to a bar! Promised day is in a few months and who knows if we’re all gonna die or not! I’m thirsty in any case and river water just isn’t hitting the spot.” He swung down from his perch and landed loudly on the ground, not caring that he startled the local wildlife.

“I WANT BOOZE. I haven't had /any/ since I got this body!” Greed stamped his foot now that he was earthbound. His temper tantrum was transparent, it seemed to Ling like he was enacting some sort of plan to have him be upset or contrary to his bad behavior even though it was clear he wanted to go along with Ling’s suggestion. It’s almost like he /wanted/ to start an argument. He was guilty of forgetting that just because Ling was a lot more morally upright than Greed by comparison it did not make him an upstanding citizen. Ling was a slouching citizen at best.

Yeah okay, let's go, my treat, He paused in a second of contemplation and then added, I dare you.

He wasn't having Greed thinking he could control the flow of the conversation and leaned in to his addendum to his shitty idea of leaving camp. It had been far too long since his last nonsense and he also recognized an opening for his schemes. The addition of making it a dare also helped. Greed was loathe to turn down a dare.

Greed stopped his complain-fest. “Aren't you under aged?” he asked, confused that he was immediately on board. Why was it whenever he thought he had Ling cornered the little bastard would throw him a curveball? He inadvertently poked holes into his own plan by posing the legitimate question.

I'm not a narc! I wont tell if you don’t, he said with a wink. Greed pulled a face, he hated when Ling somehow found a way to depict his expression at him. It felt weird.

 As the emperor I’d dictate my own age limits, what are they gonna tell me? No? Ling put a little more thought into it.

Amestris is loose about liquor law, correct? I'd be able to enlist in the military at this age and die for this shitty country. Let's take the median of our ages and that's how old Greedling can be! He grinned wickedly and Greed picked up on the look of it again.

Greed crossed his arms at Ling’s words. “You’re talking sense, the world really is ending...” He uncrossed and put his arms up abruptly like he was ready to fight. “Hey! You just wanna get me so you can take over, I’m gonna warn you I’m a mean drunk and—”

Greed knock it off with that already, you’re the one who suggested getting drunk and like I said we are /beyond/ this! I’ve been nothing but accommodating!  Ling admonished while Greed lowered his hands slowly. Greed thought about it and would argue that Ling had been less than accommodating and more sly.

He reluctantly dropped off his old bull and peeled off to address a new problem that occurred to him, “Okay brat, how do you suppose we leave camp? The chimeras are up on watch and will be mad if we just go. Second issue, I don't remember us having money...” Greed roved his gaze to the fire where the two men were quietly chatting some distance away. He was aware Ed and the other two would frown on him skivving off unannounced. Ed was thankfully asleep already. He always slept a lot.

Ling was even more enthusiastic about this terrible idea to go on a bender now that Greed was using the casual ‘we’. To be directly included in Greed’s machinations was something new.

Well, I don’t know if I’m TRUSTABLE to relevant parties, YOU BY THE WAY, or anything but /they/ certainly think so. Let me say something to them. Also, Ed’s flush with cash so I gently relieved him of some of the burden last time I was allowed out. He doesn’t know of course, so keep it under your ponytail. Aren't I just the little planner of inevitability? Should let me out more, see what other gains I can net you. Check your pockets. And there was the slyness Greed was used to.

Greed made a noncommittal noise at finding the money and Ling nearly tripped over his still moving feet as he found he was quickly put in control. It was so easy when he wasn’t fighting or being fought by Greed. Robbing Ed had been worth it.

Well go ahead with your ‘master’ plan, I’m eager to see what a master strategist like you comes up with. Greed’s voice reverberated out from what felt like the back of his head behind his ears with a dollop of sarcasm. Ling hadn’t heard it like that in a while, but he’d also not been in control like this in a while— it echoed.

“I got this,” Ling straightened his collar, taking a second to smooth down his shirtfront and walked out of the gloom to Darius and Heinkel, all nonchalance. They had heard him coming.

“Hi guys, just wanna tell you I’m goin’ to town for a little, gonna go get something to eat! Don't wait up!”

“Oh—... Ling? Is that you? Where’s your … pal?” Darius questioned. He knew that 95% of the time that he talked to the child it was the nasty one and not the smiley one.

Why does everyone get your name right?… Greed grumbled more to himself than to Ling.

Because you pissed Ed off and he likes to get you angry, if you want the truth. He knows who you are by now, he’s not stupid. Ling shot to him quickly via thought rather than mouth. Greed made a ‘Tch’ noise as his only response.

“Sleeping! I’m taking advantage of the free time for some me time!” Ling used his mouth to say to the two who looked up at him. The two chimeras then glanced at each other.

“Alright. Don’t stay out too late? One of us will probably be up,” Darius said.

“...Be responsible?” Heinkel ventured. They were unsure on how to deal with Ling, having met him less than a half-dozen times in the last little while and each of those were brief.

“Uh huh!” Ling called back and about-faced. He went the other way from the fire towards the lights of town. He strolled until he was out of earshot, then broke into a run.

“Why was that so easy, what the hell? Why for you?” Greed asked. Ling moved back quietly and Greed took back his accustomed spot without breaking their pace.

You kidnapped me, people frown on kidnappers, Greed. Additionally, you were kind of playing for the enemy team until recently. Ling was excited to note the ease of switching off again. This was how their arrangement should be if it was going to be anything.

“You gave yourself up, square!” Greed challenged Ling’s valid points, not even noticing he had changed spots.

You would have just taken my body if I said no, don’t lie, Ling grumbled.

“Yeah, truth be told I probably would have,” Greed acknowledged with a grin.  

They spent the rest of the trip in a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable.

-

Greed strolled into town like he owned the place and spent a good twenty minutes looking at a collection of buildings only to shake his head and move on to the next establishment while doing circuits around the main streets.

What are you up to, just pick a place? Ling quipped to ask. He didn't understand what Greed was doing, he had the go ahead to get wild. How was a walk wild?

“Kid, you are going to learn something tonight. A bar is not just a bar— it’s an experience and I want this experience to be perfectly tailored,” he spoke under his breath as he passed by two other places that sold refreshment.

What in the /world/ is that supposed to mean?

“I used to own a bar and being me I have very exact standards.”

Do tell!~ Okay I’ll bite. At least give me an idea of what your “standards” are, then, Mr Entrepreneur. Ling seeded his voice with a little annoyance. He couldn’t come off as too eager, invested as he was. Greed was opening up to him little by little on accident and this stupid trip would hopefully encourage more.  

“That’s Mr. Avaricious to you. Keep talking sense and I’m going to think there’s something wrong with you. Not that I don’t already. Fine, so take that bar over there as an an example,” He gestured with an arm even though Ling shared his gaze and of course knew what he was looking at.

“I don’t even need to go in the place to know that they water down their overpriced swill. The entrance is dirty, their sign is broken, and the people leaving and going in are down on their luck on a good day.”

You strike me as someone who also watered down his swill.

“Ho ho! True, true, but I had a system. Anyway, that place over there,” he shrugged and pointed to a cute place that was more diner than bar with flowers in the windows, “—is too nice. I’m on the lookout for dive-passing this evening. It’s too clean there, they care about their patronage. Might not even get in the door without being asked where my parents are. By the way if that happens tonight I’m not responsible for my actions, chump, just so you know. Let’s see here…”

He turned a few corners to a seedier part of town like a migratory bird coming home to roost. He stopped in front of a place that was in the basement of an apartment building, the entrance at the bottom of some stairs. A few early risers were already leaving with tipsy gaits, the lit sign of the place lighting their tottering backs in red and blue and obscuring their faces. They looked a lot more satisfied with their night than the last few customers at the last few bars.

“Ah ha, this is better, this place will let anyone who can see over the counter cop something. This is why we couldn’t bring tiny,” Greed said with a flash of his teeth. Ling barked a surprised honest giggle at the unexpected joke at Edward’s expense.

“Now that we’ve got the place, I’m going to show you how to order something,” Greed explained.

Pray tell how do you do it besides point and say ‘one beer, please’. Ling asked, still laughing.

“You wanna be emperor and you have no idea how to even get a drink properly…” Greed palmed his face in frustration.

Fine! Lead on, professor! Teach this /unworthy/ one your /advanced techniques/.

“Don’t sass me,” Greed threatened, but there wasn’t much of an edge to it.

He hopped down the stairs, taking them two at a time and opened the doors, sliding in like he was a regular. Ever observant, Ling looked at the details of the bar that Greed had chosen just based on the outside of it.

The interior was dingy with age but well kept and relatively clean taking into account how the outside looked. The furniture inside had holes taken out of it and names and designs carved in the backs with what looked like sharp objects or the cutlery but was clean and sturdy. The light was low and blue tinged with the neon that was hung on the sides of the interior of the basement. Couples, groups, and single customers of all kinds filled the expanse to about the halfway point but the night was young.

He sat down at a stool right at the front and waited for the bartender to turn around. He made eye contact with the large man wiping down a tiny delicate glass with gigantic hands and slid a few coins over the counter. He used his chin to point out a bottle on the wall and put a finger down on the counter. The bartender grunted, looking him up and down. Greed held his gaze and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head when the bartender turned around partially to grab the bottle Greed pointed at.

The man made another noise and grabbed the bottle behind the first, cracking the seal and pouring it into a glass. He took the coin off the counter and went back to helping other customers. Greed grabbed the glass with joy and knocked it back, placing it back on the counter with a ‘KLAK’.

“AaaaaAA, that is the STUFF!” he belted. Ling actually felt Greed physically begin to relax and unwind like a spring from the second he walked into the place but even more tension left his body after he drank. Ling could tell this felt like…’Home’.

Wow, I didn’t know that to order a drink I’d need telepathy. What the hell did you just do? Ling had forgone his plan of getting Greed to talk to him and was genuinely just curious.

“I just told him that giving me the watered down stuff was unacceptable for this transaction,” Greed muttered.

And how did you know that was a watered down bottle?

“I had the same exact system, idiots get first bottle on the wall. Customers able to discern that I was cheating them get the regular stuff,” He flicked an eye to a couple who were beyond tipsy and that the tender was giving them helpings of first bottle only. Ling answered with an ‘Ohhhh’ and some nods at the surprisingly tidy set up. Anything to skim off the top, huh?

Greed snapped his fingers a few times and got the keep’s attention. He put three fingers on the counter and indicated another bottle. He got three shots for his actions.

“Okay shitheel, this bar is kind of a dive so it’s best to go for hard stuff. I want you to give me a reason why,” Greed said quietly and took one of the shots. After imbibing he began to feel a pleasant buzz.  

Ling knew Greed detested speaking to him mind to mind and the extra tiny bit of effort it took but he wished that he’d take the pain to do it.

Rude! I have a name, you know. If I had to guess wildly, which I do, they don’t have their own beer on tap and what they have is probably kind of nasty.   

“Correct! They don't brew their own and just buy the dregs from other bars. Cheaper and easier that way. Look at the different stamps on the barrels behind the counter, depending on what's open you've got no idea what you're getting. A decent place would have their own brew, or at least buy a good amount of something uniform. You get the reward of taking a shot for your answer.” Greed downed another one and held up the final shot, pushing Ling into control.

Ling blinked in the low blue toned light of the bar and swirled the clear liquid, frowning a little into the cup. He understood this was a test from Greed. Let’s go, we don’t have all night, droned out from the back of his head. Greed was amused.

Ling grimaced, he didn't much care for liquor. When he was in Xing being drunk was a liability he couldn't afford so he never acquired a taste for it.

He had only been tipsy a few times as a younger teen experimenting with rice wine at a few of the safer functions he’d been dragged to and didn’t like that his faculties tanked under the influence. He preferred being in control of himself— and he sighed at the irony of that thought immediately. Well, he was already in this a couple of drinks and nobody was around to kill him, except possibly Greed. He never could count Greed out for that. He swallowed the hootch and didn’t make a fool of himself by coughing. He put the glass on top of the other few that were sitting on the counter in a pyramid formation. He was acquainted with the taste and bar etiquette to at least pull those two things off.

“Good, good, at least I don’t have to teach you how to drink, I can salvage this yet, Ling,” Greed said with a slight slur to his voice, back in control after Ling placed the shot glass.   

Ling’s eyes widened. Had Greed /ever/ used his name before—? No, no, he hadn’t. His name even sounded weird coming out of Greed’s mouth. He clamped down on his surprise, not wanting to tip Greed off. He grabbed control and was rocked again when it was EASY. He pointed to a green bottle with a significant amount of silver filigree on the outside as a distraction.

“What’s that one!?”

Ho ho, good eye. Greedy aren’t you? That’s absinthe, quite the big boy drink. Want some? I certainly do. Ling was gobsmacked, Greed was asking if /he/ wanted something now? This was turning out to be a night of many firsts.

“Yes, absolutely!” he answered quickly. Unbeknownst to him Greed wasn’t messing around with calling absinthe a ‘big boy’ drink. It had been outright banned in Amestris for a few years.

Look at you appreciating the finer things, how ‘me’ like. Get the guy’s attention like I did and order. Hopefully this is quality stuff. The good stuff will show you why there’s ‘sin’ in ‘sinthe. Greed said with a laugh. Ling put up an arm marveling at Greed’s relaxed attitude, and did what Greed told him. The bartender cocked an eyebrow at him and Greed grabbed Ling’s face to set it with a proper expression of ‘yes I know what I’m doing’. The keep shrugged and pulled the bottle down, the guy in front of him had thrown back those shots with a seasoned air about him. 

He grabbed the ice, sugar, and water and began assembling the proper way to drink the hallucinogen. He even dug out a reservoir glass from under a counter.

Greed’s opinion of the bar went up a marked amount, along with his eyebrows.

“Now the good stuff will have a louche effect,” Greed muttered, intent on the process of assembly he was watching.

Amestrian is my third language, explain. Ling ordered.

“Okay dingaling, no need to get all prince-y on me. Gotta wait while he makes this anyway, it takes a little time, as many good things do,” Greed said. Sure enough the bartender was slowly drizzling the ice water through the sugar into the glass. “It has to do with the opa-opacity,” he slurred a little harder on the last word. The drinks he’d already had were hitting him a little harder than he expected. Had to be this new body of his. The kid was young and inexperienced and Greed belatedly remembered that he was technically about half human now on top of everything else. He felt like that might be an important factor to remember in that alcohol might hit him differently.

Little too late for that revelation. He looked at the glass of green mana that was nearly completed and licked his lips. This stuff was pretty impossible to get back in Dublith, of course so close to the military capital it’d be easier. You just had to follow money and power in order to get a fix of the best both could get you, even it was illegal— especially so.

He went on to explain terms like ‘turbidity’ in reference to drink quality to Ling who was also feeling the effects of their liquid dinner and didn’t have to fake being relatively enthralled. This was the most Greed had voluntarily talked to him in one sitting and the night was young.

Stranger yet, Greed was eloquent. Ling was not used to eloquence from him, even through the rising drink haze. Greed took the glass when it was finished being prepared with him back to a more secluded table along with about half a measure of something that was called ‘Stray Dog’ in a dark brown whiskey bottle. He sat down and sipped the effervescence with relish.

“I don’t got drinking buddies me being so new in town so you’ll have to do. Tell me something, entertain me,” he levered to Ling. Ling was enjoying the unfamiliar flushed feeling of rocketing fast away from sober and didn’t understand the importance of Greed’s words.

Uhhh.

He was truly put on the spot and for one of the first times ever was rendered completely speechless. He grabbed for anything he could think of. He needed something he could talk well about even as he felt a little dizzy.

Uhhh well, how about Xing?  

“As good a topic as any!” Greed propped his feet up on the table and dumped the last bit of the green liquid in his mouth. The sugar really offset the bitterness of the wormwood.

Ling made himself comfortable, maybe getting drunk wasn’t so bad. You’re about half as old as Amestris, right?

Greed dipped his head in agreement.

This is a drop in a bucket on how old cities are in Xing. Not the country— Cities, buildings. I’ve worn clothes older than you. I’ve spilled sauce on clothes older than you. Xing is /that/ old. Everything has a history to it and there is no shortage of people that will sit you down and wave in your face how their random possession has the most important and ancient traditions ascribed to it. It is a...stuffy... kind of place. Everything is steeped in rules and regulations, but it is beautiful and fierce, too.  

“Mmm,” hummed Greed, enjoying his buzz and played with the rapidly emptying bottle of whiskey, spinning it on an axis on the table with his hand. He had been sipping as the kid started in on talking about something that was properly his. Greed had never been to this Xing place, it was far across the desert and he’d been far too lazy to give the trip a go.

He was told of structures so large they were hazy near the ceiling, of forests and mountains so dense nobody had explored them in recorded history. He told him of palace life, of rich cities and dyed fabrics flapping in the wind. Ling talked slowly in order to choose his words as he reached back into his memories for places and concepts. Greed closed his eyes and could see flashes of unfamiliar landmarks as Ling concentrated on his story. Ling could gab, Greed gave him that for free.

When Ling was done talking a chunk of time later he trailed off into silence. Greed frowned as he felt an unfamiliar emotional signal from the whelp.

Oh /gross/! He was wistful!

Greed slapped a palm down on the table. “Oh no.. you don’t. Don’t you dare ruin my night by get..ting, getting moon-y on me royal pain in the ass,” he stammered over his rough tongue. He was truly sauced, now.

“Tell me somethin’,... tell me somethin’ else,” he pressed, wanting a change in subject.

No! Ling shot back quickly, Your.. turn Greeb… Greed. Tell ME something. Ling was cooked too. He hadn’t noticed Greed had been at the bottle when he reminisced but he hadn’t forgotten his plan to get Greed to talk even in his current state. Greed pursed his lips and wrinkled his nose.

He swayed a little where he sat.

“Right, so this’d.. one time I was lookin’ to piss Envy off because Envy was there being all in my field of vision and—”

Ling crossed his legs and smiled. Bingo.

----------

If Ling had an actual head instead of a figurative one he’d be putting it between his knees to stave off the nausea he felt wrapping around him from outside. He tried it anyway and it didn’t seem like it was working.

Greed had made him laugh so hard from telling him all the times he had made it a point to destroy Envy verbally especially that it made Ling nearly sick. It seemed like whenever they were in a room they were destined to fight and that was one of the reasons, Greed explained further on, that he had left. His siblings were no fun, his father was a stick in the mud. He was always stuck on guard duty and chimera tending. Even GLUTTONY got to go out on missions for Pete’s sake.

He had picked himself up and marched out of there when the days had blended together. He told Ling in no uncertain terms that Lust was ‘the only bitch in that place he respected’ which caused Ling to laugh so violently that he nearly passed out. Greed joined him and slapped himself on the back. It was a little fuzzy as to who was where from minute to minute.  

They traded more stories, Ling mostly about his foibles as a child and Greed about how he had actually come to acquire a bar at Ling's request. It had turned out that a card game got heated enough where property deeds were involved as the stakes were raised. Ling had commented that that was the only way he’d ever believe Greed could come into property ownership besides squatting somewhere long enough that the original owners died. Greed pouted at the slight dig but chuckled that Ling’s statement probably was true.

Ling spoke about encounters with his own siblings, gloating that, "did Greed think he had a big family, well he had news for him". He pointed out the similarities in that his siblings also disliked him enough to murder him though it was from a place of him being in the way as a potential threat down the line rather than just being annoying like Greed. Ling did make a point that he had started to be annoying to others on top of being a threat as he grew up.

“I would have NEver thought you ‘noying before,” Greed said, playing up being shocked.

It'sa talent! Ling giggled.

Ling brought up that palace life for him wasn’t all fun and games even though he strived hard for it to be that way. Greed had waved off a few assassination attempt stories saying they were weak sauce in comparison to actually dying many times over the years. He had an idea.

“Hey! You said about,” he swayed again, “-about assass...in ass ass.. Times they tried to kill you. You ever reciprocate?”

Whu-huh, like what, like… kill ‘em back??

“Yea.”

I’m not gon'a say my hands are clean, I mean I’m here annoying you today ‘cause I had to make some hard decisions but—” Ling tried to answer his question seriously.

“I can guess you’re no strang’r to murders, Yao.”

Ohhh don’t like that. Ling's fine, really. Greed was getting creative with his name all of a sudden.

“Ling. ‘K. What was the first time? You fought back and stuff— I jus’ went one day out and left-  went far enough that nobody looked. Dunno if fath'r cared ta' look at all or knew I’d be back in his hair eventu'lly or what...” Greed contemplated with a befuddled way about him. He leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling.

Ling was treated to a nice view of cobwebs amidst the rafters and the ability to use his mouth. He put a finger on his chin.

“I was small. It was... during a dinner, I think— they wanted to poison me or maybe a few people at the table… I don’t 'member. I gave some of mine before I ate it to a palace dog..'nd it got really sick all fast.. One of my sisters was at the table, I barely remember her face.” Greed got almost a portrait of a smile in dark red makeup and arms draped in silk, “she wasn’t eating like the others. I took a prong 'nd went for her neck, I only grazed her, but I guess it scared her 'nough that she left Xing all together. Poisonsa' coward’s tool anyways.” Talking about trying to kill his sister at the tender age of a toddler harshed Ling’s good mood. Greed was also similarly put out.

Huh, uhh sorry.

“Don’t worry 'bout it, it was like twelve years ago—I’ve done a looooot worse since then,” Ling said.

Got any other burning questions? Greed asked in return, offering up information of his as an apology. Ling was too blitzed to realize that that was dangerously close to a second sorry in so many seconds.

“Dealer’s choice,” Ling said and slumped forward on to the table. Greed clutched the bottle and pinched Ling’s nose until he opened his mouth, throwing a splash in there. Sated for the moment he told Ling about the time he had tried to start a band at the nest until he realized that entailed knowing how to play instruments.

----------

"I think we've had enough fun for tonight prince of bastards, all good boys and homunculi should be home," Greed said loudly, volume modulation gone after finishing off the brown bottle. It came out garbled enough that it was nigh unintelligible to the casual listener.

There was a three second pause and they both erupted in guffaws, two different laughs coming from Ling’s mouth. The night was only middle aged. "Hey. hey LINGG. WHAT KINDA... whay kinda booze Xing got?? 'zit good??"

"Mostly rice!!!” he answered back. “I had some stuff? One time— it was yak based ... maybe...   Goji Berries? wassa... wassa Amestrian? Itsa berry," Ling was forgetting his learned languages and slipping in and out of Xingese.

"Most wines is berries..." Greed spoke into the table where he rested his forehead. The room was spinning, how rude of the room to do that.

"Greed you would loveee the hard liquor family thatsa gud family, not like our families, hey Greed why are our famblies GARBAGE?? anywayss... its strong stuff!!! You come over to my house, I give you some," Ling tottered, delirious.

"Maybe I Will! Whatsd alcoholic beverage ??" Greed stumbled over the unfamiliar pronunciation.

"Booze," Ling gave him the answer. Both were using Ling’s mouth and not hiding the fact under a mutter anymore. They were drawing some stares from the other patrons around them but the other customers chalked it up to the wobbling shot glass pyramid that the guy had stacked next to him.

"Oh. Important word," said Greed in all seriousness.

“You wanna get somethin’ to eat??” Ling asked Greed, also deadly serious. He knew, even trapped under a cloud of inebriation, that he had to put some food on all this liquid or he’d wake up very in trouble.

“I could eat, I could abso..lutely eat right now. You a mind ‘eader? You a mind reader Ling you neeeverr told me,” he hiccuped and his head suddenly snapped up.

“Wait. WAIT. First, mebbe this place has got it, I bet they do!” He gave a mental push to Ling who looked up at a dusty bottle with no label that was sitting on the highest shelf.

Get, get that one, they usuallbe won't give it to nyone’. I can -tell- . Bring it... Bring it over dingaling. It’s made out of potatoes and hatred. You’re gonna /love/ it.

Ling slid up to the counter like bones were optional and jauntily pointed to the bottle that looked old enough to have come from Xing. The bartender looked the grinning youth up and down again and reassessed how old he thought he was. He had come into the bar looking in the early twenties range but now the bartender knocked a few years off that estimate. He spoke to the kid for the first time this evening.

“We don’t give this to whom I suspect is a minor but this bar is not a fine establishment of repute so who am I to judge? Here you go, you hero.” Disclaimer out of the way, the keep fished it down and handed to bottle to Ling.

Ling shakily poured a shot and was hit by a wave of fumes.

“Is it sup’posed to be burnin’ my eyebrows off?”

Oh heellllll yesss.

Ling downed the shot and had to keep it down by sheer force of will. It was spicy if spicy was liable to be ripping the lining of his mouth apart.

Hahahahaha niccce going! You’re alright!

“Wow! Tastes like burn’in too!!”

Greed dragged Ling out of the bar after rolling a mounting amount of coins on the counter to the bartender until the point in which he stopped frowning.

Ling scuttled up the stairs beastially and put his nose up to the air. He required food, more importantly he wanted /trash/ food. He tottled down side streets singing a few Xingese folk songs on the way. Greed didn't know the words but absently hummed a few notes here and there as a backing track.

They promptly got kicked out of two places for looking like an escaped hospital patient and the fact they smelled like rubbing alcohol. The third, a place that probably shouldn't have been handling food, let them in. It was staffed by a single waitress that took one look at them and wanted to go home. The late night shift always attracted the loony bin.

The boy giggled to himself as he sat in a booth near the back, holding a menu upside down.

“Ssshuut up Ling stop singing, I can barely hear myself think— shh shh what do you want no I asked you, im buyin’ shut up shut up, shhhhHH HAHAHA GREED we’re Drucnk? no IM BUYIN’ its the leastest i can do were pals greed partners in crime! Right yeah–huh now you shut up no you order no YOU,” the boy's word vomit made no sense to her but she did her job and went over to take his order. The over under on him having money at all wasn't looking so good. The kid flapped a hand as she walked toward him.

“Shut Up, she’s comin ober look alive. Hello nice lady”, the boy said as she came to rest by his elbow with a pad of paper.

“And what would the gentleman desire this evening?” she replied, customer service fakeness dripping off her.

“Uuhhhhhhhhh,” Ling actually looked, really looked, at the menu for the first time.

“That one!” He pointed to the logo of the restaurant since his ability to read was obliterated much like the rest of him. The logo on the menu was of a pot pie, something they did actually have. They were going to throw them out in the morning because they had been sitting out most of the day but she had no scruples serving them to this kid because of the thought that he probably wouldn’t pay.

She brought him two pies and found him still mumbling to himself. He reached for the hastily warmed up fare with grabby hands and shoved one in his mouth. He chewed most of it and talked around the rest.

“Keep ‘em comin' why don’t ya and he wants ‘ta know you got any rice or nah?” He slurred. He put some money down on the counter. She didn’t know who ‘he’ was but at least he paid. She palmed the cash and stalked to the back to check if they had rice made or not. Greed downed water directly from the metal pitcher she had left at the table instead of a glass.

Ling had been whining about missing rice since he ordered and the downside was that even if Greed stuffed his mouth Ling could still talk. He hated doing things to only shut Ling up but there wasn’t a choice in the matter when it came to him and food.

There was no one else in the building and the waitress had been staring at him so he had asked more to have her leave than to please anyone else. His earlier high spirits were trickling off with mounting signs from Ling's body that he /maybe/ had overdone it. Greed wasn’t sure if the nausea he was feeling was because he was hungry or because of the amount of liquor he had consumed already. He still wasn’t used to how this body worked. He had never experienced a hangover before, at least not at the severity that humans seemed to experience them. He had a dark feeling through his drunk brain that he’d be getting a front row seat to that soon enough. All the more important to load up on heavy food.

Ling was right, trash food was the way to go, the pies tasted better than the fancy food he'd had his first day back. Ling meanwhile was almost asleep, taking a backseat after finishing off the two pies the waitress had brought. They had been family style in size but that didn’t stop Ling or him. Greed hated to admit it but addled though he was he realized he had outright enjoyed his company this evening. Terrible. Awful. Gross.

He also felt terrible and awful— and sweaty. The girl returned with rice and Ling perked up immediately. The rice wasn’t quite like the stuff from his homeland, being of a longer grain and not prepared in the right way but it was fresh.

Ling inhaled it like he always did and Greed felt a little better. Humans swore by rice or potatoes after heavy drink. Greed felt a glow of contentment coming from Ling and his mouth pulled to the side in a reluctant murky expression. It was time to go back to camp.

“Time to go bed,” Greed felt a little less tipsy after the food and pounding all the free water he could drink. He laid a few more coins on the table in a rare show of generosity, he wanted to come back to this place again. Plus it was Ed’s money, it wasn’t like he couldn’t get more.

Ling mumbled an affirmative and promptly fell asleep. That was different, usually Greed had to fall asleep first. It was like the brat didn’t trust him or something.

It was weird but he felt pretty comfortable. Hmph, ‘partners in crime’, he kind of liked the ring to that. He thought about getting up to some unsupervised shenanigans on his own but the headache that had started to tickle his temples told him to swiftly reconsider.

He stumbled out the door and trundled back to camp.

----------

Greed didn’t remember how or when he’d gotten back but he had woken early in the morning with Ed’s hands around his ankles, dragging him out of the open area he apparently had collapsed in to a sheltered spot near a fire that was only coals. He had also woke up during the move still wasted and berated Ed loudly in a mess of harsh language for the affront. Ed hollered back that it was his fault anyway and left him by the fire, legs akimbo, with a horse blanket and a canteen of water. He had curled into a ball and drifted back to sleep underneath the blanket. 

The chimeras had told Ed when he rose earlier that Ling, Ling not Greed, had left some time after sundown and still had not returned. Ed was puzzled but trusted Ling more than Greed. A little more. When daybreak came and they were still not back he reluctantly put his shoes on and went to look for him… them.

He knew even though it had most likely been Ling of all people that had left, that other one was probably involved. If Ling was out maybe that meant they were getting on better than the argument they had the other day let on. He wasn’t sure what to call their arrangement most days besides a hostage situation and honestly from the flashes he got of Ling’s demeanor whom was actually hostage in said arrangement was suspect.

Ed had found the damnable homunculus a few feet from the side of the road near the camp in a ditch, halfway buried in some reeds and damp from the dew that had precipitated from the fog rolling over the fields. He was extremely tempted to leave him there, pack up camp, and go far away, but his conscience wouldn’t let him.

His conscience however, did /not/ prevent him dragging him by the ankles and whacking his head off a few rocks in the road on the way back. Greedling smelled awful and Ed could tell he’d gotten up to some carousing. As for which one was at fault he had a sneaking suspicion it was them both. He left him alone, fully ready to chastise him later when he eventually woke up. If Ling was involved that meant he’d come round for food eventually. What was he? Some sort of stray…. Ed flashed back to how they had found Ling in the first place and realized that yes. Yes he was.

---

Greed was awake under the blanket but his head throbbed a drumbeat and his joints joined in. He couldn’t handle the sun peeking out from in between the woven strands of the blanket and didn’t want to even think about taking it off his head just yet. He had managed to keep the contents of his stomach down so far but it was a touch and go ordeal.

He had partied… a little too hard. Humanity sucked. He missed his old body, by now he’d be up and raring to go with zero ill effects no matter how bad his night had been before. Ling wasn’t even awake to share in the misery and Greed even heard light snoring coming from between his ears. He moaned angrily and curled in on himself around his upset stomach. Why did he have to deal with the downsides of humanity when… hhhhhold on a second he really /didn’t/ have to deal with anything did he?

Greed smiled and switched with Ling. Keeping him around did have some /wonderful/ uses. He went deep enough to cut himself off from his outside senses and sighed in relief. He felt Ling moan in sleepy distress in a distant way. He was about to sleep when he had another idea; he was full of them today!

GOOD MORNING!!!!

He returned to the outside for a second and threw the blankets off himself, retreating back and leaving Ling to it.

Ling shrieked and covered his eyes. He rolled onto his stomach and kicked his feet rapidly, swearing up a storm in a few different languages, convulsing in pain on the ground. Greed enjoyed the show.

Ling moaned in agony and blindly groped for the blanket, finding it and throwing it over himself, trying not to heave as his stomach rebelled from the activity. Greed cackled and stayed out of reach, making sure to keep Ling in control. Usually it was the other way around. Payback was a nasty customer!

After saving his eyesight Ling finally calmed down enough to push back against Greed and retreat from himself.

He appeared in their shared habitat of thousands of screaming souls. Removed as he was from his broken body Ling didn’t mind the noise nearly as much as he had minded Greed’s greeting.

He stared up at Greed who was grinning wildly as only a being that was mostly teeth could.

“Hello and salutations!” Greed taunted, “Did you like your first taste of the epicurean life of an adult?” Ling immediately washed him in a swell of that language of his. Greed of course had no idea what he was saying but could get by on his tone.

“Oh thanks, I had a good night sleep too, did you like my wake up call? Sure you did! I was just returning the favor from a few days ago,” Greed replied to what he suspected was about 80% swear words like they were having a pleasant breakfast table conversation.

Ling trickled off swearing and sat down. “OKAY! I get your drift! I won't do that again…” he said, referring to his own wake up call to Greed. He clasped his hands and looked around.

“Mind if I stay here a bit with you? I feel worse than after Envy broke most of my ribs,” he smiled up at him. "But if it's okay with you I'd like to continue taking the 'outside' shift today later on after we stop feeling like hot garbage? Maybe do some Tai Chi? It's good for us."

Ling went for his cake to eat it too, if Greed was gonna torture him with a hangover then Ling would at least get some use out of it. Greed moved a bit closer to peer at him, “Do what you want, I want a nap— but hold on you fought Envy? How’d that treat you?”

“Oh they turned into a snake and tried to bite me,” Ling said fondly.

“HAHA oh, me too! They sure do like the snake thing.” Greed said in return. His eye slits crinkled upward in mirth. Chatting in here looked to be more attractive than dealing with their shared problems out there, even if it was just Ling.

Ed went over to check on Greedling and found him comatose underneath the blanket with a small smile on his face. Even kicking at him with a toe didn’t elicit a response. He was still breathing so it was not his problem. Just to be sure Ed checked underneath an eyelid and saw only the whites that were far rolled up into his head and flicking back and forth in the patterns of a dreamer. They were so god damn weird.

Ed stalked off to get more firewood and some breakfast before they came to eat all of it.

The talks had gone... okay... today. He knew his first day in the Xing capital would be eventful but that had been a little much, especially near the middle. At least near the end he thought it had leveled out, it was hard to judge given the rapid succession of events and the various supernatural… aspects of said events.

Vato Falman was out of his depth on the non-political side of things— which was the majority of what had been off about the talks. Political he could deal with. Homunculi? Homunculi that were supposed to be dead? Not so much.

Further still, most meetings he sat in on were not punctuated by so much yelling and throwing things from both sides. Mostly it was more easily concealed seething dislike.

He really didn’t know how to take this whole double Emperor debacle and this was coming from someone who had been forced to hang out with a serial murderer that was also basically a ghost for longer than was healthy. Longer than healthy being anything more than it took to run away in his opinion.

Why was it always him?

Worse, they, the two who were shockingly running this country (not into the ground like Roy had hoped they were) were on the record as /liking/ him. Him, specifically! They both had asked after his condition multiple times during the day and paid special attention to his answers, even though they were mostly him ‘uhhh' ing until they went away. Such attention made him feel uncomfortable. Falman was able to do what he did— infiltration and information gathering, well, because he specifically didn't garner much attention from most people.

Attention from important people meant he was in a dangerous spot and needed to leave immediately in a normal situation. It was anything but normal where he found himself currently and it wasn't like he could flee the country.

He felt at the very least they doted on him in part to piss off his superior, Roy, which was indeed happening in full view of everyone present. Roy was used to being regarded as the most important person in the room, barring a few exceptions, on the entire planet. Ling Yao and that other one, Greed, made it a point to regard literally everyone else as more worth their time. Ling was friendly and equal handed about it, Greed... not so much.  

Roy visibly did not care for it even though he knew better than to voice his opinions on that matter. He was vain and if Falman was being totally honest in his private thoughts, sometimes a little tiny bit stupid— but not that stupid.

This couldn't be the entire reason why he merited special attention. They could have picked anyone in that room if that was their only aim. It just seemed to be about him.

He didn’t understand why he kept getting into these situations. First it was with Barry, who, now that Falman thought back on it, wasn’t as bad as he could have been. Just, you know, a serial killer. He liked him enough to try and gossip and play board games? He just happened to not need to sleep, or to breathe, and kinda sorta wanted to kill him.

Falman didn’t get a lot of sleep either back then for obvious reasons. He had managed to work out with him that as long as he had kept winning at chess Barry was not allowed to slice him. Why was it the weirdos always listened to rules that made no sense? It had saved his life probably so he wasn’t complaining.

Those other two though, he had -no idea- what he had done to get into their good graces. He had put the cheerful Ling Yao up in a safe house and fed and clothed the boy but it wasn’t like that was all that much in the grand scheme.

The boy had been on the run at the time so maybe that was it. Estrangement from your home country would make you appreciate a handout. Falman did remember that a kind deed meant a lot to someone where good deeds done for them were few and far between. It was reasonable to assume that he’d continue to remember it now.

Ling had in fact mentioned the kindness on the roof when he was busy fighting that penultimate battle months after it had happened, Falman remembered with that clarity of his. He had been pretty shocked to see Ling Yao clashing with his bosses’ boss on that fateful day.

It was not, or kind of not, Ling that had saved him at the time he learned a little later on, to intense lack of understanding. Those guys had saved his life when he defended the door with nothing but a pistol. A harsher more guttural voice talking serious smack only to be replaced by a boy waving monstrous claws in polite greeting. That was his first encounter with Greedling.

He moved on and pontificated about the Greed portion of the set. As far as he knew he hadn’t done anything nice for him… In fact if the voice was anything to go by Greed had been the one to inadvertently save /his/ life during their last meeting. Falman really owed him and not the other way around. He worked out that it was possible that Ling Yao’s endearment to him rubbed off? Maybe? He wasn’t going to estimate how that… whole thing... worked. What /was/ it with him and nonhuman entities?

He shook his head and re-oriented himself with the directions he had memorized. He tried to go back to his suite alone, getting almost turned around in darkened hallways of the palace even though he had his excellent memory to rely on. It didn't really help when you didn't have a frame of reference to go off of. He eventually found his room after some time bumbling around, which conveniently had a plaque with his name etched in delicate script on the door. He slid said door open to survey his quarters for the first time.

It was very nice, one of the nicest places he had ever slept in and over the years of his service he had been to the Armstrong mansion and other high society contacts of Roy’s. Off to the front of the large room were partitions with pastoral scenes painted on them obscuring the bedroom portion of the expanse. Unlike the other fancy places he had been this was simple, Falman did enjoy simple. Simple was really good.

The bed was flush with the ground, next to it a table, also low enough to be able to be interacted with while laying down. A single candle gave him enough light to see by with the addition of the moon which was nearly full and shining from the delicate windows. Decorations included a single painfully thin vase with a branch of dogwood and other such rich sundries. He was careful to not touch anything, he didn’t want to be the one that broke anything in his room if he could help it. He’d leave those honors to Havoc in his own quarters.

He got ready for bed and laid down on the floor. He had done his share of field service like everyone else so falling asleep anywhere wasn’t a problem. It was more the unfamiliar room than anything to do with the bed’s location. Plus he felt odd, as if he was being watched. Given Xing’s nasty reputation, he heard lots of stories from Breda on the trip over— there was a decent chance he probably was.

The emperor had extended his protection to them all so he had that going for him. He doubted that anything would actually happen to him but to be safe he slept with a field knife under his pillow. Being prepared and ready for anything had kept him alive so far. That and more than his fair share of luck.

He slept badly. The uncomfortable feeling persisted into his subconscious, making his dreams similarly disconnected. Slipping in and out of wakefulness he straddled proper sleep. His eyes fluttered open as he rubber banded back to being fully awake. Rolling on his back he faced the ceiling. When he couldn't sleep at home he’d stare at the beams and follow cracks and whorls in the wood until he would drift off. It helped him get his thoughts in order. He peered at the air above him to attempt the same ritual, hoping that the familiarity would knock him out.

 —With a start he thought he saw movement from the ceiling, a flash of a lighter shade against the dark wood and the shadows high above. He opened his eyes fully to scan the air but the flash of whatever it was had gone. Or maybe it hadn’t existed in the first place… he /had/ been half asleep... He hoped he had dreamed it but his gut told him that he wasn’t so lucky.

He didn’t, rather he couldn’t, go back to sleep now. But, he also didn't make a move to get up and investigate. Caution was another trait he had in spades. He shut his eyes and chose to wait it out.

He persisted being awake, the feeling of being watched multiplying exponentially as the seconds ticked by. His hair prickled on the back of his neck though he kept his eyes shut and his breath even. The bad feeling he had grew and grew. He finally couldn't take it any more and opened his eyes to slits again to find someTHING standing over him. In the dim light of the moon it looked like a specter of insidious horror. The robes it was wearing were askew and trailing off a shoulder and it’s face— if it even had one, was obscured by a dark tangle of hair.

Falman grunted in surprise and extreme alarm but successfully repressed a scream. He froze in place as it leaned in close but for the slow and deliberate movement of his arm as he started to slip a hand behind him—under his pillow where the knife lay.

The entity opened its mouth, too-sharp teeth winking in the light, and cleared it’s throat,

“Hey, you still sleeping or—?”

Falman deflated.

It was the emperor. He flopped backward on his pillow and gasped for breath, rubbing his sweaty forehead with a palm.

Greed flipped his hair back from his face (he usually slept with it down after it was up and painfully tight all day) which showed pale in the moonlight and tied it into a messy bun to get it away from his eyes. He wasn’t very good with fixing it up nice but it didn’t matter to the company he was looking to keep. Falman’s respiration had stabilized and he had stopped feeling for the weapon that Greed was sure must lie under his pillow, Greed belatedly did remember this man was military. He didn’t blame Falman in the slightest for what he assumed was a knife. This was Xing.

“We’re bored, can’t sleep. Wanna hang out? Play some cards? Ling cheats and frankly it’s kind of hard to play anything that requires bluffing, or hell, even /looking/ at the cards being as we are.” Greed produced a deck of playing cards from inside his sleeve. Ling made himself known by shrugging for him and belting a quick laugh.

“I don’t... remember typical hanging out entailing you literally hanging from my ceiling while I sleep,” Falman stammered out with a touch of actual anger. Greed backed off a little from his position of being nearly on top of Falman and fixed his pajamas that had gotten rumpled when he played lizard in the rafters. Cheeky. He liked people that had a spine.

“You saw that, then? I have to take to the top roads to dodge my security sometimes, it’s good to know their hearts are into it. As for the hanging I did always take things literal,” Greed joked and sat down on the floor next to Falman who rubbed his tear ducts in a moment of aggravation, lighting an oil lamp from the candle that was still burning on the table that was close to him.

Greed wrapped a hand around a leg of the same table and dragged it over. He opened the pack and cut the cards, shuffling them with ease of long practice in both bodies. Ling’s nimble fingers danced over the card faces as he fanned the deck and flipped it over with a satisfying noise of the many cards locking into new positions.

“Let’s play war, I’d say we do a three man game but that leaves you at a marked disadvantage. We’ll go a few rounds and winner plays Ling. Nice chance game, leaves little room for /cheaters/.”

Falman knew he wasn’t talking about him. Greed continued his shuffling in increasingly elaborate patterns but shut his eyes angrily.

“I go first! I'm the one who suggested we get him to play after poker didn’t go so hot so it's my turn! Not my fault you’re halfway to insomniac. I can’t sleep either with your thoughts poking at me— oh don’t give me that look I—” he put the cards down on the table and looked at Falman who had sat up and was peering at him quietly with an edge of nervousness, his baseline expression.

“Uh, sorry. You know how it is,” Greed said. Falman did not know how it is.

They played a few rounds and Falman’s luck was still with him, he won a few hands and even better got into two wars which he also both won. His pile of cards grew larger. Greed flipped his hand and after making a chagrined noise at losing another round he addressed Falman.

“So, dish my man, how many strings you pull in that country, I gotta know. Us really, Ling’s curious too.”

“Excuse me?” Falman asked, why did this... Homunculus insist on asking questions he had no clue how to answer? What did he mean by that? Why was he up in the middle of the night playing a child’s game with the personification of sin and the emperor of this entire country? He didn’t have a clue on how to answer these questions he posed to himself either.

Greed took his expression to mean he didn’t much like the game. “We can play something else, just thought war might be a fun primer… or... if you don’t wanna talk about you that’s fine. Some humans like to keep things locked down. Was just interested to know is all, between the three of us you got a great thing going,” he said and winked.

“I still do not know what you’re referencing, your highness,” Falman regretted snapping at the Emperor before and sought to try and be polite from here on out.

“Come on… it's just you and me…” He goaded then paused. “I didn’t forget about you just shush,” Greed wiggled his fingers in a ‘shoo’ motion. “—and Ling here, you can tell us. You’re talented at finding yourself in the center of many political upsets, too many to be a coincidence. Unlike Horseboy’s other herd you don’t seem to have anything ‘going for you’, you know? So I got to thinking, you’re pretty damn smart, sitting back and letting 'important' people be the face of decisions. Kinda reminded me of my whole deal,” Greed spoke with pride about his master plan of basically hitching a ride.

“I’m just a rank and file from Amestris, your excellency. You’re pinning a lot of conjecture on me.” He flipped a few more cards while Greed had talked and won about two-thirds of the time. Falman knew he had to keep a firm hand on these ‘humanity is a relative term’ types, he didn't want them to get the wrong idea about him. Him being the Emperor was a wrench but Falman would have to work around it. He /was/ good at working around it, he hoped.

“Ooookay, suuuree” Greed said with an exaggerated expression of giving up, indicating by his tone that he didn’t believe him for a moment.

Greed flipped his final hand and they counted up the cards, though by the visible size difference in the piles Falman had wiped the floor with him.

He frowned deeply at the loss but didn’t dwell on it long, a smile sliding back onto his features again quickly. “Good game! Ling, you’re up!”

Suddenly Falman was looking at the boy he’d fed that long while ago. Said boy re-situated himself from a legendarily lazy slouch to a more proper sitting position. Falman noted observantly that body language was a good way to tell these two apart. The voice always let him know, but pose and expression would be quicker.

“Uh, good evening,” Falman greeted the ‘newcomer’. How did it work when you had two people there the whole time? This diplomacy malarkey was tough as it was.

“I apologize for yelling at you before, you.. both–?.. startled me,” he said. He felt that since this one had dibs on being Emperor first that maybe he deserved a little more explanation. He didn’t feel like the boy in front of him had the capacity to hold a grudge based on a tiny slight but it was the emperor he was talking to. He couldn’t forget that. He admitted to himself that when he spoke with Greed before he kind of had.

Ling waved off the apology and looked down at himself, taking his hair out to tie it up a little better than Greed's ministrations. He was wearing pale blue robes that would look pearly white in this light and his skin and hair were an unfortunate combination to see in the dark. He realized belatedly that he must have really looked a fright to poor Falman and was lucky that he'd exercised caution in not blindly stabbing at him. Whoops.

Greed followed his line of thinking and laughed, informing him privately that the palace would have rumors of a ghost within the day if anyone had caught sight of him. Greed liked bothering the palace locals any way he could and Xing was a painfully easy superstitious lot. Greed wouldn't have even taken an attempted stabbing the wrong way. He was aware what he had looked like when he woke Falman up.

They switched to rummy and Ling promised not to cheat, emperor’s honor. Like Greed, after a few hands he wanted to fill the relative silence and ask Falman a few things.

“Hey, can I pick your brain for a second?” He asked over the top of his cards. Falman steeled himself, sensing a loaded question, why was it always /always/ him?

“Y-yes?”

“I wanna know, since you’ve got an outside view of these things— what do you think about us? Don’t be afraid to share your honest opinion it’s my question as a friend. No official capacity, ” Ling said kindly.

“In regards to?” Falman asked back, toeing around the question. Questions 'off the record' were usually worse. 

“Like this deal, with Greed and all, you think we do a good job? Mustang has voiced his opinion loudly that he doesn’t like it,” Ling said and threw together a run of cards.

“Like we care–” Greed interjected.  

“I know we’re doing a good job, I’m just reflecting on how it looks to, well, for lack of a better word, ‘normal’ people,” Ling continued , twitching two fingers on each hand in air quotations.

“Not most alchemists, you understand, and people who directly fought a demigod besides,” he went on. Ed and Al didn't care and why would they? They had seen and done weirder.

"To me it’s my new normal but I can tell that what we got would probably scare most people, they’d think of it as a curse at best. At least most people here in Xing, my beloved subjects who, need I remind you, liked drinking mercury up until a little while ago because they thought that it would give them superpowers—” His brows knit together, “I don’t regret anything you dumb ass, I’m just saying!” 

Falman supposed that talking out loud was easier or maybe they both just didn’t care.

“Alchemy is like magic to me and yet that’s accepted. As someone who doesn’t understand how it works I’m also fine with it, it's convenient. My country is oddly fine with it, probably /because/ it's convenient.  Most ‘tame’ science is beyond me as well, actually. I can’t tell you how a light bulb works and yet it does.”

A small scowl lit Ling's features.

“You know how electricity works...of course you do.. save me the lecture for another time, what did you do all day for two hundred years just mindlessly absorb random facts or what?” Greed had interjected his two cenz on the matter, Falman guessed.

“So you’re my test case, since you call yourself ‘rank and file’, what do /you/ think Vato Falman?” Ling finished.

Falman was just going to have to get used to a part of a conversation he couldn’t hear. He arranged his cards thoughtfully; or really in a stalling tactic. He, probably they, Falman surmised, looked at him expectantly.

“Roy just doesn’t like things outside his narrow worldview and things that are rude to him on purpose,” he said after a moment more of deliberation. Ling grinned at the beginnings of his answer. He’d have to be painfully honest here, this jovial playful one reminded him of too many superior officers that hid their intentions under a front.

“Forgive me for my candidness but with you both and... the ‘thing’ you 'got going'. Co-rulers? I don't know. It is none of my business is what it is.” He collected the cards for another run and laid them on the table, refusing to meet Ling’s eyes.

“Roy can be vocal about how he dislikes it all he wants he still has to deal with you, it’s literally your country. So if I were him I would suck it up,” Falman said. This better not get out to his superiors.

Greed slapped the ground a few times with a palm and snickered. “Knew I liked him for a reason, knows how to pick his battles!”

“I told you, I /told/ you.” Ling sang back. They switched back and forth, congratulations ringing out in both voices.  

Falman sighed.

A blond head chose that moment to poke into the room from the doorway, in fact three of them. Ed, Al, and Havoc of all people. Ed thumbed a hand at Havoc who looked sheepish, “We found him in a storage area lost as all get out,” he said, explaining the older officer’s presence. Al and Ed were almost as inseparable as Ling and Greed but Jean was a new addition.

“And why were you around to find him?” Greed surfaced to reply tonelessly.

“Snooping!” Ed brightly revealed. Greed pointed an index finger at him with a waggle of approval. He didn’t expect any different from the pair.

Havoc extruded more of himself in the room to do his own snooping and took in the presence of the table on the ground with the cards strewn about.

“Hey, hey, while I’m up anyone interested in a game of Dublith hold ‘em? I want playing cards with royalty off my list of ‘to dos, (hopefully kicking ass as well)” Havoc offered, muttering the last bit to Alphonse.

“Would I /ever!/” Greed answered with glee, Dublith hold ‘em was a game that had significance to him.

“I warn you— he cheats." He pointed to himself, determined to suck the fun out of a win from Ling.

“I do too, but you’ll have to catch me at it,” Havoc replied, not missing a beat.

Greed really liked these Amestrian rank and files. They knew how to have a good time.

Falman shuffled the deck. Sleepless nights and faceless organisms. Every god-damn time.

“Your automail seems a little out of joint tiny, you sure you’re gonna be okay for our big fight? Don’t want one of my precious assets operating under detracted capacity,” Greed had used the fact of Ed's disrepair to frame a compelling argument over why they suddenly needed to go back to Resembool after all this time.

/That/ day was skulking ever nearer on the horizon and everyone was increasingly pensive. Even Ling had little in the way of aggressive positivism to interject. Greed seemed to find the pall that had overtaken the group concerning contemplating their own mortality distasteful and reasoned that making sure that they were as in order as they could be was as good a plan as any. Ed had to begrudgingly admit he’d been feeling a little creaky as of late, the strain of hard travel and shitty damp sleeping conditions didn’t do any favors for the complicated inner workings of his armor. He supposed there was nothing wrong with going to go see Winry— for a tune up of course.

The travel to what Ed secretly called home went off without a hitch besides nearly getting killed by Winry for breaking into and using her house for an undisclosed amount of time. They had needed to lay low! They were wanted! It wasn't like he could send her advanced warning! The chimera didn't need to be told to keep things nice and mainly used the rare opportunity for hot running water to take a shower and catch up on a type of sleep that didn't involve picking bugs off you in the morning.

Ed had to chase and boot Greed from snooping in every cabinet and drawer, although when he tried to go into Winry's workshop Ed shot him such a look of terror at Winry finding that things in there had been /touched/ he backed off with a derisive comment that it looked boring in there. He didn't turn tail, no sir. 

Winry understood their need for secrecy eventually, though Ed needed to take a braining before she listened. She had also verbally boxed his ears over what he wanted to accomplish on the Promised Day and when he couldn’t take anymore he left to go back down stairs.

'Course he found Greedling blocking his path on the stairwell. Fantastic. He wondered if he had simply heard the commotion and come to gloat or just thought that he could make it somehow worse by being present.

Winry peeked out of her bedroom to see if Ed had left and saw he and Lingreed or whomever having a tet-a tet on her stairs. She eavesdropped with little shame, it /was/ her house.

It was even worse than coming to make a mess, Ed discovered. Greed made one of his shitty speeches instead, calling Ed ‘just like him’ and ‘maybe more alike than he thought’. Gross, he didn’t want anything to do with that leech. Ed reminded him of the consequences of what he got when he tried to do something he shouldn’t by way of shoving his metal arm in Greed’s face. It’s not like Ling or Greed understood fucking consequences for their actions. Unlike Greed, Ed didn’t have a supernatural healing factor to rely on. Or literal do overs. Greed just continued to pontificate about the underpinnings of humanity on the stairwell of his childhood friend’s home and not take Ed’s clear social cues that he didn't want to talk about this right now— or ever. He pushed past Greed and went down to see how the chimera were getting on with Den or whatever.

Ling in a rare showing stayed mum for the whole affair. Clearly Greed had a lot to say on the subject of his sin and Ling was enjoying Greed being talkative about his feelings. It was what he had been trying to encourage. Though using those feelings to get into an argument with Ed was less than he had hoped for. Oh well, can’t win them all.

Greedling naturally went on to make things awkward by being himself but Winry also took that in stride better than expected. This Greed guy was okay. The quarrel on the stairs, Greed wasn’t exactly wrong with what he had said to Ed. It had to be Greed talking about all that stuff about wanting what you couldn’t have. Ling wasn’t the type. She resolved to treat them like guests rather than intruders. Though she was surprised to see that Den wasn't on the same page and hated the, um, guys, as much as she did. Den usually loved everyone. It wasn't like Winry could judge supernatural aspects like who's soul was connected to what and whether that was an affront to creation or whatever. She was a mechanic and concerned herself more with what she could control and improve on in the smallest scale.

Ling did look and act a sight different than when she last saw him. But then again so did Ed. She blushed a little at realizing that rather than the top of his head, she met his nose when she went to look him in the eyes during their spat. There was also the chimera to consider but it wasn’t her first meeting with humans that had weird shit going on. They were polite, apologizing for needing the use of her humble home, and they had helped clean up after dinner like proper gentlemen. Ed had brought home worse.

Okay, dinner had been weird.

Winry had thrown together a large assortment, remembering that Ling ate like he was on death row. Ling, to support his reputation, did just that– and plowed through the bird she had baked like a wolverine—chiefly using his hands. Or, Winry supposed, that other guy did. She learned the details about exactly what the hell was his (their?) deal over their meal. The actual animal people were using forks and knives. Ed had used the distraction and relative peace of dinner to fill Winry in on what they had been up to since his call in Central. That seemed an age ago to her and ostensibly a lot had changed from that time, the group of mismatched men in front of her letting her infer a lot.

Ed was growing tired of recounting the whole convoluted story that got only larger every time they sat down with someone they hadn’t seen in a while.

Greed was in heaven, road provisions and a subversive dip into a town or two were fine and dandy but a home cooked meal with ‘love’ was the absolute top shelf of shit. Sitting down at a table full of people that were forced by social constraints to listen to him was awesome. He even remembered to ask for things to be passed to him rather than reaching over the table to take them.

Saying ‘salt’ was asking.

The dog had finally stopped barking at him after Ling had made a brief apology born on the heels of an offered palm full of precious gristle under the table. She stopped growling nearly the second Ling slithered into control to whistle her over. She inched over to his hand that dangled under the table and nosed it. Ling dropped the cargo, which she slurped happily off the floor. He snapped at her with fingers still hanging down out of sight to come back over and gave her a little pat when she reluctantly did. Greed was a little pissed that the dog liked Ling after that, only standing up to growl when Greed appeared again to keep eating for himself, but he would get over it. The brat at least didn’t pounce on the opportunity to be smug, he seemed to just enjoy interacting with the dog. Whatever. Greed realized that for all his old skill with animals those animals had been only amalgamations. He had never, per se, seen a standard dog up close before. It even had automail. This Winry chick was cool.

Greed used dinner to talk loudly about himself and who he was to his subordinates. It had all been very nice in the only opinion that mattered, his.

Soon enough the visit was over. Winry hadn’t taken long at all fixing Ed up to work ability. Her time to completion had gone down again, breaking her previous record. Greed had snooped around in the time it had taken for her to finish up and had been enamored by a board full of pictures in the front of Winry’s house, where the coats were hung up. These humans and their technology. Seemed like yesterday that to get a picture of yourself you had to get someone to draw it. These people must be Winry’s ‘family’, how curious. He saw shorty even shorter and someone he could only presume to be metal man as little kids. Family had a lot of definitions to these humans. He hadn’t understood for a long while that the definition could comprise things other than ‘main enemies’. Ling broke his solitude to agree to that sentiment with chagrin and Greed’s brows raised just a tiny bit in acknowledgement.

----------

Before they knew it the day before the Promised Day had come and they, for all their posturing, didn’t have much of a plan besides taking Winry’s advice on going to find Ed’s father and coming to Kanama. Ling had commented on one of his semi-rare group appearances that he’d like to go back to Ed’s house sometime and try that famous apple pie that everyone had been talking about. Greed had also paid Winry an honest compliment in saying that she could cook for him any time and that Ed ‘sure knew how to pick ‘em’’. Ed had stuck his hands in his pockets and huffed in prideful anger. He didn’t like Greed talking about Winry.

“Hey, Hey, I know when something isn’t mine to take. Just admiring is all, taking a page out of my sibling’s book and being ‘envious’ for a second,” Greed had said, chuckling with a dark edge. Ed had spat on the ground at his feet but left him be. Greed just liked to rile people up.

They had recently peeled off from meeting his father which was an embarrassing and annoying conversation. How was he supposed to be mad at someone who thanked his “boss” for taking care of him? Greed clearly couldn’t resist and laid on thickly that poor Edward just needed a firm guiding hand. Edward was /going/ to find a way to kill him, he swore. His old man had to embarrass him further by doting on him. How could he stay pissed at someone so pathetic. Who cried? It was really hard to hit someone who cried first. What was this? Grade school?

Ed was privately also mad that he’d missed out on what he’d thought would have been a lecture from his father on running with the wrong crowd. He’d made a gang of enemies almost without realizing and was pretty proud of that fact but his father just accepted it with everything else and trusted his judgement. Mature, but no fun.

Greed enjoyed Ed punching the shit out of his father with a transparency that was predictable. It might be something that Greed would like to do when they met /his/ dear old dad again.

It had been thought provoking to watch his father’s and Greed’s exchange. There was much to be said by the line of “Interesting tattoo you got there.” Ed thought that his father would be more curious to know why Greed was working with his group but once again he’d been unshakable. Greed also wasn’t very forthcoming with his reasoning. Ling was surprised to learn that Edward’s father had a similar problem to himself and was intimately acquainted with the concept of homunculi to know exactly what he was. His whole story would be the stuff of fantasy had Ling not been in such a similar predicament.

He didn’t ask why Greed had decided to come along with the group but inferred through context clues that he was aware Greed had a change of heart on the whole ‘let dad dominate the world’ thing. Ling shined his fingernails on his shirt and blew at them with a smile only for himself. Now it wasn’t /all/ his work, but he did give himself considerable airs.

-

They got something to eat and Ed bought himself a bolt of cloth from a nearby stall. Greed wasn't one to judge relationships with fathers but he did suggest in his own special way that minuscule's dad was an alright guy. Ed made himself his god awful outfit and outright refused to give his dad the time of day. Well Greed had done all he could do! Ling privately mentioned he thought Greed's fashion taste was better, though it wasn't much of a contest. Greed preened and took that as a compliment rather than the dig Ling meant it to be. Denial was powerful.

-

Speaking of Greed, Ed had asked him a question later on. Why /did/ Greed decide he wanted to be with their group in central? He wasn’t beholden to anyone, he said so himself. Greed informed them it was a secret and Ed still worked for him so he should watch his mouth. The most surprising thing was that Edward left that terrible excuse for an excuse alone. Ed wasn’t so sure that it was Ling’s influence over Greed keeping him the area either.

Ling, when Ed thought about it, had even less reason to stay in Central. He had the Philosopher's stone he had sought after all this time, even though it was loud and uncooperative. Ling could have probably rigged a plan to get back to his home country even if Greed was looking to stay. Yet they were both here. How odd.

Greed was also inordinately pleased over both his chimera being pretty happy with their lot in life, it reminded him of old comrades. Just because they may have not been ‘normal’ didn’t stop them from accepting their situation and even commenting on the pluses. They were even cheerful.

Ling ‘Hmm’d’ at another odd feeling he got from Greed. It was complicated and he couldn’t really put his finger on the comparison even as Greed laughed at how nonchalant the chimera were to the large changes in their lives.

-

They hadn’t had much time to contemplate Greedling’s stay with the group as Al had shown up shortly after. Or, more accurately, had been brought to them.

Ed was excited, it was just like Al to show up exactly when he needed him. He stepped to the edge of the woods to greet his brother, it had been forever!

Ling felt his hackles raise and immediately knew something was wrong, his inner senses were going haywire as Greed looked at Alphonse. Ling warily had an idea why. Not only was another homunculus /very/ close but it was the one he felt before, at Bradley's, the one that felt like he was an entire tier above the likes of Greed and Gluttony. Even Envy didn’t hold a candle to what Ling was feeling now. He had to tell Edward, this was a trap! He went to use his mouth but Greed refused him purchase and sidelined him hard, back and down, not unlike their first few days together.

Greed! What gives!? That’s a homunculus, not Alphonse! We have to tell them! They’re walking into a trap! Greed didn’t reply and continued to stonewall Ling.

Ling did not want to give up the fight so easily, it was important. His strength behind resisting Greed made veins stand out in relief at the thin areas of skin on his temples. Greed continued to fight him with everything he had. What in the hell was up with him!? Ling stopped for a moment to mount another push and felt… fear? from Greed.

Greed was scared? Of what? Of his sibling?

Ed walked closer to Al in greeting him and Ling knew he didn’t have any time to ask for the reason why. He pushed just that little bit harder and was rewarded by his voice ringing out to the others in a quick warning. The homunculus lashed out, but with the moment of warning Ling gave them nobody lost a limb or worse.

The long dark barbs slashed out of the underbrush almost faster than he could see, Alphonse standing stock still in the middle of it. The thing had been underhandedly using him as bait. The horrid way that thing’s powers worked was incredibly frightening. Pliant blades that could fire off in all directions, slicing anything in their path. Even Ling was shaken and he had dealt with Envy.

In revealing that he knew the homunculus was there, Ling had unwittingly revealed himself. The monster knew of people that hailed from Xing that were able to sense abominations such as himself. He put two and two together and realized Ling was still present within Greed as it seemed that extra powers a host had such as alchemy or Ling’s abilities didn’t transfer over to a freeloader so easily. Ling groaned, that would have all been great to know before!

Pride, as he was known to the group now, detested that Greed was so weak as to allow his host to take over and that seemed to be what Greed had been afraid of. Ling knew it hadn’t been so easy as that, Pride was making an unfair assessment. Ling /wished/ it had been just that easy. He wouldn’t be in this mess if he had been stronger than Greed from the get-go.

Greed was afraid of being seen as soft. By Pride specifically, it looked like. This wasn’t the time for fucking self esteem issues in Ling’s viewpoint! In his own way, Ling reasoned, Greed was trying to protect himself— and weirdly in extension, Ling. Pride was now targeting them specifically but Ling concluded that Pride would have targeted them due to Greed’s defection from the group without Ling’s presence. Pride had even said that no matter what happened Greed was determined to betray them. He said that he guessed that familial affection and him being the eldest (and therefore always right) wasn’t enough for him, was it. There was no winning there, not with pissed off family. Ling knew from experience.

Ling wished Greed had taken the time to try and explain all this in the moment they had (or possibly in the months they had been on the run, goddammit) but Ling wouldn't have done anything differently even if Greed did. The warning had been a needed emergency breach of their earlier unsaid pact. Ling knew Greed wasn’t weak. He kept to the backseat in a gesture of apology, letting Greed take the reins during the fight to maybe get some of his swagger back.

Greed did have something to add that was a help. Pride had to keep himself somewhere that wasn’t Al’s tin can of a body but still had to puppet it around, and that meant that his main body was close by.

Ling could work with that.

--------

Ed had done some fancy thinking by plunging the entire forest into darkness. Ling kept his mouth shut even though he really wanted to chuckle at even Greed tripping over a tree root in the pitch black woods. He wanted to offer his services in navigation of the dark as he was very good at it, but he knew Greed’s pride that ironically Pride had scored an early wound on wouldn’t let him. For all that he could instantaneously heal abrasions of the flesh Greed spent so damn long nursing injuries of the spirit. 

It took the appearance of Gluttony for Greed to change his tune. And the loss of an arm. While Darius handled Gluttony for the moment Ling hammered at Greed with the fact he already knew, Ling was a better fighter than him. He was more suited for this. He was literally /raised/ to do this. He had even fought and bested Gluttony on his own before! Maybe Greed could lend him a hand? Or did he wanna lose another arm again! He really needed the help! (The ongoing plight that he always had to play to Greed’s hero complex to get what he wanted was really wearing Ling down.)

Greed realized he was on the defensive much too much for his liking and decided to let Ling have a crack at it with an admonishment of he’d better not /dare/ to try and steal his body back. If only to shut him up. Ling shot right back with another threat that he hadn’t had to use in a while. That it /was/ his originally, he wasn’t stealing so much as retrieving it! He supposed Greed was regressing because he was in the company of old adversaries but really, Ling hoped that he’d be better than that by now! 

Regardless, Ling was out to play and he was going to show Greed what he could really do with the gloves off. Yes, their interim sessions with Ed these past few months were something but sparring was utterly different than being able to rip apart something that was so adverse to dying such as Gluttony.

Greed had taken on those sessions with Ed out of boredom but secretly another wounded pride attack at being bested by Ling in the woods. He would die before telling Ling he had been right in that he fought like shit.

They had started out as Greed being on the run from Ed's clear acumen in the sport of delivering an ass whooping. Ed even said that Greed could use his powers if he 'neeeded tooooo' with a pout and huge doe like stare. This taunt made Greed see red that had nothing to do with his eye color. When Ling had quipped during an especially difficult moment in the heat of a spat that Greed would do a lot better if he held his arms like 'this' while quickly fixing Greed's form and Greed being able to not only return the offensive strike but dump Ed on the ground— Greed mayhaps was more attentive to letting Ling talk and actually Listening going forward. After that key turning point Greed had gotten a lot better, he still had his way about fighting, but with Ling's skills laid out to him he added a lot of the prince's flair to his style. Ed wasn't the only one who could do a couple flips when the mood took him. 

Ling trusted Greed to heal any injuries he incurred and whipped around Gluttony like a maniac. Very unexpectedly, Greed broke out of his earlier funk to give him a figurative pat on the back as Ling slammed Gluttony into the dirt. He really poured it on to show off and to test the results of the training he’d been advising Greed on all these months. Ling was pretty shocked at the flip flop in heart from his captor but took it calmly until Greed said that he was /glad/ to have partnered up with him. That little admission nearly knocked the wind out of him. The direct translation had to be a reference to Ling’s skills no doubt but the larger meaning of what Greed had unwittingly said was utterly stark to Ling.

Greed regarded what they had as a partnership. They were equals. Ling of course knew this but it was one thing to know it and another for Greed to outright say it. Even now after so long with the homunculus Greed sometimes could surprise Ling. 

He was lost how to comment on that besides ‘Thanks!’. Manners.

Their apparent deepened camaraderie notwithstanding, Gluttony still wasn’t dead and took that moment to attack again. Ling reacted to this much as you’d expect, keeping a cool front while he made some major distance into the trees. He secretly had a private scream of terror at almost dying. Goddamn, he forgot about how hard these guys were to actually kill. He had only subdued Gluttony before! His main plan of attack had been letting Gluttony get in close and then punishing the stupidity of that action over and over. Now that he was in a state of considering how he was to actually /kill/ the beast he wasn’t sure how to crack that nut. Before Gluttony could test his lack of theory someone raced out of the brush, cutting into Gluttony even faster than he had. This person didn’t give Gluttony an inch to aim his devastating attack and tore him apart like a thresher. Ling knew of only one person that could be so vindictive in a fight. 

“LAN FAN!” 

He happily identified her as the mysterious silhouette that was saving his hide. Immediately he noticed that she had come with a new weapon in the form of an automail beauty strapped to where her arm had been. Ling was reminded of what she had sacrificed to get him to where he needed to go and resolved to shower her with the appropriate riches when this all was over. It would never be enough, but he had to try.

Automail was secondary in comparison to flesh and blood but god did it do good work, the extra power it allowed her as well as being a sharp weapon that never left her side was one -hell- of a door prize. 

The extra distraction that Lan Fan was supplying allowed Ling to get back in close to help her out. They both worked in a tandem that was familiar and literally tore Gluttony apart. It was very satisfying to rip the disgusting monster who had not only ate him but had given him and Lan Fan all this trouble into tiny scraps. Especially as he was pleading for them to stop and just let him eat them already. Ling’s stomach did a little flip, remembering how unpleasant that had been. No way was he gonna let that happen again.

They were really destroying the countryside as they tore entire trees out of the ground while they kicked Gluttony around the forest, his wailing echoing among the remaining upright foliage. The fierce satisfaction didn’t seem to be coming all from him, Ling realized in the middle of Lan Fan cutting the stumps of Gluttony’s arms off before they regrew. Greed was having a great time. 

Lan Fan was overjoyed to have not only found the young lord’s body but amazingly the young lord being in control of it. He told her they would have to catch up later and she agreed. This situation was priority. 

Ling meanwhile would have frowned with derision if he had even a second of time at Greed having to comment that "Lan Fan was a HELL of a woman," 'where had Ling been hiding her?' Ling hadn’t been hiding her at all! He talked about how great Lan Fan was a ton! Greed was such a visual learner. Still, positive interaction, positive interaction. He thanked Greed again for saying so.  

These kids were alright! Greed discovered. He was aware that Ling had a lot going for him, being an accomplished fighter and user of that dragon something or other. Of course one of /his/ possessions had to be the best around. That’s why he’d chosen it after all. But the woman! Damn! Were all of the people Ling knew from Xing like this? He could maybe possibly get into seeing that country, if he had the time after the Promised Day. Letting Ling fight for himself might have been a good move. It was fun to watch, not only from seeing Gluttony whom he didn’t like or anything so outmatched but also watching these humans.

They had Gluttony on the run! Lan Fan, prepared as ever, had brought with her many of her excellent grenades. Gluttony couldn’t take the dual attack of the Xingese fighters and the rain of the horrible light and noise. He was just trying to get away in his simple way. They chased him toward a clearing where Ling could hear the telltale signs and see the flashes of light that denoted another brawl. 

Ling was reluctant to chase him to Pride, but it was better than letting Pride get the jump on him. He paused as Lan Fan stopped and clutched her arm in a tree. Maybe she wasn’t ready to use it so strenuously. Ed had mentioned that automail needed time to take, and she.. she had only had hers for six months. She didn’t grace him with a reply on his askance about her condition so he guessed that it wasn’t /dire/ but Lan Fan was always one to hide how bad a situation was. He could do nothing but chase after her and Gluttony. 

Gluttony, simple he may be, wasted no time in telling Pride what those mean people were doing to him and Pride did not look happy. Dammit, he ratted them out. Studying Pride's face Ling noticed that he looked at him with a special amount of disgust. Probably because he was an ‘abomination’ or whatever. He guessed he couldn’t get away with purists on both sides of the river. Not human enough for humanity (though that wasn’t a specific problem to him) and not homunculus enough for homunculi. From what he could recall from Greed’s memories of leaving the first time it wasn’t anything new. They'd had a problem with how human he was since the beginning. 

-

Ling could only watch as Pride came to a tactical decision, which was eating Gluttony alive in front of them. Ling, for possibly the first time ever proceeded to lose his appetite, and Greed, Greed made it known that he was also grossed out beyond comparison. Ling thought these homunculi (barring the black sheep that was encased within him) were affiliated! You didn’t just /eat/ your own kin ('less you were Gluttony but Gluttony had a free pass!) He felt his skin crawl and realized it wasn’t his own disgust but a shield working its way up his arm. He wasn't sure who had done that. 

Pride attacked Ed after fully ingesting Gluttony, wanting to use the other brother as bait to goad out their father. Didn’t this little gremlin have any other tricks? Ling shouted a warning to Ed but had his own problems when the spears of Pride’s limbs erupted out of the ground, coming for him. Greed reacted before he could and flipped like Ling had taught him out of the way with a good half dozen of the complicated acrobatic feats. 

Ling kicked himself at letting Gluttony come back to Pride. In his defense he didn’t know these disgusting suckers could merge back together! He was also pissed that Greed had used his horror as a springboard to grab control back. 

Greed perched in a tree after defending himself with his newly shielded arm. He was preoccupied with the little lady that had helped him and his charge out, it was time he got to reintroduce himself! 

“Young lord!” she called. 

She didn’t know any better, that was exactly why he didn’t like letting Ling think he had the run of things. He did well correcting her as to whom she was speaking to. 

Why were people so set on him giving /his/ body back that he had bargained for fair and square! Whoop! Not the time to think about that, he supposed. Pride’s teeth were coming right for him. He was lucky that along with his arm he had thought to throw a shield down at his softer bits around his middle. Why grow kidneys back if you didn’t need to?

Pride’s newly energized spears kept Greed and Lan Fan so busy that Ling didn’t want to try to grab back for control and screw things up for them. Again with the body crap, Greed really was a broken record. He busied himself with using his extrasensory talents where he could as Greed made a show of not letting him get bitten in half. Ling followed Greed’s sight line when he was up over the battle, suspended between Pride’s teeth. There—over there, wasn’t that one of his chimeric compatriots? 

Greed lunged forward to stop the fuzzier of his two subordinates from meeting an untimely end and was tickled pink over being apologized to with such loyalty. He couldn't blame Heinkel, there was no way that he had a chance in hell at beating Pride. It was a matter of scale.

The battle raged on and their attack flagged, Pride’s newfound strength and sense of smell was a double punch of shit they didn’t need, they couldn't get the jump on him any more.

Ed was prone on the ground, that wouldn’t do. Greed shouted over to him. “Hey, you alive?”

Receiving a ‘maybe!’ was enough for Greed and he focused back on his brother. Who was, of course, taunting him again. These wastes of souls asking to eat him over and over. What was he, a buffet? 

Ling agreed with a resolute nod.

None too soon, as Pride was going to attack them again Ling noticed the looming presence of Ed’s father at his back. Maybe he had a plan of attack? 

Boy did he! Pride was scared shitless by the unknown element of Hohenheim and took his many eyes off Greed and his allies to bank himself together in a ball of defense. Alphonse, who Ling also noted neared ever closer by the second, took Pride’s attention on his father to grab him. Rather than just subduing him like Ling thought was his plan they did better. Hohenheim let a gigantic alchemical bubble of mountain cover Pride in darkness completely, trapping Al inside as a guard. Greed was Im-Pressed. They had trapped Pride like the rat he was!

Finally, enough time to take a breather and check on Li— /his/, allies. The old man of his didn't seem too happy that it was him doing the checking. He knew Ling would want to know as well, he was just nipping his whining in the bud before it could start up. As he anticipated he felt relief, though the whiner didn't vocalize any thanks specifically. Oh well, he wasn't the only one who ignored him. That girl also didn't have anything to say when he inquired to her condition.  

With that threat taken care of he got a wicked idea and bailed. 

Greed motored away. He took to the treetops like they were his personal highway back to the city.

Greed was right, the capital was unguarded by his brethren but Ling did not care for what Greed had to be thinking given the ripe circumstances. Greed reminded Ling of his intention that he wanted to be King of the world with a grin and the expansive view of the capital below him. King of the world? Ling would settle for now on getting out of this in one goddamn piece! 

Ed had to begrudgingly hand it to their 'royalnesses' (various phraseology steeped in enough sarcasm to drown a draft horse)— he was mildly impressed. When Greedling had called him in to perform the duties of what he was ostensibly on the books as allowed in the very heart of the capital for; an adviser, he was ready to call horse shit and have done right there. No, they had actually wanted help and even more shockingly it had been Greed who had asked with a tiny kernel of seriousness in person to meet with him today. 

Edward entered their supposed meeting spot that Ling had written directions to on a scrap of paper. Or at least he half hoped it was the right place, his handwriting was awful. As much as he really didn’t wanna come, getting lost on the way was worse. They must have been correct because he found the possibly more detestable half of the hydra looking up at him from over stacks of papers and gesturing for him to take a seat within the beautiful room that was mostly sandalwood. (A single plank being worth a fortune.) Ed was sure that this had to be some act of boredom that he wasn't privileged to know the details of just yet. He sized up the odds of this being a prank as he sat across from whom he still called Greedling to their face.

Ed also wasn't sure who exactly in the Greedling set bothered him more, traveling with Ling singular was shorter lived, but Ling knew just how to set Edward's temper aflame from the second they met. Greed had kidnapped his brother, fought his teacher, and generally been a thorn in his side, which were larger crimes in the grand scheme of things but less… emotionally targeted than running up his room service hotel bill while Ed hid him from the cops. It was just so damn rude!

The waxing and waning combination deluxe that he had the misfortune of travelling with for months rained the worst of both worlds down on his head. To a certain extent they had been more tied up in causing problems for each other than bothering Ed, but months of roughing it with a stone cold brat and a feckless prince had worn Ed down to a nub when it came to his patience. He supposed Greedling was just gonna be a name that stuck considering it was the compound of both of them that he hated the most.

The name he had come up with on a whim didn't bother Greed nearly as much any more- to Ed's disappointment. Ed had of course been able to tell them apart ninety percent of the time since about a week of knowing them but easy entertainment like setting Greed off for a half hour each time he said it had been too hard to ignore.

After, as Ed had compartmentalized it as, all 'the shit’, had gone down his fellow camper goes and becomes a governmental superpower and lures his dear brother into his rattlesnake hovel with entreaties of book learning and free food. Not to be outdone, he then, crime of all crimes, brings back shithead from hell with his traitorous brother's help and completes the Greedling circuit anew. Said shithead was currently in the middle of a twelve point plan, with accompanying drawings, and —was that a fucking bar graph?

'Who the hell does he think he is?' Ed thought, but didn't go as far as to interrupt. Yet.

-

"So that's the short of it, when I get my— Okay!  -OUR-," Greed's eyes slid to the side in a well-trodden expression of exasperation, "country to stop trying to civil war on itself I'd like to gamble at infrastructure. 'Course it ain't really a gamble when I'm sure to reap considerable rewards, but it's the only kind of gamble we're jointly interested in at the moment." 

Greed looked up from the table where his killer bar graphs laid at the Elric brother he was seated in front of and steepled his long fingers conspiratorially in front of his face. 

"So you want a railway, a railway all the way to Amestris" Ed ventured, skeptic always.

"Yup! Does me the service of employing refugees who know the desert and opening up my, don't start!–my country for commerce. We've a rich tapestry here of both money and land but you know, always could use more. The pure pageantry of it. Can you imagine? I want international /trains/," Greed held his drapery laden arm up, sweeping the 'sky' in a broad motion that spoke of a supposedly terrific and awe inspiring 'future'.

Ed frowned. "Do you have any idea of the kind of work it would take to build something like that? For that matter, why call me in? Listen, I know it's hard to have an entire idea even with both your brains but I don't know how I'm supposed–"

"Alchemy, idiot. We know shit all about it. You on the other hand know that stuff as good as Alphonse and unlike him you're sitting on your ass doing nothing," Greed interrupted.

The first part was true, Ed supposed, he remembered when Ling had admitted in that hotel room long ago that he knew jack about the art and surely that hadn't changed much in Ed's absence. Greed also did what he did by instinct and furthermore Ed wasn't sure what Greed did was purely just alchemy. They both had no basis in the raw theory and why read a book or twenty when you had a child prodigy or two to draw from?

"Alchemy what?" Ed let what he thought was possibly a backhanded compliment from Greed slide in favor of staying on a roll.

"Guess we have to spell it out for you with your pitiful singular brain. We know your country has been taking the versatile tool that alchemy is and using it as a hammer to bash at all their problems for decades but stay with us on this," Greed propped his head on his proffered fist and leaned forward on his elbow, "Alchemy...can do stuff."

"What in the hell are you talking about. Are you finally going /nuts/? Are you eating Ling's brain?" Ed sneered and sat back from the table like Greed was contagious.

"Alchemy can make raw materials, it can mine, and it can construct pure ingots of metal for little cost as Al tells it. As long as you're not changing the components, just the look, you can do so very much. I'm sure that there are artisans in your country, now that the war that would press them into service is over? —Who would jump for the chance to make things like, I don't know, engines, buildings, irrigation... Need I go on, quarter metal?" Ling had traded off, apparently tired of Greed's vagaries and willing to just hit the heart of what they were talking about. 

Ed, initially ready to voice more complaints, gave some thought to that. 

"You, who knows what kind of manpower we'd need in the alchemical department as well as having a tacit connection to the military in charge to possibly get their unofficial thoughts on the matter before I begin officially might have something productive to say, yes?" Ling grinned, a ghost of Greed in his expression, though Ed had seen him with that type of look long before any occupation.

Ed put it together, looking at Ling objectively he knew it wasn't only for his own ends that he was hatching the beginnings of this plan. This would be good for Amestris as well. He had no specific patriotism for the country but he /did/ live there. New trade, a strong joint project between two countries that had been beset by internal problems. There would be work for much of the outmoded military as well as keeping the nation's now mostly unemployed alchemists out of trouble. It was tidy. Ling, that slippery bastard, had trussed it up neater than he had Gluttony. Mustang would probably salivate when Ed tipped him off next time he saw him. A project like this would take some time to set up and it would be a very nice thing to bring to the table when someone later bid for the position of Fuhrer. Edward liked holding powerful cards. 

Lan Fan chose the moment Ed was deliberating on this new information to show up, or show herself really, they all privately surmised she'd probably been in the room the entire time. The clock on the wall behind them had chimed a gentle tone.

"Go, my lord," she intoned at Ling's shoulder. 

"Can it wait, like, a second? We're currently occupied, here!" Greed said, though not irritably. Lan Fan hadn't been talking to him and made that clear with a look that Ed interpreted as a scowl, but like, if you could do it with your entire body. 

"Go what? Fuck yourself?" Ed said sweetly.

Greed about faced from his position looking at Lan Fan and regarded Ed with his full attention. Lan Fan pretended like the wall was really interesting.

"Could have you executed for less, esteemed alchemist," he said, borrowing Ling's lighter inflections still tinged with his deeper tone.

"But you won't, celebrated emperor— boss," Ed countered. Making nice with a then prince and a then ball of distilled avarice had its perks when they got a promotion. Friends didn't publicly execute friends, after all. 

It was three o'clock and apparently Lan Fan was owed a game of Go. Since the clock had chimed the time a moment before she had come with her unflappable punctuality to collect on it. 

-

It had started as both a way to pass the time between meetings and to give Ling's brain a break from political espionage. The black and white simplicity of the board was a welcome palette cleanser in a world of grayer motivations.

Of course a game literally called 'the encirclement game' about claiming territory had interested someone else quickly and he wasn't one to be left out, so Lan Fan found herself playing tag matches even though she had -wanted- some time with her lord. She had thought a game about using your mind would have put Greed to sleep but she hadn't been so fortunate. 

"You are just needling Elric, you are not that busy and I want your hot streak, homunculus," she said, rebuking Greed's effort to stave her off. 

Greed pointed at a sneering Ed over his shoulder with a thumb, "You gonna let blondie be rude to me in my own house?"

"Hmm? I am afraid I am not sure what you mean," she replied with proper manners.

Boys bickering wasn't her job— well, neither was playing Go but she had a score to settle. 

Ling had beaten her twice in a row last time they played but then Greed had stolen a close win thereafter. The former was unforgivable, said homunculus had put his hands up in mock offense at her poorly disguised ire. Greed had picked the game up incredibly quickly, so quickly that if she didn't know better she'd say /someone/ had been helping him. Though when she had delicately asked her lord (one of the times he had assured her Greed was taking a nap) he had scoffed and said that not only would he never help Greed, preferring to watch him struggle, Greed had banned him from ever offering. Pride was a touchy issue. 

As for her and Edward's rudeness she wasn't going to accept the title of Emperor being jointly held any time soon, and if they weren't Emperor someone could handle her however she wanted to speak to them, thank you very much. 

"Don't stop on my account, I'm sure we can still mess with your choochoo trains while Lan Fan takes you to school," Ed said, pulling up closer to the table to spectate at the board Lan Fan had already set down.

The board quickly propagated with squares of black and white. Ed wasn't too versed on the strategy but he judged their play as 'intense', to summarize it quickly. Ling too was spectating and kept peppering in questions and ideas about some of the more specific issues his train plan presented while his hands played. 

The table, a deep lacquered green, filled around the board with documents pertaining to things such as estimations on feeding a bunch of alchemy hopefuls and swiftly jotted down notes of Ed's generalizations of the alchemical community and their 'chops'. 

Greed had been keeping to simplistic grunts of joy and frustration as Lan Fan really went for his metaphorical jugular. He ceased muttering under Ling's breath near the end of his game and his closing in on an apparent win to snap his gaze toward Edward, who had been writing some equations on how much metal could be theoretically wrung out of tons of sand. 

"Hey, you ever think about how we're technically related?" He plopped a black piece down with a smarmy click and enjoyed the telltale noise of Lan Fan's teeth grinding. Greed always played black. He wasn't a boor, he took the handicap too.

"Never. Please stop talking." Ed deadpanned. He didn't look up from what he was writing.

"Naw, think about it, blood is blood. They used your dad to make my dad, so basically my dear dad was your uncle. Which makes us cousins, twice removed in my case," Greed snickered at his joke. Ling slapped his knee for him. Lan Fan captured about seven of Greed's pieces.

"Your point?" Ed let the joke wither and die as was appropriate. 

"Just saying, could invite us to the family potluck," Greed snickered again. He was clearly enthused to have his own cousins. He hated Ling's and refused to add them to his count. 

"I'll be sure to put a card in the mail for you And Pride next time," Ed snipped.

Greed didn't expect that. 

"Nobody says we gotta invite him! We're estranged! I don't want him touching my stuff. You think an emperor can just come to a potluck? I'm busy!" Greed and possibly Ling groused. 

Pride was a touchy subject. Ed shrugged. It wasn't a real threat, Pride by all reports was a normal human boy and Ed didn't want any realizations of any other states of being so he was staying far, far away. Pride still creeped him out, and in Greedling's case he supposed almost getting cannibalized would do that for anyone. Regardless, he had gotten what he came for, distracting Greed. Lan Fan had claimed her win quite handily in the few moves since Greed broke his attention. He turned back to the board after dropping the subject of coming to crash over his cousin's house to see his territory destroyed utterly. 

He immediately started shouting for two out of three while Lan Fan fought a small but victorious smile. 

----------

“So I got a little...ah, let's go with surprise. Don’t try and guess what it is, I'll know! Just be quiet and siddown. I’m in charge,” Greed spoke quickly to Ling after leaving the palace for one of his evening excursions. It was long overdue after a few more days of really throwing Ling's nose directly into the grindstone. 

Ling would almost call him a hard worker, or more like a slave driver really, as Ling was the commonplace one carefully tiptoeing around the country to country relations. It had gone better as Mustang was mostly in his corner, especially with what Ed had 'let slip' to him pertaining to locomotion but he still had the peanut gallery trying to do what Greed labeled: 'wild ass shit' with tariffs. 

Ling was normally asleep by this time from the stress but Greed very suddenly had asked if Ling would like to hang out and cause a ruckus rather than turning in. Ling had of course been all for it. There were a lot of ways to relieve stress.

Recently, Ling had been giving a shot to catching a nap and letting Greed have a little alone time. He realized that even though they understood each other it wasn’t like being up in someone’s business day in day out couldn’t get annoying. He let Greed have his runabouts with a cautionary word of, "Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!" 

Greed had stopped getting ready at the time to ask something on the lines of "What wouldn’t you do?" to which Ling replied "EXACTLY". 

What Lan Fan didn’t know about this new arrangement wouldn't hurt her. Ling had already promised her he was chaperoning.

...It wasn't like he /wasn't/. Greed couldn't hide anything from him for long. Ling just. Didn't pry. He trusted Greed's judgement... pretty much!

Greed was dressed in a version of his standard outfit but this one had a hood. Ling figured it was for disguise purposes. More notably he had taken his hair down completely. Ling was vain but almost never wore it down, it got in the way more than made a statement. Sans ponytail it fluttered behind him while he made a beeline for the seedier parts of the city like Ling knew he would. Something about the path he was taking itched with familiarity.

At his side sat one of Ling's favorite dao, Greed had been getting a little more used to working with a sword on his morning exercise routines. Ling was glad Greed was leaving armed with something besides his own arms but the presence of the weapon meant that there was the possibility of danger to match. Ling was intensely curious, he knew on some level Greed had gotten up to some mischief recently but made the choice to be polite and not inquire too deeply. Trust! 

Ling had been waking up with bruises or new items in his room for longer than this new deal. There had been events to examine such as, how /do/ you get fitted at a tailor without remembering—and other things besides. 

It wasn't like he hadn't gotten up to trouble himself when Greed had a snooze. He'd thrown that whole treaty draft of Greed's out under his unconscious nose because it was unintelligible just the other day. It was just that Greed tended to check out more so Ling had an excess of solitude to take advantage of. He chalked the few unexplained incidents he had experienced up to Greed squaring the timetable and resolved that maybe if he offered something officially it would be less attractive to just do anyway.

It was the time a little later, when he had discovered a loose tooth, that had forced him to address it in that official capacity. Greed had to spend nearly all day repairing it and refusing to apologize. (The more complicated the healing the more time it took. Rerooting a loose tooth seemed like delicate work if the frustration was any clue.) Ling’s teeth had always been a little otherworldly since coming back from Amestris and Greed was incredibly egotistical in regards to his smile. 

The emergency surgery had forced Ling's hand, he had to draw a line somewhere. It had been tough to deal with his daily regiment of problems amidst bouts of throbbing jaw pain.

Different day, different argument. 

In his lodging of complaint Ling had paced back and forth, alone as his extenuating circumstances could grant him in his quarters. Greed understood from experience it wasn't good for him when Ling started pacing, if he was agitated enough that he had to get up and move anyone opposing him had a storm coming in the near future.

"I'm giving a lot of leeway to the fact that you were dead and you're jazzed you are not, but can you be a little more careful? I'm going to ignore all the stuff I know wasn't here a couple weeks ago but the tooth—"

I fixed it! Greed gesticulated with Ling's hands in time with his words to underline his point.

"I sure would hope so! I don't wanna call a dentist at the ripe old age of not eighty years old to fix my teeth falling out! What the hell did you do to have this happen?" Ling used his hands to point accusingly at the empty air in front of him. 

Wouldn't you like to know? Greed ventured, a dare in his voice. 

"Wouldn't, actually," Ling reconsidered quickly. No, he really didn't want to.

Greed just laughed long and hard.

-

As for ongoing events— Ling wanted to know what a ruckus they could rile up entailed. Maybe gambling?  Seeing what the black market had up for offer? Oh, the possibilities stretched to the veritable horizons of his fair country. He couldn't shake the feeling of anticipation seeping under the proverbial door. Something was up, he knew it. Greed had pretty much respected their deal after they had bashed it out with a squabble as per usual and nothing major had been amiss after that. Things had run (just shy of disaster) fine for weeks.

Ling recognized the obvious shoe on the other foot that Greed trusted him. He'd never directly admit it but Ling had been so transparent with him from the beginning that there was no choice but to take his affability at face value after a certain turning point. (Being up to giving up half a country was a pretty good bargaining chip.) Ling could mirror the same courtesy of extending a similar branch in the convictions department.

So he just had to trust when Greed felt like sharing what exactly was up with tonight's festivities he would. Greed was uncomfortable. Not guilty, but awkward and excited. It couldn't be absolutely terrible. The Amestrians were still here. Greed wouldn't risk something precarious with westerners under their roof. It had been weeks but that didn't mean they had gone soft.

Greed touched down from scrabbling over rooftops in the back alley of a run down crime hole that happened to sell beer and food. It was swarming with types that would be in a prison line up and Ling gave him an eyebrow. The violence tinged din of the establishment wafted out to Greed like a siren song. Ling knew for a fact that this place was a haunt of quite a few local enemies of the state, the state being himself, but Greed went in like it was second nature so he reluctantly relaxed. 

So how’d you’d explain your, or should I say /my/, face to these nice criminals you’re hanging out with?

Greed took his hood down as he ducked the grubbly curtain that covered the doorway.

I’m not gonna say I didn’t get looks but me dropping hints I’m a court cousin seemed to pacify everybody enough. I've seen quite a few look-alikes in the city in my travels my goodly crony. Your dad got around, remember? What, like the emperor is really hanging around with these two-bits, playing dice? I told them it was a funny fucking joke that they were even looking at me weird. He bypassed the bar with a wave to a few people that had significantly more scars than the national average who put their own hands up in reciprocation.

 'So much for him just wanting to get drunk', Ling thought with disappointment. 

Well in a way since Emperor is a cohabited position nowadays you really /are/ sitting around with them and playing dice…

Yeah and that’s why it’s hilarious, it’s the irony. Now shut up and listen. We’re here.

While mid sentence with Ling, Greed put his favorite finger up at a patron with one eye who sat in a corner rolling dice between his fingers and was answered in turn with the same gesture. Or it would be the same if that hand had the relevant finger. He had stomped up the stairs and had continued talking to Ling internally while doing so. Now he stood in front of an open door on the top floor of the building.

About twenty or so people loitered around the room. There was a scattering of half broken furniture and a small cot off to one side, currently unused. A pool table was in use on the other side. Someone had gotten a large circular table in the middle of the room through the door at some point and it was covered in half empty bottles as well as cards in states of play. The windows were shut and what light made its way through the slats of the blinds was yellow and watery. Smoke made the edges of the room bleary. One man, picking his nails with a weapon too large to be called a knife looked up and saluted with the same weapon. Ling bristled, making his fingers twitch to the dao at his hip. This could be a problem.

Greed what the—

“Welcome back, boss!” 

Other men parroted the greeting made jovially by the large knife man. Greed marched to the back of the office and dropped into a chair that wouldn’t be out of place in the palace, although it’d seen better days. In this hovel it looked very akin to a throne.

B O S S?  Ling spluttered, barely keeping it for Greed's ears only.

Hush.

BOSS!!!

“Fill me in!” Greed addressed the big knife having gentleman and cut Ling off in the process. The guy was about ready to give their body a coronary, he felt like he had heartburn.

The man, knowing nothing about internal struggles, notified him about scuttlebutt pertaining to the low to mid level crime they had gotten up to in Greed’s few days of absence. Greed leaned back with his hands behind his head and a smirk on his face, feeling Ling’s mind kick on overdrive as he listened in. As the man talked Ling got more and more agitated. Greed could feel a headache building at his temples. 

While Greed's headache stoked itself to a roaring chorus knife man mentioned the opium den they had knocked over last Wednesday had shuttered doors. It was unfortunately unable to procure a line on new product and devoid of capital to start over they had no choice but to close up shop. The way knife man lavished how Unfortunate it was happened to be laden with mockery.

He also paid heed to a few open ventures such as current territorial overtakings, the fleecing of salable goods for a little creative redistribution, and a plan of threatening retaliation to a few attempted jumpings.

Greed let it go on in silence for a while and then posed a question to the possibly more irate Ling, if only to stop feeling like he ate something rotten. 

So...whaddya think?

UHHH IF I’M INTERPRETING THIS RIGHT ARE YOU A MOB BOSS, GREED?

Little bit, yeah.

WHAT THE /HELL/ HAPPENED TO STAYING LOW-KEY?

It was an accident.

WH— AN ACCIDENT? —AN ACCIDENT?- Ling started what was sure to be a legendary tongue lashing. Greed had thrown him for such a loop. He was never ever ever EVER gonna trust him like this again. Mutual relationship? Dammit! Trust?– Why did he think he could have—Greed you absolute- 

Greed stopped him with a mental nudge. 

Hold on I gotta take this. 

Ling shut his mouth with a snap and put his arms up in a ‘Really!?’ gesture but sat on his outburst. He was literally in a den of thieves–he had to be careful. He couldn’t just up and leave and he didn’t trust himself to say the right thing if acting like Greed came down to it. Ling had obviously much less practice than Greed acting like himself. He spent the time waiting, wondering if Ed's offer to put Greed in a flask was still on the table. Couldn't hurt to ask.

Outwardly, Greed put up a hand to stop his subordinate from speaking. He had been in the middle of a sentence but Boss broke no argument.

 “Lemme think about our next move before you go on.” Greed shut his eyes and folded his palms in his lap.

His other flunkies went back to what they were doing before he showed up. It wasn’t strange for the boss to need time to think. 

Outside influences put on hold, Greed went back to his private conversation. He even granted Ling the courtesy of meeting in person and appeared to Ling as his original model, old clothes and everything. Ling had his hands on his hips and was tapping his foot, having mentally donned his old flame covered outfit rather than pajamas. You couldn't scream good at someone in pajamas. Ling’s brows knit in annoyance at Greed's look. Greed liked this model because Ling had to look up just a little to talk to him. Ling hated this model because of this. He wasn’t used to that treatment.

“I'm no stranger to busting heads, maybe some lighthearted property damage... Greed, when I said 'don’t do anything I wouldn’t do' I was like— I was thinking of very few things I’d not be okay with you doing!?” He held his hands out to the sides of his head stiffly and his shoulders rose as he looked into the middle distance. 

“BUT THIS? THIS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS. HOW DO YOU DO THIS BY ACCIDENT? Please, enlighten me?!” 

“I can explain?” Greed ventured, not closing the distance between them and warily looking at his other half. 

Ling’s cheeks puffed out with a shout or a sigh. He held his breath and looked at Greed who met his eyes with no shame. He balled his fists. Greed shrugged and waited. Their stand off couldn’t take forever, right?

Ling was probably coming to the same conclusion because something broke in him, he sat down abruptly and crossed his legs. The shout that he had been holding in his lungs did make an appearance as a sigh after all. He was going to let Greed explain. Trust. Their friendship was stronger than a bomb like this. By a little bit. 

Greed felt the dissipation of most of the murderous intent and smiled wider, crossing the distance in a few strides of his legs, squatting down next to him. 

“I wasn’t lying about it being an accident. I’m not the kind of guy who lies, remember,” Greed said, looking Ling in the eyes. 

“Yes you are,” Ling pushed his shoulder with a jab in rebuke, but not terribly hard. It possibly wouldn’t have left that large of a welt if this was real.  

“In all heaven I– I don’t hate this ‘surprise’ but you have to understand I did not think it’d be /this/,” Ling waved a limb outward at what Greed knew was the whole ‘boss’ thing. 

“Let me explain and all will become clear,” Greed grinned with a shark-like way about him.

“Yeah, clear as coal,” Ling complained, but put his chin in his hands, ready to listen.

Greed painted a scene. "In the beginning I was just meandering about town as I’m enthused to do. I’m cooling my feet in holes in the ground while I’m there. Bars, dives, scum, villainy, you know. I start hearing this and that. When you become a regular, people relax around you, let things slip. We got good ears, Ling, you’re aware,” Greed reached to flick one of Ling’s and Ling hit his hand away with a click of his tongue.

“I had a sudden bolt of inspiration! Why not put them to good use? I resolved to put my eye down here on the street while we’re up there in our ivory tower! Speaking of, can we build an ivory tower for real? The visual gag would be too much.” He clapped Ling on the back and Ling looked up at him with a realization. 

“OH! So that’s how you’d been getting those– oh hell, YOU were the informant! I should have known.”

Greed had been giving Ling heads up nods for some time on where crimes had a habit of happening and advising Ling where to tighten security in the city. He had cited his sudden influx of knowledge as coming from a mysterious ‘informant’ that wished to remain nameless. The informant's tips went from small crime to actually giving Ling some great scores in taking down a few things like shipping inroads for contraband material and places that dealt in the sale of people rather than things in the span of a few weeks. Contraband could be fun but country destroying hallucinogens were not. People selling themselves? Oldest profession for a reason. But people selling other people against their will? Not in his country. 

Ling hadn’t looked the gift horse in the mouth at the time but he realized maybe he should have. Upon reflecting, he found those few weeks of improvement neatly spanned the time that he'd been letting Greed roam without a leash.

Greed continued on, “Yeah, it’s easy to have an eye on crime when it’s being planned at the table right next to you. So I keep things clandestine— I maybe had to knock over a jewelry store to keep things dishonest. I knew you wouldn’t mind. It’s for the greater good. Made sure to pick someone dirtier than we were post Gluttony.”

Ling remembered those unset rubies he had found at the bottom of his sock drawer and groaned. 

Greed closed his eyes and shrugged, ready for Ling to possibly go at him again but Ling couldn’t penalize him on that. Ling had been quite the thief up till’ and sometimes /still/ as emperor. Ling also remembered those golden jewel-encrusted hair pins that were right next to the mysterious rubies in his drawer that had driven clan master and malcontent who was opposed to raising taxes on the rich, Zhou, up a wall when he had realized they were missing. 

“Then, one day I got into a bar… altercation... Over the possibility of the dice being loaded of all things with some big slob of a guy. You'd've hated him, all over the staff, disgusting customer," Greed stuck out his tongue.

"Now as you well know- I will /sometimes/ tip the results in my favor if someone is a mark but I was Not cheating that night and I didn’t take kindly to someone saying I was, Ling,” Greed said with a shake of his head. Ling suddenly grasped exactly where this was going. 

“Was this the night I woke up feeling like I had been run over?” he questioned.

“The very same!” Greed held Ling’s shoulder and shook it in appreciation. “Couldn’t risk a shield! Too many people knew me. You know I had it handled. Subsequently and thereafter, after I kicked some ass— it came to light that I had taken a former mob boss of local small potatoes and beaten him to a pulp. His peons, rather than being very mad at me, were glad that they were working under someone with some actual chops. They heard about the one man robbery that I had pulled off the other day and were interested. The jewelry store. They told me their old boss liked to sit on his ass and send them out for dirty work and then spend all their hard stolen cash on himself. It bred ill will, Ling. So what could I say? No? Let all these small fry disband and get into trouble by themselves? Broke my damn heart,” Greed traced a fake trail of a tear down his cheek and affected a pout. 

Ling fiddled with his bangs angrily. He believed Greed. It was a series of directed accidents but that was par for the course when it was Greed or himself for that matter. He couldn’t drag Greed for that either. 

“Let me ask another question,” he said from behind his hand.

“Shoot!” Greed laughed.

“Was the reason you were so interested in where I had security patrols in the capital in order to line your own pockets?”

“You catch on quick! This is why I’m glad we teamed up! Barely have to explain anything! I moved up the ladder quickly when job after job of mine was successful. Only took, hey would you look at that, a couple-a weeks. Those twenty or so guys you saw are a third of my men." He could have taken the rest of the day to sing the praises of what he'd gotten up to but a Ling that was patiently listening was not a Ling to exhaust the patience of. Greed hadn't been entirely sure he'd understand his justifications on exactly why he did what he'd done in his absence. Well...he'd been pretty sure. Enough to bet on it. Prolonging telling him had little to do with how sure.

"In any case, this whole thing began only a little while ago when you hold it up to everything else that's been going on..." As if he understood Ling wouldn't be happy with that excu— pretext he didn't take time from his commentary to check. "I knew I had to tell ya eventually. It’s… kind of bigger than me now." As was their situation, the unsaid colored what he was explaining. The sheepish 'I got kinda caught up' and the wary 'how do I even explain' not even scratching the surface.

"So uh, rather then tell I figured I'd show instead." Greed had decided ultimately to do more than show. Since Ling was up to speed it was only fair to involve him! Or... offer to involve him, since on some level his involvement was mandatory. "Present from me to you, co-ownership of a cartel. You ever wanted a cartel?” Ling was sure that this specific unvoiced implication, packaged along with a wide smile and hand to shake screamed 'peace offering'.

Greed looked at Ling eagerly. Maybe it was less to broker amends than Ling had predicted, he seemed way too excited about his 'gift'. Standing with his hand out while Ling's were still pointedly crossed tightly over his chest attested to just how keen.

It proved difficult to stay mad at someone so enthusiastic about his involvement. This mess existed and there wasn't much Ling could do about. His arms fell to his sides while Greed acted like he had a hangnail rather than let his own proffered hand fall limp.

Ling brought up another point instead. His hands found new work in wringing the fabric of a sleeve. "You thought a good time to tell me about this was NOW!? I’m right in the middle of talks with the Amestrians! Things are delicate, it’s not just Mustang’s group, I’m sure they wouldn’t care– but they also brought some people who I think very much would care that the emperor is working in accord with criminals! I trusted you to not infiltrate the underbelly of the country and build a vacation home there!" he cried.

“Sorry, man.”

Greed was not an entity that readily apologized for anything he had done or would later do. Ling was reluctantly able to comprehend that he was in over his head and looking for a little help. He at least couldn't omit the truth anymore. Sorries were big words coming from him.

Ling was very reluctantly able to distinguish that Greed felt 'wrong' about 'taking advantage of his trust'. Not enough to put it into words beside sorry, but— Well, they were more dialed in on each other than most bipartisan accords. Whatever!

Ling took a few more calming breaths. He supposed he had put Greed through his fair share of hell in the past.

Okay. 

“Yeah, I guess I can work with this,” he ceded. 

Greed turned slightly and breathed a quick exhale of relief. He was happy Ling wasn’t mad. He really /had/ meant to show him.

“I’m a little mad,” Ling said over his shoulder. 

Damn. He had to hide his private feelings a little better, he forgot how much the little brat knew him.

He was happy Ling was only a little mad. Ling when he was furious was the /worst/. He’d never been yelled at like that by his old family. So this was what it is like to have a nagging sibling that wasn’t mainly interested in killing him. He didn't get the appeal. Before Greed had picked up passable Xingese it was a lot of Ling ranting to him in that infernal language and Greed knowing he was mad but not necessarily what about. 

Thing were clean between them, that was true, but Ling's quick mind was already on the future. The future of a dawning problem that this secret was not going to stay secret. “We can’t tell anyone about this. Lan Fan was /JUST/ getting used to your shit, Greed! She's going to have an anger seizure if we let her know but now that I know she’s gonna find out. She always does!” He reacted with a small shiver of fear. 

Greed stared, an unplaceable expression creeping up his features. “I was planning on telling her after you if things went well tonight, considering…” 

Ling froze, he had absolutely felt an overpowering and sour rush of guilt there just now. “Considering WHAT.”

“Considering the plan my organization might have a hand in.”

“WHAT. PLAN. IF I MAY ASK. MY BEST. GODDAMN. FRIEND. WHOM I DON'T WANT TO CHOKE.” Ling gritted out while poking Greed viciously in the middle of his large chest.  

“I… may," Greed scratched the back of his head and turned his eyes upward. "—have the beginnings of a plan to assassinate the emperor.” 

Lings eyes flew open to their full roundness. He lunged over to Greed and snatched a handful of his vest jacket, dragging the homunculus as close as he could, breathing a single word directly into his face.  

“What.” 

----------

“So that’s what I have planned. It’s a sting.” 

Greed sat on the floor of his bedroom with Al, Ed, and Lan Fan. They could hear Lan Fan’s automail rattling a little as she tried to contain her rage. Greed had informed them all what he had done and what he planned to do. It was pretty simple, he explained:

It went like this: another cartel from across the way was interested in what Greed had going on in that his plans always seemed to succeed and was wondering if he could help them out with some stuff they had been having trouble with. The emperor stubbornly remaining alive was that stuff.

Even his own men were puzzled by Greed’s repeated successes. Before Greed had left to go back to the palace to own up to everyone about his new moonlighting gig as a kingpin of the underworld, he had gone over what they had planned as a ‘once more from the top so everyone knows’ situation, but mainly for Ling. 

Greed’s gang were on track to rob the palace and were going to take advantage of the presence of the other group and how their attempted murder would obviously fail as cover. The demon’s nest knew better than to play with fire. If you went to assassinate emperor Yao you ended up in a very sticky predicament that in turn ended with everything you worked for being burnt to the ground. Everyone specializing in small crime was coming to know that. They had heard the rumors of things that went bump in the night and got rid of the emperor's problems. No thanks.

One smaller and more sneaky member mentioned that it was best for them if they just stuck to shit they could get away with and Greed gave her a very approving nod.

As Greed pointed out egress routes from the building and where the guards would be stationed on a hand made map one of the onlookers had asked, "Hey boss, how in the /world/ do you have such a good line on this kind of top secret stuff?’"

Greed had beamed at being called ‘boss’ in front of Ling. Ling realized that unlike the emperorship which he had extended to Greed, Greed had ‘earned’ this spot in his own right. 

He understood a measure more why Greed had kept it from him for a while and was… he would never say touched because that would imply he wasn’t still /pissed/— but he had a softer emotion than vitriol on Greed looking to share his sandbox with him.

Greed replied to the underling’s question with a dramatic pause.

"I," he had said with a flourish, "have a guy on the inside," which made Ling drop all other feelings to shout a nearly deafening- 

‘BOOOOOO ’. 

The rest of his men didn’t understand why their boss was so pleased but they were willing to grant the guy some idiosyncrasies, he did good work. 

-

“Why.” asked Lan Fan after Greed was done giving them the bones of what happened. She had been working the whole time to gain enough control of herself to speak. 

“Why what?” asked Greed back. He put his arms behind his head. 

“Why did you think this was an appropriate course of decisions? Why is it every time we get ahead you ruin everything!” 

“Wasn’t doing much thinking, actually, you know me Lan Fan, I’m not much of a thinker, I’m more of a do-er.”

“You are more of a try-er,” she said with her eyes closed.

“Try-er?"

“Yes, like trying my PATIENCE.”

“Lan Fan that’s mean and I’m very hurt. What would Ling think?” Greed pouted with his voice but his eyes were all smiles. 

"My lord doesn't care that I debase a parasite that attached himself to his soul like a leech!"

Greed's features scrunched. "Come on now Lan' don't be like that. We're cool!"

"You— Absolutely do not get such privilege of speaking to me in this way," Lan fan said. Nobody called her Lan. His lordship wouldn't even dare.

She judged by how Greed's face looked now that Ling was telling him just that.

“So tell us more Avaricious, since we are committed to this farce and I would rather it not end in the young lord dead on the floor,” she said, adjusting her seating position. 

“That's "The," to you if we're talking names. As if I’d let that happen! You’re wounding me all over tonight!”  

“Lan Fan just hear him out, it’s a smart plan and I’m offended he came up with it”, Ling interjected. Ed and Al were very excited, they loved farces. 

“To continue, the cartel down the way is partially responsible for Al’s kidnapping. I found that out over a week of pure snooping and paying lip service to that bigoted ass in charge so congratulate me on my subterfuge. Don't all clap at once now," Greed offered to the dead crowd. Lan Fan was whispering a hymnal of foul language under her breath. 

"After I find that out, I find a /lot/ of other shit out. These guys are scumbags, not like my own band of merry men and their victim-light crimes. You name it, these shitheads have seen it done. We get rid of them and Xing becomes a better place overnight." Greed put a capstone on his point by hitting his fist into his open palm.

"And /boy/ when I came to them with an offer they couldn't refuse— when they found out that I was looking to kill me they were allll on board."

"How did you get them to work with you?" asked Al. He raised a hand in the air like he was back in school. 

Greed smiled and pointed at him like he was at a lectern. 

"I spun it like this; I was not a cousin but a disenfranchised bastard half brother, raised in another country away from the politics of Xing. I was back to claim what I wanted. The throne. I'm of course pissed that someone else got there first. I had spent the better part of a decade learning how crime is run and now I wanted a piece!" 

Ed ticked the covered holes in Greed's story off on his fingers. That would explain the accent, the lack of knowing what to do in this country, his unfortunate face attached to his even more unfortunate demeanor. Wow, that was pretty much everything. For someone that didn't lie he was good at it.

"They’re a big operation and it would shake the syndicates if we could somehow take them out, that's why my guys are on board to risk it all. Less competition, the fatter the goose," Greed reiterated that his wheelings and dealings did have a larger point than him just being a mob boss.

"Plus, you know, revenge,” he said and looked at Al. Al politely replied that Greed didn’t have to do all that for his sake, but neglected to tell him to stop.

“Using ourselves as bait I’m going to get them to try and storm the palace in a hostile takeover,” Greed explained. 

“With the military here?” Al asked. Ed raised his eyebrows, he had forgotten about the military. 

Greed had not.

“Absolutely! I’m going to need their help, too.”

---

Greed had dictated Mustang’s part in his plan and Roy gave up arguing that they didn’t have time to participate. He couldn’t really tell the Emperor a straight no. Roy and a few of the people that directly reported to him were to take the other Amestrians out on a night in the city to get them out of there. They were getting cagey with weeks at the palace. It was an opportune time to let them blow off some steam. The rest of Roy's group was to stay if they wanted and ‘apprehend’ the assassins. 

Lan Fan still wasn’t having it. Greed saw she was furious by her body language, which was guarded and full of angry muscle tremors. 

He sidled up to her and went to put an arm around her shoulder but thought better of it at the last second. “Lan Fan, I won't let anything happen to your precious Young Lord so don't worry. Remember, he's carrying precious cargo, me, so I have a highly vested interest in what happens to him,” Greed said matter-of-factly.

“Aw thanks Greed, you're so thoughtful,” Ling took the opportunity to interject with some poison in his voice. 

“Anything for you, pal, as long as it benefits me somehow,” Greed shot right back. 

Lan Fan looked down and rubbed the top of her metal hand with a thumb. 

"Lan Fan, these people are a significant risk. They are going to keep sending people in to try and kill us and while /we/ can handle it I don't want anyone else getting hurt. Think about what they'd do to anyone else I care about if they were willing to kidnap Alphonse on the provision I deferred to him in court a few times. What if they hurt Mei?" Ling asked with gravity. 

Lan Fan had grown attached to Mei as much as he had on their long journey home. She realized she could not be everywhere and while she loved Mei she was the emperor's bodyguard first. Even if he said he had it handled she had a job she was proud of. She knew her lord was right and he was doing more than he should by asking as Ling rather than ordering as Emperor; something Ling rarely capitalized on despite Lan Fan lecturing he should. A plan on their home playing field with time to prepare would be better than any surprise they had to deal with in the moment. She sighed and gripped her metal wrist.

“I want you both to be careful, your arms do not grow back anymore and as much as I would like us to match I would like more to avoid it,” she said while tapping on the back of her hand.

“‘Bothhhh’ huh? Sooo you don’t want me to die?” Greed smiled serenely. Lan Fan’s face puckered in on itself. Damn him to hell.

“Since you are a permanent fixture and I doubt we could do it without you taking the young lord with you— I guess ..not…” she trailed off with some disappointment.

 “Eh, I could probably pull it off, I’m good at dying. What then, would you still want me gone?” Greed pressed, ready to tease her. 

Her face didn’t lose it’s negative expression. 

“No.” 

Greed clapped his hands. “HA HA, so you DO like me!”

“No.”

“Fine. Tolerate.” 

She looked at him like that was a hopeful assessment. “Ling likes you so I guess I have to.” Speaking so plainly to Greed, Lan Fan inwardly blanched at referring to his Majesty so rudely by not adorning his name with any title. The change he wrought on Ling's fine features made her forget that Ling was still using them periodically. 

“You don’t have to do anything for Young Lord Ling you know. You’re your own woman. I don’t mind being hated. Actually it’s pretty fun. Right Ling? You can't be an emperor afraid to break a couple eggs when you want an omelette!” Who had to be Ling nodded their head enthusiastically. 

Lan Fan steeled herself, looking away from eyes that were not Ling's. “I don’t..hate... you,” she said. 

“What does that make us then?” Greed questioned. 

What else could someone you've named no longer an enemy be? Someone you thanked personally for saving your charge's life, someone you eat with, play games with of your own volition? Greed was on her short list of least favorites but true enemies ended up dead and as an emperor's bodyguard those she would call the F-word were few and far between. She'd like to use a few other Amestrian F-words she picked up instead. She settled on the only one she could use with Ling staring at her. 

“F-friends,” she hesitated, just about ready to self immolate.

Greed aborted the mission. Ling was there with a beautiful smile to cover for him in a flash. He did so enjoy when all his subjects got along.  

It was a long way away from daybreak when they finally got within the city limits. Things weren’t fully ready to blow up but Ling cautioned that they were close. The ambient chi was making the hair on the nape of his neck stand up.

It was the absolute mother, or father if he was to be accurate, of bad vibes. He didn’t want Greed to get too close to where their showdown would purportedly (anyone with a half a brain would know it'd be dead center in central) be but he also wanted him to stay local. Ling didn’t want a situation where he ended up getting caught before they could do anything useful. Most of their adversaries were either dead or gone but caution always paid in dividends. He reasoned to Greed that the best possible time to try and go for killing Father was right before he enacted his scheme, he’d have his guard down. That was always the way with these types, they thought they had you on the ropes and /that/ was when you shoved the concealed dagger between their ribs. Greed rolled his eyes at Ling showing his true colors. It was about time.

One notable thing about being in the city again was that they got the fantastic news from a radio blaring updates at an outdoor café they had passed on the way that King Bradley had died in a horrible train explosion. Holy SHIT, that /ruled/. Greed was slightly miffed that he didn’t get to kill him himself but he’d sure take ‘death by train’ as a consolation prize! Ling was similarly relieved. Greed had to give proper congratulations to that Mustang guy Ling mentioned, this was a great diversion from what could be the end of everything. The whole city was going bananas over it. People ran to and fro with the news but businesses were still working. Greed rubbernecked a little too long at another café they passed. Ling got what he was after. 

“We have the time to eat something if you want to, I don’t wanna go into something like this with an empty stomach /again/,” he slid into control effortlessly (Greed had loosened the reins considerably, finally) and stopped himself. He hopped the low fence that separated the eatery from the road and sat down at an empty outdoor table. 

Don't just take back control, Greed very nearly whined.

"Pardon me! /May we/ get something to eat, your lordship?" Ling spat through his thinning patience. They had spent the majority of the trip from the woods bickering over some hasty new ground rules. Greed would let Ling have the run of it as long as Greed got the bigger piece of the 'control the body' pie and Ling had to ask if he wanted out. Ling wasn't thrilled.

Sure. Hopefully this ain’t a last meal.

“That was maudlin,” Ling muttered as he took a menu from the waiter who brought him water as well. He gulped it down in a few swallows and motioned for him to keep going when he was offered more. 

We gotta take care of old business today. Hate having to work with you sometimes,  but it ain't all bad.

Ling perked up some at the poorly articulated positivism but he really just wanted to go Home. He never thought he would be homesick for a place that had caused him such misery but Amestris proved him wrong by being so much worse. He wasn’t stupid, though Greed would beg to differ. He had changed his mind on fighting on going to Central halfway to the city when he realized that he wouldn’t have a home to /go/ to if Father got his way and used Amestris like he intended. The world itself would be next. Ling could take or leave this hell country but it was not the people who lived here’s fault that they chose to raise families on top of this horrible place. He saw one such family walking down the street, poster subject matter for wholesomeness as well as a gentle nudge to his guilt.

Ling didn’t have much of a conscience when it came to things that he didn’t have stock in (he had his own country and family to care about!) but there was a limit. He wasn’t a monster. Innocents were never fair game. He felt Greed dog his train of thought and give a passive amount of acknowledgment. Can't own crap if it's blasted off the face of the earth. That was that. 

The waiter came back and took their order. Ling wanted to try their spaghetti and Greed ordered a few more lunches that looked interesting. He also put in that he wanted something called ‘carrot cake’ which made Ling frown. He wasn’t one to turn his nose up at food but carrots and… cream cheese? -didn’t belong in a cake. This country sucked. 

You eat beans for dessert! Glass houses! 

Bean buns are good, you philistine.   

Ling shut his eyes to look at Greed directly, the waiter wouldn’t be back for a while with the early brunch rush (Ling loved that word, a designated meal between breakfast and lunch? Amazing.). Nobody from this dump was allowed to talk shit about the culinary aptitude of his country.

“How am I supposed to know? You’ll have to prove it to me, then!” Greed taunted. His face was huge in Ling’s field of vision. “Just because this country blows doesn’t mean that yours is any better,” he offered equitably.

Ling refused to meet his eye, “It /so/ is. Show you, yeah? Maybe I will, then,” he contended and looked down his nose at Greed's huge face.

“Maybe? Maybe? You Promised. In fact you promised more than that! I seem to remember a country being up for grabs?" Greed's eyes narrowed into sickle shapes and he advanced close to Ling's face.

"Hey! /You/ never accepted!" Ling poked Greed in a tooth a few times for emphasis. 

"You said you never welch on a deal!" Of course Greed listened to what he said the one time he'd rather he didn't!

"You'll have to show me all of what I'm getting and maybe we'll talk," he continued, snidely. "Tell you what, after we take care of my father I'll do you a favor and help with yours. Square?"

"Sure! We'll just save the whole world! Then for afters we will go home and stage a coup or something! Great! Doable!" Ling dripped sarcasm and Greed just smiled. Greed was always grinning but if you knew the difference you knew the difference. 

And that was that! Ling guessed Greed was gonna come back with him; of his own volition, no less!

He supposed that after they saved the country Greed wouldn't have anything to necessarily /do/ any more but regardless. If you had told him a few months ago that this would be how this conversation would be going rather than Greed tied to a beast of burden with Fu and Lan Fan poised to beat the stuffing out of him if he ran he'd call you dumber than Greed. 

He pumped his actual fist with a 'Yes!' and the waiter that had been trying to get his attention without waking him up for the last twenty seconds edged away from him. Greed plucked the free bread basket from his nervous hands before he got too far and tore into it. 

Ling cleared his throat in embarrassment, Greed was rubbing off on him in the 'not keeping your true intentions hidden with any finesse' department. They both turned a blind eye to the rare shared experience of a mote of anticipation for the future.

---------

The climb to the top of the building took longer than he thought. He had to dodge a lot of security (fresh faced soft boys from around the town by the look of them, so not worth their time) and more than a few errant bullets that flung past him from the firefight below. Ling communicated in that undercurrent way that he was cultivating with Greed that things were going swiftly very bad with the chi around here. The blemish that this country was on the larger world was coming to a head almost as fast as he could move his ass up the building. Ling recognized a few people with his skills that congregated in a courtyard in the middle of the tower they were booking it over. He was just in time to feel what nauseatingly had to be Bradley of all people. Ostensibly a-okay from his tour out of bounds and his death by train. Greed crawled forward on the roof on his stomach and poked his head slightly over the lip for visual confirmation. Ling clenched his fists and tapped a leg angrily on the ground while still laying down. Damn and shit. Can't he have ANYTHING nice?

Greed led his eyes back to the people on the ground, something was happening. Who was that Wrath was cornering against the doorway out of the courtyard? Shit and damn! It was Falman! Ling knew him! No/way/. 

Ling was incensed, Falman had not only given him use of his apartment but fed and clothed him! He was nice! Greed would like him! Since Ling could count the people he'd met that were just honestly nice to him on his hands, Falman was a stand out. 

Greed's ears picked up someone else talking smack and letting their feelings get the better of them. He really could get used to these humans and their familiarity. He didn’t have any time to make a more dramatic entrance like he wanted but he supposed this would have to do! Ling scoffed but didn’t have the heart to deride his grandstanding, he had earned it. Greed got to perform his cherished monologue after all. He had worked on it forever. Ling had spent a good ten minutes consoling him when they had thought Bradley had bit it for those few halcyon hours. 'I want your life!' Ling had to hide a smile. 

Bradley calmly explained that he had done something that seemed factually impossible while being roughly human and simply didn’t let the explosion bother him. For supposedly being the mature mastermind he was pretty focused on implying how superior he was. Ty-pi-cal. Greed had sold it to Ling that Bradley hated that he had the stones to leave and do his own thing, free of his ties to his family. Someone was jeaaaloussss in his highly trained to aggravate opinion. Ling had to agree with how Wrath treated Greed. It seemed like the second someone with ability crossed his path he always reacted with prejudice but there really was no excuse for threshing everything Greed had ever cared for with the ferocity he did. 

Ling heard Greed mutter how he had been able to come out of the explosion intact and note he wasn’t even at the top of his game and Ling had to push a feeling of ‘TOLD YOU SO’ at maximum volume as his reply. (He was sure if King had just been a few years younger his adventure to obtain immortality would have ended with him dead in a nondescript abandoned building and Lan Fan with septic shock or worse.) Hopefully their months of training would be put to good use or they wouldn’t even get to see Father. 

Falman even recognized Ling, how nice! Ling gave Greed a nod and took over to greet him as was polite. He did owe him big for sheltering him, though he’d 'forgotten' his military rank. These guys were so fun to tease.

Thanks for jumping in by the way, this guy is alright. 

No prob., friend of yours?

Surprisingly, yes. 

Though Greed was making a nonzero effort at ‘giving a shit’ he still was best at doing things for others that behooved himself. Jumping in for Ling had its bonuses in that he could take out the trash. He nudged Ling aside as Ling thanked the tall forgettable man, asserting their more mutual attitude so nobody got it confused. Ling also had reasons to fight Wrath that didn't involve lighthearted favors given he'd almost killed him and more importantly made Lan Fan divest herself of a limb. Greed felt a complicated cocktail of very… homicidal feelings that weren't coming just from him because of that fact emanating at his back even as he took charge. Yikes.

Without further aplomb and pleasantries out of the way, he threw himself at Bradley the moment he had a set of claws constructed all the way up his arms. He’d need the joint support, he remembered that despite being eligible for a senior discount Bradley could pack a punch. They clashed again and again, the sword of King's narrowly missing his neck and middle. The despot knew to incapacitate a homunculus it was best to make giant flesh wounds that would take a while to reconstruct.

Greed threw his legs out under him to duck another swing and twisted oddly in the air like a cat trying to orientate itself mid fall. Dashing on all fours out of the way he was reminded of the way Ed liked to fight and had to admit that it had a few positives. Humans really did rely on the fact that they were bipedal and often sat high on their center of gravity. Only someone short could have come up with this type of style. Ling smirked but didn’t have the time to proverbially high-five Greed over the jab. He assumed his accustomed conductor role in the set with earnestness and pointed out that King had a glaring literal blind spot to take advantage of, remember?

Bradley noticed Greed scrabbling on the ground out of his line of sight, it was not like him to make such a maneuver in the height of battle. His brother was simple in the way that humans tended to be, he never thought about the big picture. An outlier and the original owner of that body had the high probability of being the culprit of such a change. Greed corroborated his theory by saying it outright. Of course he had thrown his lot in with those lesser beings again. He had not done what was proper and subsumed the prince’s body as Wrath had taken the very identity of his own. ‘Partners’, it made Wrath sick. 

Humans were amusing to control, to stress to a point of breakage and predict how they moved. It was boring, much of the time. Wrath had watched himself get older and his brethren not age in the slightest. As long as he got to see the plan enacted without failure it would be worth it. He had perfectly maneuvered himself into power for that same big picture. He had taken a...tolerable.. wife as he was expected to because the populace found familiarity in ‘family’. These animals were set in their ways and content to wiggle around on the surface of the world like the insects they were. In spite of his ‘youth’ in comparison to his kin he had been instrumental in his father’s will. He had been the one to move the entire country to a state of readiness in a tenth of the time many of his siblings had been alive. They had not reached their full potential and despite his declining health he still had extended himself even further than them. He would evolve to new heights unlike that feckless Greed. 

He ripped his eye patch off, exposing the power of his ultimate eye, everything coming into perfect clarity as the world seemed to slow around him. He wore the thing not only to hide his identity but because it was a burden to interpret the world in this way constantly. He backed the abomination against a wall but he slipped his attentions and distanced himself out of his immediate reach. Playing it safe yet again. Damn that Xingese /brat/. 

His limbs felt like they were moving in mud when compared to his perception of the space around him. But if he was in mud the others were trapped in swiftly hardening concrete. A bullet or three meandered by his head like bees in a flower field, some of those vermin were trying to assist the half human stain he was finally going to remove for good. He heard Greed shout a warning much too late for them to do anything about it. His sentimentality was still in effect, it seemed. It was the thing that had allowed Wrath to kill him the first time and it would, most likely, be the thing that sealed his end in this battle as well. He never learned. 

He carved through his soldiers that thought to defy him by assisting his brother like butter, killing a dozen in the time it took them to realize they were dead. One of the ones from that icy hellhole that he sent his most problematic underlings attacked him in retaliation and took his sword with his massive muscle-bound body. No matter, there were many weapons scattered about— though he’d miss the length. 

Ling had told Greed again and again that Bradley pushed many of the advantages that a long sword gave him; his dual wielding style was the first that Greed sought to take for his own in order to gain advantage over the single longer weapon. It was a good mix of offense and defense, but he still couldn’t get in close enough with only his claws without leaving himself open. Ling wished in vain for his dao but Greed wouldn’t have known how to use it with any skill. 

Little late for regrets, brat, FOCUS!

Ling wrenched his full attention back to the task at hand. 

Greed didn’t have any wiggle room to do anything but fight back small screams as Bradley missed him by a hair over and over. Greed wouldn’t ever let the little pissant know but he was grateful for the tips in fighting all these months, they were the only things keeping him upright.  

Ling felt the very unfamiliar whiff of gratitude but couldn’t acknowledge it right now. The way King had torn through his squad spooked him more than when he fought alone so fear was the forefront of his thoughts. The WASTE of it all. He was shocked when the big soldier who Greed liked the cut of his jib took a sword to the gut. It was a sacrificial move but one Greed made every move to capitalize on, coming from Wrath’s back while he was empty handed. He was thrown back by Bradley gaining back not one,  but two, shorter daggers off the still warm body of a nameless soldier and another leg up. This old bastard was going to be such a pain!

Greed was a smidge touched when Falman tried to offer him a hand with the addition heavy artillery but he’d rather get the humans out of the way and said so. It’d be good if he didn’t have any more antagonistic distractions too, Ling posited. Greed piled on that request as well. Falman did both things by leaving the area and laying down some cover fire, pinning down the force trying to come up to their position through a neat bottleneck in the stairwell. 

It was slowly dawning on Ling why Greed saved shielding for emergencies. To maintain it took energy, not only the energy of his stone but his own will! He needed to donate the mindset to keep it in place and active. It was heavy and stiff, it felt like his arms were dragging along at his shoulders. He had been raring to fight all day at the beginning of this duel but he was failing faster than ever from the strain! Greed hadn’t used it much with Gluttony because he could have just eaten them if Ling wasn’t fast enough, he realized. Now with Bradley and how he was struggling to keep up, he also found that it was even more of a detriment. One of the only tools he and Greed had was their speed.

Ling had let Greed stay in charge for this because, no matter what, he was a homunculus. Greed had the experience of fighting in this way and also just couldn’t give up the front seat for keeps when they had been training. Ling had come to the conclusion early that Greed didn’t have a lot of the inborn fear of getting hurt or dying like every human. His pain response worked differently. Ling had trained for years not to flinch when things came for his eyes or other instinctual actions and it still sometimes happened. Greed had been picking up the bad behavior of caring about his body from Him of all people.

He offered a silent apology in ordering him to shield all those times and got a fast equally silent nod. Wrath was pressing down on them harder than ever!   

A dark blur cut through Central dogs trying to surround them and shot like an arrow to Wrath’s back. He took his eyes off Greed to deal with the new threat and Greed from his defensive position was stunned at the speed. Ling was similarly frozen, but in joy. Fu!

Fu's appearance bought them time to break away from Wrath again and they hugged the wall to keep him in their sights. Wrath kept his distance, analyzing the new threat. 

Greed complimented Fu on the assist and /thanked/ him for saving his ass. He didn’t pay any mind to Ling’s bodyguard asserting he had done it for the prince or calling his ‘aura’ foul, he was begrudgingly used to both. He couldn’t resist throwing in that— at this juncture, it was the same ass.

Can we please not?

It Is! 

PLEASE.

Greed laid it aside but also considered that the old man had tracked him all the way here from parts unknown based on this chi stuff of his.

So that’s how they’ve been finding me all this time. He had time to say to Ling, accusingly. Ling sheepishly grinned, caught red handed. 

I didn’t necessarily hide it! You knew that I could do it and I told you that weird alchemy stuff is easy to track. You’re weird alchemy stuff...

Thanks. I guess. 

Greed informed the codger of whom he was up against and again he had an unobstructed view to just how damn scary all the people he knew from Xing were.

He’s on your (our) side now, stupid. Or you’re on his. Give him a hand! 

Greed didn’t need any more instruction, they attacked Wrath from both sides. Greed took the old man’s initiative, going high when he went low, left when he went right, and using his legs to come down on Bradley’s skull. It wasn’t perfect, Bradley’s response time remained inhumanly quick and he didn’t get to where he was by not being able to perform under pressure. He snatched Greed’s legs in a peculiar twist and used his body as a shield, spinning him around at a nauseating speed to throw him into Fu. He felt a squeak of surprise fall out of his mouth that he was going to /firmly/ blame on Ling. 

Look alive! Behind you!

Mercifully for Ling’s spine Fu had enough time to flip his short sword to the larger blunt edge before it carved him like a rotisserie chicken. 

Fu almost apologized for the full body spank but of course it was to the ‘young lord’ and not to him. He’d been the one to take the hit! Ling snickered.

They tried their best to deal with Bradley, but despite having two people, it still wasn't enough. The fight in the woods with Gluttony and Lan Fan was grade school. This felt like a rapidly advancing uphill battle. 

Wish I would have worked more on your teamwork with others and not just me, Ling whispered. 

I- waaHH Fuck! I wouldn’t have -AH- played nice with others-shiT- even so.  

Greed got caught and stepped on. Fu was alone for a scant few seconds to take the brunt of Wrath’s ministrations. In those few moments he was nearly stabbed, lost his sword, and ever so narrowly dodged a knife to the face— catching it bare handed.

Ling whistled. 

The bad news was that Bradley had his reach back with the taking of Fu’s sword, that wasn’t gonna be good for anybody. Wrath advanced on him again, missing a killing blow by centimetres, but grazing Fu's face. Fu flinched in that very human way when blood got in his eyes and Bradley came in low before Greed had a fraction of a second to get what was happening.

Fu was struck and went down.

Just as immediately Greed wasn’t in control anymore.

It was unlike the other times he’d let Ling take it back or Ling would fight him for it. It was total dominion and blisteringly fast. He couldn’t do /anything/, a trapped observer.

He felt, in that moment, that Ling had been holding back this entire time. 

Greed felt their body move faster than it ever had as long as he’d been there and knew he was right. 

He yelled at Ling for ripping control away and was ignored. This wasn’t what they had agreed upon!

But Ling was... upset… over the old man, not only Fu and his injuries but Wrath as well. Ling had always not liked Wrath for what he believed in, Greed knew that. It was one thing to know it and another to see it so plainly spelled out, to feel it because he knew exactly what the kid was feeling when he hadn’t cared before. He felt the kid’s resolve harden to something tougher than carbon as he reinstated what being a king really meant. 

He thought about what Ling said distractedly, the old man was babbling- Ling was worried- Then, with no warning, Greed felt the back of his- Ling’s— neck crumple, a few vertebrae clicking oddly out of place. Ling for a split second was gone with the loss of consciousness.

Huh? The old man had hit him? What was his angle?

He took control back in that half way so they wouldn't be defenseless and for the first time Fu gave Greed an order that he couldn't refuse.

He told him to protect the prince.

He re-engaged his shield. In unison; they instantaneously knew the terrible thing Fu was going to do.

They screamed as one. 

Greed had to blow off some steam, he was about ready to blow his top if he didn’t move around /properly/ for a while and vent. He'd been up practically all night staring unblinkingly at the ceiling and listening to Ling's muddled and restless dreams, trying his best to rest. He simply couldn't take a full day of doing mundane Emperor junk before their big blowout, he needed his room.

He padded on silent feet, still ready for sleep in what amounted to silken lazing-around clothes that would be more at home on a clerk. He pushed unkempt hair to his back and excitedly dashed (with some subterfuge) to his favorite weapon and training floor. He was still getting the elementary school hang of many of the different makes and models of pointy metal dismemberment that could be found there, but he could appreciate their look for free. Ling had, by the stock of it on his return, bought enough dao to arm a small strike team. Or have one with a different color tassel, balance, and accessory, every day for a solid month. 

The sun was still kissing the backside of the mountain ranges behind his city but the room was up high near the top of the building so it would soon see the sun first. Pegboards full of displays of weaponry plastered the edges of the space that weren't punctuated with floor length windows with dark black mullions that held that odd blue of the pre-dawn sky. Caddies were full of all sorts of forged murder and a few more showy pieces were behind ornate glass off to the sides. Greed absently grinned at one such single-bladed sword with swirling waves picked into the metal. The handle was wrapped in manta ray skin, pebbled and distinct. The circular guard was an entire metal chrysanthemum and the sheath, which lay next to it, was barely red enough not to be called black. He had whined to Ling for two straight hours to get it. Ling had of course clucked that he enjoyed something with a wider blade and more of a curve but knuckled under when Greed had refused to stop pressing their nose crudely against the shop display case. 

In the corners there were barrels of cheap and less lethal (though it being Xing...maybe not much less) bamboo replicas of common types of weapons for those first starting out or unwilling to train with something heavy or dangerous. There were also dozens of unadorned poles for simple exercises in bunches organized by length. Scattered around the large space were more mundane objects to train a body with, weight bars, a place to do pull ups, and so on. It smelled of worked leather, clean wood, and sweat.

More ostentatious was the presence of baths off another huge room to the left, with scalding water that was pumped in from a deep underground spring. The ground being porous as all hell from said springs had only encouraged the ancient architects to riddle the underside of the palace with tunnels— of which Greed enjoyed mapping out immensely. These tunnels were also going to play a part in his crew's escape tonight. 

Greed heard rhythmic movement as he went to the back of the room. Someone was touching his things? He corrected himself— this room was for guards to warm up and cool down off shifts as well as the very occasional palace local. He had just started calling it /his/ when he began to make time to periodically come up here. Though everything in the palace was his, many things were not Only his. (New concepts, but there you go.) Still, he was curious about who exactly would be here between shifts so early.

He turned a corner and saw the familiar black bun of Lan Fan's. She had her back to him and hadn't seemed to notice he was there yet. She was preoccupied, kicking the tar out of one of those- what did Ling call them? — mu ren zhuang' s. The wooden hat rack thing had a lot of pegs sticking out of it that people would hit over and over to deaden the nerves in their limbs as well as practice rote strike accuracy. Greed hadn't had the chance to try it, pain management wasn't too much of an issue for him. A perk of being just a shade or two off standard.

Lan Fan didn't turn around or make any sign she had registered him but he suddenly felt her heavy attention on him all the same. 

"I bid you morning," she grunted between alternating strikes to the surface of the wood with her palm and the back of her hand. Her metal arm was held behind her back like a fencer. It was stilted with apparent disuse so Greed knew the greeting was for him.

"Heya toots!" he smiled, "what ya' doing?" He knew exactly what she was doing.

"You are fully aware—" the slap- groan of a particularly vicious hit reverberated off the pine, "-of what I am doing. Do not call me that."

"Just askin, doll." Greed really didn't know when to quit basically all the time. The wood under her punishing blows rocked back and forth despite being bolted firmly to the floor.

"What do you want?" She lanced in his direction, still not turning her back or stopping the even staccato of her training. 

"What don't I want?" He spied some splinters floating in the air from her smashing the wood that had been treated to promote hardness and noticed that the room felt 'bad' all of a sudden. Had to be that chi stuff. He was getting better! 

He ceded some ground. "Alright, I just wanted to work with my hands a little this morning. I'm antsy. Looks like you had the same idea?" he asked innocently. She was hard to fool.

She was still not pleased with how Greed (and Ling) had taken it upon themselves to invite death into their home to stare it in the eye, even with all of Ling's positive explanations as to why the idea wasn't the worst. She turned to face him. By her expression she was ready to give Greed an earful but stopped to compose herself. Greed held up a hand and waved it back and forth in a gesture of 'pay it no mind'.

"You can get unprofessional, we're both off shift and he's sleeping," he said, pointing to his chest with a thumb. "He really doesn't care if you're /professional/ in the first place, you know. Always said it. Certainly doesn't care about it on my account, either." 

Lan Fan's eyes didn't stop holding his gaze but her stance relaxed slightly. She was already perfectly made up in her uniform besides the few strands of unseated flyaways she tucked behind an ear. Her eyes looked Greed up and down, hovering derisively on his rumpled appearance. She was aware of the fact that they oddly could sleep independently of each other (she just couldn't wrap her head around all the other logistics of this 'arrangement' almost every day). She also understood if Greed said Ling was sleeping he was. He had told her four thousand times that he didn't lie and given evidence to support that claim she had no choice to acquiesce that at least a direct answer out of him was 'believable'. She knew that their (ugh) 'plan' wouldn't be on for hours yet so she had been taking the early quiet of the morning to center herself. That of course meant hitting things until she felt better. 

Speaking of hitting things… 

"His majesty once explained to me things you both can do," she led on.

Greed's eyes brightened. "Yeah? What kind of things? Tax fraud? I'm real great at—"

"He told me that when you kept him prisoner you made it so he could not see nor feel the world around him," she stiffly inserted.

Greed put his hands on his hips in interest and set his head at a jaunty angle. "That I did, that I did. Don't do it anymore! Ain't polite with the rules and regulations of halvsies." He shook his head from side to side.

"Could you?" she half asked and half stumbled over. She still didn't understand 'halvsies'. 

"/Oh ho!/ And why would you want that?" Greed laughed, he was all of a sudden looking much more forward to the rest of his morning. 

"We never settled on the fact that I haven't torn you out of him," she whispered.

"Awww Lan Faaaan, thought that was dish water over the ditch!" Greed prodded. His shoulders slumped under the weight of the old argument.

"With all this recent joy in my life you have directly been fully responsible for allow me to retread old wounds." 

"Great point! I am a gift that gives unceasingly!" he cleaned his nails with a thumb and studied them in open mockery.

"So, can you, or can you not?" she asked again.

"Can. Don't want Ling to see you loosening up for once?" He tipped his head forward and raised his eyebrows nearly to his hairline. 

Lan Fan studied Greed and must have found his assurances that he could make it so Ling didn't experience the next amount of time reassuring enough for her next move.

She struck like a praying mantis and the wooden implement she had been beating up snapped in even halves, the top half clattering loudly to the floor.

"I seem to find myself without something's ass to kick," she huffed.

Ling, who Greed hadn't made any motion to suppress, woke up from the noise. 

G-huh-Greed, what?

Greed stifled him with the mute feeling of 'ssssshut up!!'. Ling readily went along with it. Lan Fan was talking about kicking his ass? This must be one of those nightmares where she finally gets sick of his shit and whoops him half to death. He didn't really remember feeling quite so sweaty or being able to smell Greed's fear in those, though...

With a sickening sinking feeling Ling realized he was awake. What in the hell had Greed done?

Greed followed Lan Fan to another offshoot room off the main training plaza. This one had a circle on the ground, presumably for wrestling, and was clear of weaponry displays.

"Sorry, I have not had the chance to clean up yet," she said, not very apologetically by Greed's metric, while sheathing her arm blade. 

"This isn't gonna be a no holds barred knuckle-dragger, psh, we don't need a polished arena for this—" Greed busied himself with tying up his hair and beginning to mutter before noticing the decor of the room before him.

The thing immediately worth his attention was the fact that every item for training the body was torn apart like a family of bears had a disagreement that went south. Another piece of evidence to what was going on was that many of these items also had /his/ face crudely depicted on the surface. The teeth were a dead giveaway. He tore his eyes away from a dummy with his face painted on it that was missing the entire body part (there it was, embedded in the wall) to look at where Lan Fan had been a second ago.

Little tip from past spars with Lan Fan, Ling helpfully cut in, abject terror leaking slightly from his cool delivery, -if you see a white light, don't go into it.

"HuH—" Greed had a second to articulate before Lan Fan grabbed him by the shirt front and drew him into what Ling dubbed 'the pain circle' of her immediate influence. 

Good luck! Ling finished happily. 

Greed reacted quicker than most people Lan Fan got the jump on and twisted hard out of her grasp. He had flashbacks of Bradley as she didn't hesitate to snatch at him. He had a sure feeling that went beyond basic knowledge of how to fight that if she actually got a good hold on him the results would be catastrophic.

"Thought we were cool!" he gasped as he ducked a leg that whiffed over his head like a cannonball. 

"I am calling this physical therapy, you shithead!" she said angrily, tracking an arc to locate a hole in his defense. 

"OH! CLAWS! Should have asked, I could've dumped Ling sooner, kitten!" In for a cenz, in for a kilo. Ling slapped his hand to his face and tried his best to distance himself from feeling while still being able to watch. Greed had gotten himself into this one and he was gonna get himself out. /Alone/.

Lan Fan found that gap in his guard she had been scanning for and lunged at his left arm. She had the right idea, Ling was the lefty. He was still getting used to that. Greed felt his height being used against him as she used his beanpole of a body as a fulcrum to flip him to the ground. He hit the floor but rolled out of the way of the elbow that stabbed down after him. It left a dent. 

"You never listen to me, you just do whatever you want!" she yelled as Greed got his feet under him with the speed afforded to someone that had certain death looming before them. 

"Ack!" Greed said in clever retort as the meat cleaver of her forearm and hand rocketed towards his neck. He tried a foot jab to her ankles to get her to back off but she stepped into it and wrapped her leg around his, almost knocking him over again. Lucky for him, Ling had drilled him in how to break that stance and he employed a countermeasure with just enough aptitude to wrest himself free.

"You always go off and get yourself into these situations!" she hollered.

"Well—" He couldn't even finish the thought as she jumped high to yoke her arms around his throat and slam him back to the ground. He saw stars.

"You are such insufferable-"

"Infuriating!'

"Bastards"

She punctuated each epithet with a squeeze in the hold she was forcing him into. 

"Damn you!" She hissed in Xingese. 

Greed thrust his lower body in a desperate bid to shake her off. He almost had it, he just had to put a little more gas on it. Or distract her, something— anything, holy shit. He'd try to say something to get her to let him go or something so objectionable that she'd react in a way that didn't involve crushing the life out of him like a python. Sadly his face and mouth were making out with the floor. Ling was a mile away, weeping into a handkerchief over Greed's third death.

Greed felt his mind grow cloudy and a spark of pure light bloom in front of his eyes. Oh no, that was how they got you! He thought he heard a river but that might have been the blood in his ears.

"Fuck you, Ling!" she grunted and then all pressure on Greed abruptly ceased. Greed didn't hesitate and cockroached away on the ground, gasping for breath. He used that new air to promptly cackle uproariously. 

"OH MY GODDDDD!" He wailed. He didn't know Lan Fan had it in her! 

Ling was /stupefied/.

Lan Fan slowly raised a hand to her mouth in total mortification. Nobody moved.

"Fuck Ling also, if it matters," Greed volunteered after about five seconds of total silence.

She searched his face frantically with her hand still over her mouth. She didn't see anything she was looking for, just a businesslike smirk from Greed, free of any duplicitous undertones.

"He never gave me one second of respite, you're aware. The entire time we were in Amestris," Greed said and floated back into an easy stance with his fists up. 

Lan Fan got up. "You took his body!"

"Gave it!" (He was sick of people getting that part wrong) Greed returned on the heels of a fist jabbed to her ear. Lan Fan threw up her automail to soak the smack. 

"It is still not a good look!" she shot in repost with a dead center right. 

"He made my life hell for daring to take the deal, don't worry!" Rolling punches to his left. "It's why I can—" Undercut, dodge backwards, glancing blow to the side. "–Understand where you're coming from!" Check hook to stop her from pulping his brain.

"You deserved it!!" Duck his haymaker, too close for comfort, and a cross up? —that /slimy/ western trash play.

"Maybe so! Didn't know no better! Dipstick spent most of the day one-wOAh easy, easy! Ordering my amnesiac ass around to let you know he'd obtained a stone— me. Didn't care about anything but that, not even himself!" Greed supplied. He went full mauler, hearkening back to his alleyway Dublith days. He struck at her head with open palm slaps. 

"It was a boon!" she slapped away a raking hand with her automail, "-Recovering from surgery went so much more quickly— bastard! Do not think that will work on me again." Greed had infought to get her chin but not enough to lay her out. She backed up with quick feet and brought her fists parallel to her eyes. "–With something to look forward to! Then I found out he got possessed!" 

"No picnic for me either! He proceeded to scum his way onto me like a limpet! Had no choice but to give in to some of his tantrums, if only to fuckin' /sleep/."

Greed interjected between some fancy footwork to dance forward and use his reach.

"We had to protect him and he makes every effort to leave and throw himself right to the wolves! Multiple times!" Lan Fan spat. Ling scampering off had seemed almost daily at the time. "The discussions I had with Grandfather, we weren't sure whether we wanted him to be Emperor or just kill him ourselves!" 

"Wouldn't have minded you and Gramps kicking my ass! Ya' both had claim to it if only 'cause you'd be getting Ling too," he said.

Lan Fan pushed the advantage she had in that her smaller form could get in faster than Greed could throw something to stop her. She peppered his front with a few body shots and skipped away before his arms could wrap around her.

"We spoke about it and mutually were okay with our lord taking his lumps, it was unavoidable!" she called as Greed woofed out air around her assault. 

"About Fu—" Greed began. Lan Fan stuck and wove, getting him above the eye and opening a shallow cut. He jumped backward and licked a thumb, dragging it over his eyebrow and sealing it up with spit as well as a small spark of red.

She shook the droplet or two of his blood to the ground. "He is at peace," she didn't afford a moment's introspection as she dove under Greed's twin slashes. She tied up his arms and clinched him. No ref here to tell her to break it off.

She growled around Greed trying to muscle out of her hold, "I heard what he had ordered— 'protect the prince'."

"Yeah! Did! -Augh- you little!"

"Do." she grated. She slammed him to horizontal with a half suplex.

"'Course!" he coughed around the blow. Lan Fan had hopped up and backed off so he couldn't turn her being on the ground into an advantage. He was treated to a view of the ceiling and Edward dangling from it, only the whites of his eyes showing. Oh. She'd gotten that hothead to fight her already and wasn't even sated. It turned out super good for him by the looks of it.

Greed didn't have the spare interval, he used his core to throw himself back to a standing stagger. He knew roping and doping was off the table, she was too smart for tricks. She was pressing him further from the center of the room by the second.

"Twit woulda' been dead like twenny' times over without me since then— or you," he tipped his head to her in deference and rocked back to fire off a kick or ten. 

She blocked most with her flesh arm but saved his two more nasty finishers for the one made out of metal. She kept advancing. "Arrow—"

"Barely knew what I was doing-" Swift juke before that leg carved him a new breathing hole- "but yeah, you're welcome," he said. That was back when he was pretty much sleepwalking so he didn't think the save counted. She was ruthless! Ling was right to call the 'no girls allowed' rule Greed had cultivated stupid as hell. He'd deprived himself of some beautiful altercations!

"Tonight-?"

"In good hands, we got this," Greed wasn't referencing himself and Ling. 

"You being back-," she kicked out at him again and he jumped back a few feet.

"Huh?" He asked. His back was suddenly against the cool glass of the window, he had misjudged how much room he had in her onslaught. 

"Not the worst thing," she finished with a double barreled dive kick right to the chest. On her part she had misjudged that he'd take the hit. She saw her wide-eyed reflection in the window now that her full focus wasn't on Greed when she connected with his torso. Rather than let her accidentally defenestrate herself he let his, or his /and/ Ling's, experience speak for itself and fell out of the top of the palace with a deafening 'Crash'.

"Oh shit! I— I am sorry!" Lan Fan's eyes were innocent and huge as Greed fell. He quickly called on his claws and ripped through the side detailing like marzipan. His reaction time was good enough that he was dangling only about fifteen feet from the window with the him-sized hole that had Lan Fan looking out of it with an arm proffered to grab him.

"Wooohoo! What a RUSH!" he yelled over the wind and knocked the sides of the castle with his feet excitedly. Now /that/ was a way to wake up in the morning! Coffee who? "No problem! Feel better? Loving that gutter mouth by the by," Greed said airily as the wind from the high altitude buffeted him by the arm he was suspended from. 

"Do you need any help?" she asked with a tinge of annoyance. The breeze threw her face framing bangs into her mouth. 

"Nah, I'm just appreciating the scenery. Go get blondie down from where you threw him and other blondie to fix this window. I'll be up in a second." The sun rising was lovely with all the oranges and reds. It lit the city below with traceries of fire and did indeed look very nice. Greed also maybe needed a breather.

Only took a boxing match to get her in your corner. Ling spoke up finally.

"More like you're too much work for anything less than a group," Greed chuckled darkly. 

I'll drop us.

"And I'll tell her you were awake for that exchange?"

I take that back.

"Same. Alright, let's get back up there and make sure Ed's still kickin'."

Edward was confirmed to be breathing and Alphonse was located by the time they clawed their way into the building. Lan Fan worked quick. She had gone to get a few odds and ends Alphonse needed to fix the window. And the floor. And the tools. He didn't react with surprise when Greed told him what had happened to need him to handyman a whole room as well as check his brother's vitals. 

"You know that she was the one who brought it up," he said while putting a finger to Edward's nose to make sure he could breathe out of it, it looked… swollen. 

"What?" Greed asked.

"Bringing you back. It was just a pet theory I had before she talked to me. I mean you probably would have eventually made it back on your own but who knows how that would have gone."

News to him! He owed her a solid, then. Ling was similarly mystified. He guessed Lan Fan always did have his best interests at heart.

Greed raised a hand to slap some sense into Ed.

"Wait, wait, wait don't bring him 'round yet, I absolutely /have/ to do something," Alphonse got up from kneeling dotingly by his brother's side and dashed to the door he'd come from. He came back a few minutes later in the helmet and breastplate half of an antique set of armor Ling knew was sitting in the armory right when you walked in within a large case. Ling was too busy howling with mirth to ask how Al had gotten the lock open.

"BROTHER HELP, IT'S HAPPENED AGAIN," Al loomed over Ed and screamed. He shook Edward to confused, horrified, devastated, and subsequently when he knocked the helmet off in the scuffle— murderous, wakefulness. The black eye was worth it.

---------

Ling placed the letter he had received via an out of breath courier a moment ago on his lap with an air of having the entire world on his shoulders. Greed had healed most of his aches from Lan Fan putting him on the wringer but he still felt his head throb at this new issue. The letter was four entire pages of bull before he even got to the reason the sender had sent it.

One of his brothers, Feng, despite treating him like he was some kind of disgusting bug the few times they had locked eyes at a distance for the last year and some months wanted an audience with him. And also dinner. Peachy. 

It wasn't like Feng's garbage attitude towards him was much different than Jyang, Huang, Peng, or any other family that he had knocked out of the top competing spots in his play for Emperor. They all pretty openly hated, or at the very least were jealous, of him. Practically none of his siblings accepted that Ling 'forgotten middle child' Yao had won the battle royale that they were all born for by choosing not to play. His father had wanted immortality but he kind of didn't expect one of his children to actually bring it home with them. It was a holy grail situation. 

Ling had added insult on top of injury to their pride by not chasing them out of his palace and country like he was armed with a broom to boot out the kitchen rats. Their collective father hadn’t left anyone alive that shared his bloodline after he had come to power. It was a really different way of handling things.

Some called him soft— what were they? Not /Important/ enough to kill? Others were just happy they hadn’t needed to flee the country if they had an interest in keeping their hearts beating. 

Feng had been a candidate that many had smart money riding on succeeding before Ling came back and burst everyone's bubble. He was merciless, with a lot more of their illustrious patronage in him than the others. His mother was an acid spitting monster that Ling had only met once, and that was more than satisfactory, thank you kindly. Feng had obviously inherited traits from both sides of his lineage. He was one of the oldest of Ling's brothers and they had therefore not directly interacted much, being from totally different social circles despite the relation. Ling was glad for it, Feng was a court favorite but to him he was at the absolute bottom of the barrel.

To start he was a pathological liar, not utilizing it from a standpoint of self preservation but purely to see what would happen. Everything from blaming things stolen from those clans on top on the poorer of the clans to goading two of their older sisters to shrieking blows that ended with one of them nursing a split ear and the other having one less thumb than she had come to the fight with. He didn't discriminate.

Ling, despite being five at the time to Feng's seventeen, noted this behavior right away. It took a liar to spot a liar, and Feng had not enjoyed little Ling being so interested in him. He had got him in deep trouble on a whispered phrase to the right person more than once. 

By trouble Ling had to learn at that tender age what the blunt end of a spear to the gut felt like. It had not been enjoyable! He thanked his luck that his assailants had gotten cold feet with using the business end of the weapon and had to hold back a four year old Lan Fan from; if he had been hearing it right at the time, 'burning everything they owned to the ground'. 

Ling felt he was not even a specific target of Feng's any more than his other brothers or sisters, he just so happened to be there at the wrong time. Still, the ferocity that Feng exhibited to someone young enough, instead of being snubbed like many of the younger children were by the older set, frightened him. 

Feng also was the one that just so happened to be around when a few of his other kin met untimely… accidents. Once again, this was not much different from what everyone else was doing but Ling noticed that unlike the others, Feng /never/ was implicated. He never claimed responsibility, or dirtied his own hands. He was clean. He always had an alibi, he always had an out, and those accidents always revolved around the little ones. Ling had been too young to square up with someone that made his skin crawl so he did the only thing he could do while being just shy of a toddler and kept a far distance from anything Feng touched. As he grew older and became proficient in his clan’s specialty he also noted Feng’s chi was the energy equivalent of smelling three week old mayonnaise to top the whole deal off. 

Feng was tall like Ling (something they both got from their father) but more willowy, painfully thin in comparison to even Ling's slight build. His hands were like spiders, jerky when they moved and preternaturally still when they did not. His eyes were deeply sunken and always followed Ling when they had been in the same room. It wasn't that he was outwardly ugly, quite the opposite. His mother was a looker, as much as her personality sang of her rotten core the outward shell covering the mess was a beauty. Oh did Feng had looks going for him for that, as well as a glib tongue in his head to pair with a smile that wouldn't melt butter. His underlings had only good things to say! Though their bright smiles were porcelain thin... and now this keelback was personally inviting him to dinner out of the blue.

Can't this wait? We're kind of /busy/? Greed spoke up by mirroring Ling's feelings on the matter in that he did noooot wanna go. 

Greed didn't want to go because he had enough on his plate, nearly jangling out of their chair in anticipation for the impending three way scuffle between the men who wanted Ling dead, the men who worked for him who didn't know he was Ling too (and were kind of there just to score on free unattended merchandise), and his and Ling's own crack team, he had orchestrated. 

Ling didn't want to go because he was scare— He didn't care very much for Feng.

Ling froze and felt Greed's anticipation for midnight mayhem flick off like it was wired to a light switch, a giant spotlight of smug regard hitting him like a runaway ox instead.

Lingggggggg?

No. Absolutely not. No, no, no. Damn him to the circles of the coldest hells! 

Liiiiiiinnnnng!!!!!!

"WHAT." Ling carped from his seat. He placed his chin in the palm of his hand and sneered his reply to the air. With his pose and rankled expression he looked more the part of emperor than he ever had before. The artfully caliagraffed letter from Feng fluttered from his lap to perfectly lay on the surface of the table in front of him. It mocked him. He did not have to deal with this!

His body slumped forward on its way to the ground without his control and with Greed not waiting to catch it. Greed did manage to stop himself before he gave himself a concussion on the table corner. He snorted in surprise and mirth.

"Don't you run and hide now you little chickenshit!!" He crowed while looking down at himself and throwing his hands wide. "Let's have a chat, why don't we! Did I feel a little… trepidation!? —At being invited to dinner from one of those Losers you call siblings? Is Lingy scaaared of ol'... Zheng? Peng? Whatever that tool's name is?"

….!!!!!!

It wasn't a threat made with words but Greed felt that to go on with this line of questioning would be like sticking his arm covered in brisket in a tiger cage. 'Course even with that analogy he wasn't gonna stop, this was toooo GOOD. 

"What? Does Ling require my /expert/ services in his moment of peril?" he chortled.

AaaaaaaAAAA.

"I'm the best you got! Don't forget it!" 

Shut up! I'm gonna kill you.

Oh the intimidation! Like a hissing kitten! "Come now, none of that. Not like you could, but I take offense to the empty threat! Just ask me pretty please with bourbon on top and I'll hold your hand to take charge with your big pest of a step brother! Like he can hold a candle to /me/!"

Shut the fuck UP. I am not a child anymore, I can handle mySELF. 

Greed could practically see Ling place his hands on his hips in fruitless posturing. 

Greed got thoughtful. It wasn't often Ling had no desire to even be in the same room with a problem of his. "You're really scared, for real?! What did he do to you?"

Greed you shit ghost if you don't shut my mouth and drop this right now—!

Good god Ling was pissed. Greed hadn't got him multi-language cussin' in a long while. He ran a thumb absently on an eye tooth while Ling radiated a powder keg of displeasure. 

Greed felt for his relevant experiences, and was surprised when Ling didn't block him, to get the full picture of who exactly this Feng was. He knew he had seen him once or twice through Ling and maybe once himself but damn did Ling have a lot of family he could just not give a single shit about. On his own he tacitly remembered the man as a stick bug in nondescript grays and creams. He had not even been worth Greed's bored regard in the last meeting he spied him pretending not to watch Ling. 

Ling meanwhile had less evidence than Greed thought as he searched for the gist to corroborate all the shaking in his slippers Ling was doing.

They planned to quietly storm the palace tonight! Dinner would need to wait. Falman had volunteered to take Mei and Xiao Mei on Ling's wallet to somewhere safe. Roy was leaving the premises to entertain the rest of the delegates in the city. Something about celebrating the beginnings of planning stages for a revolutionary new train system. Havoc had joined him as well as Breda. Fuery had paired up with Falman. (Between babysitting an adorable little girl and her pet or corralling the drunken delegates as they destroyed a restaurant, it was no contest). Hawkeye surprised Mustang and the rest of his group as well as Ling's by opting to stay. She supplied that she didn't do well with military ragers disguised as cocktail parties and offered her hand to aid Greed's machinations instead.

Greed and Ling were almost heartbroken at missing what was sure to be delicious entertainment but the Emperor regrettably couldn't attend. 

He slowly read the letter Ling had abandoned in his scaredy-tantrum. He stumbled over a few of the more esoteric Xingese words— damn was this bother a long winded bastard, but got that Feng wanted Ling to come over because he noticed the Amestrian delegation were leaving for the night. Ling would be 'off' from the constant attendance of military foreigners for the first time in weeks. Their ongoing pageantry project of opening the borders and their home would be put on hold. Feng had Ling cornered.

Ling the Emperor couldn't say no because Feng held a lot of clout for someone who had missed out on the topmost spot. He was too important to snub. Now that Greed thought about it, he remembered Feng's name being attached to a lot of money going in and out of the books. He had his mitts in a lot of the growing foreign trade as well as big crops and livestock. It looked like he was concerned with making a nest egg of power made out of money to rival the one he would have gotten had Ling not stolen the title out from under him. Greed supposed that he or Ling could always make something up to not go but that was an awful lot like lying and also running away like the aforementioned mewling kitten. He wasn't gonna have that. He picked up a brush to write an acknowledgement when his hand stopped in mid air.

"Do you actually have the collywobbles that /bad/, brat?" Greed directed the question to his arm. His arm gripped the brush tighter.

He's dangerous. This whole thing is dangerous. I don't like it. It's too coincidental. 

Ling met Greed in the middle despite his earlier threats. Feng gave Ling a Bad feeling, worse than crossing the border into Amestris. Tonight of all nights, too. It stunk of maneuvering. 

"It's always dangerous here, part of why I like it. Can't be bored all the time!" Greed did genuinely like Xing when he got down to it. Not just because it was half his. He enjoyed the duality of this country and the people. He thoroughly liked the way if you turned your back even nature wouldn't hesitate. It was home.

"I'll be your ultimate shield sweetling, don't you fret!" he said consolingly with a bat of his eyelashes and a molasses sugar finish. 

Greed felt like, if he had to put a fine point on it— the amount of rage he felt from his co-conspirator directly after saying what he just said would alone be enough to melt him back down to a small red puddle.

He was also suddenly at the mercy of his own arms that had rudely knocked him right out of his fancy chair to the fancy floor to absolutely throttle him.

They don’t know who gets up to react as Fu pulls the mechanisms from the bomb strapped to his chest to bring Bradley down, they’re not sure who gasps as even that solace is taken from him in his dying bid to land a scratch on him. They see the sword go through his back and before they can think they are up and ripping a claw with that supernatural speed through Wrath's eye with tears in their own. 

They don’t know what is happening, it is worse than Greed’s outbursts, there is no center to cling to. The calm in the eye of the storm is gone. Almost akin to their feelings the sky behind them splits raggedly open and they look at the arc of power that is far larger than any lightning strike they have ever seen. Bradley knew what was going on and didn’t let the beginning of the apocalypse distract him, he wrapped his arm around Greed’s— meaning to throw him to the ground but Greed had enough sense to cling to him and tip their combined bulk over and through the edge of the high platform they had been clashing on.

The momentum of the fall shook Wrath loose and Greed didn't delay on reaching an arm to catch himself on the wall before he also fell too far. Bradley, to save himself, clung to Greed’s wrist. Greed shook him as much as he could, but risked unseating his grasp in the process. They were at a stalemate that depended on just how long Greed could support both his weight and the man below him. It might not even take that long— as Greed rained curses down on Wrath small stones worked themselves from the ruined wall. He felt his grasp wavering.

Just before gravity was going to take him, another hand clasped his own. It was Lan Fan's. What was she doing over here? They could handle themselves! She was strong but not strong enough to support some three hundred pounds with an arm that could come off! To underline his point, droplets of blood streamed from her sleeve to fall on his face. Her arm was liable to come next. She had more important things to do. She had to take care of the old-timer! Greed yelled at her for caring about her job but stopped— another liquid joined her blood on his face.

Tears.

She told him that it was far too late for her grandfather. 

Ling, who had been gone, was suddenly in sharp relief, joining in Greed’s anguish. Lan Fan called for the soldiers that were close by to assist and one managed to get a shot off into Bradley’s shoulder even as a knife of Bradley’s embedded itself in his own. Finally, finally, he fell into the dark water below— and it was Ling who was able to crawl back up off the wall to rush to Fu’s side.

Ling called for a doctor, he had a stone, right here! He’d save Fu. That’s why he’d come to this country, to get this power! Why did those Amestrians insist on /looking/ at him like that? This whole country was a powerhouse for this type of thing, surely someone, anyone, could use it to heal Fu.

Why? It was supposed to fix everything!

Greed feels tears on his cheeks. He feels a blast of noise, pressure, and most surprisingly— little pain when Ling gets shot right between the eyes by a stray infantryman. Greed has just enough time to think 'crack aim' before the recoil throws them back and they're technically dead for a second or two. 

This wasn’t how his power worked, and it wasn’t how immortality worked. That was why he’d been looking for something better.

Yeah, he could heal himself but it didn’t stop other people from getting hurt. It didn’t stop him from getting hurt, either. Ling was coming to terms with what he had long ago when he’d gotten everything taken from him. 

The large man that had dealt a blow to Bradley was on the threshold of the door that Fu had already passed through. Ling couldn’t say any words to Fu that he would hear, but he would pay his respects to the other soldier that gave his life. He apologized for being useless in his dying pain and unable to return any thanks besides a reverent bow.

The captain did have something that the boy could do. He asked them both, irrelevant really, but appreciated, to defend the gate the other humans were trying to keep closed. 

The dying man told them that with their power it was something they could do. Something /only/ they could do.

‘It just -had- to be to defend something, didn’t it?’ Greed thought to himself even as he felt Ling’s will harden. 

"Greed, I want power. Give it to me." Ling said, brooking no argument, even though it was a ‘request’.  

So demanding! Thankfully they did have time on their hands before the main attraction. Greed supposed he could be reciprocal. Ling was acting dangerously prince-y when he told Lan Fan to protect the others and ruined his shirt. It was a small thing but the vest he turned it into really was a grand slam for Greed— it felt so /right/.

The captain asked if they would do it and Ling promised him they would while he drew on Greed’s power to cover his skin. Ling and his promises, he’d better not be too liberal with those if he was going to rope him into the mix in the future. Greed reminded himself that the man had asked him as well. Felt nice to be included. 

These damn humans knew just how to get to him. He felt Ling’s resolve and couldn’t say no! What was he, some kind of asshole? Who was where was fuzzy again, he was Ling or Ling was him— they both were unified in what they wanted to accomplish so what did it matter? Of course he was gonna help! They had time to kill! 

These soldiers were in for a world of hurt in a minute as they stepped into the dark supply elevator. Greed held Ling back for just a second. Why use the stairs when they had something with a lot more panache? He pointed out the controls on the wall and Ling tightened his lips, pulling a large lever. It wasn’t a smile... but it was a start. 

The machinery groaned as it began to crank the lines. 

Ling crossed his arms as the freight elevator lurched to life and started to move downwards. He wasn’t used to doing something so overblown— it wasn’t his style to attack first, unless provoked, and it certainly wasn’t his style to throw himself headfirst into a firefight!

Give ‘em a warning, then, if your ‘conscience’ is giving you a hard time. Greed said ‘conscience’ like the word itself was diseased. /You/ promised we’d defend this place. It’s /my/ style to throw myself headfirst into danger and I’ll give my symposium on the subject.

Ling did as he suggested and gave the men an out. Greed spoke up from Ling to shout assurances that ‘he didn’t fight women!’ though there weren’t any around. He couldn’t let Ling have all the fun and he would /not/ let him get the last word! 

A bullet kissed his cheek and the kid didn’t even fucking flinch. Now /that/ was how it was done. 

The explosion from a bazooka, though, that was tougher stuff. One of the men shot the missile straight towards him and Greed threw the shield up over his head just as the explosion hit. 

-

He gave Ling some tips and tricks and Ling supplied his know-how when it was appropriate in that way that they had come to rely on. They tore through the ranks as they let gravity and pure momentum take them down the tunnel to the street. A spot of accidental friendly fire in the form of another bazooka blast exploded behind them, destroying the shaft they came from in a spectacular rain of fire and marking them REALLY getting started. 

And then—

It pops off like this, Ling worms his way into Greed and Greed worms his way into Ling like they've been doing in all those little ways since they got smashed together and when you're one person you don't know who exactly is furious over the death of Fu. Wasted potential, loyalty and history. But you barely know him, but you've always known him. You're /furious/. You're mad at your family, you're mad at your father. Which one? Not right now. You're gonna take this ugly building in this shitty country where everything looks the same and there's barely any life here it's just a war machine made to further the ends of a despot, and it was their home, and you're gonna burn it to the fucking ground. You're gonna do it for Fu, you're gonna do it for your friends that you made and your friends that are gone that you never met, but you remember. 

You're gonna make sure it can't happen to anyone else because this is bigger than you and it's not like he's going to stop here he's insatiable, always wanting more, which can't be right because that's you he took out and made a person out of and also not you, too. Next you know it'll be /your/ country, your clan, all the people you haven't experienced yet and that just. will. not. do. 

You smash a car that hits you head on like it's made from plywood and you grin. 

You pull apart just a little. Just enough to feel from whom the anguish is coming from, just enough to mirror it back as anger at having things taken, things that are /yours/. 

----------

Greed barely needed Ling's help to find his father and stab an arm right through him. Very satisfying; that was until it didn't even phase him and he kept right on monologuing. He really fucking hated homunculi. Yes he was /aware/ he was also a homunculus, thank you /Ling/. His father reminded him as well, calling him his son and telling him he was only a mirror of his own desire. Who the hell was he to tell him what he was or wasn’t?

They watched in dread as father caused the apocalypse. Shorty wasn’t handling it like he said he would! Greed didn't know what he could do in the face of, well, all /that/. He knew when he was out of his league. Ling was equally put out, you couldn't go and kick something like that to death. They both weren’t sure he was even corporeal as they watched a large black shape reach to the sky.

They both chose independently and yet together to hang back. Ling would let Edward the genius alchemist and the western sage of old take care of that one for now. Fists weren't gonna get you far with someone who ate god. He’d wait to get his hits in.

Ling felt the entire country die around him and rush into the pinprick of space the center was. He thought his personal fount of souls was bad? This was hundreds, no, thousands of times worse.

After he was finished a young man stood before them, an entire country of souls and what he assured them was god itself within him. Greed's father was thanking them all for their involvement. This was the nightmare scenario.

The sage and his child kept Father busy as he threw suns and other impossible things at them. The other duo just stayed out of the way for all that.

Ling felt the push of another huge reaction. It felt unbelievably like... home. The new circle pushed the souls that had streamed to the center away again and Ling found he could breathe easier. If walking into the country where so many were trapped within the ground felt awful, what he just experienced was disgusting. Father did not like giving them back very much, he began to tear the scenery apart.

Greed stayed in control and dodged a few of the huge pieces of debris that came his way. Chains pulled mechanisms from the ground and gears and other machinery crumbled around them. A familiar hole opened up in the ground to show off a cylindrical tube that made Greed feel a whole potluck of emotions Ling didn't have the time to pick through. He had a stab of memory of being unmade— which was horrific to actually be aware of and he heard Greed say something about a bath. They tipped the still boiling tub over and the wash of molten liquid streamed toward the dwarf-sans-flask. Too bad his and Ed's ploy to deep fry him didn't pan out. Father took their blows without moving an inch.

-

Father's counter flung Greed down into the hole his tub had come from. He hit the ground hard enough to burn through a few souls. He laid there for a second, weighing the fact they could just leave...but got back up. Fight wasn't over yet. 

"Alchemy sure is convenient," Greed remarked to himself over his grunts of effort.

He used some chains, pipes, and hangings to climb or flip his way up out of the hole to where the action was up topside the old fashioned way. While doing so he saw whom he suspected was the local butcher and the woman who beat him up when he was without current company using a giant stone hand to take the express route. Thinking about it, too bad his host didn't know how to do something like that, too. Maybe they'd have had a fighting chance. 

Like I'd known it would have come to this when I left my house a year ago! I don't have the mind for books! If I wanted book learning I would have sat home and figured out how to do a stone myself. It was a better plan to find someone else and make /them/ do it.

Eh, preparedness is next to godliness.

That is not how the saying goes and I'm not even from here.

Ling was focused on the task they had to deal with right now like someone who wanted to lead a country should be. He took a well worn page out of Greed's playbook and bottled up his grief to be dealt with later.

Greed made it almost to the top and found an interesting scene waiting for him. Ling's retainer (who Ling was deeply happy was fine) was calling him Ling's titles again. He absently corrected her but was more focused oh the man who lay dead on the ground behind her. Ling didn’t feel a speck of life from him. Wrath was finally finished, and didn't he look /happy/ about it. Even in death he continued to piss Greed off. 

The energy fluxed nauseatingly around them and the ruins they were in shook. 

Ed and his Dad had Greed's on the ropes, Ling could feel the greasy arms of his energy snuffing lives out above him in an effort to gain some fuel back. The whole morass of chi was like a spinning plate that was just about to fall. He, they, had to get up there.

He had shuffled himself with an arm thrown in front of Lan Fan to knock away any rocks that threatened to crush her, but on seeing another express elevator to the top Greed wanted to come with. They'd need him up there, it was his dad, he knew some of his biology— being literally made of the same stuff. He had to explain exactly what they were dealing with to these guys. You always had to lay it out in broad terms to humans, they had no critical thinking skills!

Don't you even—! Ling heckled.

It was time to get everybody who was on a lower tier outta here. That meant regular humans. He wasn't going to babysit. 

Ling pointed out the two blonds were not only injured but not equipped with super powers and the chimeras were not up to snuff either by Greed's grading system. Greed told the icy blond who argued with him to get to stepping even though she said she was their leader. Ha! He was the only leader around here.

Not true.

Go and get the country you're owed and then we'll talk.

Planning on it.

One of the other humans got a call that a large amount of their forces and the building were just plain gone. That was about what Greed expected. He explained how that could have happened in terms these alchemy nut jobs could swallow. 

The woman didn’t want to leave her troops but she also had a duty to her other battalions. Ling could recognize the conundrum. The ice queen reluctantly took her subordinate's advice and stayed. Greed was thankful he didn't have to kick her off the platform. 

Annnnnd of course to take her place a new problem came sauntering up. Ling recognized him, it was that Mustang guy. Whoa boy, was his chi a mess- and he wouldn't open his eyes, letting the other injured woman lead him up to their garbage elevator. 

Ling put two and two together and Greed, frustrated, said /again/ that injured people were to stay fucking put! What didn't these humans understand? He really hated it here. When this was over he was going to take the longest damn nap.

Ling's bodyguard coaxed a few of the others that looked like they were on the self sacrifice fence down. Greed looked her over, expecting yet another fight. They didn't have time for this!

But… she only said her job was to protect the prince and bring the stone home and not all of whatever was going on above them; nor did she try and talk Ling out of it. Greed almost, almost, went back on everything he'd been saying this entire time to say the prince was right here and wasn't it her job to keep him /out/ of danger? —But Ling stopped him.

This is as good as a go ahead from her. Let's get this done before she changes her mind!

They rose to the top in style.

----------

Greed took a vantage point high above the battle with his father, he’d wait for an opportunity after the flashier fighters took it out of him.

With the nexus of power licking the very borders of reality in front of him Greed felt like he was in a candy store. He also felt a few hastily buried proclivities rise to the surface. With that kind of juice he really could rule it all couldn't he? 

A pinprick of disappointment hit him in the proverbial side. 

Really? That's not what you want and you know it. 

Yeah okay. The brat had a SMALL point. That wasn't all of what he was any more.

'But', he thought to only himself, 'his father doesn't know that!' He saw Ed scuttling up behind his uncle for some sneaky play and hatched a plan. A good old bait and switch- he'd have to be hard on the sell, then. Ling called him dumb all the time but apples didn't fall far from trees. Dad was an idiot! Ling was too busy being discouraged with Greed’s 'bad behavior' to notice it was as thin as gold leaf on cheap copper. 

Greed sang his song and dance beautifully about that old emptiness and father dumbly let him get in nice and close. If father was preying on the drops in a bucket that regular humans were he wouldn’t turn down the steak dinner Greed had to be. (It wouldn’t hurt anything if Greed tried to take a little power for himself as well). Pride had wanted to eat him when he was losing and Pride was the spitting image of his parent, not even taking into account all the eyes. Homunculi were made up of the same stuff, stood to reason he'd be able to do a thing or two with that.

Ed owed him big for being the fall guy, he'd take a rain check on getting him back for losing his arm in the clash. Shorty only had the one and a half. Greed backed out of the strike zone and amended his previous thought as even that half exploded in Father's block. Ed didn't hesitate and attacked with a kick instead, making do.

Ling couldn't resist a smile at a kick being the thing Father had to block the normal way. Edward knew the importance of a good kick! Father was losing his hold on himself by the second, he was spiraling out of control! Greed protected himself as a shock wave of loosened power hit him and threw tiny into some re-bar. Shit!

In a blink the metal one sacrificed himself to get Ed an arm back and that little hellion didn't wait around to really throw some hurt on his pops. Greed watched with awe as the people he had come to know in his second life cheered the pipsqueak on as he found an edge and gained what could only be called a rising winning tide.

Ling felt as only he could a rising intensity in Greed to match the cries of those around him. 

Do you get it now? That was never what you wanted. He said softly, referring to Father's godlike power.

Of course Greed got it. How could he not after all he'd been through? He'd had it pounded into his very soul by this point! Ling always had to stick it right to him, didn't he? He knew when he was down and let Ling kick him. For once. 

“It's true. Maybe I just wanted friends like these?”

Edward was drilling Father, working him back and into the rubble where he began to convulse and scream. God, or whatever that power was, wanted out. Red shock waves bloomed fresh from his changing form, He could barely hold on to the face he had stolen from Hohenheim. Greed caught a grunt before the wave could sweep him off the building. These humans were too comfortable being so fragile. 

Maybe he had also gotten just a little too complacent watching his dad get his ass beat. Father lurched from the smoke and got the jump on him, ramming an arm right through his gut. God /fucking/dammit. 

He was going for the stone!

Ling had let his guard down. Having a fist next to his spine wasn't the way he wanted to spend the rest of his afternoon! He felt the torrent of souls being sucked into that other homunculus' body with Greed at the center. It felt like a riptide that he was barely able to keep himself out of. He clung on to Greed to not lose him in the rapidly draining tumult. He could take or leave the souls but he wasn't gonna lose the moron!

Greed wanted him to let go and save himself, the gibbering idiot! Ling refused outright! They were gonna go home and Greed was gonna help him be Emperor, that was their /deal/!

There was nothing to be done! Greed was of father originally and to father the stone would return! That was how it worked! He told Ling that core impetus was pulling him harder than Ling could. Not like he ever listened! Ling had literally and figuratively dug his nails into his psyche and wouldn’t let go. Greed split his attention from Ling telling him to hang in there to take stock of where Miss pinch hitter was— close enough. He surveyed his rapidly more limited options.

From what he hastily explained to Ling just before he suddenly got, well, he didn’t even wanna call it an idea.

It probably wasn’t going to work… He didn’t even want to tell Ling. He wasn’t one to get people’s hopes up. 

What if... He took the parts of himself that father /didn’t make/ and Ling had more of a hand in? He'd grown attuned to this body, he could—

He’d have to play this just right— but he was a master at winging it! 

Ling clutched at him, screaming that if he was going to be emperor he’d need him around. Way to make this harder you little bastard! He leaned in to what Ling was saying while buying time, grabbing Himself from himself— it was hard to conceptualize. 

He knew from Ling's experience that the best lies had a ton of truth in them. Spoonful of sugar to make the medicine less bitter— he hated havin' to roll over... Oh well, Ling would get over it. They were partners. Greed told him so and finally got Ling to smile that goofy grin of his.

He geared up to give father the him that father expected and hit Ling hard with a mental punch to get him off, he needed to concentrate! He might as well say his goodbyes too, just in case this didn't work. Which was the leading probability. He did have to admit that for the only lie he ever told it was a damn good one! Pulling the wool so fully over Ling's eyes was pretty damn funny! Too trusting, that one. He'd have to work on that with him later.

He told Ling about Lan Fan and the stone she had. No matter what happened after this he wouldn't be a stone anymore. He had to give the brat some kind of consolation prize with the way he was looking at him like a lost dog in the snow. 

Greed had to rely on Lan Fan for this next part but he knew she'd be up to snuff. He healed the hole in his gut and called her over in a single action. Without a prompt she sliced the arm of his father's hanging out of him like an errant rosebud and Ling fell away, safe.

It was messy but it’d have to do. He went inside father to fuck things up as only he could.

It was so appropriate he had to laugh.

---

“I don’t want anything else…” Greed said to himself, but he looked at Ling and the others, and more importantly he felt the pulse of the larger amount of ‘himself’ he left in Ling and smiled. It was like the times he’d had his head knocked off or he was cut in half. For a moment there was a twinned disengagement as his body would pick a part to regenerate from. The him of right now was only a sliver with just enough cognizance to fool father.

Father had taken all his souls back but one, apparently. Faking his own death to get out of something. A Greed special.

'I don't need anything else... you know... wait a second...Ling and tiny never even paid me the proper respect. All I did for them! I deserve reparations!' he thought at himself from behind Ling’s eyes, looking at the him above them that was turning into dust. 

He knew Ling heard somehow through their tenuous connection that he'd done the most embarrassing thing possible and called them 'Friends of his soul…' If Ling wasn't devastated with anguish over him and Greed wasn't already holding on to himself by a spider thread of power he'd off himself from pure humiliation. Ick, the kid being sad over him, he could do without causing that.

His consciousness was weak.

…

He didn't /need/ anything else... true enough, but...maybe he could stick around. He'd always been greedy like that. Call it a victory lap, if only for the sake of that big baby and his problems he'd wrapped himself up with.

Their connection still wavered delicately but he put his willpower into it. It was the only power he had left. The spider's thread thickened slightly.

Greed settled himself down to sleep. He was gonna make good on that nap! The rush of whatever he had that passed for adrenaline on fucking over his father utterly one last time was long gone.

He felt so tired.

----------

Ling was beyond ready to pack it in after they killed the demigod, looking to just limp back home and give his father the stupid stone. He sat on some rubble out of the way of reunions and relief while everyone picked up the pieces of the aftermath. Everybody else needed patching up before they went home and on with their lives.

He was fine and dandy. No more hole in his stomach.

Barely scuffed up!

The hole in his chest was from all those souls being gone, surely. He'd get used to it.

It was so -quiet-. He had gotten used to it being so loud and annoying in his head, so he'd get used to the quiet. He rolled the vial in his hand that held the stupid stone his entire country depended on. The contents barely measured to a teaspoon of runny jam. 

He’d gotten all of what he’d wanted, he assured himself. He’d move on his plan to attain emperorship after he got back.

A shape phased into existence behind him. There was Lan Fan to break him out of his funk with a rare request. She didn't want him to attack his family or encourage it from others like his father did. Done and done! He readily agreed on not having any more clan infighting. This was also in his plan. Did the girls not know him well enough to guess that he’d be throwing out pretty much /all/ of his father’s policies? Duh— it was kind of a given!

He squatted down in a way that was oddly comfortable to call the little Chang girl an idiot. That was also comfortable. Wasn't really like him, but he was in a weird mood. Sue him. He gloated that he had something she didn't, which brought her to tears. Okay, he was just being really mean here. Yes of course his clan was gonna rule but if he just took Mei under his shie-… protection, then she shouldn't have any problem with him ruling the roost. He told them if he could do something like handle Greed he could handle /all/ the clans.

They called him greedy...Not so much where he thought it really counted on that front. He caught sight of the empty back of his hand when he went to rub the back of his neck as Mei cried. It must have been the sun because he thought for a second he could still see a little bit of the circle that had traced the dragon…

Or maybe not, it was really light, probably just a scar.

"Ha ha, maybe he rubbed off on me!” he said, determined to keep things light.

Maybe a little more than that. 

Ling stiffened. He hadn’t..? His quick search was met with silence and the yawning void that had been filled by souls until just a little while ago. He once again felt how unbearably quiet and empty it was and resolved to completely ignore that area. He'd have to get loud to cover it up! He noticed her injured leg and swooped down to pick the tiny body of his reclaimed sister up like a sack of flour. She kicked and yelled in his grip that she didn't need his help. That would do very nicely. 

No, he asserted to himself. He hadn’t. 

Greed ducked Ling’s searching for him and hid in a deeper recess than normal. He didn’t need the kid trying to wake him up from his needed nap with his incessant yammering. He did /not/ have the energy for that presently. He relaxed for some sorely required shut eye. He’d get up later, these kids had things in hand for now. 

Ling reminded Ed that they were here illegally to give himself a reason to not stay any longer. Greed wasn't the only one who had grown on him. He was sure he'd see the Elrics again eventually. He had his duty to his country and to Fu.

______

Travel across the desert took an age, almost double the time as their self inflicted flight from Xing had taken. They were beat up and had to take care of the young Mei now as well. Ling's current adventures in the desert were uneventful, or at least, as uneventful as they could be when your personal bar for goings-on was as high as Ling's. He was exhausted, he didn't mind taking it slow for once.

The desert really needed to knock it off with giving him the intermittent splitting headaches and the double vision they brought on made the dunes swim in front of him. They were reserving food and water but he didn't remember it being this bad on the trip out. He was /ravenous/.

Given the circumstances of what had happened, Ling supposed he had more than a right to be tired. He wouldn't get the chance to be exhausted when he got back, that day looming nearer with every footfall from his trusty steed. He wondered exactly how he would oust his father? Eh, he'd get there when he got there. Greed always says he flies by the seat of his pants. He frowned. 

Greed always /said/ he was spontaneous. He made a fist and deliberately didn't look at it, clenching his fingers tightly and letting them go with a sigh.

It was going to be lonely at the top. 

too bad

Indeed it—

"Lan Fan, you say something?" Ling asked, sticking a finger in his ear like a swimmer coming up from a bad dive.

"Yes my lord, I asked if you wanted any water?" she said and held up a canteen shaking it in emphasis. Ling could hear the water slosh within. Mei was sitting in front of her on the same ox in the midst of a light doze. 

"Ah yes, right," he slowed his ride down some and accepted the proffered respite, as small as it was. 

It was still disgustingly early when Greed went back to their quarters to change. He'd barely killed an hour or two even after all of that. At least he had limbered up somewhat. 

His clothes were pretty worse for wear after getting the stuffing knocked out of him for running his mouth. (Twice.) Regardless, the emperor always had to change clothes a ton on any given day– even without wrecking them intentionally. Each outfit and many times of the day were ascribed to a different type of look or function. Greed didn't mind the time sink so much, he never turned down an opportunity to show both himself and what he owned off to others, clothes included. 

Ling hated it. In his thinking, once you were dressed for the day that should be it. If you were dressed up you /stayed/ dressed up. Taking what you slept in off to put on 'work clothes' was crime enough as it was. After sparring (almost killing Greed), having some choice words (also almost killing Greed), and mail time (it was a rare twofer that Greed had entreated death twice already, it not even being noon) it was unfortunately on the plan to hold a few audiences and be an slave to his people for a second. —Before he slipped off to run some errands of his own, naturally. 

Greed unexpectedly went still with his hand barely on the door to the rooms where he kept some of his favorite things. There was someone in there. Ling would be proudly clapping that Greed was using their skills so effectively, but he had felt no such access. He knew this particular sense was rooted in Greed's own native preternatural ability to somehow know when his shit was getting touched. 

He threw open the door at a silent count to three for Ling to also be ready, hopefully they'd catch whatever poor sap was in there unawares.

Xiao Mei hissed like an animal thirty times her size at him from the ground in front of his bed. The bed in question was where the 'intruder', Mei, was prone. Greed ignored Xiao Mei biting his ankle to rush to Mei's side but she was only sleeping deeply, huddled in a tiny pink ball. 

The year he'd been gone had added a little height to her (all these kids were taller, Greed mused, they must be finally getting some consistent food in them with their better living situation) but Mei was still incredibly small. Ling supplied that she was not too sickly for her age, though Greed didn't know how ages correlated with height. If that was the case then he'd have been like twelve feet tall in his old body. 

Ling had a sneaking suspicion that Greed wasn't fully sure how human children actually worked.

Ling jiggled his foot to carefully shake Xiao Mei off. She was going to draw blood if she kept it up but once he was in control she unclenched her teeth herself, disengaging to drop to the floor and regard them with animalistic suspicion. Ling gently brushed the sleeping Mei's forehead and put his hand on her shoulder, shaking her, "Mei, wake up, it's mid morning, and— I don't wanna put you on the spot, but what are you doing here?" He asked quietly. 

Mei's eyes fluttered open. She gasped and looked around wildly when she saw his face. "I— I'm sorry, I wasn't— I should have been gone already," she stammered. Xiao Mei had somehow gotten up on the high bed to take a whole pillow for herself to lay on next to her owner. 

"And what does that exactly mean, Braids?" Greed asked. He sat down on the bed next to her as she got up into a kneeling position.

"Um—" she ventured. 

Her constant companion bared her teeth in defense. Greed held up an arm to ward her off. "Cut it out. I'm not gonna hurt her, you know that. Quit it." He addressed the little warrior directly.

Xiao Mei growled for a second more then laid her head on the pillow slowly, still watching him with her dark eyespots. The little creature had gotten used to and even liked Ling, (most animals did), after a while but Greed was a new presence. Animals didn't go haywire when in his proximity any more (though it'd take some considerable coaxing to get them to let him touch them most times) but Xiao Mei was Xiao Mei. The only people she let off without a bite were Ling, Alphonse, Lan Fan, and Mei herself. Edward was working on it.

"Go on?" Greed prompted back to Mei.

"I— sometimes— I can't sleep," she said, as if that explained everything. To Ling it did.

"So you come here when we're gone?" he asked good-naturedly. He messily crawled up onto the bed proper and stuffed a pillow behind his back and the headboard, reclining. Xiao Mei used another pillow that lay between them as a new seat. She looked like a mint that a nicer hotel would use for flash on the giant silken blob that was stuffed full of down. 

"How come we've never caught you here before?" Greed asked.

"Usually I know when you're coming and I go before you, um, get here," she mumbled. Mei was already a master at reading the pulse and being instrumental in bringing Greed back as well as being around Ling so long; she was probably better equipped than even Lan Fan to pick up on them both. She had little difficulty differentiating their energy from each other with them only a foot away, as well as hiding her own chi— which had gotten her into this mess.

"If you want a bed like mine you know you can ask," Greed offered with a, kindly for him, grin— trying to catch her eye, "I got great taste, I know."

Missed the mark by the slightest margin there, genius. Ling sniffed. Mei had turned away and was playing with her small fingers. She looked up at them out of the corner of her eye.

"Are you okay?" Ling asked her and did manage to finally grab her gaze.

"Yes! I'm fine. I shouldn't bother you, you're busy. I should go—" She tried to scramble off the bed but Greed grabbed her smoothly by the scruff and set her back down next to him in a fluid motion. Xiao Mei growled again but he stopped her with a "Knock it off". 

"Nope. Tell me why you been comin' here Pinky or we all ain't leavin'," Greed said with finality. 

"Please," Ling added.

"Please." Greed tossed in. 

Mei looked at them, if Ling didn’t know better he’d say she was analyzing their angle. Xiao Mei crawled into her lap, apparently also not wanting to go just yet. She let out a little puff of a breath, deciding something. "It's good...to sleep where I know nobody will… know I'm there," she said with an even smaller voice than usual. "I've got Xiao Mei but I'm used to sleeping with a lot of people in one house, so…"

She was talking about her clan mates, they may have left her to her own devices but Ling knew that they tried to care for her in the beginning. She wouldn't have survived if not. As Mei grew she missed the community but must have gotten increasingly paranoid with her higher status as a clan princess. The Chang clan had been extremely poor and out of the way but that didn't stop people from keeping dangerous tabs on you and your vulnerability.

Ling remembered the doll-like little girl he first met when he was much smaller and how she would not even take the candy he had offered her when they had been left to 'play together'. (More like corralled.) She had obviously been hungry.

I didn't know humans got that tiny! Greed had to comment with fascination. Ling couldn't even have a memory to himself without an audience, could he?

You should see babies.

Seen babies, you remember that fawn when we were in the woods.

Camping for all those months back in Amestris allowed Greed to see a lot of different animals. Ling knew Greed liked them and privately deduced it was because they were simple, just like him.

Yes but baby animals know what they're about in like ten minutes. Baby humans take years to walk and talk. 

What'd I say about lying to me?

Shit you not.

Bull!

Pinky swear!

Put a pin in this. Speaking of pink— Mei.Their train of thought had gone careening off the tracks like it tended to these days. It was hard to keep it chugging when you had multiple lines going at once. 

Meeting little Mei had been a lot different than many of his other siblings. Ling had doubted even at the time that she had a rotten bone in her tiny body. He had scuffed his knee trying to impress her by doing a back flip off the courtyard wall and she had miraculously healed the abrasion despite being a toddler. She had held up a finger to shush him when he had started flooding her with questions on how exactly she had learned such advanced techniques already.

He had closed his trap, it wouldn't be good for the palace to know the Changs had a natural pulse user with the aptitude to be a country-wide authority in another few years. He had smiled that smile he was known for, calming her down with the fact that nobody thought he knew anything important and never asked him anyway. 

He had been sad to see her make the arduous trip back home to high in the mountains at the end of their extended family celebrating their father's decade capstone of a birthday. (If a celebration entailed someone getting pushed off a cliff and someone else being found comatose in the stables from a botched poisoning.) Who had known that much later they would have met each other again under such odd circumstances?

They looked at her face and how she held herself. Despite the multiple trains they had no problem arriving at the same station at the same time; Mei was scared. Ling frowned, Greed simmered in anger. 

"Is /anyone/ bothering you? Do I need to step in, Mei? You just gotta point and I will take their fucking heads off— julienne style! I will make them wish they'd never been BORN, I swear!-" Greed grated at an increasing volume before Mei's expression stopped him. 

"Only if you need it of course," he said, a little less rashly.

"No! I mean— you know, a lot of people aren't happy that I am here but nobody is being mean! I can handle that myself," she produced a weapon from a sleeve as evidence. "It's just a little hard to...be in such a big new place and not know anybody well and stuff," she said with a little more confidence.

It had been more than a year, but Ling wasn't surprised the court had taken the mass move to snub Mei. It had kept the emperor off their backs better than any open aggression. Ling had missed how bad it had seemingly gotten under his inattention because it wasn't overt. Greed felt his self-flagellating internal rebuke at his mistake as well as an implicit promise to lend Greed a hand should the need to get more direct and… problem solve-y arose.

There were also less people Mei's age in residence than was applicable, nearly all families played it safe and kept young children far away from the pitfalls (yes, also literal concealed holes in the ground) of palace living. Those that stayed probably mirrored their parent's behavior (as kids did). Mei also toed a line between being advanced in her years from what she had experienced both at home and abroad as well as being unused to socializing in the ways of court from her sparse upbringing. If you could call her being left almost totally alone an upbringing. She was a multifaceted oddity which probably made it triple hard to integrate herself. 

"You come to your big brothers' room cause it's safe, huh?" asked Greed with negative amounts of tact. Ling groaned.

Mei looked at him with wonder. Yes, she had been officially recognized as the emperor's sister and yes they visited when Ling had the time to quickly check on her during this last year but that was… official. It didn't really involve the homunculus she had helped raise from— she guessed the dead, or something close to it. Ling had told her a lot about Greed when they were getting to know each other on the way home from Amestris. That did not mean she had the opportunity to talk with him much at all now that he was back. From a distance she saw Ling act not at all how she knew him and somehow more like himself than she had seen in a long while and that was how she was coming to know Greed. She, like Ling, did know good people when she was around them. The friends she had made in Amestris attested to that.

She was really confused about the brother plural.

"You're /my/ sister too, ya' know," Greed smiled at her and pointed to himself. They shared Ling's body but she guessed Greed took being Ling in some capacity more literally and also claimed the relation.

Mei knew Greed loved having things because he would loudly state it to anyone but she didn't think that gusto extended to someone usually overlooked like her.

"All things of Ling's are most definitely mine but I'm asking for you, for special. Pardon my candor, but fuck all them other rejects," he clarified and laughed, referring to the dozens of others he shared a relation through Ling with. Mei laughed too. Greed /really/ liked that. 

"Now, come here and tell your -favorite- brother what you been up to, Mèimei ,"

"Hey!" Ling belted.

"Hey what? She's got excellent taste!" Greed threw his arms wide in a motion of 'as if it could be any more obvious'. Mei stifled another giggle. 

"Get over here and lemme see if I can remember how to do a Cretian braid," he tapped the bed in front of him and kneeled himself after leaning half off the bed to retrieve a comb he knew he had thrown under it some time ago. She scooted over, dutifully. It may have been Greed looking at her but she somehow recognized Ling in the hand that ruffled the top of her head, shaking her braids around. It felt familiar. 

"You do hair? Why is it when you do ours it looks like rats set up shop?" Ling asked. Yeah he and Greed could do a passable ponytail or a shitty bun, but that was it?

"It's 'cause you're ugly," he said with relish, quickly undoing Mei's half a dozen braids with busy fingers. He grew a claw or two as a pick for a tight section. Mei gestured that she wanted to see Greed's blackened hand and took it in her own two tiny ones, poking the sharp implements Greed had produced with curiosity. 

"—And you're not?" Ling implied back after a moment, they shared the same exact face, the insult couldn't—

"Nope, you're the ugliest," Greed asserted. He had taken his hand back from Mei and was already done with the more complicated sweep from her forehead to the base of her neck and layering a few sub braids together for the tail. Mei covered her entire face and laughed even harder. These guys were like a pocket version of a comedy duo she had seen on one of her rare trips to the city. Greed quickly affixed a tie at the end of Mei's long singular braid, holding up a mirror he also produced from underneath the bed to show Mei's happy face. He angled the mirror away when she pulled the rest of her braid forward over her shoulder to excitedly look at the layers and saw Ling's face on the surface rather than his version of it. 

Didn't know carbon came in marshmallow consistency, you tender bastard. The reflection mouthed and Greed heard with no trouble. 

"Jealous bitch," He clipped back to him, happily. And a mirror raspberry from Ling. /Mature/.

"Mei, if'n you want, no pressure, you can come with me and Lan Fan in the mornings to wail on me. She'd like that."

Mei dropped her braid and studied Greed. "You do owe me a favor," she said, slyly.

Greed remembered that he indeed did, though he'd let her keep it.

"Ling's turn, Mei. Come fuck up the back of his head nice and good!" Ling found he suddenly couldn't argue for himself why she shouldn't do that.

Mei's eyes widened, "I wouldn't!" 

"Got my express permission to do so."

"Still won't! I do my own braids every morning! Gimme that comb, Greed," she grabbed for the comb but Greed held it high out of her reach. 

"Uh uh, what do we say?" he goaded.

"Now, dammit!" she chirped forcefully. 

"HA!" 

He had to reward that behavior! He gave her the comb and laid down on his back. She couldn't reach the top of his head well from his kneel, he was just too damn tall. He didn't twitch when Xiao Mei crawled on top of his sternum and raked her claws into his skin a few times before rolling up into a black and white lump to sleep. He lightly put a few fingers on her fur.

-

Lan Fan found them later, after trying for nearly a half hour to locate where the hell they had gone. She slid open the door to a bedroom, they better not be cat napping in here again! They were close to missing an audience! Why did she always have to be their wrangler—

"-And then what happened?" Greed asked, trying to turn around to look at Mei with the air of hanging on to every word. He had about sixteen odd braids in his hair and Mei was busy behind him adding a seventeenth. Xiao Mei was going bonkers batting at the tail end of one of them in a cat-like fashion.

"Hold still!" she ordered. 

"Yes Princess," Ling replied with fealty. "—But what happened?" he immediately hissed in askance afterward, conspiratorially. 

"So we put little Envy in a jar and I would shake it hard a whole bunch when they got mean, which was always!" Greed and Ling's weird double laugh rang out at the image of that little worm rattling around like a lone pickle even as Mei fumed at how difficult they'd been to deal with.

Lan Fan shut the door quietly, she would have to inform the people who were waiting the Emperor's current meeting was running long.

-----------

They had just enough time after reluctantly taking out Mei's braided master work and actually going to meetings (shocker!) to skid and make a quick stop into town to remind Greed's lackeys exactly where and when they needed to be later before their unfortunate dinner plans. They were in high demand today. Greed was struck with a bolt of inspiration on the way and suggested that Ling get the rare opportunity to act like /him/ for a change. 

Bet you'll be shit! Nobody can do it like I can. I am a one-of-a-kind article. 

"You're a real piece of work, alright," Ling muttered. He trained an eye down the crowded side street, looking to see if any pick pockets were sizing him up. He pulled his hood closer to his face but not close enough to obscure his features totally. With a face like his, it was best to hide in plain sight like it wasn't an issue. It was working okay for Greed.

Why Thank You. Greed preened. Ling felt it was unfair to sandbag his digs as the complements they were not but let it go. 

Come on! I always have to act like you and 'business you' and you allllways tell me how shit I am! Give me the courtesy of getting to see how /you/ do.

Ling traced the edge of a wall to pathways deeper into his city. The neat brickwork of the main streets gave way to random assortments of stone from many time periods and states of repair. The buildings huddled closer together, cutting off much of the light from the half-clouded sun overhead. Wind blew down some of the corridors. To Ling it smelled like old stone and impending rain. 

"We don't have the time to goof off—" 

Wow! And when did you take a crash course in acting like Lan Fan, stick in the mud? Didn't know I threw my lot in with such a killjoy.

"Take that back!" Ling gasped. He clutched the neckline of his shirt.

He realized how he sounded but in his defense, he was stressed the hell out! He had to put this Feng business to bed and knock that ring of assassins out while he was at it. He'd feel much better if he could clean his grocery list out and start tomorrow fresh. 

You'd feel better if you took my dare, that's what this is by the way. Dance for me, clown. 

Ling wasn't historically one to back down from something stupid and diverting. Greed would take it upon himself to put him back to normal.

They were where Greed informed Ling the main bulk of his cronies would be in hiding, it wasn't that far of a walk from the palace. Greed had said that he'd set a few bolt holes around the city already. Only a few months and he was making himself at home not only in Ling's immediate living space but branching out. Ling loitered just outside, totally quiet in the interest of listening ears below. 

Really? Another basement? Greed's preferences were getting old.

What can I say? They're cozy!

Not a great place to have anywhere to escape to.

You think that's a problem for me?

Ling supposed it wasn't a problem for Greed or him, both choosing to deal with most of their problems more directly.

'Cept with this Feng thing, Greed razzed. 

Greed wasn't one to particularly hold a grudge, barring two big exceptions, but looking back on the months of torture and back seat driving he had to put up with from Ling when he was acting like a fool with his family, well, Greed wasn't gonna let him live this one down for a while. 

Ling checked the time against the position of the rapidly disappearing sun, there were a few hours to go until dining with Feng. He took the high road by not acknowledging Greed in the slightest and then banked backward at the last second. Fine! Acting like a blowhard wasn't difficult! He'd show him. He kicked the door to the basement open.

"LISTEN UP BASTARDS, WHO WANTS TO DIE TONIGHT? DEFY ME AND YOU'RE GONNA END UP IN THE RIVER!" he yelled to the crowd of malcontents that were stuffed in the tiny space.

Slow it on down there, killer, Greed suggested with a mental wince. 

Ling threw his feet out in front of himself wildly and gave his head a rakish tilt. He made sure to talk through his teeth rather than around them and raise his general volume about twenty percent. He recognized the big knife man that had taken the initiative in addressing Greed last time he had tagged along. A name came to him on a metaphorical cue card, Kuo. 

“Afternoon boss man, your jokes never disappoint.”

“I gotta make this quick, Kuo, I’m needed elsewhere to finish designs for our little surprise party tonight. Have to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong and hope it don’t get bit off, if you get my drift,” Ling stated with confidence while leaning amiably on the table in front of the large man. It looked more like a tea table when he was sitting behind it. He lowered his tone deep into his chest and gave his words that Amestrian twang Edward claimed they didn't have.

Ling was right to defer to Kuo, he was Greed’s second in command when he couldn’t be local and not just because he could really throw his size around. He also had a mind for the more cerebral aspects of running a successful gang. Kuo evaluated their boss with something bothering him. He couldn’t quite determine why, but somethin’ was off.

The others waited their turns to talk to the boss like proper comportment dictated. Boss Greed liked things done methodically and they could not argue with the results. The newer members of the group had their reservations in the beginning, this strange guy with a face you could see on the street if you waited around long enough but with a mouth that spoke of living in far off lands none of them had the privilege to go to. It was crazy. He acted foreign and mysterious, Xingese was most definitely his second language, and they had come to the conclusion that the name Greed for sure was an alias of some sort. Nevertheless, they had been SWIMMING in it for the last month or so. Nobody’s families went hungry under their new boss and nobody got real hurt. Life was good. 

Kuo had just about chalked the boss’ behavior up to nerves for the score, though he’d never been nervous before. About ten of their best were going to be let in through a passage under one of the outbuildings an hour before midnight. Their boss had already collected a lot of things to be taken quickly out of the palace at the rendezvous point with help of their mysterious internal contact. It was to be a total smash and grab job, they were to be out before the clock turned over. Very minimal contact with the palace proper.

Meanwhile, that cartel that was set to try and kill the emperor (haha) was going to show soon after and pull any security close to the emperor where he would be dining for the evening and out of their hair. Their boss had sent one of theirs to confirm they'd cooperate. They’d use that mess to bail out of there. Nice and neat. Kuo liked it. 

However, he still had his doubts. Boss was different, there was just something about him today. He seemed… smaller. 

“Not like you to want to hornswoggle multiple parties, seems complicated,” Kuo volunteered while Ling explained what areas to watch out for in the passage and stressed that this was a one and done deal, after the guards found out that it had been used it wasn’t going to be feasible to use again. Just because it was secret didn’t mean it was safe. 

Ling offered a wan smile. "To tell you the truth, big guy, I’m tired of being muscled by this competition. I can do complicated things if I so choose,” he finished with reproach, cracking his knuckles. 

“It is not like I do not agree but robbing the palace is a big job— even with this contact you got,” Kuo offered.

“I want power, I want status! What better way to get both than pulling this off under that dumbass' nose?” He slapped his foot on top of the table and leaned forward, close to Kuo’s face to say with a large flourish. 

I do not act like that! Greed couched. 

Ling had been performing admirably and without enough flaw for him to chime in. Ling, meanwhile, delivered the feeling of an angelic smile. Greed felt like things were going to get worse. 

“Understandable.” Kuo replied. He pushed Ling away from his face with an index finger to the solar plexus. Boss did have his eccentric streak but he didn’t care for when he went on the soliloquies about avariciousness.

“I got team building exercises while I’m at it,” Ling posed to the group with a larger swing of his head to indicate that the floor was open. “We’ve been at this for a while, I think it’s high time for a productivity check.”

One of the goons who’d been sitting on a table cocked an eyebrow with a handsome scarlet ring pierced through the middle of it. Ling had spied everyone present was wearing a thin red circle somewhere visible. Some had earrings, others a bangle or an ankle bracelet, still more had gotten creative with a sash. Hell of an insignia. 

“This an office party?” the man joked. 

“I’d like to know what you think of my performance so far as your boss! Call it idle curiosity.” ‘Greed’ said stiffly to the gathering.

Their employer didn't mince words or punish them for speaking their minds as long as it was something productive. He had been happy to fistfight those that had disagreed with a decision or two of his from a standpoint of simply not wanting to be ordered around as well. Eyebrow piercing distinctly remembered connecting with his jaw hard enough to unseat a tooth, though his fearless leader's white and unmarred smile begged to differ. 

You /son of a bitch/.

What? Vexed with the circus act from your clown?  Greed got front row tickets to all of Ling’s personal failings, these fine assortments of criminals were a blind spot in his knowledge of Greed’s.

“You trust people too much, I could have lifted your coin purse about five times since you’ve been talking and about five thousand times since you started working here,” one man said at the front.

Ling raided a pocket to throw him a small bag. The man went beet red and checked his own. That would be /his/ coin purse. Ling reached back into his jacket to place a few more he had come across on the table and those that owned them formed an orderly mortified line to reclaim them. 

"And?" Ling said. Greed cursed Ling's wandering fingers but ceded a win.

"Stop feeding the cats out back— there's like thirty seven of them now," a dark haired woman volunteered.

"Seems like something we could have hung up a sign about, but I know a few people who have the facilities to take care of some forty cats," Ling said evenly. Two animal lovers specifically.

"Not the white one with the black tail…" the woman murmured sheepishly and rubbed her arm.

Absolute softy brigade, the lot of you, Ling giggled.

SHUT-

"Anything else?" he continued. 

"You rule, boss!!" someone shouted from the back. 

"Hell yes!" another joined in. There was even some optimistic clapping. Ling's eyes got round with surprise. Awww wasn't this CUTE.

AAAAA.

"LET US MAKE SOME FOOLS LAUGHINGSTOCKS TONIGHT MY DEMONS!" Ling yelled. The clapping roared to temperature. Ling bowed low in the center of the room and left Greed high and dry to deal with praise from his peers with a cackle that'd be perfectly at home coming from Greed. 

----------

The rain that had been brewing finally broke as buckets of water fell from the sky after the sun set. Thunder rumbled nastily in the distance, promising that the typhoon was only getting started. The storm made the empty vaulted halls of the palace a percentage more sinister. Riza wasn't sure why she agreed to help the emperor and his… She didn't want to call him a pet, that was not polite, but she was somehow reminded of Black Hayate when she saw Greed so in her thoughts he'd become somewhat of one.

That pet wielded more power than pretty much anyone in the free world because he was also the emperor, she reminded herself. Likening Greed's mannerisms to her favorite being on the planet had done more work to endear the ruler of Xing to her than even hearing what he said to Roy.

Roy had been letting his success inflate his ego the whole year of clean up and it was very refreshing to watch him fall a few pegs! Hot air indeed! She was supposed to protect him during this trip but wounds to his fragile pride weren't in the job description. So maybe both those reasons were why she was patrolling the halls with his retainer, Lan Fan, before Ling's (or maybe Greed's? She couldn't tell them from each other much of the time) 'help' got here to rob himself blind. 

"Your automail and weapons are very well kept, the elbow blade is a nice touch" she whispered to the young girl who tracked easy steps in formation behind her. All girls loved a compliment. 

"Thank you! I am unfamiliar with yours but I know you live up to your name," she said with a little bow.

Riza knew guns were not the usual in Xing, there was a clear focus on hand to hand combat. Lan Fan, Riza could tell by every push and pull of her muscles, was an expert.

"What do you do when you need to deal with a threat that is far?" she inquired, she knew that Mei was the alchemist of the group and more suited to combat out of arm's reach. She had seen her fight.

"We have many silent things such as these," Lan Fan proffered a kunai that was wickedly sharp by the careful (yet relaxed) way she held it. "Your choice of tool is quite loud, mine are not. Usually." (She remembered her bombs, but she usually used them when she'd been found out.) "What do you do when they hear the report from yours?" she asked. 

"Ideally,  I only have to use mine once," Riza said resolutely. 

"Understood." 

Lan Fan's way of doing things was up close and personal but she could envy the business mindset looking down a sight could give you.

"After this would you like a tour of the armory, Hawkeye? Bows and arrows are antiquated in comparison but are a nice soothing hobby," Lan Fan asked.

"Cultural exchanges are important, perhaps you could show me a few throws as well. A gun in close quarters is more trouble than it is worth, even though it is rare that I am in a situation like that," Riza said with a smile. "You may call me Riza," she continued.

"The men in our lives make us proactive in learning new ways to stop them from hurting themselves, do they not, Riza?" Lan Fan said stonily but finished with warmth on her question.

"For wanting to run the country my boss can be a putz." A light tracery of frustration cradled Riza's admission.

"Mine already does and —I do not wish to offend, but is so much worse. How do you think I feel?" Lan Fan matched her tone.

Riza easily granted her that, double trouble was worse. They would have much more to talk about besides 'shop' it seemed. She put her back to a wall and used a pocket mirror to confirm the hall she wanted to go down was deserted.

"What do you do for your ends? I don't see a split one anywhere," Riza asked while leading an eye across Lan Fan's fringe. She held up a closed fist and then indicated with her finger they move forward.

"Ling gets high-price hair goop by the barrel, I will send you home with enough you could sell it," she replied keenly. Lan Fan had missed out on a lot of the stereotypes one expects from two women talking while growing up so color her touched Riza would extend the courtesy.

Friendship came in many forms.

-

Both their heads snapped up at the unmistakable sound of footsteps from someone holding heavy things but trying to stay quiet. She and Lan Fan smirked at the festivities beginning. If they had to be here they might as well find the fun. The nest was this early? Ling hadn't even started his dinner yet. Ever cautious, they crept forward to find two of the familiar masks of the Emperor's would-be assassins (as well as those that took Alphonse) instead. Lan Fan told Riza as much via complicated military hand signs Riza was used to. Cultural exchanges indeed.

The assailants were heavily armed, but, so sad, they were looking the other way! Lan Fan snaked behind them and made it so they wouldn't be bothering anyone. For a while! Ling insisted capture and interrogation be plan "A" and Greed added that 'if she had to do what she had to do, who were they to stop her?'. Which— was most likely one of the most intelligent things he'd ever said in her presence. Not that the bar was high. 

Lan Fan held up a stolen mask to Riza. Time to do a little reconnaissance.

-

They had just finished stuffing the unconscious trussed bodies away from the main hall and stuffing Riza's hair into her hood when another set of Ling's masked opposition caught sight of them.

"Do not linger. Lord Feng is almost ready," one hissed.

Lan Fan silently clicked her heels together at the superior tone, not belaying a second of surprise. Riza followed suit, despite her evident confusion. Lan Fan thought it refreshing to have someone so fast on the uptake. They followed the others at a few body lengths behind while Lan Fan brought her up to speed with more hand signals behind her back. Learning them originally, she had meant to impress but now they were becoming quite instrumental. Their three path plan had collapsed into a two way street. It was all connected. The two pronged problem of assailants and Ling's apparent reservations about his brother had become both easier and harder by melding into one. Lan Fan should know, she had a lot of experience with a similar situation. 

----------

Edward and Alphonse were helping the goons Greed had taken charge of transport and load some baubles in a covered wagon. Ling had asked if they could play the role of Greed's contacts tonight. Al took charge, his Xingese clipped cheerily out of the mask he used to hide his face as he directed a smaller member of the gang to be careful when lifting something heavy with his back. All this expensive dross was from the emperor's room of 'Junk Ling was Given But Sucked'. Leave it to Greed to spring clean when summer was almost here.

One of the biggest men Al had seen outside the Armstrong family ducked under the door to the tunnel they were occupying. He carried a man by the face and dropped him on the floor where he laid like a jellyfish on a beach. 

"Found this outside, didn't look like yours," he growled in a rumbling baritone.

Al knew that mask.

"Brother, that's—"

"Yeah I know. They're early, dammit," Ed said. "We may need to cut this off and go help dee and dum."

"Does our boss require help?" the big man asked in Amestrian.

"You're just here to take the emperor's shit, let's stay on topic," Ed carped.

Kuo pointed to a few of the small team he'd brought with them to wrap it up. They scurried to toss a cross eyed jade dragon into the bed and threw a tarp over the mess.

"Yes, our boss was generous enough to give us some of his cast-offs. We normally don't take charity but a break in gave us the excuse to come keep watch while he is trying to get himself killed." The few that tied up the wagon pushed it from the hole with salutes.

"Tell Ling Yao— oh, I mean Greed we say 'hi boss'," the one in the driver's seat turned around to say before cracking the reins and getting out of there. 

Alphonse goggled, taking his disguise off to fully emote (he loved being able to do that now) and Ed had heard names.

"Are you serious? You Amestrians are real backwater sheep jockeys, aren't you? Spare me. You think that most of us would not put it together? Only the grunts don't know." Kuo put his hands on his hips and sighed. Most emperors kept ties to the mob. Ling Yao was just more hands on than most.

"The alias works well for the grunts and for outsiders so he can keep it. He really gets into the performance. I think he missed his calling for the theater." He had already hung his head from the tunnel ceiling being shorter than he preferred but he lowered it further. The Amestrian boys shared a glance that Kuo couldn't read.

"Before I smashed that one's nose inward he had a few things to say," Kuo pointed at the body on the ground with a finger the size of a sausage in the direction of the mask that was concave. "He knew a Feng."

"Oh damn it to /hell/!" Ed tossed his own mask hard onto the dirt and stomped his foot. They were told of what Ling thought of Feng and supposed he'd been right to think that his invitation timing was on the nose.

"Double crossed! Brother this country kind of sucks," Alphonse said happily.

----------

Dinner was running long, stuffy, and Boring. Feng had nothing of substance to say. It was like being trapped at the worst of Ling's meetings for /hours/! Greed wanted it to be done so he could maybe get into the action his team was probably embroiled in by this point. The quiet outside of the hall meant that nothing of note had most likely happened— Yet. The plan had been to slip off when he was done and go bungle into trouble. The storm rattled the windows and the air pressure made the candles placed within the murky room they were in flicker. The food was bland, the atmosphere was stagnant, Greed didn't see a single pepper anywhere on the groaning table. There wasn't even a proper drink!

Calm yourself. This has been... pleasant. Ling said sarcastically. His trepidation had turned to tedium by the third hour. Feng was serene and haughty but short of being annoying he hadn’t done anything to offend. Having Greed in his head sounding off had barely kept Ling from nodding off.

"Even though it is not yet midnight I wish to wish you a happy early birthday your Highness," Feng said with his lips upturned. Ling couldn't call it a smile.

Greed had forgotten, humans marked the day of their birth every year! 

Ling was one of those!

Oh shit! Congrats!

"I thank you," Ling inclined his head regally toward Feng, though Greed discerned the thanks was for him. Ling was giving off a vibe that he could not give a single damn about Feng remembering his birthday. 

Feng was asking Ling what he had planned but Ling didn’t care much for the ceremony. It was a lot of pomp for someone that was sick of needless excess as he was, it had slipped his mind that his was so close. Ling historically had nobody to celebrate his with short of Lan Fan and Fu; nobody was going to care about a lone prince when so many of them had the habit of not sticking around for long.

He felt the beginning of a question formulating. 

Before you ask, it is my eighteenth.

Cool, cool.

It is not like dog years.

Didn’t think it was! Not a liar, huh?

Another question simmered. 

Do you want one too? Ling asked sufferingly. Greed was like a kid looking plaintively at a bake shop window.

Feng had started highlighting large accomplishments in Ling’s life that were overblown twaddle to mark the celebration. It didn’t concern Ling. If Ling had been paying more attention he’d have picked up on Feng’s reproachful glance as he did so. 

One of them birthdays? Wouldn't say no to it.

Easier to read than a picture book. When would you like? You’ve come back enough times to have your pick of a few days if you want to do it like that. If Greed remembered the exact date of his first birth he had given no sign.

Greed thought about it, How about tomorrow? Keep it easy to remember. Pretty sure these birthdays come with parties and I don’t wanna wait. Wanna share?

Of /course/ you do. Why not! We share everything else! If Ling could have thrown his hands in the air he would have.

Good. Remind me to ask you how to have a birthday. Man, was that weed still going out there? Feng needed to shut his trap, he was harshing his improving mood.

"—When you were a younger child it was in part my influence that helped the Yao clan keep their riches. We collaborated on many projects-" Feng prattled cloyingly. He was making sure Yao knew of the many ways he'd shaped his young life.

"Who are you again?" 

"What?" Feng hesitated. The emperor was the picture of decorum across from him.

"Who are you but someone I've depended on," the child glibly repeated. "Please, continue, I know you have always had a mind for business-

You ate a shoe. Greed interrupted.

I eat a lot of things, why point that out now? Ling was distracted, couldn't Greed see he was in the middle of something?

"—and I would value your opinion on the rise of open trade for the first time in decades-"

The shoe had more flavor than this slop.

Ling covered his laugh by turning it into a sneeze. He wasn't keeping a steady eye on Feng, he missed the flash of anger in his eyes. 

Come on! You’re killing me here!

Heh. 

Feng picked up a forkish tine and delicately ate a small onion. Greed thought he looked more like a snake than ever. "You have been quite sickly since winter turned to spring, my Lord. How is your condition?" Feng asked.

"I am well, my physicians have informed me it is a sort of hayfever. It comes and goes with the breeze." His periods of being laid up really came and went with Greed or him carousing, them using the shield and needing to recover, or more simply, making time for stuff that was actually important.

The only sick we are is of this shit.

Ling had to sneeze again.

"The court has missed you at many functions so forgive my rudeness of inquiry," Feng raised his cup and tipped it toward Ling before taking a sip. 

"I am especially heartbroken at missing the last poetry reading. How long did you go for? Four hours? A trifle!" Ling replied sadly.

“Yet you are seen so often with the Amestrian delegation instead. Especially those brothers?” Feng asked lightly. 

“Of course. Our countries collaborating is of grave importance, along with our clans coming together,” Ling said. Some might have called it a rebuke but his tone barely traced the threshold. 

“I do not want our delegation to get the wrong idea about your involvement with the Amestrians, Divinity,” Feng laid his glass on the table with an audible click. 

“What would be the wrong idea you would suppose they are getting?” the Emperor smiled. The duck he’d been eating was shredded very finely for someone using chopsticks. 

“Their country was responsible for the explosion of chi and as we hear it almost destroying the world. You were not here to experience the rioting in the streets and the fear of our people during the eclipse. Even I fell from my bed. Babes cried in their mother’s arms,” Feng explained, “you were right in the middle of that mess, tell me, what was it like?” 

“I have told the story so many times since my return I fear you must already be well acquainted with the details.”

“Most, yes,” Feng admitted with a smirk, “I had heard you lost your trusted bodyguards, or, one and a percentage of the other, but you yourself came out unscathed? With the power of the stone, if I am correct?”

“You can see that. Though a stone is not the panacea you think it is.” 

“I can see indeed, how fortunate for you they were of high ability. We had thought you choosing a woman and and old man as your hand was strange but /she/ at least did what she was supposed to—”

Glad we left Lan Fan on patrol. Are we absolutely /sure/ I can’t accidentally take— like a foot of his off or something?

Even Ling's internal tone cooled. I will keep you posted.

“My bodyguards were tested with the utmost care. They laid their lives on the line for me and by extension the country. I am indebted to them,” he said with grace. 

"I am sure that is the case," Feng assured. 

Greed could gather when someone was talking down to him."Tell me, we have talked about me so much this meeting, what have you been up to in the last year?" he asked politely.

"Just supporting the country with my own financial endeavors and other such things," Feng said it like it was important and noble, not that he was trying to get fat off Ling's and more so lately, Greed's, hard work.

"Humor me, I have so much family I'm comin' to know again in this new position, especially because we've been so distant with me running a country and all! What is your racke— vocation?" Greed then asked, much less politely. Ling granted him a feeling of delight that was wrapped with tissue thin disapproval.

Feng held back a burst of abhorrent rage. This little pissant! Talking down his nose at him? He should be in that spot, looking down /his/ nose as Ling Yao begged for mercy. This world should function with /his/ name on their lips! Where did this child pick up those eyes he stared at him now with? In the low light they practically glittered. 

"I am a civil servant, my Emperor," Feng acquiesced. He opened his palms wide and spread them on the table.

"Who are you in service to?" the ruler of all Xing said playfully. Feng grit his teeth.

"This land. You."

"I expect nothing different, Fan."

Greed did love the perks of being here every now and again. It didn't hurt that Ling had been whooping it up the whole time like he was in a sports arena at the look on whatshisname's stupid face.

"Being your servant I also know you can take care of yourself, Yao. You find yourself in many areas of the city." Feng stood up and fixed a sleeve. Greed could see the divots in his skin from where his long nails had deeply raked his own palms in black anger what had to be a second before.

Hmm, don't like this.

Greed was right, Feng's tone was suspect. Ling felt for an ambush but there were only people that weren't moving some way down the hall. Ling had not brought anyone not attached to him to this dinner and Feng had not as well.  

"You've been seeing things my brother. My position and health have been keeping me very busy!" Ling tried.

"Yet the walls have ears. What is your angle on creating a diversion with petty theft this evening? Getting rid of some trash in the confusion? A magistrate? You've been so infirm in many ways, I hadn't thought you had anything so grasping in you."

Didn't hide that first bit so good. As for the second, oh if only he knew.

Everyone makes it seem like I'm such a pushover?

Greed only used Ling's mouth to smile which Feng took as an answer to his rhetorical questions. Feng was talking again as well, they weren't really listening. 

"—And that is why, Ling Yao, your scheming has come too late, many people think that you are a leader meant to tear this country and it's ideals apart. I am inclined to hold what we have always practiced in high regard-"

This fucking guy! "LIKE I CARE?" 

Greed flinched. That part was supposed to have been private.

OH BOY.

WHOOOPS. 

"What did you just say?" Feng grated, he stormed closer. 

"I could say the same! Who do you think you are to deign to talk to me in this way?" Ling was done. Pushover? Maybe for some, but Feng wasn't of their ranks.

"Your replacement." Feng smiled and drew a pliant needle of a blade out of the lining of his sleeve. He snapped it like a whip to Ling's artery and with his speed Ling turned a killing blow into a less immediately lethal deep gash. Blood pooled outward. Ling took off out of the range of such an odd weapon and ran out into the hallway. He clutched a palmful of his robe sleeve to his neck as some gauze. Feng overturned furniture behind him in his haste. 

Oh you have GOT to be kidding! You said he didn't ride his own horse!

I've never known him to! Fix this cut!

I'm trying! There's something—!

Ling stumbled only a few rooms away from the door he'd left, falling to his knees and to the side.

"Don't feel so good," he slurred.

Something was deeply wrong. "I got this," Greed said into the fine tile of the floor as he fought Ling's swoon. 

He vaguely knew Feng was approaching him.

"Happy birthday, brother, I give you the gift of my ascension," Ling muzzily heard Feng hiss amidst Greed admonishing that he had it handled before he passed out. That was a lot of blood, alright. 

-

Damn it! Ling had been..ugghhggh.. right. This lizard was bad news. Not only was he right but now he was down for the count. Greed was forced to handle it. He hadn't even had time for a shield; it took him a blink usually? Blocking an arrow had been a lucky shot but a whip moved double time. The bastard coming over hadn't taken any chances on his one shot. 

Feng towered over Greed, breathing heavily. Greed turned his head to look up at him and to hide his work he was doing on stopping the bleeding. It wasn't going very well. This ninny must have mixed.. what did Mei call it—? A coefficient- on the blade. 

"How are you conscious?"

Feng warily produced another needle from the lining of his robe. Greed supposed a standard human would be pretty messed up from losing that much blood but they weren't standard!

"Hardier than you expected? Now remind me, who are you again? So many skulking bugs I tend to forget even if they just introduced themselves! You got designs on emperor? You'd do to remember that the position is still occupied by yours truly!"

"You… " 

Feng wanted to reply but it was at that moment a large group of thugs came barreling down the hallway behind him chased by his own men. Greed recognized the first set, those were /his/ thugs! He hadn't asked them to put themselves out and prevent an attempt on Ling's life!

He took the second of Feng's distraction to run like mad, he'd address his goons later and cover why he was so close to where the emperor was purported to be. He needed to be all there for this and that meant getting Ling. He was used to pushing this body farther than a doctor would advise.

"Up and at em'! Let's go, Ling! Wake up!" Greed slapped his own face hard as he could while he booked it back to the dining hall. Enemies always thought you'd try and run away and not back where you had come from. He needed a second to think so this was his best shot at buying a little time. They weren't gonna get very far in their condition. He had stopped most of the bleeding in his short attention to the gash on his neck but something still wasn't right.

Five more minutes!

"We might not have that long to live if you don't stop letting only me pull the weight, sleeping ugly!"

Greed wrenched Ling awake with a pull of effort and threw him into control, he had important shit to do. Ling caught himself and kept moving woozily, he'd had worse injuries.

Got a problem! Ling heard from his own head as he stumbled past the upset chairs and table that had housed their meal. His neck to his hip was a swathe of thankfully drying red. What had Greed so out of sorts he couldn't handle it until he awakened on his own? 

It was in that thought that six or so familiar masked pawns got the drop on him with a chop to the back of the neck. His body sorely needed a break and finally gave out. 

“So. We’re brother and sister now,” Ling said cautiously to Mei that first night around the fire, “we’ve... been related, obviously, but you know what I mean, I think...” he went on. It felt nice to have a conversation in his mother tongue again even if it was really freaking awkward.

“Yes?” Mei asked.

“What do ah… 'real', siblings do?” He'd seen the Elrics and they were probably the standard on which siblings should be judged but he'd like Mei's input if she had any. It was best to get information from a lot of sources.

“I.. I am not sure,” she said thoughtfully. Xiao Mei’s head popped from her sleeve to take a bit of food Mei offered her. Ling whistled a few discordant notes uncomfortably at himself ruining this conversation but stopped when he spied the little beast. 

“Can I pet her?” he asked. Ling wasn’t good with the whole small talk thing anymore. He’d talked himself out these last few months. Animals were good though. Simple. 

“She might not like that. Xiao Mei only really likes me…” she trailed off, Ling Yao’s easygoing smile was hard to refuse. Mei didn’t know how to take interaction with her family that wasn’t steeped in fear. This was hopefully the future Emperor of Xing she was talking to as well! 

She hadn't seen Ling in a while but he hadn't changed. She remembered how she saw him act as they left Central and relaxed a little. Her brother scooted up awkwardly on knees in the sand to hold a hand about a foot away from Xiao Mei’s head. She wasn’t hissing, that was a pretty good sign.

Ling produced a scrap of dried meat from a palm in an impromptu magic trick. Xiao Mei sniffed it and let Ling gingerly touch her forehead with a single index finger after she took it. Ling took the acceptance just a little too far and went to put a hand on her back near her tail but the little creature punished the slight by biting the hand that fed her. 

“Yeow!!” Ling yelled. Those teeth were like little needles! Drops of blood welled up from the bite.

Lan Fan looked over from where she was sharpening her tools and servicing her arm but left them alone. Ling getting bit from touching an animal he didn't know wasn’t life threatening. 

“I am sorry, lord—!” Mei shouted, frightened. Xiao Mei just looked smug. 

“None of that! I get enough of it from Lan Fan! It’s /Ling/. Don’t you worry, it is my fault,” he said around the finger he shoved in his mouth. He took it out and inspected it, “See, it stopped already!” He held his finger out to Mei and it had indeed stopped bleeding.

‘Fast healer’ Mei thought to herself. She should know, she was an expert on the subject. It must have been more like a paper cut, though in the flash she saw the bite holes had looked deeper.

“I should really know better, you have to take it slow when you’re trying to get along with a new animal,” Ling looked off to the side into the fire. “Got a lot of experience there,” he muttered.

He stared quietly for a few seconds. 

“Hey Mei, you know about my uh… condition? In Amestris?” he asked. These nights were going to be too damn long if he didn’t do something to make them pass. He leaned back on the ground and threw another stick into the fire, orange sparks exploding up from the center. 

“I was there when Lan Fan learned about it,” she said. Mei had also seen some things from a distance but she had been trying mostly to keep everyone alive so Ling's behavior was secondary.

“You’ll have to tell me how she took that news later, I’m curious,” he laughed. He patted to a seat next to him on the ground and Mei crept over to sit closer to the fire. It was cold out. Xiao Mei had buried herself back inside her shirt. 

Ling looked at the blaze with his knees up to his chin and held his arm out in front of himself, staring at the empty back of his hand intently.

“As conditions go he was a lot more complicated than the time I ate bad eggs. This parasite had a name and he was…” Ling chuckled, “as he’d say, ‘fuck it’—he was my friend.”

Ling looked to the open sky and smiled widely, “he called himself Greed the Avaricious and he was without a doubt one of the most obtuse people I have ever met…"

----------

“-And THEN whoosh Gluttony took my arm clean off and it was HORRIBLE and- Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this part, how old are you?—” Ling had taken Mei on his ox after they stopped for water and was making the unending dunes that slowly passed more interesting with telling her more stories. 

“Don’t patronize me, give me the good stuff!” Mei looked back from Ling’s lap to peer into his face. She had been through much of what he had!

“Okay, Okay! So Greed lets me fight for once because he SUCKS and WA-BAM! Lan Fan comes out of NOWHERE WHOOSH with her new arm and we just go to TOWN on this guy, it was crazy—” Ling was getting animated on his steed, waving his arms around wildly as he told his account of their desperate collaboration in the woods.

"Lord do not strain yourself, it is too hot," Lan Fan said, fanning herself. They had taken to resting in midday but now that the sun had started to set they were moving on. It was still hot enough to fry an egg on Lan Fan's automail if she wanted to uncover it and try. 

"Lan Fan, I never got the chance to say, I have to tell you— you were so killer in that fight! Even Greed was impressed!" Ling said appreciatively.

"I do not care about what your captor thought of me," She crossed her arms and looked at Ling's two unmarred ones. She remembered how when it had died the homunculus had taken the extra effort to heal the hole in his stomach as well.

"Lan Fan I know you've been listening to all my tales of intrigue, there's not much else to do out here. He was an alright fellow," Ling sniffed. "You just really don't like anybody."

Lan Fan leaned back with reproach.

"That may be accurate but—"

She didn't know if it was the heat or the conversation but something struck her. 

"We're alive," she said.

"You know we /are/ alive, huh, I never thought about it like that!" Ling said philosophically with a reserved shrug.

"And those— those who are not still live on in us," Mei submitted, drowsily.

They were alive. Safe.

They'd saved the world, gotten a stone and they had made it out alive. Yes, they had lost things but they had gained still others.

They had survived the end of the damned world, Lan Fan realized.

She laughed.

Ling heard Lan Fan /laugh/. 

"Lan-"

"My lord. We're alive! We're alive?" she giggled.

She had fought with people who had done magic, things that should not have been possible. They had traveled in secret with only the clothes on their backs to a shitty country halfway across the world as a ragtag assortment with no plan and actually did what they had come there to do! She'd survived emergency home surgery after being carried through a sewer! She had killed /monsters/. Ling had gotten possessed! They had saved countless people who wouldn't ever even know what they had done.

"Linggg, May I have some water?" Mei mumbled over Lan Fan's laughter.

Ling stopped his ox and hopped off, presenting the canteen to her regally. 

"You Mei."

Mei giggled too and Lan Fan snickered harder. "Hehe, I Mei."

They all laughed together. 

They also suffered around the fire later from a mild case of heat stroke. 

----------

When they closed in on the border Ling cried openly when he saw the first roadside hawker. They finally were back where they belonged. He hugged the poor man tightly and promised him a house when he got back home. Lan Fan wanted to tell him to stop giving random people on the street real estate options, but after tasting the food she silently didn't stop him. She had missed this more than she had thought possible.

"I forgot to mention it before but while we're eating were you aware the Elric's father was the western sage?"

Ling enjoyed a meal spiced with animated conversation. Mei had started to scream that he should have gotten an autograph and Lan Fan remembered the wistful bespeckled man she had met briefly. She shoved more egg into her mouth, too hungry to think about it. 

---

The city, when they got there, (Xing was so /huge/, Ling had almost forgotten), was still abuzz with rumors at what exactly had happened across the desert. Some had thought it was a war declaration or a botched weapons test, others thought it was an act of angry gods. It was easy to slip around the agitated customs quietly and go back to where Lan Fan and Fu had lived. Other guards they knew saw them when they returned but kept to themselves; besides paying their respects. Solidarity of the job went beyond alliances to their clans. 

-

They buried him solemnly under a gnarled old willow that reminded Lan Fan of him. They did not cry. Fu wouldn't have wanted it and they would respect him on that perceived request. Mei insisted that her sniffles were from the pollen.

They said their goodbyes and with the most important thing taken care of turned their minds to how they would go about putting Ling on that throne. Fu maintained that other request in perpetuity.

The first thing they did was take a break.

---

Lan Fan stepped down the hall of her nearly abandoned home to take a god-damned bath and told them both not to disturb her under any circumstances besides if someone was immediately dying. If she drowned, she drowned. Mei marveled at how spacious and tidy everything was. Ling saw her face and didn't have the heart to ask why she was looking at the no-frills home of a retainer like that. He knew her definition of simple was different. She went to their small book shelf and excitedly pulled out a gaudy romance novel that looked well loved. Ling grinned and tucked that revelation away as ammo for later.

The house was sparse. Both Fu and Lan Fan were fastidious but also didn't visit very much. Protecting Ling at the palace was their main job but they still needed a place to hang their masks. There was not much else besides the general things one needed in a home, linen, tools- maybe a lot more weaponry and saltpeter than a home usually had; Ling wouldn't know. 

He explored the kitchen but only found dry goods. They had been gone for months, he didn't expect different. Their leaving had been abrupt but they had left prepared not to return. He hadn't been really very hungry before he came in here but his stomach was waking up. He wasn't willing to eat cold pickled cabbage out of a jar in the dark. Something about that rang too pathetic for him, though normally he wouldn't have been bothered. He wanted something hot. He wasn't about to leave the girls and the stone to go get something somewhere else either. That left one option. 

-

Cooking really wasn't his… 

-

He could just /try/ it, couldn't he? He had absolutely nothing else to do. He'd pay Lan Fan back for the stuff he used.

He pulled a few implements he kind of recognized out from under the basin and looked quizzically at them laid out one by one on the table. He snapped his fingers, he'd need stuff to cook next.

He flicked through shelves to pull out jars and bags of things as well as start a fire. He knew how to do that last one competently at least. In his rummaging he found a bottle of something tucked way back on a high shelf. Oh, if it wasn't some high quality Junmai? He wouldn't be cooking with that! Damn waste!

He licked his lips. Hunger took a backseat to a specific type of thirst. Cooking would be more fun if he had a buzz, he reasoned to himself.

He cracked the seal and poured a cup for the old man and downed his own. Grabbing a pot he washed the rice and put it on the fire. He palmed a knife and flipped it a few times end over end, balancing the handle on a fingertip. He used the knife to flip the bottle up neatly into his other hand and pour another cup. He looked at it for a long moment and set it down next to the one for Fu.

He turned his back to the cups and chopped some vegetables he pulled out of a jar.

He put together something edible out of what he found, miraculously. He hadn’t thought he'd remembered how to make rice. He gave Mei a huge bowl which she inhaled before promptly passing out. Ling understood how tired she was. He pulled linens from the closet and laid her gently on it. Lan Fan was still in the bath but Ling heeded her warning by not going to get her, he knew a serious threat. That bottle was lonely in the kitchen. 

He knocked back a few more glasses when he returned and moodily experimented with the items he hadn't made yet. Some went down better than others, he wasn't familiar with any of these ingredients. Most of the tools beguiled him. The thing that went down nice every time was the booze that was disappearing at a measured rate. In fact, the bottle was empty! He was still a bit parched. He regarded the full cup next to Fu's and picked it up.

He raised it high and pounded it. Blearily he felt a grin he didn't think he still had in him tug at his lips. Now, to the pickled plums and an idea he had for those.

-

Lan Fan was parboiled by the time she was done with her bath. She had only inhaled water twice in a light doze. Running her hair through a towel, she crept past the sleeping Mei and thought she smelled food. It must be from their neighbors down wind. She found her charge slumped on the table with an empty bottle of her Grandfather's booze under his arm. A mostly eaten assortment of what had to be most of what they had in their kitchen was on the table. She peered at the pots in the sink. Ling had cooked? Some of the pots had burnt food at the bottom but what was displayed smelled like real food. Ling had cooked. What?

"Yo," he asked from the table top, "where is the stone?"

"Safe, my Lord," she assured. She didn't know how Ling had cooked while also being soused but he had managed it.

"Can I see it?"

"Why?" She didn't trust something in his tone. 

"Maybe if I eat it Greed will come back!" He pressed his face down onto the surface of the wood and cried pathetically. She felt the tension the bath had cleared up creep back into her neck.

"You are drunk."

"Yeah, duh!" he sobbed.

"I do not know the science behind much of alchemy but even I know that is not how it works. What have I told you about eating strange things?" 

Ling ignored her and dripped everywhere.

"He is gone. He sacrificed himself to help us win and he," she signed, "Greed saved you. We will— we will hold a ceremony for him as well. If you want. Would he like to see you acting this way?"

She wasn't the best person to give a pep talk but it was what the future emperor needed. Watching him cry was making her feel bad. She sat down and ate a spoonful of some lukewarm concoction he made, it tasted odd but it was good. 

"No." Ling sniffled. He raised his head to peer at her and his eyes looked pretty red. He must have been at this pity party almost as long as she'd tried to drown her sorrows in the bath. 

"What would he have said?" She asked, getting up to wash the dishes. The subject matter of this conversation was the farthest thing from interesting to her so she'd make herself useful and pick up Ling's mess. It was what she was good at. 

She put the cloth back that she had started to wipe a glass with. No. Ling could do housework for once. He certainly wouldn't be doing it when he ruled this country. She soaked the pots with soap and water instead of leaving them dry for when she would tell him to do them in the morning. She wasn't a jerk. Her lord was curled away from her still holding the bottle like a stuffed animal.

"Stop being such a fucking brat and go get what's yours," he said under his breath.

"That would be the most useful thing I would have heard from him," she smirked. 

Ling replied with a snore. She wasn't going to drag him from the table but she did take the bottle from his iron grip and draped a blanket over his shoulders. 

----------

Nobody within the palace knew they were home yet, they thought it best to press that advantage. Lan Fan stayed to the shadows as Ling and her crept through the place they had lived and worked for many years. Mei they left back at Lan Fan's, they'd get her later. After they were done.

The guards the emperor of Xing had posted in front of his private rooms weren't even worth Lan Fan breaking a sweat. When she was in charge of the emperor's detail things would be different around here. She left her liege to do what he needed to do and kept silent watch for anyone else.

Ling slipped inside the decorative chambers. His father was at his writing desk, but it didn't appear like he was doing anything. He looked older than the time Ling had been gone should have made him and the lines around his mouth had dug a permanent scowl deeper into his face. He stared out the window in front of the desk with lazy contempt. He didn't fully turn when Ling came to stand boldly behind him, as if he couldn't be bothered. Familiar. 

"So you come crawling home, my son. Have you come to try and take something for yourself?"

"On the contrary. I have brought a gift," Ling said harshly. He gently set the vial down on the desk in front of his father.

That gave him pause, "What is—?"

"You know exactly what this is. You will be very interested to learn what I found in a country you do not care about. I do not mean ours."

Ling had an idea, he had thought a long time about what he knew from experience and what the sage had told him. If his father really wanted the stone, they'd give it to him!

"Tip from me, pops, you have to be ready to accept absolutely everything this gift entails," he said without breaking eye contact.

----------

Ling would hold his coronation within the week.  

He came back to himself in bits and pieces. His sense of touch was first. His arms were extended over his head and his feet were suspended relatively high off the ground with some very fashionable manacles. The echo from the sound on his chains let him know he was in a large circular space as well as being suspended a few feet off the floor. He smelled dampness and mold, as well as the unmistakable rusty tang of old blood and metal. It was too dark to see much, but there wasn't much to see that wasn't boilerplate standard for his apparent situation. Ling knew exactly what kind of shit he’d (half) gotten himself into, here.

He hung there in silence for a few long moments but couldn't get more of his bearings than what the first thirty seconds of being conscious told him. He wasn't dead— that was good— but he also wasn't feeling healthy either. He was in a lot of pain and it didn’t feel at all like the side effects of a beating or rough handling. More worryingly, things were way too quiet.

"You okay?" he hissed.

Greed didn’t make any sign he heard him but did speak up after a subsequently very uneasy few seconds.

Poison.

"/Shit/." Ling rasped. That would explain why it felt like his veins were made of broken glass.

"How bad?" 

He tried to look at the long, deep, and half-healed graze on his neck but the angle didn’t permit it. It felt hot. He should have suspected the needle had been poisoned with a chaser. If he hadn't been so punch drunk he'd have told Greed about what he suspected was an anticoagulant. There was a severity to the wound that was circumventing something he should have been able to walk off, even Pre-Greed. Ling didn't make a habit of getting hurt but he could take it like a champ if he needed to. His kin were ones for some real fucking overkill, they got that from dad. Horrific blood loss was too easy to recover from by itself?

You'd be dead already. It's from some animal. Leave me alone. Got this. Gotta work. Don't get poisoned again, Greed haltingly responded. He was understandably occupied. 

Ling felt Greed go deep as he focused completely on healing. Luckily this was less fiddly than a tooth. Maybe. He trusted him.

He felt the beginning draw on his body's stores and immediately got dizzy enough to want to faint again. Shit, shit, shit. He would have to do something soon before he passed out and became easy pickings for Feng. 

Or... didn't make it out of this at all.

Nope. Positive thinking was his specialty, he’d had worse! He wasn’t alone!

It would be great actually if he had a few more of his allies besides the one that he was physiologically obligated to drag along. Too bad Mei was with Falman, he knew he’d done well in sending her away but now it really looked like he could use her help— 

Or…

Did he need her?

He would just have to figure it out himself!

Pressing his back up against the rough and cold wall of the… what else could it be called but a torture chamber— as a brace he got as comfortable as he could. He had called on the pulse many times before, he reasoned to himself. He had done alchemy.. -hestry, maybe- before. Once or twice. He had to have gotten the energy from somewhere? 

Alphonse explained that every transmutation that was done wasn't an equal exchange, not really. Yes, you started with sameish amounts of material but the spark, the reaction, came from you, your intent— and as Mei had added later- the earth itself. He’d already used his and Greed’s, he would just have to learn how to tap into the larger source.

The Yao family were specialists in reading the pulse. They had passed down techniques through recorded history to alter and track the flow of energy from the earth and living beings. Alchemy used this energy to alter states of matter. Ling figured he could borrow some for himself since his own was in such short supply. As emperor he took care of his country, his country could do him a solid. 

Ling focused his meditative state that he used to find people and hide himself, the state that let him get a feel of the aura, the lifeblood, of others. When he was in Amestris the entire country was screaming out, dampening this flow. Like trying to shout over a roaring river. His beloved Xing wasn't like that, it was solid as a pine, unconcerned with things like the slow turning of days and nights.

This energy was everywhere if you looked for it, alchemists bathed in it without even knowing. They stole a pinch here and there to throw their very will to the elements. It wasn't fever bright like an animal or gossamer like a plant, but it was an unavoidable low hum underneath everything.

He was aware of himself and the core of Greed within him, their energy signatures in easy concert. The combined mass was keeping him alive for the moment but not much was left for anything else. He was also cognizant he was safely alone for now. Casting his net wider, he could feel Lan Fan's stalwart signature, though she wasn’t very close. He was relieved. There wasn’t much that could hurt her but if double the amount that had attacked him had got to her he supposed someone could have gotten lucky. A less familiar signature that had to be Hawkeye was sticking together with her if their close proximity was an indication- good. He knew she of all people didn't need backup either but she was a guest and he considered it polite not to leave a guest to his own wolves. 

He let himself drift until the flow of his country washed over him. He called for it, recalling the lesson of calling on his and Greed's chi to dismiss his shield. It proved markedly more difficult. Oh man, if he hadn't already had the experience ignoring the stone this would have been quite the problem. He was glad that he’d been too lazy to try anything like this before. There was so much, it was almost overwhelming. Even borrowing a pinch like this with intent and not instinct was like scooping a teaspoon of water out of an operating fire hose. How did professionals do this on command?! That was why they were professionals, he guessed. He didn't think he could respect Mei more— but this new insight smashed that notion to pieces.

He concentrated on what he wanted the energy to do like Greed hammered at him all those times. Intent was the important thing. Greed had let him know all those dumb circles and rituals alchemists used just helped them to focus on what they wanted. Humans loved hanging rules on things, it let them feel safe. In Greed's words: 'They didn't need no stupid rules.'

He pulled harder, but set his expectations with the cudgel of 'you better do what I say or ELSE' that he used for work.

A bead of sweat ran down his back.

Finally Something gave. That was it, he had it! Now, before he lost whatever he'd gained there was the matter of what next...

He turned his will to the gash on his neck, feeling the half attended to skin knit itself together. It would do as an opener, to prove he had the hang of it. Greed had explained that the body wanted to heal things naturally and you just helped it along. Ling felt Greed startle vaguely at the intrusion but he couldn't lose his concentration now to explain what he was doing. He didn't think he had the wherewithal to try this again if he lost his center. Instead, he shoved Greed the bulk of the rest he had taken, trusting that he knew better what to do with it than he did in regards to the poison.

-

Greed was in hell. It haaaad to be fucking poison! Whatever kind it was it was nasty as all shit. He’d had more experience being poisoned (by chimera mainly) than Ling did but he was also immortal during that tenure. He let his guard down for one damned second and Feng gets him in the neck? God/damn/ he hated his country sometimes. 

His attention was focused on the two inch long notch Feng had managed to gouge out of Ling. The cut wasn't the problem, it was what was in it. 

He didn't have enough juice to keep it from cycling more than it had into their blood, keep Ling conscious, and stop whatever it was doing to Ling's nerves to make them figuratively scream bloody murder. Ling had given him unfettered access to everything they both had but there was the growing worry it might not be enough.

As for Ling, he was off twiddling with that pulse junk of his. This wasn't the time!-

— Holy moley!

The cut he was working on zipped up faster than his own coin purse as Ling tossed a bundle of some kind of energy into his figurative lap. He wasn't gonna look into that windfall too hard! It felt like Ling had stuck a fork in an electrical socket but Greed directed it like he had done all those times when he was flush with souls. 

Ling spat some liquid on the floor that tasted an awful lot like snake venom. There were a few positive and negative reasons why he was familiar with that specific mouthfeel. Ugh, that was /disgusting/, Greed had to expel it like that? He had closed the cut it had come from so he guessed so. Ling cleaned the corners of his mouth on his shoulders ineffectively and redefined what cottonmouth could mean in his lexicon. He immediately felt a lot better and shook himself off from the shiver of using the energy with a clatter of chains. His body now only dully ached and that was more from his uncomfortable position rather than being half dead. To complete the picture he made his robes were half tied around him, tattered, and he was missing a shoe. Felt /just/ like last weekend. 

Strength restored somewhat, he pulled on the chains still stringing him up with a grunt of effort. The rust covered but still tightly affixed moorings didn't move. Greed muscled him out of the way after he'd finished with the poison to try fruitlessly with a few extra tugs for himself. Unsurprisingly, it did not help. They had no other choice but to agree that they needed to hang out (heh) and recover. Not dying for the moment, all they could do was wait for Feng now that Greed had patched them both up. 

Their condition improving by the second, they went to say the same sentiment at the same time— "Thanks for the hand.”

It came out a garbled mess as expected. Sometimes only having one mouth had detractions that weren't being able to eat twice as much.

Can you feel cross eyed, but in your mind- ‘cause I think I just managed it. Greed did not fall over himself to be polite most days but manners was manners. You're /welcome/, he said genuinely.

He knew he also had not done the majority of the carrying today. You’re the ringleader for this one, I just pointed the power you called up where it needed to go. Credit where credit is due.

Ling shook his head emphatically. "No, thank you. If you weren’t here I wouldn’t have guessed how to do it or probably even tried."

Greed took the compliment, of course he would, but mulled over the circumstances of how it came about. If I wasn’t here you probably wouldn’t be in a hole in the ground. Telling Ling he had been right wasn't good for him, someone needed to keep his ego in check, but there was that old chestnut credit and where it was due. In the first place he coulda' listened more to that freak shit Ling called his 'intuition'. 

Ling shrugged nonchalantly, or really gave a lukewarm approximation of a shrug with his bound arms. It was enough. "Eh, do not necessarily count that notion you have out. I’m not so sure about making a blanket assertion like that given you sort of know what I was up to while you were gone."

There were many types of holes in the ground one could find oneself in as well, some better than others and some much worse.

Greed was aware. Call it square, then? We’re both fuck ups.

Ling appeared before Greed as he normally did in their situation and held out a hand. It was risky to split his attention, but nobody was around. Greed took the proffered hand in his own and shook it.

“Square. Team fuck up officially has two members,” Ling smirked.

“You look like shit, it that bad out there?” Greed asked while pumping his arm up and down and giving Ling the once over. 

“Love this team. We /both/ look like shit. Worse actually, I don’t think I got the blood right,” Ling looked down at his tattered clothes, “—kind of feels half-assed when we shake on it when this is basically an advanced hallucination. Loses some of the genuinity.” He broke the shake and looked at his hand thoughtfully. 

“You know, I felt that because I expected to feel it and not because I actually /did/, or something to that effect. I don’t know why I’m questioning something I put up with on and off for the last few years now. What language are we speaking?” 

“Think less, it’s good for you. Thinking has only got me into trouble,” Greed advised him.

“Yes I know. It’s why I find myself having to think for the both of us.” Ling clapped him on the shoulder.

“We both got our strengths,” Greed retorted sourly. 

They did.

-

They took a vote that it would be best to let their problems come straight to them. That was why they had tried this ill-advised sting in the /first place/. Ling contributed that it would be good to hold on and play lame for a while, just in case. He assured Greed that Feng would be here any minute to gloat or try and ‘ask’ the emperor some sensitive information. (Probably both, it was the reason these types had secret chambers of ill repute.) It had to be why he’d been taken alive. Lucky him!

----------

Feng languished in his less secret chambers, waiting for the news the emperor was dead and that he could move to take his place. He had given those mercenaries that reprobate had hired the slip. Upon the confirmed demise of Yao he had enough dirt and leverage on everyone else so they would not dare to try to fill the power vacuum the emperor made themselves. There had been a lot of long nights involving those very preparations to keep him busy this last year. 

He sweated through his robes. When you wanted something done right you had to do it yourself. He was not the type to get his hands bloody but after the little flea ducked his multiple attempts over the years he had to take it on himself to see it done. ‘Hands on’ also wasn’t usually in his deck of cards, but he had known better than to poison the food. The idiot emperor somehow always knew when his food had been spiked despite chucking it into his mouth like it was his last meal.

The Yao clan were a bunch of meat-brained imbeciles, they had evaded his attention with the combination of their luck and the fact that they weren’t smart enough to know they were dead. He kept them in line by holding the strings to their purse instead. When they were sufficiently hobbled, he had left them to be dealt with at a later date to focus on other clans and their new generation of heirs. 

He had tossed the needle he'd used into the rain where the torrential water would wash it far away. For his alibi, his underground muscle had roughed him up and he had even taken a much lower dose of the agent he had used on his late brother. He'd frame it as an attack from those bandits rather than his own efforts. It was why he'd told his spies to corroborate with them initially. It was his way to obfuscate exactly how much destruction he caused, he enjoyed being feared but truly relished sowing mistrust more. The entire world would soon learn his name when he took his rightful place.

"Sir, the Emperor is... still alive. We have taken him to your interrogation chambers."

Feng didn't flinch when the guard appeared but he did startle when he heard what he said. 

How? 

How! 

The last he had seen Ling Yao he was caked in his own blood and on death's door. He himself had given him the wound— and the deadly poison to go with it! Again with the Yao and their resilience!

He calmed himself down and stroked his chin in thought. His men had done well to take him to his private chambers. Feng realized there was only one way Yao could have survived his triple padded plan of attack— he had a new stone! Now that he knew immortality existed, and it was apparently so close, it would be nice to reign forever. Feng had planned to stage his coup and spend his time idly running his new country, searching for a stone on his own. One had perhaps fallen into his lap? He usually wasn't so fortunate!

----------

Feng saw the pathetic excuse for an Emperor wrapped in chains and at his mercy. It was even better than taking him by surprise at dinner. How he had /dreamed/ of a moment like this!

It should have never come to this point, he chided himself. He had left one dumb little child live past their eighth birthday and look where it had gotten him? Of course that one that had nearly choked himself to death with no extraneous involvement on party snacks when he was nine had to go to a little circular hamlet on the edge of the hinterlands and bring a mythical stone of stories and hearsay home to his crackpot of a father. 

Whatever the stone was made out of was too strong, it had apparently sent their father with a final touch fully over the deep end. The physicians couldn’t understand it but the Emperor hadn’t let them examine, or even get near him, to learn more. They knew he was suddenly full of life and that when he wasn't screaming at them to 'make it stop' he was ordering them to 'stay away'. 

Their father had been acting like a neurotic prey animal for years with the watchfulness of his position turning to advanced suspicion, psychosis, and monomania. He was not dead but his mind— it was no longer present in this world. They had...what was that expression? 'Sent him to a farm upstate', to compensate. 

It was a powerful move from his brother. No one in court could figure out how he'd driven his father's delusions to a roaring blaze in the minutes he'd been alone with him and he claimed that he had found only the singular dose of stone. (This claim was supported by his sickness, injury, and near death. Feng did not think an immortal being could come down with... hay fever.)

The country knew whomever brought the emperor the stone could lay claim to his position but that did not mean the palace would support it. Furthermore, just killing his father wouldn't have lent him the gravity to take over and sweep enough support (based on fear, Feng's favorite kind) in his favor. Not that simply killing him would have been easy after giving him the stone, his wounds fixed themselves as the guards carrying him out of his old chambers came to realize. It was a combination of doing the impossible and his bombastic return that had given Yao his edge.

To leave his father like that was cruel, crueler than Feng estimated he was capable of being.

Elaborations on those events would be the first things he wanted to know. After he let Ling Yao know exactly what he thought of him, of course.

-

"Look at you now, you cur, you do not have the /right/ to rule this country how it should be suitably governed. Your soft heart was just the start of your disgrace!"

After the cruelty of his first act in charge he'd squandered his tyrannical lead and pushed for 'peace' and 'taking in all the clans together'. That was the Yao Feng knew. 

"Idealistic and weak willed," Feng said, implying those adjectives had gotten the soon to be previous emperor in this mess.

The emperor hung limply from the wall, head down, robes stained with gore and dirt from the wall behind him. He was the picture of a beaten man. Or, he would be if he wasn't smiling. 

"That's what I been tellin' him, direct is more my speed, hate all this subterfuge. Don’t care for all the other describers and your attitude. He did okay given the circumstances. Mind using Amestrian? I don't have the faculties for fancy talk," the fool chuckled deeply. 

Feng noticed the gash he'd scored into him was closed with a note of disquiet. He knew Yao did not know Alkahestry and few people were able to heal something like that so quickly. Not even counting the poison, they would have to be a savant to do it while so injured. Moreover, he was forgetting his mother tongue? The milksop must have gone native when he helped those devils with their decimation- it explained things. 

"Where is the stone, how do you make one?"

"Fresh out! It's a real group effort to make more." He rolled his shoulders and popped an elbow, all nonchalance. Thunder rolled outside faintly. The storm must be very powerful if they could hear anything at all in these rooms that were soundproofed.

"I have ways of dealing with people who will not tell me what I want to know."

His half dozen guards, (overkill for a 'dying' man bound in chains in Ling's opinion) who had stayed with their backs to the walls behind him handed Feng a few knives and more of those odd needles with blades thin enough to slice an eyelash vertically. He'd have to check if his captive was currently in possession of it somehow. If not, killing Ling Yao slowly was less efficient than Feng would like, but he could not say it was less enjoyable.

Ling and Greed had no trouble knowing Lan Fan and the illustrious Hawkeye were shuffled among Feng's guards. Ling was a bit embarrassed at showing Hawkeye this crappy example of a coup, knowing what Amestris could bring to the table. Xing was good for a good coup, she'd caught them on an off year! Lan Fan loved playing dress up, he knew it must have been her plan to play bait and switch. Ling wondered idly why she was taking so long to get him down, maybe she was getting a feel of the situation?

Feng gleefully pressed the tip of his knife deftly to Ling's ribs. Yeowch, a liar /and/ a sadist.

Are you having fun now, lord of positivity? Move your ass out of the way, I'll handle this part. Greed hooked an appendage of will to drag him from the brunt of the next few minutes. This kind of thing was his area of expertise. 

At least I'm not bored!

There's somethin' deeply wrong with you.

While he stepped down Ling’s thoughts flickered to Lan Fan telling him something similar in her own roundabout approach what felt like a lifetime ago. He had been standing in that water filled basin watching Mei and Alphonse argue heatedly over a node of anchorage on the array they were finishing and she had been trying last minute to talk him off getting deep fried. 

He had tried to tell her why it was so important he had to try and had the rare trouble finding the right words. She had asked (yelled) why did he want to give up his body again so badly, if this horrible plan even worked? 

“Have you ever had something that is painful and annoying but you learned to live with it anyway and now you find yourself asking how you do anything without it?” he had asked.

She had just raked him up and down with her eyes pointedly and implied that, 'Yes, she did'.

The thing in question admitted with a stiff grin that he had deserved that shot.

She had pinched the bridge of her nose and shown him her arm next. “I gave my arm up for this country and it hurt, I cannot lie. I do sometimes miss my old one, and it requires maintenance, but this new one— comes with a lot of... ‘perks’.” She had heard someone with a crass mouth that didn’t have his own face to say it with use that word. Smiling with an intense light in her eyes she deployed her blade in a soundless flash, splaying her fingers in a complicated dance that normal fingers weren’t capable of.

She had not given her arm up in an accident or without knowing the consequences. There were many people that chose automail over what they had been born with just for the gifts it could give you. She didn’t have any hard feelings and she didn’t have the associated trauma with losing a limb from error. She had known exactly what the hell she was doing. She doubted Ling did, but she recognized he made his choice and stopped actively opposing it when he’d begged her to. She'd opted to passively oppose it instead.

The question of body autonomy wasn’t a problem for Ling. It wasn’t just that he’d gotten used to the situation and acclimated after the tougher corners had rubbed down smooth. No, Ling had always suffered from a lack of body autonomy.

As a prince he’d been told where to go, what to do, how to act, even what to think, as early as he could remember. He’d had eyes on his every movement. The choice he’d made to leave his home to search for the stone had been one of the first he’d ever made and it wasn’t even for himself, it was for his country. (Though he’d welcomed the relief, going as far from home as possible hadn’t been an accident.) Choosing to take in the stone in that basement had also been for that end. 

Greed though— he had not been in the plan. Ling subsequently giving up his body had probably been the first choice he had made completely selfishly in his life and ironically despite the nature of the choice it was the most liberating. It may have been phenomenally inane too– but he’d had a hunch!

The homunculus, even under the thumb of his father he’d started beholden to, was freer than Ling had ever been. Nobody cared about him besides regarding him as a nuisance. He’d had no ties to anything or anyone with the memory loss and his attitude. No eyes watched him except Ling’s. As time went on and his fear of dying dwindled, Ling thought that a distressingly meager existence when he wasn’t busy clawing for an edge.

It had taken about four days for him to be sure Greed wasn’t going to try and get rid of him no matter what he did. They’d collapsed after Greed had learned the hard way that a human body needed to sleep periodically and even Ling had nodded off- at his personal limit. The keen sense of fear and loss he’d felt when Greed hadn’t detected his conscious presence let him know that Greed felt attachment to things that didn’t have a monetary or leverage-based value.

He supposed in hindsight it had happened way earlier than he initially thought- the friendship thing.

Ling saw thereafter that he could truly speak his mind to the absolute letter, act however he wanted. Who would be around to hear it besides someone who (in his words) didn’t give a shit? Even Lan Fan and Fu still put importance on purport and rules, how he conducted himself. (Lan Fan especially). He owed it to them to not forget why he had come and what he was there to do; even if he did goof off.

Much later when he was allowed some basic functionality back it was… fun… to hide behind the mask of Greed. He didn’t have to make excuses because it wasn’t him— even if their aims coincided more and more. His actions were unfettered. He’d had the stone, he’d had the aim of going back to his country- he was free for a while to just /be/. He was unleashed and yet still periodically trapped and as frustrating it had been some days he had never felt in all that time the pervasive numbness that he’d associated with his life.

Now, even in a hole in the ground under the palace he was still glad he’d done that rash and stupid thing in that other hole in the ground under Central. He was doubly glad he’d doubled down later. Greed had taught him a lot about how to be selfish and he knew without a doubt that he'd make the same choice no matter what. Greed’s ways were nonstandard but it was so much better than the alternative he’d resigned himself to when he dragged himself home- that unceasing boredom, the malaise. He wouldn’t have it any other way!

Gotta find the fun!

I repeat. Get help.

While Ling was off smelling the roses on memory lane, Feng was more enthusiastic than Greed had seen him all dinner. Xing court was great at churning these types out by the bucket full. Annoying! Greed would have cradled his elbows with frustration had they not been forcefully stuck up past his ears.

When he’d woken up in those sewers and thought the stupid hanger-on had dissipated he’d been upset that his only form of alleviation from monotony was gone. He ran his mouth constantly, picking at him, finding things out, jabbering about things Greed liked as he found them just to get Greed to respond with something besides ‘shut up’. It lent some change to guard duty. The empty pathways and other... emptinesses weren’t so empty with Greed making them echo with half-formed bickering and mockery. With Ling being as he was. (Obligated to insinuate himself absolutely everywhere.)

The brat that Greed was forcibly coming to know had promised him he’d been made of tough stuff and wasn’t going anywhere. He had said he didn’t go back on promises. Of course he’d only been sleeping, humans did that. Greed had not appreciated the knowing chuckling when he’d reacted a little strongly upon waking and not feeling where he was.

-

Four days? Ling was slow! Greed had seen his worth when they’d first met. (It was what he was good at!) It had just taken him a while to work out what it meant. He’d been going through a lot!  

Of course he’d had his questions when the potential potentate gave it all up the first time, and they answered themselves over the next few months. Ling was a dirty hypocrite, he wasn’t as sly as he thought himself to be. Greed wasn't the only one who was lonely.

Not that anyone but Alphonse had cared to ask but being an advisor, body guard, pick-me-up, doctor, negative influence, weirdest roommate running, quarter time ruler of the biggest country in the world, and friend of Ling's was more than enough for him.

Sharing was new but it was a give and a /take/. Greed had the former down pat, and he was learning the latter. Selfish or selfless, one could argue all day over their choices. They had. Alphonse would call the whole thing codependent and Alphonse was lucky the Emperor of Xing was so even handed to his friends. 

Greed’s eyes glossed over to the back wall, ignoring the guy having the time of his life picking out a new weapon to use on him. One of the guards behind the others near that wall crossed her arms. 

Oh. She looked mad. 

Was she mad he hadn't made good to protect Ling like he said he would? There had been extenuating—?

Ling snapped back to the forefront at Greed’s mounting distress and wondered if Lan Fan was mad that he’d not taken this seriously enough? Starting now seemed kind of late considering what he’d previously experienced!

"Ah! Easy now!” Greed took his eyes off of her to rebuke the sweaty weirdo for the sloppy work with the sharp stuff but raised them quickly. “I'm sorry, okay? I goofed!"

He recognized the stubborn tilt of her head behind that mask. Was she going to let him get carved up? 

No she will not! She's our bodyguard! She'll come get us down any minute! I'm sure!  Ling said, full of implicit trust. Greed meanwhile knew they had fucked it up royal on this. Hung up like a suckling pig and getting confetti cut wasn't a good nightcap. 

You look at her and tell me she's in a merciful mood. Oh shit she's LEAVING? Ling! She's pissed and she's /leaving/!

Lan Fan was turning toward the door.

"Tell me of the stone! You must have found a way to make more! You changed, Ling Yao, you have misplaced confidence that you did not hold within yourself before. You began to feel me out. Who informed you to check the accounts of the palace?"

Feng had been siphoning money and support for when he eventually made a move very carefully. He had thought that his tracks were covered, but the books started to straighten themselves and it had tipped him off to someone sniffing around. It had made him move his scheme timetable way up in retaliation. 

"Stop! Don't! I'll never defy you again!" Greed screamed from the wall. A few lines of sluggishly bleeding red covered his left leg and side but he was way more concerned with Lan Fan deciding to take a vacation. 

Already buckling under the attention of his knife? Yao was even weaker than Feng thought. Promises were a good start, but information was what he required. The cuts that weren’t fixing themselves probably meant that he hadn’t used the stone for himself but it didn’t explain his neck. He needed to know more. 

"Stone!"

She won't leave! She'll save us! Ling was much more nervous than a minute ago. They could probably get out of this on their own but he didn’t want to get poisoned again or have to deal with a half dozen attackers while pinned to a wall. Honestly Ling was more worried Lan Fan was close to just giving up on him (and Greed) for forever this time. No matter what, she'd let Feng take a few fingers as a lesson— the state she was in. Ling recognized that stance, they'd pushed her past her nearly infinite patience limit and this was the result.

LING I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO FINGERS! Greed hedged. Using the pulse to knit something that wanted to close closed was far removed from making new flesh and bone. 

Ling was not sympathetic! It is /your/ fault we are here! I told you he wasn't level and you walked us right into his trap. Then you egged him on! 

You loved it!!!

Do /not/ attach this just to me! I said I was happy I wasn’t bored, not that I had a masochistic streak! 

The guards were watching their lord Feng work and didn't notice one of their number lift a hand in a very rude gesture. 

"Lan Fan... ?" Feng watched Ling Yao's eyes widen while he moaned plaintively. His ‘trusted’ bodyguard was nowhere to be seen. So much for the help. That was what you deserved for depending on others, esteemed brother. 

Ling got desperate.

"I am sorry, what do you want? A fief? Do you want a province? I am sorry, please! Spare me!"

"I have told you what I desire! Maybe I will let you live if you tell me everything." 

Bargaining as well. Feng had no need for a province when he was close to gaining the entire country and if he did this /right/ immortality itself! He laid into a nerve.

"HANDS OFF THE MERCHANDISE!" Greed yelled in the grasping sticker bush of a man's face. He was too busy to heal all these cuts Ling's brother was putting on him and the bug bites were getting tiresome.

"You're so cool? You know that I'm just a worm compared to you, /we're worms/!!!" Greed simpered. 

"Yeah! What he said!" Ling added.

Feng was not sure...what kind of mind game the emperor was playing. Maybe the poison had taken better than he had thought. His own dose was making him lightheaded. 

Lan Fan held a thumb in the downward position to communicate her thoughts. These two /burdens/! They would squirm like worms! Ling going to an honest to god dungeon to get tortured to death in a coup was new! He just /had/ to top jail in a foreign country with a serial killer! She knew Greed was responsible as well, this had his fingerprints all over it. Same fingers, but metaphorically she stood by it.

The only other guard looking at her and not at the emperor wiggling around like a tuna at a fish market was Riza. She'd take Lan Fan's cue when (....if?) it came. This was her house. 

Greed caught Ling's desperation like it was a cold. 

"YO, LANNY, I'LL MAKE SURE HE STAYS GOOD FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK, NO, MONTH. STICK A NEEDLE IN MY EYE." 

She didn't move, but she also didn’t move more towards the door either.

Feng stopped working on the wretched excuse of waste. The emperor was delirious. Who shouted that kind of thing around someone who was holding a needle? He wasn’t quite ready to capitalize on the idea, he wanted this to still look like an attack and not an interrogation. When he dumped the body later he wanted it to still be recognizable. It would be plausible that in his state Yao might still tell him everything. He was busy bucking in his chains and intermittently laughing nervously with a high pitch.

"Is the reason you have gone insane is that the stone has side effects?" Feng asked, suspicious. He thought about his father and how old age might not have been the cause of his maladies.

"This isn't funny!!! I am not amused!! This is not the time for this!!" the jointly concerned emperor said, very, very worried. 

Lan Fan tapped her wrist like she was wearing a watch and shrugged, implying when would be a good time for this /but/ now?

"Lan Fan, my long sharp arm of the law, unseen iron fist, small, dark, and pointy, fun with a bun. Please, with extra, extra sugar, and a twist of lemon—" Greed stopped pulling his punches. He was not one to beg but he’d do a proper job if he was gonna do it. She was no longer in his corner, she was about to plainly walk right out of the arena. He couldn’t have that. 

"Your /bodyguard/ is not here to help-"

"C'mon, Please? You know I can get you literally basically anything in the world. Name it, it is yours!"

"The secret to immortality!" Feng screeched. This idiot was talking in circles!

"Shut Up whatsyourface, we are BUSY," Greed was only half listening to his would-be tormentor. He'd had better. Getting dangled off of something and stabbed through with holes by family was basically his standard Tuesday. They didn't even have anything boiling.

"She's not gonna help, we're in it now!" Ling sniffled.

"Look what you did, you're making him cry!" Big wet crocodilian tears tracked down his cheeks despite his rock steady tone.

"You are out of your mind!" Feng yelled, coming closer to the wall with another needle that dripped with a venom that would cause terrible pain, holding it close to Ling. How dare he insinuate he wasn’t worth naming? He was his captor and soon to be his killer!  

Swing and a miss.

"You really want to tell me, your god-king, the one that has absolute unquestioned and unchallenged control of this entire country— that I might be /unfit/ for duty? Ling sometimes thinks that but I give him a pass," Greed deadpanned calmly from the wall. Games were fun but if he got poisoned again tonight he was gonna /really/ lose it.

Feng couldn't ignore it anymore, the evidence was too strong.

"You are not Ling," Feng stated.

Like- what was his first clue? Them screaming like babies for Lan Fan and squabbling amongst themselves for the last twenty minutes?

"Ding, ding, ding, give him a prize! Or, I suppose the runner up! You're half right!"

"Who are you?"

"Emperor," they grinned through tears.

It did not make sense. This...person...was Ling Yao as Feng knew him. The resident physicians and experts knew him to be the Emperor. No one had said anything stable to the contrary… but he had been acting odd. Feng had heard the rumors. How could he /not/ have heard them? He had blamed the behavior on his mental state as many had. He had thought that the child was finally cracking under the strain of trying to govern a country that was dead set on fighting him at every opportunity. How could someone Feng had seen spiraling into depression and mania, someone who had been slipping for more than a /year/ snap back in place like he had? Livelier than ever? No one could sell a con for that long, at least not if they were not Feng. 

Yes, he bumbled his way through diplomacy and seemingly by accident cleared roadblocks that had taken Feng and others months to set up, this was true! Then, on the same day, Feng hears whispers he’s falling off the roof inebriated as a peasant on the day they are paid as was his habit this long year? What in the many hells was going on?

"I'm still learning but- you suck as a friend!" Greed kicked out at Lan Fan’s general area with a bound foot. Feng dodged his other shoe coming off with disgust. 

"She held your hair last week when you came home piss drunk and sick and you say that to her? I'm ashamed," Ling said hollowly.  

What the fuck was he even talking about? Feng felt like maybe the poison he'd taken for his lie was dosed completely wrong.

"Waaaaahhh Lan Faaaan- " The emperor of Xing started to actually sob in front of everyone. It was more pathetic than Feng thought possible. Even the guards shuffled from foot to foot and looked at the floor.

"Look. what. you. did! He's for real crying! you hardhearted ice witch! You are a /shitty/ bodyguard!"

His body went limp in shock. 

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK, YOU'RE THE SHIT BODYGUARD!" Ling's chains jangled discordantly as he wiggled and rolled from his prone position of a second before.

"YOU GUARD THIS BODY AND-” He held up an accusatory finger and jabbed it as much as the chain would allow. 

“- My -SERVICES- ARE A /GIFT/, NOT A RIGHT- “Turning his face angrily he tipped his nose high in the air, haughtily.

“- IT'S /MY/ BIRTHDAY AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME THE GIFT OF THEM. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, TOO. GOTTA BE ALIVE TO CELEBRATE IT. JACKASS. I'M TAKING MY BIRTHDAY BACK. You wouldn't /dare!/ WATCH ME.”

Feng put the needle down. He didn't know what to do with this.

"NO, NO, SHE'LL COME, SHE ALWAYS COMES."

With all the racket they were raising, Riza gently took care of some preoccupied guards next to her. Silent options did have their uses.

"SHE'S ABANDONED US."

"YOU ARE WRONG. LAN FAN WOULDN'T DO THAT, LAN FAN /LIKES/ US."

"WATCHING US GETTING STABBED ISN'T -LIKING- US!"

Liking them had nothing to do with it. She'd enjoyed watching the manzai act and they had needed to learn a lesson. She was their bodyguard, not their shepherd, and /not/ their get out of jail free pass. Greed especially, she had known that the squatter was all talk.

"I'd say it was nice knowing you Ling but to not even lie about it— I hated it!"

"Same, same," Ling sniffed reverently.

Lan Fan rolled her eyes behind her mask just for herself. She twitched her arm in a swirl and told them non verbally to wrap it the hell up, it was getting late. Ling was still crying but his right hand formed the universal symbol for ‘OK’.

He stopped crying faster than a candle being snuffed. Or rather he suddenly wasn't the one who had been crying.

"Shield's nothing without a sword," Greed whispered.

Lan Fan tossed her head, flattery wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Time for work, she had to earn her rather exorbitant paycheck somehow.  

The last two guards that were conscious that were on either side of Lan Fan were too busy coming to terms with the fact their arms were broken to guard anything. Feng turned, aghast, as she ripped her mask off and threw it at his feet. Damn thing was getting hot.

Fine, sue her, she liked the dramatic sometimes as well. Greed was rubbing off on her, she realized with a pang of ire. She made sure those guards she incapacitated were unconscious and advanced on Feng, slowly. Riza pulled her gun and relaxed, this guy was outmatched three and a half on one and he didn’t seem like much of a threat the way he was looking like his world was crumbling around his shoulders.

Hooray! Lan Fan was back in! Ling was done playing around. Now that he had back up and Feng was good for nothing else, it was time to clean up the loose ends. It was transparent that besides the people he’d paid or scared into working with him he’d been alone. He was just concerned with dumping Ling in a shallow grave and taking his spot. No loftier aim- frankly uncreative when he got down to it if all the prep time was to be taken into consideration. He’d grade the attempt at a 6/10. Good effort but the execution needed work.

Greed snorted at the crack. Ling swore half the good about their situation was that someone was always around to laugh at his jokes.

Ling concentrated while Feng and his men were occupied with Lan Fan. Greed had shown him all those times how to use his signature move, it was about time he made it his own. He had a smidge of energy left.

He wanted nothing more in this moment than to scare the absolute PISS out of his brother. 

Apparently that sentiment was enough! He felt his skin hardening like all those times before but without Greed's guiding hand at the forefront. 

Look at you! Damn near a master at it!

Fu said for me to be a just king. Not a gracious king, not a benevolent king, and certainly not a pushover. Xing doesn’t deserve any of those. Call me selfish but I really want this just for me, you know? 

Totally picking up what you’re putting down. Keep telling yourself you’re not a pushover, though.

Feng turned slowly around, ripping his eyes away from that damn woman the emperor always kept with him to fearfully examine the light show lighting up his back. He was in time to see a storm cloud grey shell creeping up Ling's chest, the wounds he had put on it snapping closed. 

"Demon!" He fell backward and scrambled on the stone floors of the stained rooms he'd used so many times for ends that were more final than Ling Yao’s. To heal without being touched? The skin was also unmistakable.

"Loosely defined? Sure. Homunculus is more apt, emperor too. I wear a lot of hats," Greed hissed with enjoyment. 

"The beast, you are the beast?" Feng shook. Was this the stone's power as well? Feng had heard of homunculi in whispers from across the world. How was the child he had failed to kill all his life suddenly one of them? Was that what he meant by ‘half right’? He dragged a hand down his face in disbelief, tracing lines of nail tracks down it in his fervor. It made horrible sense, the beast had been used to frighten and maim many points of opposition! Feng's problems of Yao, the boss he suspected Yao was (the person his ties from the underworld had warned him of), and that beast were one and the same!

"Long story and I don't care to tell it," the voice lathed out in a completely different register than what he said next, "I went to Central and all I got was this lousy-" he followed amidst snickers.

"You're ruining this for me, bud," the monster said emotionlessly. "Only thing you need to concern yourself with is that -I- am Greed, and -you're- guilty of horning in on my turf. All humans got greed but you're drowning in it! Know your place!” 

He ripped himself off the wall with the sound of grinding rock and falling metal, falling to the ground in a crouch. Ling straightened up primly and twirled the foot or so of the chain still attached to his manacle at his wrist like a ribbon at a western may fair. 

Ling's brother, 'not better than a shoe' dinner guy, shitty assassin, begged and yanked himself away on the ground. Greed had forgotten his name. Whatever, wasn't important. 

He cracked each knuckle slowly and deliberately. "I’m only doing you this favor because I have just /not/ had the time to strike terror into anyone lately, you know?" he lamented. 

"I’m very aware, it is why I'm offering you dibs! By how much you enjoy it I think I can see myself getting into this way of doing things as well! Would you be so kind? Go fetch." Ling's eyes were serene and his voice melodious. 

"Not your dog," Greed replied pertly, "but I'll play ball." It wasn’t good for anyone to get it twisted. Despite not being a dog he had a good impression of a similar snarl as his teeth got sharper.

"Ooo, scary, scary," Ling beamed.

The shield closed over the top of his head.

He crossed Feng off his grocery list.

--------

Edward and Alphonse (as well as a few of Greed’s henchmen) had eventually found the rooms Ling and company were sequestered in with a map Greed had made of the tunnels they were using to steal. It had taken a few tries and more than a few dead ends. When Ed and Al found the hall they knew Ling to have been eating in empty and trashed they knew he couldn’t be too far. Kuo had pointed out a large set of rooms on the map and suggested based on his years of experience that his boss had probably found himself there. It was the way of the underworld to extract information first and since they hadn’t found a body it was a good place to start.

Ling was bloody but not nearly as much as every other stranger when they burst into the dungeon from a grate Kuo punched open on the floor. 

Lan Fan was examining his neck for how the injury was holding up and Ling was working on taking his shield off in small pieces, he didn’t have much practice yet. Hawkeye was tying people up with lengths of cord from their own pants. They all looked up guiltily when the brothers crawled up onto the floor, gasping for breath. 

“I can explain,” Ling said to Kuo and the others as half his face peeked out from his carbon coating.

“Boss, if you thought us stupid why do you trust us with your direction?” Kuo asked conversationally, “A monster takes out one group that had been giving us trouble? A coincidence. Four? Not so much. Also I caught you going grey to rip a lid off some pickled eggs, last week. You went to that hellish country that excels in military experimentation and got some work done. No shame in it.”

Kuo turned to the brothers Elric, “No offense.”

“None taken!” Ed said.

"Did you figure out the part where I'm playing host to a foreign homunculus?" Ling asked quizzically as more shield melted from his face. 

“Yo!” Greed said, and waived.

That one was new, though by the faces of everyone not affiliated with his little group Kuo knew it was just new to them. His subordinates that had tagged along tentatively waved back. 

“We’ll all explain later, let’s go back to the hall,” Alphonse said and looked around for the main player in their farce. Ling pointed at Feng and Al took his legs to start dragging him into the hole. 

-

They told Ling’s men who had come to check on him after arresting an infestation of masked assailants that he and his dear brother Feng had narrowly avoided dying themselves. Their lord had brought in a team of his own hand picked people to arrest the attempt from the other outsiders. These masked people, Emperor Yao haltingly said, had gotten an ‘in’ from somewhere to know that he and Feng had been dining unattended. It was why he'd told only a small team rather than the military might of the palace. They had not wanted to tip anyone off because he had not been sure who wanted him dead. He’d been poisoned lightly but missed the worst of it. Most of the blood he had on him wasn’t his, he assured them. 

Poor Feng. Lan Fan, the emperor’s bodyguard and leader of their battalion diagnosed that his poisoning had been much worse! He was raving with hallucinations when he woke up about the Emperor being a monster. Their dear ruler had clasped his brother's hands, looking him in the eyes with a soft smile, and told him that he’d do /everything/ in his power to watch over him. Ling Yao was truly a gentle soul. A little on the frail side, though. His guards had to carry him and Feng to their infirmary after Feng had screamed himself hoarse and their Lord had collapsed from the apparent strain of protecting them both.

----------

It was still raining out when Greed opened his eyes to find Lan Fan hovering over him. Fear of that woke him up better than being thrown out of a rooftop window. It wasn't that funny of a joke when he was on the receiving side of the wake up call.

"Lan Fan I- we, are sorry," he said quickly. Ling wasn't up yet but Greed knew he'd want to inform her he was appropriately penitent as well. 

"I know. You both are /pathetic/. One little attempted coup and you are half dead."

“Bet you’re glad there’s two of us. Feng?” he asked. He was back in his bed, cleaned up and not too badly in need of attention. He hadn’t done anything yet so it must have been Mei. Bless her. 

“He had to be sedated, he is inconsolable,” she said with an air of ‘well isn’t that just awful!?’

Greed laughed meanly.

While he was distracted, she stepped forward and laced arms around his shoulders. Greed flipped out. This was it, this was /it/- threats taken care of she was going to murder him in his bed- Ling be dammed.

"Ling, help! HELP! She's trying to kill me!" Greed writhed.

Ling snorted awake into Lan Fan's neck at his name. Using his incredible powers of observation, he knew the deal.

"This is a hug, smart-guy."

She let him go and shot them both a withering glance.

"Happy birthday, your Highness— Ling. That was your present," she stammered. What else could you get for a man that may not have everything but a damn well lot.

"Aw, you remembered!" Ling cooed. Ling squeezed his own arms to copy the gesture roughly. Their make up wasn't ideal for a proper one, though Greed got what he wanted to communicate and coughed from his mind awkwardly. 

Happy birthday. No chance to get you anything. Circumstances didn’t permit- and the fact you dropped it on me last second.

I’ll survive. Just means whatever we do tonight will have to be twice as good. Can I call half the cartel your present? It was early and I didn’t know about birthdays obviously but-

No. You owe me big time. Get me something nice, you know my tastes. You skipped it last year, too. Anyway, isn’t it always twice as much regarding anything with both of us involved?

"That /is/ the arrangement!” Greed said aloud. “It's /my/ birthday too," he directed smugly to Lan Fan. 

"Enjoy my mercy." The revelation didn't fluster her, she expected Greed had to take a day for Ling and make it half his. It was 'halvsies'. 

"Best birthday ever!" he said excitedly. Lan Fan scanned his smile dispassionately. At least he was easy to please. 

"Brother, brother!!" The door slammed open and Mei burst into the room. She launched herself on top of the emperor of Xing, compressing the shrinking scar on his neck. 

"Ouch! Mei get off! You're gonna crush Ling's windpipe, I need that for him to breathe!" Greed yelled. Ling marked without comment that his arms pressed Mei closer without his direction. 

Through the wide open door Alphonse and Edward came leading a procession of other more hungover Amestrians, as well as some sheepish looking civilians. Maybe not sheepish, more gorillaish and lionish. They carried what looked like a pie stuck through with candles.

"Cake is traditional but we thought apple-" Alphonse began.

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STAY DEAD GREEDLING?" Ed burst forward with an angry expression and a sword-shaped colorfully wrapped bundle in his arms.

"Like we'd give you the satisfaction?!" They somehow both spat back.

__________

Xing loves their rumors. They spread whip crack quick- at the rate of thought and mouth between everyone up to and including bored palace staff and mothers doting on street corners. The citizens of the city; wasting the afternoon hours between taking care of their children, working away, and picking something up for the evening meal chatting to fill the time. All the latest hot gossip centered around their emperor, it often did, but it had been especially good recently. As the capital went about their days you could pick up a lot if you knew where to look.

‘I hear his mood flips on a cenz!’ 

‘One of his cooks said he gave her a whole pickling jar of pomegranate in sugar!’ 

‘My son, the secretary? Says he talks to himself— All the time!’

‘I KNOW the emperor’s a secret monster. When he went to Amestris they did experiments on him. Made him a Frankenstein! What are you looking at me like that for? It’s true!’

‘However much fried dough you think a man can eat without dying? Double it.’ 

“That is not the Emperor, it is a demon wearing his face! I remember that prince! That is not him!” the noodle seller grumbled, unconcerned with being up close to the heat of the steam from his wares.

“I’m not sure Grandfather, your eyes might not be what they used to be. There were fifty of them running around, we never could keep them straight” said a younger traveler, deferring to the older with the title of respect but not being above insinuating he thought he was not fully in his right mind. 

“Oh that is a crock of shit, /I/ heard he’s one of those homunculi from out west,” interjected a third man in black over a fourth helping of the biggest bowl of noodles the stall offered. He shoved a gargantuan bite into his face with a nasty smile. The stall owner and the other man that sat at the rundown noodle booth stopped to regard him. Even the stall owner had forgotten he was there. 

“Yeah! I heard the emperor contracted a demon and makes him do his bidding for scraps, like a pack mule,” the man continued, his tone was airier. 

“If we’re talking about the rumor mill I cannot forget the little tidbit I heard on the grapevine that he’s deathly afraid of beetles- no, I’m wrong. It was moths, he screams like a tiny child, is what /I/ heard,” the man in black’s tone changed again, becoming rougher, then smooth again with a lilt.

“And how would you know?” the other customer asked, rudely. This guy looked odd.

The man in black gesticulated indifferently and paid his tab with enough extra to pay for the other man’s and then some. He winked. “Wouldn’t be a good rumor if I knew where it came from,” he said smarmily. 

He got up to presumably go and blanched, “Oh SHIT, WHAT TIME IS IT?- WE ARE /LATE/!” 

He took off at the speed of a top courier, a dust cloud kicking up in his wake. He was down the main street the stand was tucked away from in a flash and beelining toward the palace. 

Xing took all kinds.

The owner glanced at the portrait of the emperor he had hung up on the back wall and dropped his ladle directly into the soup.